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RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 9:45:55 AM   
bondmaid123


Posts: 143
Joined: 6/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
But he expects me to honor his main need, which is for me to recover.


Geez, what a bastard!! (PS read about your injuries, holly, I hope you have a reasonably quick recovery!)

OP... I agree with so many of the other posts on this thread. I think it's all too easy to define your relationship in terms of "this is what I do for him to prove I'm serving" as opposed the simpler "I serve him", which certainly requires a little more ongoing attention to what he needs (which in this case, is likely for you to get better, not to.... serve as a sexual outlet or cook his favourite soup or whatever). For me, that's a distinct and important difference of perspective. YMMV, obviously. :)

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 9:50:25 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah that's what I thought too......shrugs

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 11:03:58 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Sounds like you have a good Dom. I had the same surgery yu are going to have. I don't know what your recovery time will be min took a full 8 weeks. For the first 4 weeks i could not play at all. It is his wish that you get healthy so you should honor his wishes. It is what he wants so you should not feel guilty for doing what your Master wants. Try to look at it this way you get healthy then you can do the other things your Master wants.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 11:10:21 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

How do you feel comfortable belonging to Your Dominant or Master if/when You have an ongoing illness or serious injury?


In my opinion this has little to do with the other person and is generally related to feelings of inadequacy and burden the afflicted has. Continued bouts of illness can take a mental toll and cultivate ideas that your health is problematic for the other party or they're deserving of someone less injured.

What's been overlooked in that line of thinking is the reality that life happens. Things break. Things go awry. But solid relationships that are comprised of committed factions will weather it all. Including unexpected changes that require alterations in certain activities. Unless the other person has given you reason to believe their support is lacking, I'd be forthright about my feelings and stop viewing my health as an impairment.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to bluefireeyez)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 3:59:54 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty

quote:

W/we want to go and have fun when He visits next. He was supposed to come in June or July, but since I can't have my surgery until June 22 He may wait longer to visit. 


Reading the other posts reqarding this quote I'm wondering if I read it wrong.....I thought it meant that he'd delay his visit so he could be there for the surgery. Could be he can't take extra time off work.



Hey Potty -

I put my question up as a clarifying one. (There was no malice or judgement in it). I have no opinion one way or the other. However, I don't want to expend the energy answering something when I'm not clear about what the context of the question is. At this point of course everything is all conjecture beause the OP hasn't responded. Meh.

My response to her is going to be different depending on the glasses she is looking out of. Often the stated question is not the real question. I am wondering if that is true for this.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 4:15:58 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		From personal experiences long term illnesses can easily change the dynamics of a relationship. Stress levels are bound to rise. IMO couples should go through diagnosis, treatment and recovery together. Careful discussions will help you make wiser and more confident decisions TOGETHER. This will also give your partner / dom the knowledge tocare for you long term.

I truly I hope that I read it incorrectly and that he is not delaying his visit b/c of your surgery and you not being able to have "fun". If I read that correctly I personally wouldnt want a man like that in my life. I know for me, my partner needs to be part of my treatment plan otherwise it will NEVER work long term.

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 5:24:43 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

He was supposed to come in June or July, but since I can't have my surgery until June 22 He may wait longer to visit. He also knows if I am overly stressed and will not push me in the way that He normally would (whether it be physically or mentally).


He's not going to visit and support you through this?


That. I mean if he isn't involved enough with you to come and do what even a close friend should do, I would perhaps not be so concerned about his feelings. That's just me but it seems a bit cold.

i agree with Sunny and Aynne



I love you Holly! :)


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 5:26:51 PM   
bluefireeyez


Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you all for replying. I think everyone had some really positive advice, which I will try to consider. Master doesn't make me feel guilt for not being able to do things. However, I want to please Him and I think I am having a hard time with my own limits. He seems to have accepted them more than I have. And, no He isn't perfect, but He is very close in my eyes.

