Do you have different codes of behavior at different times?

Do you have different codes of behavior at different times? (Full Version)

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subapplicant -> Do you have different codes of behavior at different times? (4/6/2006 11:46:53 AM)
Of course, the answer is yes. But i was wondering if the rules are explicit, or implicit. In my perfect life, as a 24/7 male slave to a Dominant Woman, I see that there are different rules at different times. When "playing" behind closed doors, there is a rigid set of rules governing behavior (never rising above the level of her breasts, not speaking unless spoken to, bowing the head, kneeling when not meeting a command). Alone behind closed doors there are also strict rules, but a touch more relaxed. I am able to move freely - but always under her strict dominance. Then there are rules for interaction in public. I would still act as her slave, but the cues would be more subtle. Then another for meeting with family or vanilla friends. I know that it depends on the dominant. But still - do you have set rules for different situations, of does your "natural dominance" take over and the interaction just happens, without having to set out specific guidelines?

thetammyjo -> RE: Do you have different codes of behavior at different times? (4/6/2006 11:56:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subapplicant Of course, the answer is yes. But i was wondering if the rules are explicit, or implicit. In my perfect life, as a 24/7 male slave to a Dominant Woman, I see that there are different rules at different times. When "playing" behind closed doors, there is a rigid set of rules governing behavior (never rising above the level of her breasts, not speaking unless spoken to, bowing the head, kneeling when not meeting a command). Alone behind closed doors there are also strict rules, but a touch more relaxed. I am able to move freely - but always under her strict dominance. Then there are rules for interaction in public. I would still act as her slave, but the cues would be more subtle. Then another for meeting with family or vanilla friends. I know that it depends on the dominant. But still - do you have set rules for different situations, of does your "natural dominance" take over and the interaction just happens, without having to set out specific guidelines? I've found that things flow more smoothly and more naturally when rules and rituals serve a purpose and are never the focus of things. They can help reaffirm our roles and our committment but they are not the cause of nor the measure of the relationship. Over time I have found there is less need for rules as the slave learns about me and just makes my life easier and better. We do behave differently in public and private to a small degree, mostly to give Fox guidelines on how to behave with others who may feel the "need" to prove their role by annoying or attempting to top him. But these were decided years ago and aren't really rules any more than just how things work for us.

subapplicant -> RE: Do you have different codes of behavior at different times? (4/6/2006 12:03:37 PM)
I appreciate that. For the most part, I seek a long-term relationship with a "natural" Dominant, where i can be my "natural" submissive self. Still, there is something appealing about living under a strict code of conduct sometime. To have a list of appropriate behavior that i MUST follow. First, i love the control. Second, it creates an atmosphere where a mistake can be made. And to go against explicit rules is strong no-no... I would never be disobediant just to be punished (not my style - and totally inappropriate behavior). But having the threat of punishment hanging over me, and a difficult set of rules to follow... Heaven

ShiftedJewel -> RE: Do you have different codes of behavior at different times? (4/6/2006 12:20:49 PM)
quote: Still, there is something appealing about living under a strict code of conduct sometime. To have a list of appropriate behavior that i MUST follow. First, i love the control. Second, it creates an atmosphere where a mistake can be made. And to go against explicit rules is strong no-no.. I.would never be disobediant just to be punished (not my style - and totally inappropriate behavior). But having the threat of punishment hanging over me, and a difficult set of rules to follow... I've never thought of myself as extremely strict, having said that I've also never thought of myself as easy to look at either. Apparently (according to my husband and girl) I've been known to be mistaken. But I do agree that there should be rules to behavior depending on the current situation.

