Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Am i doing this all WRONG??


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Am i doing this all WRONG?? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 11:07:24 AM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		i'm pretty sure this has been covered already, but i have no clue how to search for a topic like this....

Anyways...  i just read a post on another thread, about how a sub/slave must remember that the D/M is in control...

Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm?  Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state?

Do i have this wrong?? 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 11:11:20 AM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		You are correct, and if you run into any D/M who does NOT do this, you want to run for your life.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

i'm pretty sure this has been covered already, but i have no clue how to search for a topic like this....

Anyways...  i just read a post on another thread, about how a sub/slave must remember that the D/M is in control...

Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm?  Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state?

Do i have this wrong?? 



_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 11:19:24 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		i'm pretty sure this has been covered already, but i have no clue how to search for a topic like this....

Anyways...  i just read a post on another thread, about how a sub/slave must remember that the D/M is in control...

Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm?  Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state?

Do i have this wrong?? 


There has been a bit of discussion about how bdsm.d/s differs from vanilla in that d/s affords 'clearly defined roles' with a set of behaviours and attitudes attributed to each role.  Alas the romanticism of promising the earth in that 'role' is a double edge sword ...yes according to literature a dom does have an obligation to take into account their sub's mental, physical, and emotional state...though some could raise the sub vs slave debate and state a slave shouldn't need or place such limitations on their dominant, while a sub wouldn't submit unless there was.  So instead of getting into a true or false or what is right and what isn't debate I'll just advise to choose a partner who holds the same belief system of d/s as you do.

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


Visit My Website


(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 11:26:41 AM   
BrianSenior


Posts: 88
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with Lady Morgynn ~BK~

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 11:30:41 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet
Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm? 

Depends on the relationship.  Some masters consider the role of the slave to be something akin to a bodyguard and put them in charge of getting their meds, reminding them of medical appointments, throwing them out of the way of moving cars, being the DD at a party with alcohol, etc.

And obviously, sometimes keeping someone from harm just isn't possible, and sometimes some harm must be done in order to prevent worse harm later.
quote:


Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state?

Their decisions should take into account the possible consequences. 

You'll see lots of subs and doms on this site that, at least occasionally, they really like making the sub suffer and push through the suffering in their pursuit of obedience.

I'm agreeing with Jasmyn- just make sure your own partner is sharing your values and priorities.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 11:30:52 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I guess this is where I draw the line in any type of relationship. I am going to make sure i'm safe from physical and or mental harm. I refuse to put that trust in another.... this is where I decide what is best for me. I know others will not agree with this. But then hell, I don't agree with others on surrendering that much control. Because no one can seriously know enough to know if something will mentally fuck someone up. I'm responsible for my physical and mental well being... and no one else is. 

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 11:38:18 AM   
SirPrize


Posts: 31
Joined: 11/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

i'm pretty sure this has been covered already, but i have no clue how to search for a topic like this....

Anyways...  i just read a post on another thread, about how a sub/slave must remember that the D/M is in control...

Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm?  Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state?

Do i have this wrong?? 


You are assuming there is a right or wrong.  There isn't.  At least not a universal one.  Do what's right for you.  Find a man who's view of dominance matches your view of submission, and make each other happy.  Doesn't that make a lot more sense then trying to fit yourself into someone elses definition of what you should be?

_____________________________

Baseball will get you through times of no bdsm better than bdsm will get you through times of no baseball. GO RED SOX!

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 11:42:54 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		OK the usual provisos apply in that I speak from MY PoV only, not some OTW...

There is no obligation to do any of that, however you would IMO be silly to submit to a Master who didn't see it as part of his own responcibilitys to look after his girls mental and physical overall wellbeing. The Master isn't accountable to any other than himself and the law of the land, however if a girl finds herself in real and irresponcible danger, she should leave... preferably run like hell.




_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 11:50:33 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:



Anyways...  i just read a post on another thread, about how a sub/slave must remember that the D/M is in control...

Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm? 


No, there is no obligaton. If there were, Masters would keep their pets in little boxes so there was no possibility of harm ever coming to them.
quote:

 Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state?
Another no. Their decisions don't have to take anything into account. Neither do a slaves or those living a vanilla lifestyle as opposed to an alternative lifestyle.

quote:

Do i have this wrong?? 



