RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity

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LadyHibiscus -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 3:59:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thishereboi I never said it was wrong. I just don't understand the mindset of a sub who has to be "kept" from his dick. When my Mistress said "don't touch", I didn't touch. Now if she wanted to put a device on me, that's fine. It was her pussy. Her decision. But she wouldn't have done it because she was worried that I wouldn't listen. She knew I would. She would have done it because she thought it was hot or she might do it just to annoy me. No wonder we understand each other! [;)]

MistressOfGa -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 4:07:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus quote: ORIGINAL: thishereboi I never said it was wrong. I just don't understand the mindset of a sub who has to be "kept" from his dick. When my Mistress said "don't touch", I didn't touch. Now if she wanted to put a device on me, that's fine. It was her pussy. Her decision. But she wouldn't have done it because she was worried that I wouldn't listen. She knew I would. She would have done it because she thought it was hot or she might do it just to annoy me. No wonder we understand each other! [;)] Here! Here!

PeonForHer -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 4:31:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus We don't think it's "wrong" to want to use a chastity device, either---the point is, if a person does not TRY to obey, well... just how good are they as a submissive or servant? quote: Maybe their buzz comes more from her forcing than his obeying?

thishereboi -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 4:34:52 PM)
I can think of no finer company to be in, than you two loverly ladies[:)]

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 4:35:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus We don't think it's "wrong" to want to use a chastity device, either---the point is, if a person does not TRY to obey, well... just how good are they as a submissive or servant? quote: Maybe their buzz comes more from her forcing than his obeying? Yeah... see, Peon, that puts the whole thing into that "forced" Fem, "forced" bi arena. Who's in charge, if that is the case? If the parties involved are just "playing", well spiffy. As long as everyone gets their jollies, everything's fine. If the parties are trying to do a power exchange relationship? It all falls apart. Maybe I'm just too much of a jarhead at heart, I dunno. To me, obey, or don't---those are the choices.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 4:55:00 PM)
Hello Ladies, I would like to bring up another thing... There are at times actions that go beyond habit and are in fact addiction. Sometimes it is not about the will to obey, it is about the ability to obey. I'm going to put this in a different context. You have a submissive who has an eating disorder. You don't realize it is a disorder, neither does he. It just is what he does. You order him to not eat sweets. At some point during the day, he pops candy in his mouth and not until after does he realize what he's done. He's disobeyed, but he didn't realize or he couldn't stop himself. On some level he's just realizing what a huge problem it is. But hey, at least he became aware which is more than he was a week, a month, a year ago. You can tell him and tell him and tell him, but his issue is bigger than what can be handled by D/s alone. You wanting him to do better isn't going to fix it. You ordering him to stop won't fix it. It's more than all that. There are two schools of thought ... Flooding and foot in the door. Flooding is having him (back to your example) touch and touch and touch until he's sick of touching... and the other, foot in the door, is stopping slowly, a little bit at a time. Of course support from other people, therapeutic, etc. is helpful. According to the OP, this is the last thing to be an issue which could be an addiction. There are Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous groups for people that have this issue. Just a thought. Best, sunshine

petslave2b -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 5:04:21 PM)
There is some good advice with the PA and female devices. "I never said it was wrong. I just don't understand the mindset of a sub who has to be "kept" from his dick. When my Mistress said "don't touch", I didn't touch." The world is a very big, and diverse place. There are many ways of life which can be lots of fun, which also happen to be different to your way of life or what you may consider fun. I'm sure some people enjoy TAKING control, instead of having it given to them. For these people someone who struggles against the control and tries to escape or circumvent a chastity device is much more desirable than someone who simply obeys. And some subs might not be able to think of another person as dominant unless they take control, and enforce it.

PeonForHer -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 6:12:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Yeah... see, Peon, that puts the whole thing into that "forced" Fem, "forced" bi arena. Who's in charge, if that is the case? If the parties involved are just "playing", well spiffy. As long as everyone gets their jollies, everything's fine. If the parties are trying to do a power exchange relationship? It all falls apart. Maybe I'm just too much of a jarhead at heart, I dunno. To me, obey, or don't---those are the choices. Nope - I don't follow your reasoning there, Lady Hib. If a copper tells me to pull over, I obey. If I don't obey and he forces me - he's still in charge, isn't he? Except that this is BDSM - any 'forcing' isn't really forcing, because he's consented. At bottom, he is obeying, otherwise he'd stop her putting him in whatever restrictive gadget she wants to use in the first place. There's a a little element of force added, that's all. The bigger part of the whole thing is his initial consent to wear her gadget. Nice bit of spice, as far as I can see!

