Mercnbeth
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1- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
2- Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
3- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
4- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
5- What disease did cured ham actually have?
6- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
7- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
8- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
9- Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
10- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
********************************* A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him. "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!" ******************************* An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are
very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does
sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm.
Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide
to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his
beard, and makes the following suggestion:
"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making
love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help
the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied.
Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. "Okay", says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly... "You see, THAT'S how you wave a towel!"
< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 4/7/2006 8:30:35 AM >
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