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Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 2:31:07 PM   
UniqueBee


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline 		The dom I met on collarme was so attentive and caring the first two months we began meeting.  Since February I am lucky to see him once every four to eight weeks.  He says he is just busy and that he still wants me and is not looking for another.  It is just that I see him all of the time in the site and yet he doesn't telephone any more and only emails once a week if I am lucky.  We live a couple of hours apart.  I need advice on what to do to win him to me.  I am new to the lifestyle and he is the only dom I have been with and I love being his submissive.  
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 2:33:11 PM   
CanadianGuy


Posts: 219
Status: offline 		I feel for you.  I don't know enough to make much of a judgment call here, but I can offer generic advice.  Don't be afraid to tell him you don't feel like you're together enough.  Ask him if he can give you a little more time.  If he won't, or can't, then consider asking him to end the relationship.  You do need to be happy.

(in reply to UniqueBee)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 2:38:19 PM   
cillydom


Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Not sure there is anything worth doing to get his attention

(in reply to UniqueBee)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 2:46:37 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		I would tell him what you said here. There may be a good reason for his withdrawl, there may not. The only one who can answer though is him. As stated though, if he is not giving you the time that you require, then you need to sit down and think if that is the kind of relationship you truly want.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to UniqueBee)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 2:54:47 PM   
SirPrize


Posts: 31
Joined: 11/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueBee

The dom I met on collarme was so attentive and caring the first two months we began meeting.  Since February I am lucky to see him once every four to eight weeks.  He says he is just busy and that he still wants me and is not looking for another.  It is just that I see him all of the time in the site and yet he doesn't telephone any more and only emails once a week if I am lucky.  We live a couple of hours apart.  I need advice on what to do to win him to me.  I am new to the lifestyle and he is the only dom I have been with and I love being his submissive.  


Life lesson...No matter who, no matter what the situation, when the words and the actions don't match, believe the actions.

_____________________________

Baseball will get you through times of no bdsm better than bdsm will get you through times of no baseball. GO RED SOX!

(in reply to UniqueBee)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 4:01:03 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Life lesson...No matter who, no matter what the situation, when the words and the actions don't match, believe the actions. Sir Prize 


Very good advice and true

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to SirPrize)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 4:34:44 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time, I would agree with the oppinion about talking to him, it may be that there is an explanation, communication is imo one of the most important things in a relationship, especially a D/s one

I hope it all works out well

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 4:48:27 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		He is doing you wrong....stop taking his calls, his e-mails and his Domination over you....Reversal of Fortune....that will get his attention, trust me.
Then, tell him to Fuck off and contact me! you lucky girl..smiles, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 5:22:58 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Usually withdrawal means something.  And you know that, otherwise you'd not be questioning what's going on.  

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 5:26:04 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Nice Post Katie...Fastlane looks up and smiles!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 5:35:55 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		You mentioned that he is on the site all of the time, yet does not have time to call you and only e-mails once a week or so.

Has he changed his profile to indicate that he has found what he was looking for and is no longer seeking anyone else?  If not, I'd be a little suspicious as to why he is on the site so much, yet claims he is too busy to pay more attention to you.

I agree with the suggestions others have made of talking to him and letting him know how you feel.  Actions speak louder than words, and the fact that he can't make time to see you more than once every four to eight weeks speaks volumes. 

Lady Topaz


< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 4/6/2006 5:37:04 PM >

(in reply to UniqueBee)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 5:52:45 PM   
themischievous1


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline 		It's tough to face hard truths, especially when they involve a blow to our self esteem. Fact is, no one is ever so busy that they can't take ten or fifteen minutes out of their day or evening to stop and telephone or email, not if they really care about you.
 
Fact is, if you're "the one," and he's interested in you exclusively, you'll be a priority no matter how busy he is. Seeing him once every four to eight weeks doesn't speak to interest; it instead speaks to convenience. His.

We've all been here. We've all been treated like shit at one time or another and should have walked and not taken another minute of it. You'll have enough when it's enough for you. It's a subjective thing. Just know you're not alone as we all empathize and it aint easy. My thoughts are this: dump him yesterday.

(in reply to UniqueBee)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 6:23:14 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I agree- the fact that he can be online but not communicate or plan time with you speaks of avoidance and loss of interest.  If you want, make a serious date and go through what you both expect and need out of this.  