Only if you try to apply those beliefs to everyone else. You have the choice to live that way only for yourself. Others can choose to do things quite differently and if it works for them.... or doesn't work for them, it's their responsiblity.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 5:07:34 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I guess this is where I draw the line in any type of relationship. I am going to make sure i'm safe from physical and or mental harm. I refuse to put that trust in another.... this is where I decide what is best for me. I know others will not agree with this. But then hell, I don't agree with others on surrendering that much control. Because no one can seriously know enough to know if something will mentally fuck someone up. I'm responsible for my physical and mental well being... and no one else is. 



Now truesub, calm down and get My coffee started, I'll want it done by the time I'm up from My nap...
You ARE responsible for everything you do, intend, etc...but on the other hand, the Dom will do everything to guide, protect, cherish...
Still the end responsibility lies with each individual...
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 5:16:41 PM   
treazure


Posts: 12
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		Yes they do.  If not run as quick as you can and don't look back.

treazure

< Message edited by treazure -- 4/6/2006 5:19:00 PM >

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 5:32:53 PM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

i'm pretty sure this has been covered already, but i have no clue how to search for a topic like this....

Anyways...  i just read a post on another thread, about how a sub/slave must remember that the D/M is in control...

Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm?  Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state?

Do i have this wrong?? 



I assume from the fact that you are asking about it, that it would be something you'd want in a Dom, so yes, it should be  necessary and required for any Dom you'd be with. There are no universals of what qualities Doms have though. So select based on your needs as well as his.

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 5:47:50 PM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		I believe that a Dominant should always consider the mental and emotional effects of the submissive.  However, I think that what is harmful for one submissive would not be harmful to another.  In the early stages of a D/s relationship, communication is especially critical as a Dominant needs to learn the submissive. It takes time to learn his pain tolerance, how he thinks and will react to the stimulus, etc.  While I want My submissive to handle what I give him, and do as I ask him to, I need to know how much he can  do, and how what I ask of him will effect him.

Once that trust and confidence is established (over time), I would feel as though I am in the right position to make the what is harmful, what is not decisions... and keep him safe and sane.

(in reply to NeedToUseYou)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 5:51:12 PM   
scratchingpost


Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

i'm pretty sure this has been covered already, but i have no clue how to search for a topic like this....

Anyways...  i just read a post on another thread, about how a sub/slave must remember that the D/M is in control...

Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm?  Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state?

Do i have this wrong?? 



it is my firm belief that the first rule of dominance is to keep the emotional and physical well being of the submissive in the forefront of your mind at all times.

_____________________________

be safe and smile
purrrs kitty
(=^.^=)
www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 6:19:56 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL


Now truesub, calm down and get My coffee started, I'll want it done by the time I'm up from My nap...
You ARE responsible for everything you do, intend, etc...but on the other hand, the Dom will do everything to guide, protect, cherish...
Still the end responsibility lies with each individual...
C


No hell you did not!?!?!?!?!............. I do not see a will you... or please... get your own damn coffee CERCKL....


_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to CERCKL)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 6:31:14 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet
but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm?  Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state?


In a word, no. Just as you are not obligated to submit to whatever you define as harmful to yourself. 

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 6:38:12 PM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I don't know if it's an obligation, but it certainly should be a goal to do what they can to protect and keep their sub/slaves well being as a priority.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 8:02:23 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Yep!..just as I thought, could not wait til I saw if you had read what Cerckle wrote..heheheh...and of course your reaction was definitely truesub worthy!!..got the messy screen to prove it!....*get him girl!*....Tempting

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 8:04:12 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I have to agree with scooter on this one..Tempting

(in reply to ScooterTrash)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? - 4/6/2006 8:17:33 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Yep!..just as I thought, could not wait til I saw if you had read what Cerckle wrote..heheheh...and of course your reaction was definitely truesub worthy!!..got the messy screen to prove it!....*get him girl!*....Tempting


LOL yeah can't wait myself to see his response when he gets up from his nap and no damn coffee waiting...


_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Am i doing this all WRONG?? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.125