subapplicant -> Written Rules (4/6/2006 12:28:46 PM)
One of my favorite memories is the time a Dominant Woman was taking control of me while we were at home alone. Like she often does when we "played" together, she made me strip naked and kneel, while she prepared herself. Only this time she shoved a typed list of "Rules for the Slave" under my nose with twenty rules of conduct. She told me to memorize them before she returned. Of course, since i was entering subspace, my ability to concentrate was taxed. But I did try to memorize it. But she returned much quickly than normal, before any human could have memorized every rule. Then she made me recite the rules. Of course, since I did not have time to prepare, I failed at the task. The punishment (riding crop) was quick and severe. She demanded not only that I know each rule instantly, but that I also repeat it word for word. A lot of opportunity to punish me, until the combination of mental concentration and slashing pain sent me into a space where I couldn't perform. She reduced me to a quivering mass of jelly. Of course, the next time I had the rules FULLY memorized. And acted them out perfectly. Perhaps that was Her ultimate goal anyway!

Oumae -> RE: Do you have different codes of behavior at different times? (4/6/2006 1:12:26 PM)
I like a sub with initiative so tho' there is expected behaviour I don't tend to go for very rigid rules all the time. I like the idea of the sub being on a unseen leash.... sometimes it is let out and there is more freedom given and then I will pull it in tight when the mood takes me. Oumae

subapplicant -> RE: Do you have different codes of behavior at different times? (4/6/2006 1:19:15 PM)
That is an excellent point. A good submissive also has to know how to take the initiative. They should be proactive, not reactive. To allow this to happen - to enhance and improve your life - some space must be created for the submissive to act through his own will, without strict rules constantly guiding behavior. Plus - love the image of the leash. Sometimes it is loose and long, other times it is very short. But the leash is always there...

MistressLorelei -> RE: Do you have different codes of behavior at different times? (4/6/2006 1:38:14 PM)
Subapplicant, you are a busy boy today with the new threads; some good questions. With My former submissive, there were different rules in place for home and away, but there was no on/off switch to our Dominant and submissive roles. Even in the vanilla world, if closely examined, one could easily recognize who led the relationship. In vanilla company, even while laughing at dinner, there existed an underlying tone, and he always knew his place. his demeanor could be instantly changed with a look, a tone, or a word... even if not always visible to the vanilla eye.

subapplicant -> RE: Do you have different codes of behavior at different times? (4/6/2006 1:45:55 PM)
I appreciate the response Mistress Lorelei. What you describe is truly what i seek - a relationship where Her dominance is always there, usually unpoken and beneath the surface, but a constant presence. And it can be brought out explicitly through a simple gesture, or a look... When of my happiest moments was sitting at a bar with my Dominant, just chatting. She had reminded me in the past that one of my jobs was to keep our area clean - clean ashtray, no wrapped up napkins, no water stains. While we were chatting I noticed that she glanced down at the bar. A subtle change in her eyes sent me a signal that I felt in my stomach - a little rush of adrenaline. I looked down and noticed that i had let things slip. I immediately jumped to clean our area. I always remember the look on her face. A little shake of the head, a subtle roll of the eyes, a flash of anger, a non-verbal message: "Boy, what the FUCK is your problem". She didn't have to talk about it. A little glance, and I felt that lesson deep in my bones.

Maam4slavegirl -> RE: Do you have different codes of behavior at different times? (4/7/2006 9:33:05 PM)
I have a set of 23 rules that are strict and non negotiable. They are the ones that never change. You might say they are set in stone for the one who wears my collar. At times different things may come into play that are not listed, but basically these 23 are lived daily. Any breaking of them ends in punishment.

LadyWolfdreams -> RE: Do you have different codes of behavior at different times? (4/8/2006 6:53:23 AM)
quote: Over time I have found there is less need for rules as the slave learns about me and just makes my life easier and better. Right now my slave and I are in the place where we need to have a written set of rules and rituals to be followed, but I agree that the ultimate goal should be to do without a set "list." We do have "public" rules and "private" rules. We live in a small town where people in the general public wouldn't understand - let alone my parents and grandparents. A public rule is that he wears a special BDSM symbol necklace instead of his collar. Also, when we're out in public he's expected to open all doors for me. They're little things that most people don't really notice, but it means a lot to the us. Lady Wolfdreams

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