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subapplicant -> Why i am a submissive (4/6/2006 11:26:47 AM)

A letter written to a Dominant Woman, with my own personal answer to the question....
--------------------------------------------
I don't know.

But I'll give it a try. My earliest erotic memory occured before I was an adolescent. I remembered watching vampire movies - and being frightened of them. Especially the point where the vampire bites the neck of the victim.

I was scared - but also fascinated. something about watching the moment repelled and attracted me.

There was just something about the look to the female victim as the vampire sinks his teeth. The fluttering of the eyelids, the parting of the lips, the bend in the knee.

I was frightened - not just what was happening on the screen, but also what was happening inside me. I identified with the female victim. Not in a gender way. But the look on her face - it just seemed like - ecstasy - to me.

Over the years, I felt that push/pull again.

As I began to explore my sexuality I (like all young boys) read Playboy and Penthouse. Occasionally you would stumble across an image of tall, statuesque, strong woman dressed in leather boots and corset, carrying a whip and an angry sneer. Very occassionally, I might add - fetish had not seeped into the culture like it had now.

I would feel strange, and disgusted at the image, and quickly move on. But as I reread my collection, I found that the images that I lingered on were the leather clad dominatrices.

At first I couldn't imagine the appeal. But I kept wondering...

And I would feel that push/pull. If I came upon an image of a guy licking the boots of domina, I would be absolutely disgusted. But over time I would begin to question why someone would do it. And then imagine what it felt like.

And then nothing in the world could feel better than the taste of a leather boot on my tongue, the gleaming, the harsh stilletto heel, knowing that a bitch goddess was towering above me.

So it was with the collar. The idea just didn't appeal to me. But then I began to imagine the leash in her hands, the tug, the humiliation at being collared like an animal.

And now the idea of wearing a collar is one of my most treasured desires.

Or a riding crop. I REALLY couldn't see the pleasure in being whipped. The idea of pain just did not appeal to me. Though - I did like the way a woman looked when she held one. And - I could imagine that it would feel great rubbed seductively, menacingly overe my body. And of course - would adore at least the THREAT of her whipping me...

...And then I crossed the edge, and began wanting to feel the lash against my ass.

So after the images came together, and began to tell a story. Perhaps the one image that summarizes it is: a beautiful, strong, fit woman wearing thigh-high boots with long stilletto heels, a leather corset, gloves, a leather Master's cap.

She is sitting on a wooden chair with a lot of room at her feet, the boots out front.

I am naked and kneeling, my arms bound behind my back.

A collar is around my throat. I feel the chain, the tug of her hand.

She holds a riding crop in the other.

I am bowing, scraping, placing my lips against her boot, licking and kissing, groveling at her feet, while she whips my upturned ass.

Why am I submissive? Hell if I know. If I tried to put into words perhaps one explanation is the the total awe of being in a strong, powerful, confident presence. Perhaps it is the full release - the exchange of power - that is so freeing. Perhaps it is being in the presence of a total, full woman erotic woman who shares my interests.

Or maybe I'm trying to feel that ecstasy I saw as I child in the movies, and I experience it in real life.

That's my best explanantion.

As the elements came together and the dominant icon grew, I began to search out all I could find on female domination, fetish, and S/M. First in books, magazines, movies...

...and then I began to act out my fantasies in real life.

If you desire, Goddess Raquel, I will tell you about them someday.

slave steven



Jasmyn -> RE: Why i am a submissive (4/6/2006 11:54:40 AM)

steve, I had a similar reaction in my youth to seeing a photo in a 'Forum' magazine of a naked female breast resplendent with a piercing through the nipple. .. for some reason that photo resonnated with me...late 70's, the sexual revolution had reached our shores but brought up in a large Catholic household it was hardly beating on our door ... so this naked pierced nipple and breasts fascinated me and I imagined the woman who must own it did not fear her sensuality but rather embraced it, took control of it and wasn't afraid to show it...I imagined she was not bound by convention and equally she wasn't indulgent of male fantasy...for some reason I just saw that picture as a statement of female empowerment ... why female empowerment was important for me, even in my early teens, I'm sure a psychologist could have a field day with my family dynamic relating very much to it  ..but I guess by my respect for empowered females was mirrored in the heroines I had growing up like Rita Hayworth or Katheryn Hepburn...and this photo embodied it on sensual/sexual level. 

