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RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 3:45:59 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Will143kaitlin
How do you deal with your vanilla friends when it comes to fallowing orders?

I don't associate with people who can't handle the phrase "No I can't go out tonight, I'm busy."

quote:

What do you tell them when your told you cant do something or go out that day/night?

I say "I can't go out tonight, I'm spending time with my honey/don't feel like it/want to stay home/not feeling so hot/doing some work" etc. Those who know my dynamic, just plain "Master said no".

quote:

Does fallowing orders ever cause problems between you and your friends or does anything with your friends ever cause problems with your Master?

No, it never has been a problem. I highly value my friend's opinions on my partners and when Val and I got together, all of my friends approved of him. I also chose a life partner who gets along with my friends so he has no problem with me running out for frequent girl's nights and being "kidnapped". It gives him time to be alone in the house and do whatever he wants. If he wants me home, I just tell my friends I want to spent time with my honey.

My unasked for two cents: If your owner and your friends are in frequent conflict, there is probably an issue beyond the conflict that is causing the two parties to not get along. Either that your master needs to respect your other relationships beyond him or that your friends need to respect that you have a right to a happy, healthy relationship.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 5/3/2010 3:47:44 PM >

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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Post #: 21

RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 5:54:23 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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OP, grow up.

If you need some GF time, negotiate that into the relationship in a predictable framework, so your guy can make plans with you and have a life with you too. Inform your friends that you do not live in Seinfeld/Friends/90210 etc. land anymore, and that you grew up and have a primary relationship now, that takes precedence.

If you got married and had kids, would they expect to come over and kidnap you and make spur of the moment plans and whisk you away without a second thought? Of course not. Its the same when you have a significant other. His needs and desires need to be taken into account.

If you are not ready to take another person's needs and desires into account, that's fine too- it just means you're not quite ready to grow up yet. In that case, you should be honest with your guy and let him know that you need to be wild child a little bit longer. You'll probably lose him then, as he'll see that running around and being footloose and fancy-free with your adolescent friends is more important to you than forging a relationship with him.

Its all very simple. You apparently may be ready to make the move up out of adolescence a bit before the rest of your friends. So do it, or don't. Make a choice, and communicate your new (or enduring) needs and expectations very clearly to all concerned. Then stick to your guns. Your friends sound very immature. Don't let them hold you back, if you're ready to grow up. You may find that you're very happy to see them less and less, and spend more and more time with your guy or on your own. People mature at different rates, and there's nothing wrong with that. So just make sure you set your own pace, instead of feeling that you've got to stay stuck in adolescence like your friends.

You GO, girl!

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Post #: 22

RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 6:03:47 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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She's not getting married, she's evolving from girlfriend to an owned person. Unless that's what her profile says or something her post says nothing about getting married.

And rushing someone off the phone and getting put out when so and so calls while you're hanging out with them, isn't trying to save her, it's being rude.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire

you are way way too young to get married. all these questions arise because you are only 18 years old! for the love of god, your friends are trying to save you.

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Post #: 23

RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 6:12:36 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Who said anything about "encouraging her to stray" Her friends want to go out, that does not automatically mean, going to a bar or anything sexy. Nor is it automatically "encouraging her to stray"

And as someone who's partner is my friend first, I still want time away from him to do stuff just me and my female friends. I would not wish him there with me every time I went out, and he's more than happy not to be attached to my hip at every given moment. Hell he wishes I'd go out more with out him, as I am practically attached to his hip.

quote:

ORIGINAL: loverly

If your Master was your "Friend" first .. then isnt He by now your BEST FRIEND? and thusly wouldnt You wish to spend as much time as possiable with Him? with or without your other friends? IMO when we are in a relationship of this sort we are then done with the singles scene as there is no longer any reason..( unelss your Master enjoys watching you flirt) , or we include our "date" becuause we want Him there more than anything or more than any other person out there! This is about a strong connection and loving above all others! Your friends are rude and immature to be so clingy and judgementle.. and like everyone else says .. If they cannot accept that there will be a different order of things now ( or when ) you are collared.. then they are immature and not your friends for real. They should be happy you have someone in your life and let you be happy. Not encourage you to stray.... perhaps it is time to take a look at your thinking and feelings and decide where you are at . again, like others have said, part of the Growing process.
Good Luck!

