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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/10/2010 5:18:29 PM

undergroundsea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Women like me who enjoy bondage probably need to really, really like the guy first. Or, he has to be incredibly GOOD LOOKING** or offer some other tangible benefit. Ie, something that makes me want him first and foremost almost instantly. Instant chemistry.

How is this concept--your want to engage in an activity you enjoy with someone who draws your interest and attraction--different from when a man wants to engage in a fetish with a woman who draws his interest and attraction?

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/10/2010 5:27:58 PM

mummyman321

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I will stand my ground. IF my original post was taken in the wrong light, so be it. I made my appology for that post.

I am free to comment on your post just as well as any other person on this board. I am sorry if you do not like it but that is not a requirement for being on this board. Your opinion, while important to you, is not the only opinion out there and is only one of many.

I do not believe its the right of the Domme to have only her way. I do not believe its the right of a sub to have only his way. I do believe its take 2 people with the same interests to have a successful relationship. This may or may not be true but it is my opinion and I will state it.

I take delight in a Domme who enjoys objectification. I think it makes for very intense power exhange between the Domme and the sub under the right conditions. Whether this be a mummified person, a foot stool, a table, a sexual object, a pillow or whatever the two enjoy.

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/10/2010 5:41:24 PM

perfectflaw00

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so a successful dynamic for you is when both parties are enjoying the actual form of play, good for you. However there are submissives out there who are not into having their particular kink checklist fulfilled just because. Their dominants wants and desires come before their own and they derive their pleasure through that.

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/10/2010 6:17:29 PM

Andalusite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
I in no way expected you take the post literially (read any of my posts, most are jesting fun).

So, are you seriously claiming that if someone had offered to take you up on it, you would have said, "Haha, just kidding. I didn't mean it literally! I'll *NEVER* let you mummify me!"

Somehow, I have a hard time believing your claim that it was just a joke, and if you really do mean that, it's even more offensive!

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/10/2010 6:21:53 PM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
I am free to comment on your post just as well as any other person on this board. I am sorry if you do not like it but that is not a requirement for being on this board. Your opinion, while important to you, is not the only opinion out there and is only one of many.

As I said, you are free to jump in and try to make a discussion about what dominant women want from men all about you and your fetishes. I am equally free to explain why I think this is seriously dicklike behavior.

In porn, on adult sites, women's desires are literally made invisible or nonexistent. We're objectified, marginalized, forced into stereotypes to cater to male fantasies or forced into the closet. This is even true, sadly, in femdom. It's always about how sexy the women are supposed to be for the guys, how women are supposed to cater to men's sexual fantasies and fetishes, dress to appeal to men, etc.

I get that men should have a freely expressed voice in what they want, about what turns them on, too. But the current climate is so overwhelmingly about how women, even dominant women, must be packaged for male viewing and male satisfaction and male consumption, that it is also fair for us to say that we need some time and space to focus on what we want at times. Sometimes we need a break from the constant and overwhelming innundation of messages that say we are here to be objectified for male pleasure.

Dominant women who really are wired to enjoy seeing men packaged for our viewing pleasure don't actually have a lot of outlets. Many women who feel this way, women who might otherwise take real pleasure in being dominant, women who might really enjoy seeing sexy consenting men objectified for their pleasure, have taken one peek into femdom land and left. We see almost nothing there except men who want to package us and use us as fetish providers for their needs. Even when we start a discussion about what we want, it is immediately jumped on by guys who are only interested in having their needs catered to. So a lot of us get disgusted, give up and leave. There's nothing fun for us in that. Is that really an outcome you want to encourage?

quote:

I do not believe its the right of the Domme to have only her way. I do not believe its the right of a sub to have only his way. I do believe its take 2 people with the same interests to have a successful relationship. This may or may not be true but it is my opinion and I will state it.

That is my opinion also, which is why I stated clearly that I only wish to objectify and use and own men who genuinely enjoy being beautiful for me. That's a win-win situation.