You have a fluid and enjoyable writing style and I hope Raquel was equally enamoured by your words as I am.  Much better than "why are you submissive?" "I just am" responses.



subapplicant -> Thank You, Jasmyn (4/6/2006 11:58:48 AM)

I appreciate your thoughtful post, and the time it took to create it.

Goddess Raquel did respond well to my letter. She appreciated the thought that I had put into it, and inspired her to explore her own feelings and write to me in a long reponse.

I am fascinated by how a Dominant Woman thinks. I enjoyed your own description of your (in part) "awakening". I want (need) to know more about what attracts a Dominant Woman, what pleases Her, how her mood is created, what interests Her erotically.

You are stll a mystery to me. A wonderful, exquisite mystery.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Why i am a submissive (4/6/2006 11:59:47 AM)

What a beautiful post, mahalo for sharing....



subapplicant -> Dear tigress (4/6/2006 12:04:37 PM)

Why, thank You.

(bows head, averts eyes)



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Why i am a submissive (4/6/2006 12:25:38 PM)

I agree that your post is beautifully written, and I am glad to hear that Raquel wrote back to you.
This is where you would have lost Me...

quote:

ORIGINAL: subapplicant
...my earliest erotic memory...<snipped>


There is too much focus on the eroticism (and I am seeing the same running through your other posts) and the heavy description of fetish wear. Remember, you are the one who used the word "erotic" and then followed through, all the way, with that idea.
I would be concerned that this "submission" is completely driven by a hard cock. So here is an honest question for you.
Would you love Me and "submit" to Me just the same while you are doing the dishes and I am sitting on the couch in a bathrobe with a fresh cup of tea (prepared and served by yourself) while My hair is wrapped in a towel because I just got out of the shower?  No make-up, of course. Or do you need your Lady to be in the thigh high boots with stiletto heels, sitting in the chair with you naked and kneeling?
 
quote:

Perhaps the one image that summarizes it is: a beautiful, strong, fit woman wearing thigh-high boots with long stilletto heels, a leather corset, gloves, a leather Master's cap.

She is sitting on a wooden chair with a lot of room at her feet, the boots out front.

I am naked and kneeling, my arms bound behind my back.

A collar is around my throat. I feel the chain, the tug of her hand.

She holds a riding crop in the other.

I am bowing, scraping, placing my lips against her boot, licking and kissing, groveling at her feet, while she whips my upturned ass.

 
If this is why you think you might be submissive, then, "Houston, we have a problem."

**Edited to add:  There is nothing wrong with what you write or how you feel, but I would be concerned that this is what submission is about, rather than the whole package.  As I said, I am seeing this focus in your other posts as well.  There is much more involved.



talltxsub -> RE: Why i am a submissive (4/6/2006 12:29:04 PM)

We all are looking for the balance of the pleasure of pleasing (in non-erotic ways) and the erotic allure of giving all kinds of pleasure.



subapplicant -> On erotic focus (4/6/2006 12:34:12 PM)

Your question is a valid one.

For me, I see my submissive nature as being part of my romantic and erotic life. Just like with a vanilla relationship, there would be many elements that would come into play. Eroticism is a part, but only a part - just like it is for vanilla people. It is also my romantic life - the part of me that seeks a deep relationship with a woman.

Would i still want a Dominant Woman, even if it just meant doing the dishes while she wears a jeans and t-shirt? Of course! My goal is to enter a long-term real-world relationship founded on power exchange. I know that (just like a vanilla relationship) that that means mostly paying the bills, doing errands, working on your taxes. Most of life is maintenance.

But I can't think of anything better than having a real world relationship where the mutual exploration of female dominance is a key part. Would I react the same way to my Dominant acting "normally"? Absolutely! My dream is to have a "normal" life - but with a woman who shares my deep fascination with power exchange and the female dominance.



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: On erotic focus (4/6/2006 12:49:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subapplicant

Would I react the same way to my Dominant acting "normally"? Absolutely! My dream is to have a "normal" life - but with a woman who shares my deep fascination with power exchange and the female dominance.


