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Communication and Speech Impediments - 5/12/2010 11:26:18 AM

AquaticSub

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Since communication seems to be topic of interest lately in my house lately and being inspired by the safeword threads on another site, I'm curious about other property who have speech impediments.

As for myself, I have a stutter that comes and goes and seems wretchedly unpredictable about when it will show up. Yes, I have done the required speech therapy - utterly loathed it and it would take a direct order to get my butt back there. I probably should negotiate that as a hard limit really... ;-)

Anyway, I'm wondering if others have spotted ways that it's effected how you communicate with your owner. For me, when I'm having trouble, it's usually easier to get out a word and then follow up. Like "B-b-band-aid - I need one." Then the "barrier" seems to have been broken and I can elaborate with "Sir, I broke a glass and cut my hand. I'm sorry about the glass" without issues.

It can be interesting - people have taken this way of speaking as being rude and demanding before instead of what is. A genuine struggle on my part simply to speak. Fortunately, my owner has few rules regarding how I specifically communicate as long as I do it in a way that he finds respectful.

It certainly has affected us. Not in a big way but it's something that we have to consider. On our wedding day, we weren't sure *what* exactly I'd be vowing because if I had trouble, I was just going to switch words around to say, effectively, the same thing but perhaps differently. Thankfully I was blessed and able to speak clearly and without issues till the reception.

It's never really been an issue for us - he's known that I stuttered from the day he met me so we've always just instinctively worked with it and sometimes we've agreed that he should do more talking so that I don't have to in particular situations.
So... for those in these relationships who also deal with this: How do you handle it? Is it even an issue?

(I posted this on one other site because my question was inspired by a comment someone made while we were discussing safewords - however, I'm always curious what my CM gals and guys will have to say on a topic

)

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RE: Communication and Speech Impediments - 5/12/2010 12:15:03 PM

bondmaid123

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I have a stutter that is unpredictable (stress makes it appear more frequently, but sometimes it's just THERE making my life difficult), too. Part of my stutter is, according to the therapists I've spent ridiculous amounts of time with, is that my brain is spinning *way* faster than my mouth can form the words.... ugh. So sometimes I have to just stutter/rattle off whatever, and then go back and say it again, slower and understandable by somebody other than a dolphin. ;)

In addition to the physical stutter, I have a psychological communication hurdle in which I spent almost 2 decades with a man who would frequently choose not to communicate... about anything... sometimes for months at a time. So.... I've hit the frustration wall so many times while trying to talk with him that sometimes I literally lose my ability to speak. It's like my brain short-circuits.

How does this affect WIITID? Well... safewords are right out. Stress (even "stress that I ask for") will often push me into the non-verbal, or I'll be unable to say whatever-the-hell-it-is-we-decided-to-use. :P Luckily I'm not really into activities that require a safeword, but on occasion I've played with a partner who *did* and so.... we've had to come up with other methods ("drop the hankie" or whatever... yannow).

In addition, I have difficulty talking ~about~ stuff, and hell, communication is so freaking important, eh? If I'm not making eye contact I am able to distance myself a bit and that helps... email is an *excellent* took for initiating topics for discussion, especially things which are emotionally charged. (Ideal? no... but better than not talking about them at all, eh?)

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RE: Communication and Speech Impediments - 5/12/2010 4:57:31 PM

SweetNika

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edited b/c I totally misread the OP LOl

< Message edited by SweetNika -- 5/12/2010 4:58:21 PM >

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RE: Communication and Speech Impediments - 5/12/2010 6:54:03 PM

Andalusite

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I don't stutter ordinarily, but when I'm very subspacey, I can barely say red, or no, or my own name. Sometimes, my partner has had to make me repeat it a few times, or has given me a non-verbal signal to use (such as holding a keyring). My Master and my playpartner both think it's cute that I can't talk properly then!

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RE: Communication and Speech Impediments - 5/12/2010 7:39:50 PM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

I don't stutter ordinarily, but when I'm very subspacey, I can barely say red, or no, or my own name. Sometimes, my partner has had to make me repeat it a few times, or has given me a non-verbal signal to use (such as holding a keyring). My Master and my playpartner both think it's cute that I can't talk properly then!