What I explicitly do not want is "submissive" men demanding that I cater to their fetishes, not unless they're willing to make it a fair transaction and offer me something I want also. Like the majority of dominant women on these sites, I am overwhelmed and innundated by desires and even demands from men who want to make me and my desires invisible, and who want to relate to me as a thing that they can use for their self-centric fantasies. I want to be able to talk about *my* desires openly and visibly without being immediately piled on and hijacked by men who are, as usual, doing their best to make it all about their desires.

I understand that nobody gets to have what they want all the time, and especially not from strangers. I don't have the right to tell you what you can or can't do. I do have the right to say how I feel about a discussion of what women want from men being hijacked by a guy who wants to talk about what he wants from women. Again.

I feel pretty shitty about it, and I feel that this is the specific reason that femdom has, for the most part, not so very many femdoms in it who aren't being paid to be here. Make of that what you like.

< Message edited by LadyNTrainer -- 5/10/2010 6:27:26 PM >

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/10/2010 7:24:13 PM

mummyman321

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
I in no way expected you take the post literially (read any of my posts, most are jesting fun).

So, are you seriously claiming that if someone had offered to take you up on it, you would have said, "Haha, just kidding. I didn't mean it literally! I'll *NEVER* let you mummify me!" Somehow, I have a hard time believing your claim that it was just a joke, and if you really do mean that, it's even more offensive!

Yes, I am serious about the post being a jest. And if I were to get a "blunt" offer from my post I would turn it down, believe it or not. First off, I would have the courtesy to send an email to a Domme that I was interested in and not post it to the world. And that would only be after reading her profile and seeing if she has similar interests.

Before I play with someone I really want to know what they are seeking. What makes their clock tick. What excites them. Objectification, mummification are merely tools to a greater goal of TPE. I would gladly try anything that offer the chance for TPE. For TPE to happen this requires that the Domme enjoy that activity. It also requires the sub to enjoy the activity (even though she/he may endure pain to get there).

And the last point I would like to make is that a lot of the Do Me Dommes, think this is about sex. Yes there are Do Me Dommes on this site just as there are Do Me Subs. No where have I asked for sex and believe it or not, I am not seeking it. What I am seeking is the Domme that enjoy breaking a sub both mentally and phyisically at the same time. A Domme who truely finds this to be an additive drug and delights in the journey to break the sub. Objectification is just one of the ways to achieve this goal.

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/10/2010 7:49:37 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
I get that men should have a freely expressed voice in what they want, about what turns them on, too. But the current climate is so overwhelmingly about how women, even dominant women, must be packaged for male viewing and male satisfaction and male consumption, that it is also fair for us to say that we need some time and space to focus on what we want at times. Sometimes we need a break from the constant and overwhelming innundation of messages that say we are here to be objectified for male pleasure.

I'm not sure that you can ultimately rely upon the rest of the world to give you the freedom you want, Lady N. I think you have to *take* it.

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/10/2010 7:50:53 PM

LadyAngelika

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mummyman321, I can see your post was a joke. My one word "No" response was actually not emotionally charged but more toying with you. Probably would have been more effective with a wink... but then I don't know you.

The thing is, if one of the men who post here regularly that we know better would have posted that, it would have been well received as a joke. What is working to your disadvantage is that you joked about something that happens far too often without having the benefit of being well known.

All I can say is stick to your philosophy which seems quite legit and well.. better luck next time ;-)

- LA

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/10/2010 8:19:51 PM

LadyPact

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This was the best part of the whole thread for Me. It's very much how I feel about the subject.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
It is definitely a lot hotter in a long term relationship where you do have a solid foundation of mutual respect, caring, love or even just friendship. I've also had fun with it in more casual femdom play party settings where I don't necessarily know the person I'm playing this game with well enough to have established that kind of relationship. What I do know is that they consent, that they are having fun, and so am I. So it's all good.

The above is really the only two types of scenarios in which this works for Me. I have very little interest in sexually objectifying males otherwise. Even in the party example, it still has to be submissive males that I know to some degree. The better I know him would take the likelihood up of Me objectifying him. If I'm not that familiar with him it's far less a probability to none at all.

