"What a Dom/me Should Be" (Full Version)

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MasterRenegade77 -> "What a Dom/me Should Be" (4/6/2006 1:51:38 PM)

This Has been around awhile But sometimes folks have to be Reminded...
I don't know the original writer but I've seen in on several sites message boards in the past.

"What a Dom/me Should Be"

First and foremost, a Dominant is always a Gentleman or Lady.  There is no excuse for being impolite or rude to others. Save this for
the submissive that needs and requires this of their Dominant.  Second, a Dominant must always be in control.  Drugs, even alcohol, are mind and body controlling agents. They affect
relationships and most
 importantly can affect a scene, therefore taking away the control the
Dominant MUST have.
 Third, a Dominant is always honest.  To lie is to show you cannot be trusted and a submissive must be able
to trust you to respect you. Every submissive knows that not every
Dominant is super experienced and will respect you much more if you tell
the truth. Be honest with a submissive about your level of experience
with others and the submissive. The submissive can even help you to gain
experience and is really an enjoyable learning process. Tell the
submissive up-front if You do not wish a monogamous relationship. Most
submissives understand and even expect this in a Dominant. You may not
get "that" submissive but you will not loose her/his respect.  
Fourth, a Dominant accepts responsibility for all his/her actions.  Everyone makes mistakes. Do what is needed to make amends, and correct
it. Accept and admit the fact that you messed up. To seek an excuse for
something going wrong or hurting someone will cause you to lose respect.

 Fifth, a Dominant expects but does not demand respect.  No Dominant demands strangers to call him/her Master/Mistress. Respect
is earned over time. Demanding Master/Mistress on your name means nothing and is a word that
when not earned is meaningless and makes you to others appear to be a
petty childish fool. Those that know you and respect you will call you
Master or Mistress when you earn it, not before. Remember, to other
Dominants you are not Their Master/Mistress you are their equal do not
DEMAND them too ever call You that.  Sixth, a Dominant knows and understands the differences between needs,
desires and wants.  The submissive may want a 24/7 relationship with an understanding
Dominant. The submissive may desire a short relationship with a crude
rude person. The submissive may need a stable sharing marriage with
children.
Duties of a DOM/ME  It is the duty of a Dominant to control his/her emotions.  To punish a submissive in anger or to lash out to anyone is abusive.  It is the duty of a Dominant to remember that submission is a gift.  To misuse this gift is abusive. When the submissive is not free to take
back the gift it is no longer a gift.  It is the duty of a Dominant to watch over and protect all submissives.  This does not mean to protect them from finding some other Dominant and
to keep them for oneself.  It is the duty of a Dominant to take only a submissive that will match
him/her.  A submissive that is not into whips should not belong to a Dominant
that loves to whip submissives.  It is the Duty of a Dominant to take only the amount of submissives the
DOM can properly handle, control, love, comfort and care for. Do not
keep a submissive hanging, giving false hopes. Free and release the
submissive so the submissive can get along with finding the right
Dominant.  It is the duty of a Dominant to watch and monitor the scene carefully
and to ensure the submissive is not being harmed either physically or
emotionally.  At any time the slightest thing can go wrong and the scene is ruined
for the submissive and pleasure becomes actual pain.
 It is the duty of a Dominant after a scene to ensure the submissive is
emotionally stable.  During a scene the submissive is filled with hormones. Afterwards the
body reduces them and may cause severe depression to the extent of being
suicidal. The submissive must be made to understand the depression and
or emotional release is normal and expected. Normal emotions will return
in hours to a day. Anything longer is a sign of emotional instability in
the submissive and must be corrected before doing another scene. (A
Dominant can also experience this depression after a high from the
scene.) Each reacts differently some stay high for weeks and when they
come down seek the scene again to regain the high. This also can lead to
problems such as longer, more intense and dangerous scenes, with unknown
Dominants.  It is the duty of a Dominant to know and understand what the needs,
desires and wants of a submissive are.  Failure to do so may harm the submissive emotionally and mentally.  