I am glad to hear it.  Because I have to tell you that your posts on several threads did not lead Me to that conclusion at all.  You seem to be very focused on the fantasy, and I haven't seen anything, until now, about the "day to day".  I got your perception of the stereotype and the sharing of your favorite scenes, as opposed to serving a Women who is a Domina and your Mistress.
Thank you for responding.  I wish you good luck and welcome.



subapplicant -> RE: On erotic focus (4/6/2006 1:30:04 PM)

Then it is my fault for providing a false impression.

Again, my lifedream is to meet and develop a real-world, long lasting relationship with a wonderful woman - who just happens to share my interest in power exchange and female dominance. I am fascinated by how that relationship actually works itself out - how do you handle the issue of friends? What happens when you just want to read a book? How does she react when she is in business situation with office mates?

For me, my submission is a natural part of my personality. I would see it simply coloring the relationship - providing the context of how we would interact. It would not be the be all and end all - just like eroticism isn't the only thing in a vanilla relationship. But the attraction, and the romantic attachment, always colors the vanilla relationship.

Here is another way I see it. To be a good slave you must be a good person first. Caring, considerate, honest, forthcoming, trustworthy. Only then can you start to truly experience the true thrill of a Dominant/submissive relationship.

Eroticism is only the icing on the cake. Real life is where the real acton is. And that is where i want to live.



MsDominiquenz -> RE: On erotic focus (4/6/2006 3:30:41 PM)

I agree with GoddessDustyGold here subapplicant, you do seem to be very focused on the role/fantasy side of things, and life with a Domina is hard to imagine till you do it, but I can also see where you are coming from, and you say some very true and heart felt things on the right side of the fence.
A few points from your last reply. I have/ have had long term subs/pets, and my slave24/7 is 7 years in service and dealing with what is appropriate and when can take some working out..imagining the 'old life' is never re-visited is unrealistic, all Mothers want to know what their boys are doing, or at least where they are !!! and friends dont just disappear, neither should they.
Friends..well mine are all in the scene, and 'his' well, Im the signifigant other something, and vanillas see a happy person and thats all they need to know, interactions are toned down when necessary.
Who is reading the book ?? I do when I want to..the other would simply ask permission, or be up to date with jobs and tasks.
I have been in a business situation.. they knew who I was, and things were relaxed, I just didnt Dominate them or demand any boot licking (physically ! lol)

Its always hard to imagine, and experience will answer your questions for you, you use the word natural, thats how it needs to be, stay with that and you will be fine.
I wish you every luck on your journey.





subapplicant -> RE: On erotic focus (4/7/2006 6:34:12 AM)

I appreciate your thoughts and the time it took to write the note.

First of all, I think that you may understatement my experience. I have had two real-world (i.e. non-pro) Mistress slave relationships in my life. While I have not tasted what I would call full 24/7, there have been extended periods in my life where I was in the thrall of Dominant Woman.

I have had rich experiences. The only one I haven't yet found is my life dream, and goal: that one person I want to serve the rest of my life.

You may think that I focus on the erotic aspects too much. I see it a little differently. One of the reasons that I love this is passion. I am passionate about understanding the mind of a Dominant woman. I have a passion to meet my lifefgoal. When I see a woman of character and strength I feel passion.

I believe that it is good to be passionate about this lifestyle.



TeeGO -> RE: Why i am a submissive (4/7/2006 7:41:06 AM)


Why am I submissive. I've not really attempted to answer this question in printed word, but have spent extensive thought on the matter.  I think one could (I'm sure some have) writen a book about this. I may take some time later to answer this in detail. Thank you for throwing this out on the forum.

A quick response off the cuff:

I'm wired that way. We are sexual beings and there is no doubt this "kink" is what put my mind to this lifestyle. However I do believe it runs deeper, with the kink just being the geyser bursting onto the surface.

Deep within my soul I have a desire to please. I can be a leader, I have been a leader. But what I really like being is a "right-hand man" type. Somebody that works hard, has great responsibility, but is also on the lookout for the leader, to make them happy, to make them look good. I never understood this about myself until the last 8 months where I have delved into this lifestyle on an intellectual basis, trying to understand what it is and who I am. There is so much more to learn but I feel I have a grasp of myself now and why I am this way.