LadyAngelika -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 6:20:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit The point I am trying to make is that if he needs a chastity to behave and can't listen and obey me, then nothing else matters. If I need a chastity to enforce what I say, there is a bigger problem and it will overflow into other area's. Is it about a horny guy with cock in hand or dominance and submission and how the dynamic's actually get worked out? A man who places his cock's needs above me isn't worth my time. I'm just that way. That right there. If I say no and he does it anyway, that's not obedience. Larger problem in My mind than finding the right sized chastity device. Common sense, isn't it ;-) - LA

LadyAngelika -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 6:22:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GraciousLady Best of luck Mistress LL! I hope you get that one to behave. Hopefully your work load will ease up soon and you have the time and energy to work on your wayward hubbys wandering hands. All subs should be so lucky to have such a devout Domme ;-) - LA

LadyAngelika -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 6:26:51 PM)
quote: but his issue is bigger than what can be handled by D/s alone. I agree with your post sunshine, and the part I just quoted is the most important part of it. D/s is not a substitute for therapy. - LA

PeonForHer -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 6:27:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit The point I am trying to make is that if he needs a chastity to behave and can't listen and obey me, then nothing else matters. If I need a chastity to enforce what I say, there is a bigger problem and it will overflow into other area's. Is it about a horny guy with cock in hand or dominance and submission and how the dynamic's actually get worked out? A man who places his cock's needs above me isn't worth my time. I'm just that way. That right there. If I say no and he does it anyway, that's not obedience. Larger problem in My mind than finding the right sized chastity device. Common sense, isn't it ;-) - LA So was what I said, I thought - but LP's comment and mine appear to conflict! So . . . how was mine wrong?

LadyAngelika -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 7:01:10 PM)
quote: So . . . how was mine wrong? I don't think I would have used the word wrong to describe your opinion. It is your opinion. I will however mention that, while what you write is correct about authority, I wouldn't want to be the police in my relationship any less than I would want to be a mother. I want to be a partner and a lover in the leader and dominant role. To me, this is fundamentally different. - LA

Lockit -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 7:01:40 PM)
While the gadget and I both can be fun, when I say hands off, it means hands off. If I have to enforce everything I say, at what point does it become too much? Do I say, please don't smoke in the house and come home to find he has and I need to punish him? Who's really in charge then? It seems to me that if someone isn't respecting our agreement of d/s and I am constantly having to react, punish, correct or otherwise deal with disobedience; he is in charge, not me. And there is no way in this lifetime that I am going to be obedient to a cock and it's will or someone who takes our d/s commitment for a game. I leave the force for play time. Any other time and it is too much like parent and teenager. F that, I did my time.

PeonForHer -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 7:16:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I leave the force for play time. Any other time and it is too much like parent and teenager. F that, I did my time. Well jeez, Lockit, chastity is playtime, isn't it? Just playtime extended over a long period. It certainly would be for me. One of my fave fantasies (which is why, no doubt, I wouldn't last long at it - heh).

Lockit -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 7:29:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I leave the force for play time. Any other time and it is too much like parent and teenager. F that, I did my time. Well jeez, Lockit, chastity is playtime, isn't it? Just playtime extended over a long period. It certainly would be for me. One of my fave fantasies (which is why, no doubt, I wouldn't last long at it - heh). LOL... in this situation, using chastity to keep his hands off, its not really play time. It is a corrective measure. Believe me, I have used chastity and it can be fun, but I also use times of no chastity devices for hands off. If I can't trust him to not play with himself and one can tell often times if he has or hasn't, then we are starting a break down that could have far reaching effects.

PeonForHer -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 7:32:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika quote: So . . . how was mine wrong? I will however mention that, while what you write is correct about authority, I wouldn't want to be the police in my relationship any less than I would want to be a mother. I want to be a partner and a lover in the leader and dominant role. To me, this is fundamentally different. - LA[/font] But you wouldn't be much of a police officer, LA - because this is BDSM. Your partner in question would, as I've said, still be mostly obeying rather than being forced. Otherwise he wouldn't consent to that chastity device in the first place. It would be more a case of injecting a bit of that 'police officer' into the proceedings. In other words, I don't think this is 'fundamentally' different. I think it's just a little different. I do think that force is a kink in its own right. Perhaps it has more to do with S&M than D/s. It must have something to do with one of those categories - because, otherwise, how else are we going to categorise it? Should dominants who are into adding some physical force go to another website? It doesn't make sense to me. Pfft. All I know for sure is that chastity on the basis of pure obedience, and chastity on the basis of being forced - by means of a chastity device, say - are somewhat different things. The chastity device may take away something, but I think it'd add something else. If you're a purist - into a sub obeying, solely, no force involved: fine. But, hell, injecting some physical kind of force into it all also seems fine to me. I don't think the central principles of D/s are under any great threat here.

PeonForHer -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 7:36:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit LOL... in this situation, using chastity to keep his hands off, its not really play time. It is a corrective measure. Believe me, I have used chastity and it can be fun, but I also use times of no chastity devices for hands off. If I can't trust him to not play with himself and one can tell often times if he has or hasn't, then we are starting a break down that could have far reaching effects. You'd use chastity as a punishment? Yippee - even more fun! You're really tapping into my psyche here, Lockit! But, OK, with someone like yourself I would try very hard not to see it as 'play time'. Whew - hot . . . .

Lockit -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 7:48:10 PM)
No... no, I don't use chastity as punishment. For mind games, teasing, torture and a few other things; yes. I find it doesn't work for correction because it doesn't take things where I want them to go and for the right reasons. It puts too much focus on things I would rather not focus on especially if I am not happy with him. Sorry... lol

PeonForHer -> RE: Need help w/ putting small penis in chastity (5/4/2010 7:55:32 PM)
No worries, Lockit. Mind games, teasing and torture are all good, too. [;)] Nah - I agree. It wouldn't work as a punishment or a corrective (Is there a difference? No matter), not on me. Of all the things I've heard about, chastity feels as though it's the thing most likely to send me into that land I call painful-joy-bliss. Device or otherwise, I might add.

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