Responsibilities of a DOM/ME  It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure an unowned submissive
is guided to a Dominant that is suited to the submissive's wants, needs
and desires.  It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure the submissive knows
what being abusive is.  To insure this is to insure the submissive knows when to call it quits.  It is the responsibility of a Dominant to ensure the submissive knows
what the submissive's rights are.  It is the responsibility of a Dominant to teach the submissive
information about the Lifestyle.  The best method is to teach the submissive how to acquire this
information and where he/she can get it. An ignorant submissive can be
an embarrassment to a Dominant.  It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure the submissive grows
and develops under the Dominant's ownership, in both the lifestyle and
the public life (i.e., job and family). Being submissive only means
being a "doormat" when the submissive has made it clear that is what the
submissive is looking for.  

Dishonorable Acts
 For a Dominant to allow a submissive to be actually harmed in ANY way
is dishonorable.  For a Dominant to allow a submissive's rights to be violated is
dishonorable.   For a Dominant to play with and discard a submissive just for
amusement is dishonorable
 (exception is a submissive that has declared this is the treatment they
need).  Unless the submissive has declared them selves to be unowned, another
Dominant's interference in a relationship is dishonorable.  To chase after or scene with Another's submissive without the other
Dominant's permission and full knowledge is dishonorable.



Wildfleurs -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (4/6/2006 1:59:40 PM)

When in doubt, always do a quick google search.  That'll quite quickly tell you the author.

In this case its someone known as LES IS MORE(m).  You can find the article at:

http://www.thebrc.net/articles/LesIsMore/responsibilities_and_duties_lim.shtml



MasterRenegade77 -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (4/6/2006 2:08:20 PM)

Thank You Most Kindly!!!



Evanesce -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (4/6/2006 2:41:23 PM)

quote:

This Has been around awhile But sometimes folks have to be Reminded...


And sometimes they don't.  Especially that part about, "it is the duty of a Dominant to remember that submission is a gift."  Hogwash!
 
Some of those things might be good as a guideline to appropriate behavior, but most of it is highly subjective, and what works with one submissive might be entirely wrong with another.  In other words, the only universal truth is that there is no universal truth.




SirPrize -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (4/6/2006 4:55:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

quote:

This Has been around awhile But sometimes folks have to be Reminded...


And sometimes they don't.  Especially that part about, "it is the duty of a Dominant to remember that submission is a gift."  Hogwash!
 
Some of those things might be good as a guideline to appropriate behavior, but most of it is highly subjective, and what works with one submissive might be entirely wrong with another.  In other words, the only universal truth is that there is no universal truth.



Most of them are pure pap, like the one posted here.  People don't fit in nice neat slots.  As for submission being a gift, I agree with you.....  any woman who thinks they are doing me a favor by submitting to me... can save it for someone else.



Your Queen -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (4/6/2006 5:00:42 PM)

Speaking for myself, I can't find anything to argue with.



Arpig -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (4/6/2006 6:22:29 PM)

A dom should be themselves, by definition shouldn't the dom be the one to make the rules...I define what my responsibilities as a dom are, and if there isn't a sub who agrees with my definition...well then back to the drawing board i guess, however, i have no time for long lists of what a dom should be, anymore than i have time for the lists of what a sub should be.



scratchingpost -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (4/6/2006 6:29:49 PM)

Thank You for the post I am gonig to print it out and frame it in the dungeon. Keeping it next to the plaque that I have that says she has embraced the power within then surrenered it joyfully... she is slave. It is good to remember where the submission stems from and what the dominants responsabilities are smiles.



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (4/6/2006 7:33:54 PM)

Setting aside cynacism,and most tendencies by others to pick it apart word for word..I Like It!....just my 0.02...be well..Tempting



KnightofMists -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (4/6/2006 10:56:46 PM)

ALL of it is really great... BUT only for the person that wrote it.

for the rest of us... We Take what we want  and leave the rest....



masterElDiablo -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (6/16/2007 1:57:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

A dom should be themselves, by definition shouldn't the dom be the one to make the rules...I define what my responsibilities as a dom are, and if there isn't a sub who agrees with my definition...well then back to the drawing board i guess, however, i have no time for long lists of what a dom should be, anymore than i have time for the lists of what a sub should be.