TeeGO -> RE: Why i am a submissive (4/7/2006 7:54:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
I would be concerned that this "submission" is completely driven by a hard cock. So here is an honest question for you.
Would you love Me and "submit" to Me just the same while you are doing the dishes and I am sitting on the couch in a bathrobe with a fresh cup of tea (prepared and served by yourself) while My hair is wrapped in a towel because I just got out of the shower?  No make-up, of course. Or do you need your Lady to be in the thigh high boots with stiletto heels, sitting in the chair with you naked and kneeling?

GoddessDustyGold, I have long appreciated your thoughts on these forums.  I am a bit perplexed by this though.  As sexual beings I believe we are very much driven by our sex drive.  In the scenario described above, yes I would be very stimulated (in a sense) by that.  I do believe that as people everything we do is somewhat driven by our sex drive.  I know free will comes into play, and we do have the ability to control our drive and emotions.  But the powerful urges do influence us greatly.  And from experience I can tell you bottling them up for 30 years does not lead to a happy productive life.

Do you agree with that?  If not, I would appreciate your thoughts on this.



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Why i am a submissive (4/7/2006 12:32:34 PM)

Teego, I appreciate your question, and I will do My best to answer it.  I have a great respect for you.
I realize that men, submissive or not, are driven by their sexual needs.  What I get from the OP is that this is all he can think about.  His ideal.  Which is a physically fit woman dressed to the nines in her fetish garb.  She is being bitchy, insistant, demanding, while he is naked and kneeling and being reduced to a quivering mass of jelly from the sting of her crop and the lash of her whip. 
These types of scenarios, and the extreme focus on these (examples given in other threads, as well as this one, of when he was reduced to this quivering mass of jelly) puts the heavy onus of always being in this mode on the Domina.  If she is not in this mode...24/7...dressed up in those thigh high boots, or slapping him in public, or making him wear a t-shirt that says boy (or slave...take your pick), or demanding he memorize rules and then setting him up to fail and thus being the recipient of worse painful punishment, then will he still submit?  It is the focus of this, and only this.  I have seen other boys (admittedly, only a few) who are realistic about the respect and care (yay, even love) of a relationship that includes more than high fetish reducing him to a quivering mass.
My question is, why the focus on this and only this?  There is so much more involved in a D/s or M/s relationship.  I am always Dominant.  I feel like I am not, however, in this boys eyes, if I am not being bitchy, setting him up for something, placing him in a humiliating situation in front of vanillas, and having the correct wardrobe along with the acceptable body.
He speaks of being involved (not 24/7) in two longer term relationships, but he hasn't found the right Domina yet.  I wonder why not?  The only discussion is "Do you like to be a bitch?", "Do you face slap in public (especially where there is danger of a vanilla seeing *shiver* *gasp* Oh what a turn on!*)", "Can you tell if a boy is submissive in a vanilla situation and, if so, how do you act on that?", What are the different levels of behavior?"  
The questions are realistic and good.  The presentation as well as the follow up to replies seems fantasy driven to Me.  Yes, all of these things can happen, at times.  I feel like this is the only way this OP views his submission. It would tire Me out!  Do you...can you...will you...have you?  The answer to most of his questions is yes.  But I don't like feeling like this is what is it ALL about for him.  I have noticed that the Dominas have been very polite and have been giving good and *friendly* answers to the questions.  These are often followed up by the OP with an agreement of the opinion or comment along with a request for more details, and/or a detailed example of how *this and that* happened to him, and how heavenly it was. 
If this boy has been in two longer term relationships, albeit, not 24/7, but pretty involved, why does he need to ask how things are handled if he wants to read a book, or if he is with his Lady in a vanilla situation, or with family?  What were these relationships?  Now we are vanilla for this 3 hours with My family, and then when you take Me home I will reduce you to a quivering mass of jelly and then "see ya next week, same time same place and I will work on a new scenario for you in the meantime"?
Teego, you say you have a desire to please.  The OP imparts the idea that he has a desire to be dominated in a certain way, and it is not about pleasing the Domina, but about being reduced to a quivering mass of jelly. It is the assumption that these are the ways and means that she is pleased.  What can the Domina do to make him feel submissive?  And here are examples of what a Domina has done to make him feel submissive. He says he wants to understand a Domina's mind.  For Me being Dominant is as natural as breathing.  It is not about the scene set ups.  It is about the day in and day out dedication, even when I have a cold and I am just sitting with a box of kleenex.  Most of the Ladies I know want to be treated like Women first.  Yes, we are Dominant, but we are not always that stereotype that the OP continues to describe and exemplify, over and over. In fact, there are a few that are never that stereotype.  It's easy to do this when you are just playing once a week for a few hours.  I am no less Dominant in My p.j.'s than I am in a leather mini. 
Maybe it is in the way it is presented.  Maybe I am tired of being objectified, and I feel a lot of objectification in these threads.  Maybe I should just take My pictures down!  *Smile*
Apologies to the OP, if I am wrong.   Apologies to all, if I am being too cranky here and reading things that aren't there.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Why i am a submissive (4/7/2006 2:03:18 PM)