It seems the biggest comments have come from me stating that He may put off coming to see me until I am recovered. I was the one who told Him I didn't want Him to come while I was having my surgery/recovering. He just finished school in California and will be in the process of moving. I also know that He has a scientific conference closer to where He is currently. I was initially just thinking that His family is over 3 hours from where I live, so even if He did fly out He would be alone during the surgery and hospital stay. I would personally rather talk to him over the phone while I am sick. Then I would be able to enjoy my limited time with Him in person.

I actually asked Him if He would come if I asked, and He said He had already been considering it. With the timing of everything, it would be very tricky for Him. I think I personally want Him to use His time most effectively. W/we will have more time together when He is on the east coast again.

Thank you all again for your comments

(in reply to SweetNika)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 5:51:09 PM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline 		When I had to have an emergency hysterectomy last year, My Lady -- who has my Power of Attorney and Healthcare Power of Attorney -- was right there supervising my care. I'm HER property, after all, and she wanted to make sure I was taken care of properly. It kind of reminded me of how she is with the vet when he's out here working with our horses.

When it was time to come home, she fetched me home. She took care of me as much as I needed caring for. About two weeks later, she had to have rotator cuff surgery, and I took care of her and she took care of me.

During our joint recovery period, we did some cuddling but that was about it. Closeness was all either of us needed. She wasn't confident enough of her control with her off-hand to administer spankings, and I was actually afraid of orgasming and having THINGS snap loose inside.

We recognized one another's limitations. We talked about our feelings, and about our fears, and about our needs. She was afraid that her arm simply wouldn't heal right. I was afraid I'd lose all desire for sex. Talking about it, and coming up with plans for what we'd do if these dire events came to pass helped both of us. She felt much more in control once she'd worked out plans for coping with such things. I enjoyed taking care of her, even if I was sore and she was grumpy.

D/s isn't just what happens when you're bent over getting a spanking or having kinky sex. It's an ongoing relationship that involves a lot of high-quality communication if you want it to work.

(in reply to bluefireeyez)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 11:22:05 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hi blue,

Thank you for your response. I was thinking after my last post ... hmmmm. Her question was about how the rest of us would respond rather than asking for an opinion about her situation. I was curious though, and I appreciate you making it a little easier to respond to you.

Here are my thoughts (for what they are worth - that and $4 will get you a cup of coffee.)

How do you feel comfortable belonging to Your Dominant or Master if/when You have an ongoing illness or serious injury?

I don't really identify as "belonging" to anyone anymore. I have relationships - with people. My asthma and my hypothyroidism are just parts of who I am. Anyone with me would know that. It's like looking at a painting. The brights are brighter because of the shadows.

How do you manage to balance your illness/injury with your Dominant or Master's wants/needs?

If this is the kind of relationship people have, YOU don't do the balancing, the one in charge does. For me, I always think of that old saying "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." It seems sassy, but think about it. If the one who cares for others isn't cared for, no one can be cared for. Seems like a quick step from there to your question.
For instance, if you suffer from migrane headaches or severe back pain at the same time that He had scheduled or wanted to do a session?

This is no different than any relationship. If someone has big plans for anything, sometimes they get changed. Hopefully, being with an adult person would negate the need to manage this. There certainly could be disappointment, even anger, but that's what happens. You know life... it happens.

It seems like your question is focused on the more kinky stuff. It's just a relationship, like any relationship. Nurture it. Make sure your own needs are taken care of. And then the rest kind of falls into place.

Good luck,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to bluefireeyez)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How do you...? - 5/13/2010 6:05:53 PM   
kateindenver


Posts: 35
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline 		i can relatte to what you are saying. i am 53n years old and time has taken its toll on me. i am suffering from attention decificiet disorder. any master takesd all your strenghtyhs and problems. he must always be willing to take all intyo account
kate

(in reply to bluefireeyez)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How do you...? - 5/13/2010 8:42:55 PM   
bluefireeyez


Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you for your kind response.

Yes, I did focus more on the kinky stuff, but I explained to my Master an overall discomfort in belonging to someone when I felt like even I couldn't control my body. Fortunately, He is very understanding and would be flexible in all things (kink and non-kink). I just know that I like to please Him and I was worried about doing so with so many things going on with my body.