Well this is an interesting thread, While I garee with alot of the original post, I have to say that the point of being a Dominant is that you are in control both of the sub and your own world, hence somebody elses rule are just that somebody elses they may have value and you my choose to adopt some but nobody can tell you "you must be this way, or do it this way"

Be true to yourself



Phoenxx -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (6/16/2007 2:32:59 AM)

My thoughts are after the peom....

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream-and not make dreams your master;
If you can think-and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same.

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss.

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings-nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And-which is more- you'll be a Man, my son!
by Kipling

Wonderful to read, and great ideals. But try and live up to them and you will need some serious therapy.
The first peom posted seems more like a guideline. It is NOT my responsiblity to ensure every submissive finds their perfect match for thier wants and needs.When would I find time to have my own met? Or my submissives'?
Beautiful words... but I wouldn't say that if one fails to live up to every line they are not a Dom/Domme....



SimplyMichael -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (6/16/2007 7:55:01 AM)

I was expecting this thread to say they should be a lot more like me.  I guess some still have a lot to learn but there is still time for some.



TheGirlfriend -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (6/16/2007 8:22:05 AM)

Speaking as a submissive individual, I don't think that there is a specific way a Dom/me should act or behave.  It's going to depend on the the two individuals involved.   If there was a specific way they should behave and everyone did it the same, there not be any joy/pride in the relationship.
 
With that I'm going to borrow this from a Dom that I know.  I've known him as a Dom and simply a friend.
 
Seven Pillars Of Dominance
Author: J. Mikael Togneri ©
 
A dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant.
But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.  

A dominant has pride, but never arrogance.
But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.  

A dominant commands respect, but never fear.
But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.  

A dominant employs strength, but never force.
But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.  

A dominant criticises, but never derides.
But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.  

A dominant receives, but never takes.
But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.  

A dominant completes, but never tries to alter.
But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.



SimplyMichael -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (6/16/2007 10:37:53 AM)

I love commanding fear, using force, changing and bending to my will, and quite often deeply arrogant, and in general have no use for fussy fantasy.



BossyShoeBitch -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (6/16/2007 10:48:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I love commanding fear, using force, changing and bending to my will, and quite often deeply arrogant, and in general have no use for fussy fantasy.
[sm=flowers.gif] Could I be your apprentice so you could impart your domly ways to me?

Is your leg wet?



AquaticSub -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (6/16/2007 10:53:27 AM)

This will be ripped apart by the "it's not a gift" folks.

But I think it's rather nice.



mnottertail -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (6/16/2007 10:59:44 AM)

well, let me be the first.  if it is such a gift why aren't submissives taking it?  Furthermore, why am I out here looking all these gift horses in the mouth?  Seems they should be under a fuckin' tree somewhere.

You sit calmly and non-judgementally and listen when your slave melts down and dissassembles, spews out all the nasty shit they've done-------or fucks up beyond all reason or whatever, it ain't always such a gift.............



plushiecat -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (6/16/2007 11:29:31 AM)

A gift is defined as "something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation".  As one who wishes to serve, I know that there ARE certain things that I do expect from a dominant, such as someone that I can speak openly with, trust completely, and be there for me when I truly need someone.  These may seem like automatic things for many, but they are expectations in return for my submission to him.  Thus, no, it isn't a 'gift'. 

Further, what I don't understand, is why dominance is never spoken of in terms of being such a 'gift'?  Why is it so one-sided?  As has been stated, there IS no 'one true way', thank the Gods, and those that attempt to state otherwise just make me shake my head.



mynded -> RE: "What a Dom/me Should Be" (6/16/2007 11:29:48 AM)

I liked it myself. Thanks for sharing.



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