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Caius -> RE: Calling him Master in front of vanillers (5/7/2010 12:30:00 PM)
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Regardless, be prepared to undeniably out yourself (or be outed) in some way or another at some point, especially of the nature of the dynamic is already so natural to you. Be it the ubiquitous honorifics or something like, say, the time an ex of mine booted up her computer to show her sister something online, forgetting that the current desktop background was a shot of her naked, collared and bound on the floor. There's no brushing that off as a joke... Of course, mortified and surmising it might not be in her best interest to so do, she made the tactical decision not to inform me of this little event, true to her usual approach on those sorts of problems. Yessir, I run a tight ship. Hmmm, come to think of it, I believe "Yes, Sir." was another that caught me out...
But even when caught in a less obvious faux pas, I'm just as inclined to cop to it as to try to pass it off, though typically I'm pretty far from showy about such things otherwise. Aside from the fact that it's low on my list of priorities to guard this facet of my personality so rigorously, it's a bit like social quicksand, isn't it? The more effort you exert trying to escape the situation, the more stuck you can become. If you're not too specific about the details, they are going to fill them in for themselves and if you act as if it's taken for granted that your ways are not really that outside the norm, they are probably more likely to conjure up the idea of something closer to what they are familiar with. There are all manner of people who would balk at contemporary bdsm who will nonethless accept a D/s relationship without comment if you dress it up in the right clothes - traditional values, religious context, 'zany' sex. I'll grant you that 'master' is a hard one to come back from for the 'nillers,' but I still think little is to be gained from the possible perception that you are trying to hide something. The judgmental will be invited to judge and the simply uninformed will let their imaginations go wild.
Edited to add: I also concur with what others have said regarding the fact that more people than you suspect may be on to you. You never know who's in the know and might be attuned to even the subtlest of behavioural cues. The thing is, we of this persuasion get used to thinking of most people as oblivious in this regard and feel no compunction about sending out our signals quite openly. But anyone who knows you will see the additional intensity of the feedback when you're getting your yin all entangled with his yang.... So to speak.
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