I actually had to call the doctor yesterday/today and ask if there was any way the surgery could move up without it being an emergency. I'm good with pain, but when/if I have to take pain medicine something is wrong with my body. If it is a scheduled procedure, the scars and recovery time are less. Thankfully, there was a cancellation for Tuesday. So now I get to scramble to have everything in order before then. 

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How do you...? - 5/13/2010 10:23:34 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Drifa


D/s isn't just what happens when you're bent over getting a spanking or having kinky sex. It's an ongoing relationship that involves a lot of high-quality communication if you want it to work.




This is a fantastic quote and one I think people tend to forget sometimes in their rush to fulfill a role. You aren't just a role and it seems you have someone that recognizes that. Relax and get well and worry about the kink later and good luck with your surgery!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Drifa)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How do you...? - 5/14/2010 4:02:04 PM   
bluefireeyez


Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		I agree.

Thank you laurell, I will try.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How do you...? - 5/14/2010 4:09:52 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I understand what you are going through....I once was dating this sub that got in an horrible accident. She became a quadriplegic.

I told her I would come to see her when she got better.

_____________________________



(in reply to bluefireeyez)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How do you...? - 5/14/2010 4:10:48 PM   
bluefireeyez


Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		Haha wow. That is wrong and funny on so many levels.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How do you...? - 5/14/2010 4:20:14 PM   
loverly


Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline 		i think i am in LOVE with jbcurious and Doniguys' minds... lol

what they say !

ty!

(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How do you...? - 5/15/2010 3:08:19 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We hold each other's medical directives. So when I had the last cataract, he drove me to and from and put the drops in every two hours for the first day. When my back acts up, he carries the laundry basket and groceries. When he was diagnosed with diabetes I went with him to the diabetic counselor, especially important because I do the cooking. I also nag him about his sweet tooth.

We have less play time than we did 8 years ago, but in our late 50's this is to be expected. However this is a full relationship, love, and raising a blended family and car repairs etc. Right now we're discussing redoing the downstairs bathroom.

If yours is more a fwb with emphasis on the b and not the friends part, then you wouldn't really expect chicken soup.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to loverly)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How do you...? - 5/17/2010 6:29:18 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		the OP wasnt asking us to analyze her Masters schedule IMO its none of our business.

i while back i had really bad sciatica - turned out it was due, not exclusively to a gummed up inside, went all yukky - the guy i was with at the time had me crawling over him when i needed to get out of bed and grinned at my obvious struggle and pain - he was a tosswad and i got rid.

on my own, getting myself fit again i was really glad i didnt have to please anyone at all.  just please myself and get well again.  thats what you have to do.  get well again, focus on that and look forward to his visit.

you cant help whats happening to you, you cant change the facts as they stare at you right now and im sorry that at 25 youre having this shitty time with youre health, i sincerely am, but its how it is and you have to resolve that fact inside of youreself.  youre M is all growd up and capable of making his own decisions on this and clearly his decision is to stay with the beautiful woman he's found in you.

get well for youreself first of all, focus on that not on how youre somehow failing him, youre not failing him at all, you should get that thought out of youre head right now, it wont do youre healing processes any good at all.

get proactive, plan a gentle fitness plan, eat well, drink lots of water, rest and get better. xx

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How do you...? - 5/19/2010 8:06:32 PM   
bluefireeyez


Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		I said I would update everyone on what happened. My surgery got moved to yesterday. Though Master looked into it, it wasn't feesible for him to come out here. However, he did spend a good part of the night Monday and last night just talking to me. I was glad the nurses didn't care that I had my phone, because it allowed me to talk to him when I couldn't sleep.

They were able to remove the ovary lapriscopically (sp?), so no huge scars or extended recovery. I was sent home this afternoon with pain medicines and a plan to go back next week to remove the stitches.

No sooner had I gotten home and sat down to dinner, than did I recieve a lovely package of flowers from Him.    Now, I just need to learn how to relax and be lazy for a couple of days. Go figure I want it until I have to do it.


(in reply to bluefireeyez)
Profile   Post #: 40
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