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to UniqueBee)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 6:40:00 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		Unfortunately the only person who can decide this is YOU. What do you feel inside.
Is he looking for someone else and stringing you along ??
Is he just a really busy person.??
How much do you know of his work and vanilla life to make a sound decision.
He is however NOT the only "Dom" in the world.
You will find that if you do keep looking that the next person you meet may ?? be a better fit for you then they are. As you are posting this question there is obviously doubts in your mind about his interest level. Go with your heart and inner voice. NOT what we tell you do to.
 

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to UniqueBee)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 9:03:05 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: themischievous1

It's tough to face hard truths, especially when they involve a blow to our self esteem. Fact is, no one is ever so busy that they can't take ten or fifteen minutes out of their day or evening to stop and telephone or email, not if they really care about you.
 
Fact is, if you're "the one," and he's interested in you exclusively, you'll be a priority no matter how busy he is. Seeing him once every four to eight weeks doesn't speak to interest; it instead speaks to convenience. His.

We've all been here. We've all been treated like shit at one time or another and should have walked and not taken another minute of it. You'll have enough when it's enough for you. It's a subjective thing. Just know you're not alone as we all empathize and it aint easy. My thoughts are this: dump him yesterday.
...I have to pretty much agree with this posting..however, take a deep breath and then communicate to him your concerns..if his answers are not suitable,believable..or continue to contradict his actions..then you must decide if this is the relationship you want.........Tempting

(in reply to themischievous1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Leaving me? - 4/6/2006 10:11:04 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The dom I met on collarme was so attentive and caring the first two months we began meeting.  Since February I am lucky to see him once every four to eight weeks.  He says he is just busy and that he still wants me and is not looking for another.  It is just that I see him all of the time in the site and yet he doesn't telephone any more and only emails once a week if I am lucky. 


Clearly, he's decided you're not a priority in his life at the moment.  What happens now is you decide if you want to live with the possibility of *never* being a priority for him, or if you deserve and want better.  I think you know what you need to do in this situation.
 
I've seen this happen many times, and it's almost always nothing short of a cowardly way of getting out of a relationship without looking like the bad guy.  You just keep ignoring them for longer and longer periods, and eventually they give up on you and go elsewhere. 

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to UniqueBee)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Leaving me? - 4/7/2006 11:57:11 AM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

I've seen this happen many times, and it's almost always nothing short of a cowardly way of getting out of a relationship without looking like the bad guy.  You just keep ignoring them for longer and longer periods, and eventually they give up on you and go elsewhere. 


I have to admit not only have I been the victim, I've done it.  Sometimes I have the guts to end it and others times I've been the coward mainly b/c I wanted to keep my options open so to speak.  Not that it was fair or right, I just did it.
 
Believe in this though:
quote:

original: SirPrize
 
Life lesson...No matter who, no matter what the situation, when the words and the actions don't match, believe the actions.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Leaving me? - 4/7/2006 7:54:22 PM   
Slaveless1


Posts: 105
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline 		Time well spent looking for a Dom that wants you. Move on...next please.

(in reply to UniqueBee)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Leaving me? - 4/7/2006 8:13:15 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: acctonthelook

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

I've seen this happen many times, and it's almost always nothing short of a cowardly way of getting out of a relationship without looking like the bad guy.  You just keep ignoring them for longer and longer periods, and eventually they give up on you and go elsewhere. 


I have to admit not only have I been the victim, I've done it.  Sometimes I have the guts to end it and others times I've been the coward mainly b/c I wanted to keep my options open so to speak.  Not that it was fair or right, I just did it.
 
Believe in this though:
quote:

original: SirPrize
 
Life lesson...No matter who, no matter what the situation, when the words and the actions don't match, believe the actions.



Refreshing honesty. Thank you.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to acctonthelook)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Leaving me? - 4/7/2006 8:30:29 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		When we "need" we are so ready to believe what our heart wants us to believe..."he's busy", "he's with the underground government and couldn't call", "he was kidnapped by aliens and they only have Interplanetary Net..."..Being silly here, but he's sending a clear message. Many people use the distancing technique so they don't have to be the "bad guy" that breaks your heart. It's not fair, and I certainly don't think it hurts any less. It leaves you wondering what you did wrong,.You start questioning everything you said, didn't say, did, and didn't do for clues of why they are distant. Often there is no exact reason. You just were not meant to be. That's not an easy message to take to heart, but in the end, you want to be with someone who wants to be with you. You may have to wait a long time for that special person (I did), but it's so worth it in the end! Best of luck to you, don't lose hope!

(in reply to Cloudz)
Profile   Post #: 20
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