Thank you so much for taking the post this, you worded it far better then I could have Dusty....



MsDominiquenz -> RE: On erotic focus (4/7/2006 4:07:55 PM)

Well subapplicant..
With experience behind you, you must have a grounding, but with the questions you asked, and they being very basic, I expectd you were new to all of this.
I think Goddess DustyGold has said it all...on to another thread.



mons -> RE: Why i am a submissive (4/9/2006 3:08:29 AM)

greeting

Your post was so lovely is your question why I am
submissive? I ask once why I am dominant.
I been since I was a child. I too saw a moive
in this moive a man was cold and shivering!
A woman was with him, he was vunderable, it was her
taking her body to warm him she has control over
wherter he would live or die. That made me feel
things I never felt and it stood with me, and now
nothing is more sexy then a man who is shivering with
lose of his control, as I take over. Your post is so well
written I did enjoy it so much.:)

best wishes

mons/jane



Misstoyou -> RE: Why i am a submissive (4/9/2006 10:46:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

Teego, you say you have a desire to please. The OP imparts the idea that he has a desire to be dominated in a certain way, and it is not about pleasing the Domina, but about being reduced to a quivering mass of jelly.



Without commenting on the OP, [I stopped reading when it got to the erotic description. I get enough of those.), I personally divide my submissive applicants into service subs (not housekeepers lol), and sensation subs (more often than not "do me" subs.)

Sensation subs are rather limiting. I prefer to give the sensations, my style, my way, to my service-oriented submissive. [:)]



LoneGoddess -> RE: On erotic focus (4/10/2006 5:00:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subapplicant

I appreciate your thoughts and the time it took to write the note.

First of all, I think that you may understatement my experience. I have had two real-world (i.e. non-pro) Mistress slave relationships in my life. While I have not tasted what I would call full 24/7, there have been extended periods in my life where I was in the thrall of Dominant Woman.

I have had rich experiences. The only one I haven't yet found is my life dream, and goal: that one person I want to serve the rest of my life.

You may think that I focus on the erotic aspects too much. I see it a little differently. One of the reasons that I love this is passion. I am passionate about understanding the mind of a Dominant woman. I have a passion to meet my lifefgoal. When I see a woman of character and strength I feel passion.

I believe that it is good to be passionate about this lifestyle.

Not meaning to hijack your topic boy, but I am curious, maybe you have some insight you'd like to share here?

Which leads me to another question... two Dominas you've been enthralled with? And neither of them was the "one"? Hmm, why no love? Why no relationship such as the one you claim to seek now, then?

Was it a case of "not ready" for a relationship? Or a case of she wasn't the one who you'd give your heart to? All of these things make me wonder, because I myself had a four year experience with a submissive whom was the love of my life to date, and he would never commit to a real relationship with me. It would appear I was his perfect fantasy woman, but he couldn't bridge the erotic with the very real woman I am.

Why does the erotic focus seem to keep submissive men from committing to their Dommes on a real and lasting level?

Just curious.
~LG



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