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How would you react to this? - 4/7/2006 8:16:34 AM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		i have been asked by my Master to post the following for posting a thread about "Top's Disease" First before anyone reads this i will admit to my faults. i am not a perfect slave a i do make mistakes. i am only human. i only ask one thing of my Master and that it to communicate with me. Our situation stems soley from lack of communication. On several occassions i have cracked because i have no one to talk to.  i said this morning that Mentally and physically i do not feel well i want Her help. i was yelled at and told that it is my problem and have been told that i should deal with my problems within myself.  i rely on my Master to be there for me.  In response to the below about running to the bathroom. i was crying hard and Master let me back into the house to clean up my face because i had make-up runing down my face and onto my shirt. i needed to clean up because i was unable to go back to work this way. i have been having a difficult time at work and needed to speak with Her, but was told Her drycleaning was more important. i went to the bathroom and cried so hard because i have no one to turn turn when i am sad. i was being yelled at to come out of the bathroom and i yelled no about 5 times. i reacted poorly to this and there is no excuse for my behaviour. i can admit to this. Master took my collar awat and told me i am a bad slave, and embarrassment to Her and i don't deserve Her. i do in my heart feel that what was said was wrong. i'll never be able to forget it. i've tried to speak with Her about my feelings over the past few days but all i get is i am the one with the problem not Her. i told Her that She may have "Top's Disease" Her response to me asking for Her heart without anger was this : " No you have a problem called i'm a bratty slave and i need a more harsher punishement syndrome" i am torn. And i am saddened that Master is making me post this below thread because we should be able to talk to one another. Not do it this way. Again i do not claim to be perfect. i have faults. i learn from them and take my punishments. But Dom's make mistakes too. i'm sorry that i have to post this here for all of you to read :( if i get flamed , i get flamed. But i just don't want to do this here :(  Master's thread She wrote and wanted me to post under my name :( How would you react if you had a slave that would not listen to her Master?  If the Master told the slave to do something. The slave instead of doing what the Master asked, runs and hides in the bathroom and stated, "NO I won't do what you say"  The slave refuses to follow direction and instead stomps her feet and screams that she will not listen.  On several occasion the slave refuses to do as the Master asks.  The slave lies to the Master to avoid getting yelled at or punished.The slave pouts when she doesn't get her way.  When the Master tries to discipline the slave, the slave refuses to follow directions and runs away from the Master.  When the Master takes the slaves collar away and tells the slave that she doesn't deserve the Master or to wear the Master's collar, the slave reply is that is mental abuse.  The slave instead tells the Master that it is the Master's fault.  The Master sits down and speaks to the slave about her actions and the slave's only reaction is that it is the Master's fault.  The slave fails to see that her actions and failure to follow direction is what is causing the Master to react. How would you deal with a slave that behaved in this manor?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How would you react to this? - 4/7/2006 8:26:09 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not going to respond to this post in any real way because you're two adults who need to work together to get through this, if you decide that getting through it is where you want to go.  Running to a board to get some support of "Look, she's being sucky, isn't she?" won't help either of you in the long term and makes both of you look incapable of handling your own relationship.

The fact that you started the tops disease thread as a passive aggressive attempt to get support for your feelings shows a serious problem on all sides (and was honestly pretty obvious).  The fact that she needs to splash all this personal stuff on the board shows a serious lack of working on the root cause.

Sit down, talk it out, figure out what's going on.  You both need to stop blaming eachother as the cause of the badness and start looking at the situation.  This isn't the first time you've had a brawl/breakdown in your relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)
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RE: How would you react to this? - 4/7/2006 8:28:12 AM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'm not going to respond to this post in any real way because you're two adults who need to work together to get through this, if you decide that getting through it is where you want to go.  Running to a board to get some support of "Look, she's being sucky, isn't she?" won't help either of you in the long term and makes both of you look incapable of handling your own relationship.

The fact that you started the tops disease thread as a passive aggressive attempt to get support for your feelings shows a serious problem on all sides (and was honestly pretty obvious).  The fact that she needs to splash all this personal stuff on the board shows a serious lack of working on the root cause.

