D/S play and S/D life..

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

D/S play and S/D life..

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> D/S play and S/D life..

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

D/S play and S/D life.. - 5/5/2010 7:44:39 PM

bebebdsm

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/4/2010
Status: offline

My husband and I are seems to be opposites in life and in sex. He is responsible, some controlling, helpful, respectful...But I always decide for myself (and for us, often) how to live our family life.

In sex..I love when we play the D/S game. I love it. I ask him to be as cruel and rude and violent as possible... Sometimes I almost need him just to hit me over and over.. He does know the limits and controls everything in the game. Because I can't. He doesn't do any damage, of course.

But how is it possible that I love to be complitely independent, a lot controlling,.. in our marriage, family life. He usually accepts my ideas, advises. And we are the opposite in sex.
??

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: D/S play and S/D life.. - 5/5/2010 7:52:09 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

It's really rather common. Bunch of books about it... I just can't think of one that focused mainly on that. If I recall, in the book The Surrendered Wife, they talk about that for a bit but I'm sure someone will name a better one.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to bebebdsm)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: D/S play and S/D life.. - 5/5/2010 9:19:54 PM

GraciousLady

Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

If your both happy and it works then that's a wonderful thing.

(in reply to bebebdsm)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: D/S play and S/D life.. - 5/5/2010 9:22:31 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Lots of strong people out there run the show all across their life then like to come home and have someone else be in charge, whether it be the bedroom, dungeon, kitchen or all of the above.
It's not uncommon at all.
Ask mistresses how many wordly and powerful men like to grovel.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: D/S play and S/D life.. - 5/5/2010 9:28:44 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

You're what's called a bedroom submissive.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Kana)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: D/S play and S/D life.. - 5/6/2010 3:17:41 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

At the very least, you're sexually submissive....

Harder for strangers to tell in your everyday life. You may like to be in control and make family decisions etc, but you may also just be filling a void. IE, *someone* has to take charge and make choices etc, and hubby is happy to defer to your judgement - which doesn't leave you much *choice* afterall....

And that's the routine you've become conditioned to. Perhaps....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: D/S play and S/D life.. - 5/6/2010 4:13:05 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

What Focus said. If your husband leaves all the work up to you, you'll do it because the result if you don't is chaos and will negatively impact your family which you don't want. Do you want him to shoulder more of the burden? If so, talk to him. Because he won't know if you don't tell him.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Focus50)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: D/S play and S/D life.. - 5/6/2010 6:36:39 AM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

In a situation like yours, having him assert dominance sexually can be a way to address a "debt" of control. Doesn't matter what the debt actually is; could be that you feel you owe him some obedience, or the opposite - you feel like he owes it to you to take charge of things. If that last one sounds weird to you, make no mistake, sexual dominance can be a lot of fun, but it can also be a chore sometimes.

If that's the case, just be careful not to make the lines too hard. If he starts asserting himself more during the day, or less at night, don't immediately assume the whole apple cart's getting knocked over. You might be making a mental transaction of power that he isn't seeing the same way.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: D/S play and S/D life.. - 5/6/2010 5:07:07 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

All the labels aside, what's the problem? Is that what is working for you and your family? It's possible because that's how it is, how both of you are. If you are happy, what else matters? Role and personality are not necessarily synonymous and micromangement isn't the cup of tea for many you see here, D and s types alike. I wouldn't worry about it unless you feel like it's not enough, which I dont' see in your post.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to bebebdsm)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: D/S play and S/D life.. - 5/8/2010 5:28:36 PM

bebebdsm

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/4/2010
Status: offline

Thanks to everyone for great explanations. I do enjoy to be in charge of our family life. I do enjoy of being in controll. I would not say I am very bossy and strict with my husband. I just want things to be my way. Sometimes it surprises me that he agrees with it. I feel very sorry that he has to put up with my controll and my own wishes. He seems happy , which is strange.

I like that he asks me drive our car in Las Vegas or Las Angeles at night (we live in Ohio, where traffic is slo-o-o-w), being 7 months pregnant. It makes me happy that he gives up and wants me to rull. I like that he asks me if he can go somewhere...I would not say I'm so cool and strong. I'm a student, immigrant and a young lady. He has a serious stressful job in a hospital.

I always had a question ... why?

But anyway, I like it very much. He says he just like to own, to be in controll in bed, to make me happy..

All this is new to me. I know what I want in bed. But it is very new to me that some man may enjoy of being hurtful. I cannot hurt anyone in sex even I get paid for that :-)

(in reply to laurell3)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: D/S play and S/D life.. - 5/8/2010 5:30:04 PM

bebebdsm

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/4/2010
Status: offline

I meant " even if I WOULD " have get paid for that. No,...noone pays me for anything... We are family :-) That's just my English.

(in reply to bebebdsm)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: D/S play and S/D life.. - 5/9/2010 9:51:32 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bebebdsm
But how is it possible that I love to be complitely independent, a lot controlling,.. in our marriage, family life. He usually accepts my ideas, advises. And we are the opposite in sex.

I don't see any mystery at all. I personally don't see any connection whatsoever between dominance/submission and topping/bottoming. Near as I can tell, lots of people like to top/bottom in the bedroom without any sort of carry-over beyond the bedroom doors.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to bebebdsm)

Profile

Post #: 12