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Post #: 24

RE: What do you do? - 5/4/2010 10:29:57 AM

graceadieu

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If you want your friends to stop doing these sort of things, you need to establish some boundaries with them. Tell them firmly (but not meanly) to stop interrupting you when you're on the phone, or that you can't go out tonight because you already have plans with your boyfriend. They need to respect that he's an important part of your life, too.

On the flip side, it's good to spend some time with your friends and if you feel like you need to get out/focus on them a little more you should talk with him about that. Heck, your friends might feel like it's rude for you to be talking on the phone a bunch during your night out with them.

Also, you might want to try asking him to come along some time with you and your friends if you don't already. Then you can spend time with both of them and they can get to know each other. :)

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RE: What do you do? - 5/4/2010 10:43:54 AM

Lockit

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First off, stop blaming your friends. Them not taking no as an answer isn't really a problem with them, but with you. Whether or not it is because master said no, you have a choice to make. You say no to them. You are not helpless and can say no and if you don't because they are enticing you or begging or pushing shouldn't matter because you said so. No means no for whatever reason.

Your relationships will be something of interest to your friends and if they are not understanding the dynamic's between you, rushing to master said this and master said that is going to inflame them. Just don't do it.

You are an adult. If you have made an adult decision, then claim it, own it and go with it. No one should be able to sway you. Learn how to phrase things so that your friends don't hate your dominant and relationship. Don't set him up to be hated. I am not telling you to lie, but learn how to gain respect for your adult decisions. It all starts and ends with you.

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Post #: 26

RE: What do you do? - 5/4/2010 3:17:40 PM

CaringandReal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Will143kaitlin

How do you deal with your vanilla friends when it comes to fallowing orders?
What do you tell them when your told you cant do something or go out that day/night?
Does fallowing orders ever cause problems between you and your friends or does anything with your friends ever cause problems with your Master?

If you are owned, how can somebody else kidnap you? I mean, of course, you need to decide who it is you are truly committed to here: your firends or your master. You cannot serve two masters, and it sounds like your friends, vanilla as they may be, are used to dominating you and getting their own way and are not taking it well, now that someone else is in the picture.

Assuming you don't want to out yourself to your vanilla friends (and I don't encourage this without a lot of careful thought an analysis of their possible reactions--in other words, it's likely to be bad if you do), here are some ways to handle these things.

First Question:

You turn the order into a commitment you made that you are dead set upon keeping. Some "friends" will see this as a challenge and do anything within their power to make you fail at whatever it is you say you are committed to doing. Just be prepared for that and don't give in. Also note who tries to sabotague you regularly. They are not friends and you would be better off without them in your circle.

You also ask your master for ideas. He may have some specific ways in which he wants you to handle these things that haven't occurred to you--or to us, either!

Second Question:

There are a number of excuses you can make. You can tell them, "Sorry I am busy tonight. Next time, give me some advance warning." If they insist, you also have to keep insisting. Repeat the same words, not adding any more information or apologies or excuses. Just keep saying, "Sorry, but I'm busy tonight." Do the "broken record" thing. Over and over. If they get nosy, say, "It's personal." Or, smile mysteriously and say, "I have a hot date planned with "Jim" I can't make it." You can also say things like, "I want to check with my boyfriend first. He may have plans for tonight." The trick with all of this is not to give in to the temptation to offer further information. It's really none of their business why you can't go out with them. Keep telling yourself that.