Sit down, talk it out, figure out what's going on.  You both need to stop blaming eachother as the cause of the badness and start looking at the situation.  This isn't the first time you've had a brawl/breakdown in your relationship.


i want so badly for things to be ok but i feel so lost sometimes. i wish i could remove this thread =(

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How would you react to this? - 4/7/2006 8:42:27 AM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


The fact that you started the tops disease thread as a passive aggressive attempt to get support for your feelings shows a serious problem on all sides (and was honestly pretty obvious). 


Yes i suppose it was obvious, i just didn't realize it. i was just trying to figure out a way to help Her. i love Her dearly.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: How would you react to this? - 4/7/2006 11:27:33 AM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline 		ok i want to be sympathetic to you both. ok



depending how long you've been together will depend on your personal answers for what you need as individuals.
 
we are not all good for one another...regarding communication styles, individual needs and such.
 
it seems to me that the subs wants a bit more "love" and the ability to "talk" to/ from the master.  however, counseling can help you in your feeling all alone too.  maybe just talking to a counselor about the work problems would help?
 
it seems the master wants you to listen and follow commands and instruction which may be in the subs best interest for reasons she's never able to explain b/c of the lack of submission. 
 



the only resolution i can see (and I'm not in psychology) is:
 
the sub needs to sit back and have an open mind to the masters reasons behind the instruction if the master is willing to explain them. two way street here.
 
the master needs to realize the sub is having emotional difficulties at work which is really at the core of this.  sometimes master's have to be aware of a danger zone with their sub and be more caring, or just emotionally there for the sub.



all in all, if you both continue to stand strong you will never stand strong "together".
 
maybe it's time to admit that maybe it's not a good healthy relationship where communication, respect of one anothers role reside.
 
and I agree with Lucky, you both should look to counseling and not the board for help in your making or breaking.
 
i have responded b/c i believe in communication as lucky does. 

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)
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RE: How would you react to this? - 4/7/2006 11:38:23 AM   
CanadianGuy


Posts: 219
Status: offline 		I do have an opinion but I feel it would be wrong to post it, because this thread should NOT be here.  This is a personal issue and will likely be deleted.

Please, use this event to grow and learn.  Deal with it between yourselves and come to an agreement.

< Message edited by CanadianGuy -- 4/7/2006 11:39:05 AM >

(in reply to acctonthelook)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How would you react to this? - 4/7/2006 12:34:01 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I would react with laughter.  Any partner that insisted I post personal details about our relationship as type of punishment or some weird way to get support for a position would be met with an "you are fucking kidding me, right?" look. 

I understand it is not amusing to you though.  I hope you work through it, if possible.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How would you react to this? - 4/7/2006 2:29:57 PM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		Is the comedy section starting soon, because I think we have over booked the drama.

The fact that either one of you would place this much personal detail in the forum is a bad sign.  If the two of you can not sit and discuss this like adults between yourselves then the future is bleak.  Starting post to find people who support your view so one of you can say, "see I told you" to the other one isn't going to solve one thing.

Good luck, but if you can't have an actual discussion nabout your issues without on of you behaving badly, I wouldn't hold out much hope.

K

(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How would you react to this? - 4/7/2006 2:59:05 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		I woud say talk to each other, not to the general public, you are not gathering votes here.

That said I hope things work out.

(in reply to PlayfulOne)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How would you react to this? - 4/7/2006 3:00:08 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Personally I think you both should have more respect for your relationship than to air stuff like this out in the open.

I dont know you or your Master..so many things could be happening that we dont know about. Like I can see your Master teaching you a lesson by making you post this to show you how bad it feels to have a post written about you and your personal relationship. If it is just that, cool, learn from it. If your Master is doing it just as a retaliation, then something really needs to be looked at within both of you.

Personal Relationships: (In General)

Takes work. Learning to have a relationship with someone else is a lot about learning about yourself. Blaming other people for the things that go wrong doesnt really help any situation. Whenever there is conflict the best thing to do is both people involved to take personal responsibility for their part in it.

D/s M/s relationships:

One person has committed themselves to submit to a person they *trust*. So the following is based on the idea that your with someone you *trust*. It can be frustrating on both sides if either or both partners arent fully committed to the relationship in the roles they are supposed to take up. Like if Master had to tell me to do something over and over again, or I reacted badly or contrarily to his wishes, I wouldnt be submitting. We cant be perfect and we are certainly not robots, there are going to be times when we dont act as submissively as we should..but if that kind of behavior becomes very frequent, its really going to effect the M/s dynamic and the relationship itself....bad choices could be made, words said cause of frustration, things playing out that wouldnt if both people were actively engaging in the roles they agreed to.