The reason for that has been demonstrated right here on this thread. Often, it seems that so many people are uneducated about any of the reality of femdom and all they 'know' is what they've learned from porn. That lesson on the subject being Dommes not only want to sexually objectify men, but they are wanting to do so with any and/or all men. I honestly want nothing to do with contributing to that misconception, so I'd rather be safe than sorry.

To answer what you really asked in the original, I prefer to objectify My own boy mostly verbally. I also have a fondness for him to repeat back to Me what I've said to him. For example, if I tell him that I'm going to use his holes, I'll then ask him what I'm going to do to him so that he will say it back. There's something very yummy about calling him My fucktoy and having him admit that's what he is at the moment.

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/10/2010 8:42:04 PM

marshalp

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

mummyman321, I can see your post was a joke. My one word "No" response was actually not emotionally charged but more toying with you. Probably would have been more effective with a wink... but then I don't know you.

The thing is, if one of the men who post here regularly that we know better would have posted that, it would have been well received as a joke. What is working to your disadvantage is that you joked about something that happens far too often without having the benefit of being well known.

All I can say is stick to your philosophy which seems quite legit and well.. better luck next time ;-)

- LA

Yep, you do lose a lot of hidden humour by using just text... maybe a wink or a "just kidding" would have helped... but well....

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/10/2010 8:48:44 PM

marshalp

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
I have been known to refer to my partner as my hot little cum faucet or my sexy studmuffin. At one point when I was much younger and had a less developed sense of courtesy and respect, I described men as basically being dildos with a very large and complicated handle. They exist for me to use and enjoy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I also have a fondness for him to repeat back to Me what I've said to him. For example, if I tell him that I'm going to use his holes, I'll then ask him what I'm going to do to him so that he will say it back. There's something very yummy about calling him My fucktoy and having him admit that's what he is at the moment.

Alright ladies, you are getting me all hot & bothered now....

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/11/2010 12:58:29 AM

Vendaval

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On a side note, I have had conversations with sub men who very much enjoy being objectified. They all basically said it felt good to be attractive enough to seen as a sex object and made them feel desirable.

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/11/2010 1:30:51 PM

Wheldrake

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

My appologies if this post offended you. It was not intended that way. I in no way expected you take the post literially (read any of my posts, most are jesting fun).

Okay, but in the same spirit...

If you go around asking to be mummified, can you really complain when the ladies rip your guts out and then start looking around for the nearest canopic jar?

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/11/2010 2:13:51 PM

mummyman321

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Actually this is pretty funny!

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/11/2010 3:05:01 PM

marshalp

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Awww... isn't it nice to all get along together & sing kumbayaa in a circle

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RE: The sexual objectification of men - 5/11/2010 6:43:07 PM

Andalusite

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Or she could make you wear a zoot suit and say, "Who's your Mummy!"

Seriously, we get enough real HNG posts that it's a little annoying running into them, but it sounds like that's been sorted. So, back on topic, I've enjoyed treating my submissive partner as a literal object, and calling them by that name (footstool, chair, etc.) at times, but I haven't tended to think of it as objectification per se because I still felt emotionally connected to them. I've never really been into humiliation play, but I'm starting to get more intrigued by the idea. Since my submissive playpartner is a woman, that's probably irrelevant to this particular thread. Until my current and last relationship, I'd tended to lean fairly strongly Dominant in my previous relationships, even if we didn't have a formal dynamic, and even if the other person was a top rather than bottom/sub/etc. spectrum.

Undergroundsea, I think you had a really interesting question there. I think part of it is that a lot of Dommes feel it is fine for them to objectify their submissive, but don't want to be objectified by him. They view it as a submissive interaction, that makes them feel used. IMHO, that can be hot with someone who I am connected to emotionally, and I wanted him to have his or her needs met. If a stranger tries it on, though, it just feels rude and pushy.

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