Third Question:

It did occasionally. I wasn't that social of a person to begin with and never had a huge crowd of freinds, having moved to his locale where I knew nobody, but on occasion someone would keep me out later than he liked or later than I promised. I had a hard time telling other people no, that I had to be back by a certain time, when that time came and we were still out doing things. What I tried to do is cultivate friends who were sympathetic to bdsm if not involved themselves and would understand that orders were orders. And I also got chewed out a few times. My master was handicapped, housebound for most of our relationship, and sometimes ill, and he also worried intensely about me when I was late, so returning home when I said I would or was told to come home was very important to him. If things are different for you, this may not be as big a deal to your master, although it's never (ever) a good idea to disobey a direct order.

The best thing to do if someone is trying to keep you out later than you can be out, is to call your master before the deadline arrives (at least half an hour) and ask for more time, if you need it. If he says yes, great. If no, "Sorry, MastersName needs me for something, I'm loving what we're doing but I really have to dash." On nights when you do have a curfew, DO NOT let them drive. You're effectively their prisoner when you do that. Take your own wheels or take money for cab fare, in case they get stubborn.

They're going to think you're no fun. They're going to treat you, whether you marry this person or not, like an old married lady. Be prepared for that. The good friends will stick around, however. The bad ones will wander off, after some unpleasantness, which in the long run will be good for everyone.

This was a good talk to have with your potential master. It's good to start thinking about these things. You're making a very big change in your life and there are going to be lots of uncomfortable consequences (like your friends' ire) to get used to. It's a tradeoff, for some of us the benefits of being owned far outweigh things like losing a few impatient friends. Think about it though. Do these friendships matter a great deal to you? If so, maybe now isn't the time to start a relationship like this. Maybe you need some time to enjoy your life with your friends before you settle into something so potentially restricting.

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RE: What do you do? - 5/4/2010 7:37:05 PM

forsaken555

Posts: 39
Joined: 12/2/2009
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I think I face the problems you do too, as in, friends calling me out and I wanna go but my master getting unhappy about it. And for me to suddenly not be able to go, would seem rather weird to my friends, as I was in vanilla relationship for the past 10 yrs before I met my master, and I was usually very spontaneous. I also try my best to bring my master along to friends outing as much as I can. Sometimes it's girl's night out so he can't come. Or it's an hobby I am into and his not, so he can't come cuz I dunno what he'll do there, etc.

I just try to tell my friends that I'm in a relationship now, and any outings need to be plan in advanced, and then I usually negotiate with my master on which days I can go or give him super advance notice.

It's quite a bummer really, for a spontaneous person like me, but I do love my master and I'm sure there is a place for him and my friends in my life, it's all about talking it out. He wants me to hang out with my friends and family, but, because our work hours clashes, we already have so little time together, so his usually not happy if those precious time was spent with someone else.

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Post #: 28

RE: What do you do? - 5/5/2010 3:29:22 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Will143kaitlin

I was talking tonight with my Boyfriend/soon to be Master (we are together, but im not owned yet, but i will be soon.) We talked about possible problems that could arise when i was owned. my friends seemed to be the biggest one that came up. My friends (all vanilla) get irritated when he calls and im on the phone when im with them. they will rush me off the phone or just constantly interrupt (not always meaning to) My friends also like to pop over unannounced, and "kidnap me" and take me with them and they very rarely take no for an answer. But when im owned, and he says i cant go out for whatever reason he may have, they arnt going to like that... i also cant just flat out say "because Master said no" when they ask why i cant go out or do whatever it is that day... Now to my question...
How do you deal with your vanilla friends when it comes to fallowing orders?
What do you tell them when your told you cant do something or go out that day/night?
Does fallowing orders ever cause problems between you and your friends or does anything with your friends ever cause problems with your Master?

Your problem is you're attempting to do things arse-about-face....

FIRST you grow up and get a bit of life experience; only then are you equipped to make *adult* choices and decisions.

