How do I know when I am ready? (Full Version)

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flowered -> How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 11:50:46 AM)

I have been interested in D/s for a long time....when I was little I loved to be tied up, and dreams of being swept off my feet slowly changed to dreams of being uder anothers control.
When I was about sixteen I started reading on the subject, various stories I found online and books I ordered.
When I first turned 18 about half a year ago, I started going into related chatrooms and laughing and chatting with others.....but now i wish to find and enter a relationship soon- but I don't know if I am ready, as much as the thought of being under the control of another excites me, it also scares me some.

How will I know when I am ready to attempt to find a Master? I am inexperienced sexually as well as in the lifestyle, so I wish to make sure my first choice is not effected by inexperience or lack of knowledge- I would not want to make a bad choice! 
I am bi-curious, but never even dated a woman, so not sure I would go for a Mistress (we women are so hot though![:D] )

Thanks and hugs to anyone kind enough to help,
flowered



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 12:10:00 PM)

No sooner than 6 months from today.

Let me ask you this, if you were vanilla, how would you respond to the question "When will you know that you are ready to be married?"

It's unlikely for it to happen in the next few months.  It's time to experiment, date, get to know people- but making that lifelong serious commitment isn't something to worry about or rush at this point.  Especially since you don't seem to have any real life experience- or even serious relationship experience.

You'll FEEL it's right when you get all heady and moon-eyed.

You'll KNOW it's right when the only thing you know for sure is that your life needs to progress with that person in it.  That means career, family, education, location, the whole thing.  When you know and agree on what to expect from eachother, when you sit together in your family's house together on a lazy afternoon just hanging out all together. 



slavejali -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 12:37:02 PM)

I wish the information thats around today was around when I was your age. You're in a great position already knowing about lifestyle/relationship choices and have some education to go along with it, even if it is mainly from reading. Knowledge is power. You're ready to explore, its natural to feel a meld of excitement and fear, those seemingly contradictory feelings get invoked with pretty much anything new we contemplate stepping into.

I'm with LuckyAlbatros, take it slow..realise you have a whole life ahead of you and each choice you make is going to effect your life, how you view it and create baggage, good and bad for you to carry along in life.

Question: From what you know now about yourself, what kind of Dominant/Master would you like to have a relationship with, what would his disposition of being in the world be, how would he treat you, how do you envisage the relationship would play out?



flowered -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 12:45:27 PM)

quote:

Question: From what you know now about yourself, what kind of Dominant/Master would you like to have a relationship with, what would his disposition of being in the world be, how would he treat you, how do you envisage the relationship would play out?


*smiles*
I seem to be a romantic at heart- I need affection so it would probably be a very loving Master...."firm but gentle" I have heard, and is what I will seek. Someone who will control me and see me as His...but also love me and treat me with respect.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 12:49:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: flowered
I seem to be a romantic at heart- I need affection so it would probably be a very loving Master...."firm but gentle" I have heard, and is what I will seek. Someone who will control me and see me as His...but also love me and treat me with respect.


Then you'll need to take twice as long to make a decision so that you can know that you aren't acting on emotions, but on good judgement.



littleone35 -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 1:03:20 PM)

I agree with LA  take it slow  you are still young.  The kind of Master you seek is the kind of Master i have so they are out there.  Just to be sure you don't go to fast based on first feelings maybe you should read the threads on sub frenzy.  I wish you much luck in your search.

Matt's littleone



xplormyself -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 1:11:13 PM)

Alright, first let me just say I hope did this right. Been lurking around these forums reading but never posted. Anyway back to the subject at hand, I really could not offer you advice, for I am going through much the similar experience. And I posted to say thank you for yours because it showed there are others out there much like me ,young with no sexual experience that know already that this is something they want. I often worry myself if maybe I really do not know what I want because I have never experirenced a physical relationship before, that I may be mistaken. That I  may be a possible oddity to want this and still be a virgin. But after reading your post I've come to the realization that I am not alone in this and that it is possible to know that this is what I want.  I wish you much luck and say do not let fear stop you I nearly did myself. That I'm glad Ive gone through with what I have so far it is fullfiling to do so and I do not regret it. Live life dont stop yourself who knows who you could have found what Master/Dom that is out there waiting for you, what wonderful exeperiences. As for knowing when your ready I could not say. The best I could offer is I think you will know the moment when it comes.



flowered -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 1:15:27 PM)

Oof *runs up and hugs xplor* we should really start a club for the virgins on this site...we'll have to think of a catchy name though....



mnottertail -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 1:15:40 PM)

Dear People who ponder such questions,

Please understand, You are so NOT alone.