This happens to me. My partner will immediately notice and slow down what he's saying and repeat himself as many times as necessary if he requires an answer until I have my brains back in my head and can respond properly. Or if he needs an answer more quickly he'll tell me to make a physical gesture to tell him what he needs to know.

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RE: Communication and Speech Impediments - 5/13/2010 1:03:02 PM

petmonkey

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i stutter when frightened. i've been told this is a handy lil' indicator of where my head is at.
i've also had people react very, very negatively to this--they were offended somehow that i was frightened at the time.

i've never quite sorted out the psychology behind all that. i've screened for friends that pay attention to when i stutter and act on that information according to their desired result.
i also have a bit of a lisp type thing you can hear when i say my "L"s as in jewelry or wolf. i'll pause and over-pronunciate these kinds of words. Fodder for teasing, i've noticed--which isn't my bag, but a huge part of the general population uses teasing as a social bonding thing, so whatever. Unless a person won't put the topic down, i don't get up-in-arms about it..

When overwhelmed by too much activity around me, i react a lot like an Opossum, also when overwhelmed by too much sensation. Fortunately i've always had D-types that like to check in.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mSV6P0NUeQ

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RE: Communication and Speech Impediments - 5/13/2010 5:41:05 PM

DesFIP

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It's like any other difficulty, you work around it. If someone is such a nitwit that they demand you say things you aren't capable of getting out, then you don't want to be with them. Or someone who demands the sub kneel for hours on end despite knowing she physically can't do that and walk after.

But I shut down when frightened, can't talk at all. The important thing was to explain all this to him before such a situation occurred so he would understand when it happened.

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RE: Communication and Speech Impediments - 5/13/2010 6:37:02 PM

Andalusite

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lizi, I generally wouldn't find him repeating the question helpful, unless I didn't hear it. I just have trouble talking clearly! When I get a really hard strike, I sometimes freeze and hold my breath unintentionally while I process it, for a few seconds. So, I warn anyone I bottom or submit to about that as a possible reaction.

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RE: Communication and Speech Impediments - 5/14/2010 4:09:11 AM

slavekal

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If Harpo Marx could communicate, we all can. If you can't get a work out, whistle.

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RE: Communication and Speech Impediments - 5/14/2010 11:25:03 AM

littleone35

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Mine is not a studder i tend to talk VERY fast and my words run over other (Dr told me it was youngest child syndrome i am the youngest of 5) Most of the time master can understand me though. if he does not under stand me he just asks me to repate myself. it is not a big problem becaus he is interested in what i say so he want to understand it. I just repeat it and then he understands.

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RE: Communication and Speech Impediments - 5/14/2010 12:15:03 PM

petmonkey

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

If Harpo Marx could communicate, we all can. If you can't get a word out, whistle.

This is going on my fridge. Harpo's a hero of mine.

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RE: Communication and Speech Impediments - 5/14/2010 2:19:09 PM

DesFIP

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Some of us can't whistle. And yes before anyone quotes Lauren Bacall, I know. But putting my lips together and blowing doesn't cause a whistle.

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RE: Communication and Speech Impediments - 5/14/2010 2:35:30 PM

Mercnbeth

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~ Fast Gesture ~

Gags seem to come into vogue and were a big fad for a time at a club I used to frequent in NYC. The 'house' solution for 'communicating' during scenes with them was snapping your fingers. Even if you can't make a loud snapping noise, the gesture itself is unique enough and usually not done 'accidentally' during a scene as would the dropping of a scarf or ball. I've heard those solutions, but I would think concentrating on holding onto something would distract a person away from the rest of the experience.

I don't recall anyone having a problem using the finger snap option but I guess if you were bound in mittens you'd have to come up with something else.

You could always wait until you know the person well enough to read their eyes. But then what do you do if you use a gag, mittens, and a blindfold and there is a big problem? Well.....that's what shovels and empty lots are for!

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RE: Communication and Speech Impediments - 5/14/2010 2:43:25 PM

laurell3

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Aqua, you could video tape that portion of your vows that requires a speech so you can do it over and over until you like it so you don't have to deal with the stress on your actual wedding day...or you could just accept that is some quirk you have and recognize if the guy's marrying you, he accepts it, right?

I stutter on very very rare occasions. It's usually when I am very stressed and almost always when I am around my mother....go figure. My form I take as a sign I need to get away from whatever I'm doing and take a break.

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