can you help? (Full Version)

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subjim2010 -> can you help? (5/5/2010 10:51:36 AM)

hello everyone

after being brought back to the county officers head department they asked if they could run a background check. i was horrified to learn that my interests in bdsm were brought into question and what does all this mean.

after a 3 and a half ordeal of multiple drawings and re-inactments of the elemets i am interested in i was released with a warning.

i am now disallowed access to the local village where i buy my groceries and enjoy a afternoon walk in the park. my freedom has been taken from me and im now stuck on the farm by my lonesome self.

can anyone please advise me into how i can pursue this. i feel outcast. i feel dirty as if its my fault. my partner is deeply grieved and is considering moving out. i will be here with many mouths to feed and holes to fill and no support. (as you know i own a farm and deal with livestock)

if can also bring to light a development. i recently bought some ear plugs which are like small floresant plugs which are shaped like corks. after ramming them up my anal passage to relieve the ictiness i am now in need to remove them. although i am worried if i remove them the hole will close and i will not be able to use it as efficiently as i do now.

please write back as i need direction with this.

Yours
Subjim



mnottertail -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 10:57:07 AM)

can't you get some non-flourescent corks to pop in your anus so that it don't glow in the dark?  isnt that a dead giveaway after all?



dreamerdreaming -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 11:08:51 AM)

Go to the ER. At the hospital, they'll put you in a gown that leaves your ass fully exposed, and they'll do a set of x-rays on you which will clearly show the hamsters, dildos, bottles, cucumbers, corks, etc. that have taken up residence in your ass lately. All of the hospital staff will be giggling over your images in no time, and then they'll put you ass-up and manually remove things. They'll probably need to go elbow- deep to get everything out of there, and all the while you'll know that everyone is having a good laugh at your expense, and you'll be the stuff of legend there for years to come. Tip: If you go to a teaching hospital, several medical school students, interns or residents will be watching in addition to the other staff. This should all be extremely humiliating for you. Have fun!  :o)



pegbundy -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 11:12:49 AM)

I have nothing of use to offer here. Just thank you for sharing.



myotherself -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 11:19:17 AM)

OP - you need company. Buy a goose. Some are really demanding and could help distract you from your recent strife.

Or you could buy a hammer and nails (mail order of course) and see if your other half is willing to try something a bit different.

Make sure you have plenty of band-aids available.

~happy to help~



Voodali -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 11:25:45 AM)

subjim,
My suggestion is as banal as to suggest you eat some fiber and try to poo (They're earplugs, not the traffic cones I'm sure you've had dalliances with in the past. Should be like pooting vienna sausages down the Large Hadron Collider ! ), but I want you to know that despite the fact  that I will probably never bum you (preferring something a little more virginal), I am becoming a fan.



mnottertail -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 11:27:34 AM)

Have you thought about procuring some tongueless lesbians from Kentucky to stub them outta there?



ResidentSadist -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 11:36:00 AM)

Dear Jim... It seems there is nothing wrong that the clever use of a shop vac wont fix.



stef -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 11:39:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subjim2010

i recently bought some ear plugs which are like small floresant plugs which are shaped like corks. after ramming them up my anal passage to relieve the ictiness i am now in need to remove them.

How do you get them past your head?

~stef



dreamerdreaming -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 11:45:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: subjim2010

i recently bought some ear plugs which are like small floresant plugs which are shaped like corks. after ramming them up my anal passage to relieve the ictiness i am now in need to remove them.

How do you get them past your head?

~stef




LOL!  [:D]



CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 1:26:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

Go to the ER. At the hospital, they'll put you in a gown that leaves your ass fully exposed, and they'll do a set of x-rays on you which will clearly show the hamsters, dildos, bottles, cucumbers, corks, etc. that have taken up residence in your ass lately. All of the hospital staff will be giggling over your images in no time, and then they'll put you ass-up and manually remove things. They'll probably need to go elbow- deep to get everything out of there, and all the while you'll know that everyone is having a good laugh at your expense, and you'll be the stuff of legend there for years to come. Tip: If you go to a teaching hospital, several medical school students, interns or residents will be watching in addition to the other staff. This should all be extremely humiliating for you. Have fun!  :o)


[:D] 



LaTigresse -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 1:46:35 PM)

Thank you.........just thank you!

It is always nice to read something like this to remind myself how delightfully boring my life really is. Delightfully being the key word.[:D]



frazzle -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 2:12:36 PM)

Who needs television drama when jims about. [:D]



windchymes -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 2:22:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

Go to the ER. At the hospital, they'll put you in a gown that leaves your ass fully exposed, and they'll do a set of x-rays on you which will clearly show the hamsters, dildos, bottles, cucumbers, corks, etc. that have taken up residence in your ass lately. All of the hospital staff will be giggling over your images in no time, and then they'll put you ass-up and manually remove things. They'll probably need to go elbow- deep to get everything out of there, and all the while you'll know that everyone is having a good laugh at your expense, and you'll be the stuff of legend there for years to come. Tip: If you go to a teaching hospital, several medical school students, interns or residents will be watching in addition to the other staff. This should all be extremely humiliating for you. Have fun!  :o)


I'm seeing Mary Poppins and her carpetbag.... [8|]



LadyEllen -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 2:32:06 PM)

Unfortunately I have allowed my licence to practice psychiatry to lapse and so am unable to help.

E



kiwisub12 -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 2:55:14 PM)

The first thing you need to do is drink a quart of oil - mineral preferably, but engine if mineral is unavailable.
The second thing you need to do is go for a looooooong car ride - somewhere where you can't pull off to the reststop. Its the jiggling of the car that will help the oil to work - yeah, thats it!!!

Once everything is cleared out - repeat, just to be sure.

As for support - consider building a St Andrews cross. [8|]



laurell3 -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 2:56:34 PM)

falls over laughing and runs away from this thread before she pees her pants..........carry on.......



JstAnotherSub -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 3:33:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

can't you get some non-flourescent corks to pop in your anus so that it don't glow in the dark?  isnt that a dead giveaway after all?
[sm=LMAO.gif]



pahunkboy -> RE: can you help? (5/5/2010 4:20:57 PM)

Who is this?



subjim2010 -> RE: can you help? (5/6/2010 9:56:48 AM)

hello everyone

i am concerned into the number of people who now see my postings as nothing but a humorous affair. i am saddened to think that the life experiences i encounter day by day are a cheap joke to many people. may we take this time to reflect hard on the fact that i am simply another human being trying to express myself and make friends.

i am still considering the event i am holding. a few people have emailed me. and worryingly, no i wont be offering goodie bags with porcelain tupperware...

Yours
Subjim



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