You're clearly a giddy teenager hell bent on having fun and doing whatever the fuck feels good in any given moment, without thought of consequences.... And I'm betting "soon to be master" doesn't know anymore about life and responsibility than you, yes?

Looking forward to your second post - in a decade or so....

Focus.

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RE: What do you do? - 5/5/2010 10:16:14 AM

HisSub1213

Posts: 219
Joined: 11/3/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Will143kaitlin

How do you deal with your vanilla friends when it comes to fallowing orders?

My friends know only that I'm "Otherwise engaged". If I'm busy doing something for him, it takes priority, if someone drops by, I'm just busy. They don't need a reason why I'm busy, simply that I have something else to do.

quote:

What do you tell them when your told you cant do something or go out that day/night?

That I have other plans. It works. Simple and to the poinit.

quote:

Does fallowing orders ever cause problems between you and your friends or does anything with your friends ever cause problems with your Master?

Fortunately ours is a pretty relaxed relationship. As to my friends, they know nothing about the specifics of the relationship and, unless they ask, specifically never will. Therefore, it doesn't cause problems. My friends know about him, know that I'm seeing him and thats all they need to know. He knows about my friends, so conflicts don't come up and problems between my friends and him never come up. The thing is I'm encouraged to keep contact and do things with friends.

You have to understand too that your friends are used to being able to just "kidnap" you and do things. I don't know how long the two of you have been together, but it may well take some time for them to adjust to the fact that you have a man in your life who comes first. I'm sure as time goes on they will each meet someone who comes first in their lives too. You might try explaining to them that he is very important to you and you want to spend as much time as possible with him. Some times just putting into words that he is your top priority will help, but who knows.

I think that first and foremost you should sit down with your Master and discuss this with him. I think that between the two of you, you can come up with some reasonable ways to deal with this, without hurting feelings or losing friends you wish to keep.

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RE: What do you do? - 5/5/2010 12:06:10 PM

yellowroses

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Well... if you ask me, you need to make a choice, either submit to your Master or submit to your rude and inconsiderate friends. Vanilla is not an excuse for the absence of manners and basically, your friends do not treat you or your Master with respect. They suck, get new ones. and while you are out, find some damn self respect. Letting people shit on you like that is the first sign.

I agree with most of what everyone has already posted but RS said it best. Your friends are the problem or maybe you are just not that "into" your Master.

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RE: What do you do? - 5/5/2010 1:21:39 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
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From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowroses

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Well... if you ask me, you need to make a choice, either submit to your Master or submit to your rude and inconsiderate friends. Vanilla is not an excuse for the absence of manners and basically, your friends do not treat you or your Master with respect. They suck, get new ones. and while you are out, find some damn self respect. Letting people shit on you like that is the first sign.

I agree with most of what everyone has already posted but RS said it best. Your friends are the problem or maybe you are just not that "into" your Master.

The OP is a teenager; it's reasonable to assume (esp from their self-centred behaviour) that her friends are typical teenagers, too. Trading chocolate for chocolate doesn't cure your weight problem, either.

It's cute when your 5yo daughter plays at being grownup by trying on mummy's high heels and it's a pig's breakfast when ego-centric adolescents with very limited attention spans play at adult dynamics....

Focus.

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Post #: 32

RE: What do you do? - 5/5/2010 1:33:52 PM

francis2005

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Joined: 4/5/2010
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Am single gay guy open minded top dominant attractive honest,understand, reliable.caring,i really hope our relationship will work true and last forever and possible meeting i'm honest,
i realize that I am 27 years old and that you are somewhere Older than me,that's fine...we'll let see how things go after we get to know each other Well, i hope this lets you know a little about me, and i hope i don't come across as being too cynical, harsh, you? i will give my hole my interest and humiliating and torture.

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RE: What do you do? - 5/5/2010 1:40:06 PM

Focus50

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Lol, don't cha hate it when a canine starts humping your leg....

Focus.

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