I'm just talking generally here... i hope you both work it out.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to PlayfulOne)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How would you react to this? - 4/7/2006 3:18:34 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		The fact that you and your Master both state you are seeking a third for your relationship is what's a bit alarming to me. You two need to work out the issues between you before trying to bring someone else into your lives. That said, this issue really can't be resolved by a group of strangers on a message board. There's a reason it's called a 'personal' relationship.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to PlayfulOne)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How would you react to this? - 4/7/2006 3:32:28 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		I would tell both of you to keep your drama to yourself actually.  What are your issues that you have to air your dirty laundry out for everyone to see.  Trying to garner support for one side or the other?  Both of you are acting like children, each trying to rally support for their side of this childish argument.  My second instinct is to tell both of you to grow up before you try dominating or submitting to another.

< Message edited by SirKenin -- 4/7/2006 3:33:01 PM >

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How would you react to this? - 4/7/2006 3:39:59 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Frankly, I disagree with much of what's been posted in reply but such is the nature of diversified opinions....
 
First, for "the record"....
I initially found it confusing but I now gather 'Master' is a female - that there's not a third party lurking in here?
 
Personally, I don't think the problems you're having is anything as simple as disobedience - problems rarely evolve from "black and white" situations.  When I have core D/s dynamic problems with my girl that seem to repeat or escalate, I step back and try to take in a bigger picture. And I have 'tools' or means to fall back on....
 
One is that I don't believe subs/slaves in general (and mine in particular) are inherently bad or disobedient.  If this suddenly seems to be the case and can't seem to be resolved with basic discipline or even a punishment, it's time to temporarily discard our role dynamic and discuss this in depth and as equal adults. 
 
It's here where I agree the OP is absolutely correct; that one of my 'tools' is *communication*!  It takes two to communicate and it takes wisdom and maturity to appreciate that whatever is breaking down in the OP's relationship isn't about laundry, and is bigger than a mutual 'blame-game'!
 
IMO, the Master (Mistress?) is extremely selfish/small-minded/negligent in her attitude not to appreciate the slave (OP) is literally screaming out for her help and too arrogant or immature not to know this needs to be addressed with compassion, not punishment! 
 
I've always said Dom/mes lead and subs follow....  I'd never tell my sub to just "deal with it" if her problems are affecting her overall behaviour!  It's then *my* problem and I've got more avenues of redress than screaming commands or punishment!  If slaves aren't bad or disobedient then this isn't about service or performance.... 
 
It feels like you're little more to her than an unpaid domestic servant - that it's always about the service....  If she cared for you, she'd sit you down and discuss *everything* that's concerning you and with an open mind to making changes if necessary.
 
But if you really can't talk to her or she won't listen to you, then it tends to become your fault for remaining in her service - so suck it up or leave!  Why are you there?
 
Focus.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)
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RE: How would you react to this? - 9/30/2010 8:35:11 PM   
OneMaster4You


Posts: 17
Joined: 5/5/2009
From: San Francisco
Status: offline 		What I have found that works is ...as a Master .... is just to listen .... we have two ears and one mouth ....that is because we should listen twice as hard as we wish to speak....

As a Master and Man I know that all it takes is to listen to my submissive and not take it personal regardless of what she says...

90 percent of the time she figures it out and comes to her won solution by just talking through it with my validating her and acknowledging her pain.

when it is not an appropriate time I just let her know that it is not an appropriate time to talk and schedule a time to talk and listen. If she is disobedient and does not respect this then she suffers the consequences which would not be to air it out in this forum but something between her and I.

She typically( 95% )respects this because there is control and respect in the relationship.

The other 5% .... well that is why we have paddles, and canes...smiles

OneMaster4you


(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How would you react to this? - 9/30/2010 8:48:38 PM   
VideoAdminTheta


Posts: 3967
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		We encourage members to start a new thread on the topic's they are interested in, rather than to bring back threads this old. Thank you.

(in reply to OneMaster4You)
Profile   Post #: 15
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