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just a question - 4/6/2006 1:01:20 PM

CAROLF

Posts: 56
Joined: 1/29/2006
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hi,
i'm new, not only to CM, but also this Lifestyle. How do you know when you are pleasing your Dom. I mean, i'm working with someone, very kind, very patient, and very detached. Encourages me to "play" with others because it would be good for me. Is this a red flad to you all too? I think maybe I'm not getting zactly what i think i should which is, some attention, perhaps a phone call or two, not just emails. We have only been together a couple of times, neither of these have been what he refers to as "full scenes", but........I mean, i like him and all, and i've asked if i'm pleasing him, and i'm told i am. maybe i want more attention than i am getting, but then i think, well darnit carol if He felt you deserved more you would get more. any feedback here group? thanks

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RE: just a question - 4/6/2006 1:07:46 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CAROLF
How do you know when you are pleasing your Dom.

When he tells you, or when you ask and he tells you.

quote:

I mean, i'm working with someone, very kind, very patient, and very detached.

I don't know what you mean by "detached"? Everything else seems like good stuff.

quote:

Encourages me to "play" with others because it would be good for me. Is this a red flad to you all too?

No, it's just how he feels. Lots of doms think the same.

quote:

I think maybe I'm not getting zactly what i think i should which is, some attention, perhaps a phone call or two, not just emails. We have only been together a couple of times, neither of these have been what he refers to as "full scenes", but........I mean, i like him and all, and i've asked if i'm pleasing him, and i'm told i am. maybe i want more attention than i am getting, but then i think, well darnit carol if He felt you deserved more you would get more. any feedback here group? thanks

It sounds like you were expecting more than what you are getting when you made the commitment to this dom.

However, he has no blame for that unless he misled you and made you promises or gave you expectations that he is now changing. Dropping hints or hoping that he'll suddenly wake up with an overload of need to see him is just unrealistic. You've gotta directly talk about this.

You're new, you got yourself into a situation before really understanding the long term consequences and now you aren't really fulfilled. Tell him how you feel, tell him what you're thinking and talk it out. He might change his ways, he might not. You are the one who gets to choose who you are in a relationship with.

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(in reply to CAROLF)

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RE: just a question - 4/6/2006 3:07:10 PM

CAROLF

Posts: 56
Joined: 1/29/2006
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you are very wise, thank you LA, yes i am expecting too much. he never promised me anything, ahhh, so much to learn, so many feelings to sort thru. did i mention...so much to learn? lol. thanks again

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: just a question - 4/6/2006 3:31:44 PM

justmeagain69

Posts: 28
Joined: 2/16/2006
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline

Dont forget that you too need to be fufilled. I am a sub too and understand the need to please, but you are the only one that can say what you feel inside and what you need. Perhaps he is just not the right Dom for you if you do not feel that fufillment.

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Got a kick for a dog begging for love? I gotta have my suffering so that I can have my cross - Tori Amos

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RE: just a question - 4/6/2006 4:11:55 PM

BrianSenior

Posts: 88
Joined: 3/13/2006
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I wonder how many people are with thier first boy friend/ girl friend. The first peson you kissed, is it the one you have stayed with? If He is not abusive, stay with Him, learn and if or when the time comes for you to move on- then move on. Just as you moved from the first person you kissed when it was time. Maybe? ~BK~

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RE: just a question - 4/6/2006 6:49:13 PM

mossy

Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
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obviously something is bothering you or you would not have posted this.
sometimes our gut feelings speak to us loud and clear, then we rationalize.
or it may also be His request for you to play with others, goes against the
fact you wish this to be monogamous. you may have much to learn from this Dominant if you can stay without compromising yourself in the process.
sometimes we get what we need, as opposed to what we want, so before
you "pull out" make sure you understand the truth about your current situation,
being honest with yourself and seeing things clearly, the big picture, should
help w/navigation through this. Just be realistic.

(in reply to CAROLF)

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RE: just a question - 4/6/2006 6:55:39 PM

CAROLF

Posts: 56
Joined: 1/29/2006
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gosh, so many good responses, yes my gut tells me much. my gut is why i wrote the post. sometimes we just gotta hear it. i won't be rash. but i do so need to figure this out. the relationship, for me, the way it is, leaves me feeling lonely and not very good. i don't want one like that. ugh. who does?

(in reply to mossy)

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RE: just a question - 4/6/2006 7:01:14 PM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
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It should not make you feel that way. Take your time and find the right "one".

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RE: just a question - 4/6/2006 7:23:40 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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Joined: 10/1/2005
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Hello Carol and welcome...I just finished reading your profile..and what I get from it is that you are seeking a close,loving,monogomous relationship?..now what you have written in your forum question,told me right then and there that your initial wants and needs have been mainly pushed aside to possibly gain a little more experience?because as I see it,this Dom you are with seems to be more of a mentor,training kind of Dom..not one who is seeking a LTR.and what lead me to this conclusion was certain words you used in your question,ie:working with someone...detached...encouraging you to play with others (which is fine,if this is what you want),but it seems to be that from your profile you seek a more monogomous starting point....So hence my conclusion is..if you are feeling unfulfilled, then for the moment you have settled.Which is fine once again,but just be aware of it so that possibly your expectations and hopes will not be continually
dashed...be well...Tempting

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RE: just a question - 4/8/2006 7:10:43 PM

acctonthelook

Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
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I agree with Tempting. It just sounds like you have received all you can from this Dom and your heart is saying you want to find that special one now. Your ready to move forward emotionally.

If this Dom has provided you with and will continue with you on a friend basis and your comfortable with that, continue. I just sounds like to me your ready for a D/s or M/s relationship now.

Good Luck and You'll find the one! Just don't sacrifice your emotional need for a physical need.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

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