Ron



CanadianGuy -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 1:18:18 PM)

It is normal for you (and you too, xplormyself) to feel unsure about yourselves.  Just imagine something you always wanted to do (say... skating?) and felt very unsure... but you ended up enjoying it.  Just because you're unsure, and you've never done it before, doesn't mean you'll be bad at it or won't enjoy it.  Obviously you ARE interested in it, and you should do it.

When?  Now.  You're certainly legally "ready", and it sounds like you've been having these thoughts for a long, long time.  I'm not saying "go and get used tonight by someone you just met".  I'm saying that it's time for you to consider reaching out there and testing your connections with others.  There's absolutely no reason (from your posts) to hint that you're incapable of love, submission, or sex in the very near future. 

Good luck as you explore some amazing new times, and experience the fulfillment you've been craving for a long time now!  :)



slavejali -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 1:32:28 PM)

Somethings Ive learnt from spending time online which might be helpful, or you may already know, but hey:

1. Remember people arent always what and who they say they are, be smart.
2. Online is wonderful to get information, but if you really want to explore this life, look up some munches in your area.
3. Stay clear of married men, be absolutely certain the person you are talking to isnt married by any means possible. There are heaps of single men out there who can offer you so much more than a married man could ever.
4. Chatting with people online can be fun, exciting and informative..but a negative thing about it is, it can feed our desires which invoke emotional attachments....and sometimes it is not based on reality....its easy to commit ourselves to a relationship that is just not beneficial to our well-being.
5. Don't waste your time chatting with someone for any length of time who you cannot possibly meet up with for a coffee.
6. Online can feel less confronting than face to face contact, its less scary but it brings with it a removal from actual reality.
7. If you ever do meet up with someone please be smart and be safe.
8. Canes really hurt.
9. Being submissive or someones slave is an incredible experience, take it slow.



gooddogbenji -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 1:44:38 PM)

Alrighty, I'll join that virgin club....  Yeah, I know, 22 year old virgin male....  hmmm...  Oh well, I said it....

As to a name, a spontaneous, and probably drunken, 5 minute effort on my part has produced something which may lead to something useful in the end.

The
Untouched
Subs &
Slaves
Learn
Everything

Or something to that effect.  Never claimed to be creative.

Yours,


benji



flowered -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 1:50:06 PM)

*laughs* thats cute.......let me try..."you'll be the first" maybe? Blunt and to the point. *grins*

I am going to have way to much fun with this.



Tikkiee -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 1:52:28 PM)

quote:

How will I know when I am ready to attempt to find a Master

When you know, and understand enough about yourself that you no longer have to ask this question.



gooddogbenji -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 1:57:42 PM)

Legal disclaimer:  This is not a response to Tikkiee, but to flowered.  I just have no idea how to reply to someone else.  Any help?

I like it, but it seems like a promise....  No, YOU won't be the first....  Someone else....

Then why do you say me?

I didn't mean it that way!

Then don't say it that way!

FINE!

And so goes another interesting stranger. 

Yours,


benji

PS:  I really do like it.  I just couldn't resist having a conversation with myself.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 2:22:24 PM)

quote:

When you know, and understand enough about yourself that you no longer have to ask this question.


Great answer Tikkiee. I know that a lot of people are going to come along and offer you (any new person) what it is that you think you are looking for. The best advice I can offer you is to keep posting here on the boards, keep asking questions (no such thing as a stupid question) and speak your mind. When you do meet someone, take the time to get to know them as a person first and make sure they get to know you as a person first too. And what ever you do, don't get so anxious that you jump at the first chance, there will be lots of chances and anything worth having is worth waiting for. And a biggie here... safety first.



Alacrity -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/7/2006 3:15:48 PM)

Judging by your post, I'd say you're currently ready to LOOK for a Master. You might not be ready to find one, but you'll not know this until you start looking.

Like some of the others have stated, be safe! Some experimentation and exploration may be in order, but be safe! Think about vanilla relationships. Most people don't find their perfect match immediately. Sometimes first impressions are horribly wrong. Finding the right person takes luck, and usually time. It helps if you know what you want, and actively look for it.

Good luck. [:)]



flowered -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/8/2006 7:51:07 AM)

*smiles*
Thank you for the advice everyone



*hugs*
flowered



Tikkiee -> RE: How do I know when I am ready? (4/8/2006 8:18:07 PM)

Just remember Flowered, go slow. This is a journey meant to be savored, not gulped [:)]



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