RE: Internal Enslavement

RE: Internal Enslavement (Full Version)

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KnightofMists -> RE: Internal Enslavement (5/15/2010 8:36:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: elleX To Mr KnightofMists , you should have read at the end of my previous post that i have a lot of respect for you ( my english verbs need improvement ) thanks elleX ellex... I understood your orginal comment rather clearly and it is appreciated. As someone that was raised by a mom with a first language of french and not learning english until into her adulthood. I have become accustom to the broken english. Unfortunately, I never learned to speak or write french otherwise I would beable to converse with more clarity. Thanks again

KnightofMists -> RE: Internal Enslavement (5/15/2010 8:43:22 PM)
quote: I recovered and much of that was fueled by a desire to stand. I grew tired of the sadness and simply needed to move on. I can't say anger was a huge factor, but steely determination was definitely the catalyst. There were moments of doubt when I wondered if I'd ever find my way again. But they were eventually put to rest. I can never be what I was because that person no longer exists, but I'm so much more because of the experience. A phrase that I learned from Kyra and something she learned awhile back seems to reflect what you are saying. "Pushed by Purpose or Pulled by Pain" In other words one has a choice to be proactive and take that stand you speak about or react to events where one's way is decided by events or others.

ITGirl68 -> RE: Internal Enslavement (5/15/2010 8:50:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: elleX But that bring a to ask a question that comes in my mind quite often. What happen when the relation is over , i mean how does a women or a man who was inslaved internally move on after a such deep and intese relation. , how can she or he pursue happiness after been totally owned,, how does she pick up herself, what is the responsability of a Master who have totally enslaved a women,, how would he release her and not breaking her for ever. I worried about that when I was still inside. Worried that I would have only death or the desire for it, if it ever ended. And then it ended. Oddly enough, the end happened inside, first. His words and behaviors changed so dramatically... the relationship just seemed to dissolve around me like a cloud. After over a month of hell, I woke up one morning, and I no longer felt owned. And it didn't kill me to be me again. To use KnightofMist's color analogy, the green may no longer have been there, but my blue was even more beautiful than it had ever been before. I had learned and grown. I had felt part of something more and had become my best self. Of course, I mourned the green when it was gone, but I was still able to live and learn and laugh. I am hoping that someday I will feel IE again: green is such a lovely color. Still. I guess my bottom line is that how you feel on the other side can surprise you. Moving on may be easier than you would believe possible.

leadership527 -> RE: Internal Enslavement (5/16/2010 7:08:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: elleX Leadership, i no way i wanted hurt you , but is it possible that even before you entered a M/s relation , you alreay brought your Dominant essence into your previous relation ? Of course that is possible. In fact, it is an absolute fact. I did not suddenly become who I am 3 years ago. I don't know what sort of image you have of dominants, but THIS dominant is a highly emotional personal. When I form an attachment to someone, I am attached. Losing that attachment again is the most awful thing I have ever experienced. Insofar as how many times you can enter into such a deep relationship (and again, you seem to feel that M/s relationships are somehow deeper than other kinds -- a point I disagree with), the answer is your own to make. But if the answer is "only once" and that one fails, you will never have a deep relationship again. Are you OK with that? I sure would not be.

porcelaine -> RE: Internal Enslavement (5/16/2010 11:30:02 AM)
LittleBroken quote: I'm pretty much sold on Porcelaine's advice on this matter as a woman who has obviously been in the situation and survived. Her advice to me on this has been invaluable in helping me through some really rocky moments. Thank you. It's one of the reasons I share my struggles openly. :) ................ KnightofMists, quote: "Pushed by Purpose or Pulled by Pain" In other words one has a choice to be proactive and take that stand you speak about or react to events where one's way is decided by events or others. It's honestly a bit of both. I can channel either positively or be fueled by something dark and destructive. ~porcelaine

laurell3 -> RE: Internal Enslavement (5/16/2010 12:39:06 PM)
quote: "Pushed by Purpose or Pulled by Pain" In other words one has a choice to be proactive and take that stand you speak about or react to events where one's way is decided by events or others. It's honestly a bit of both. I can channel either positively or be fueled by something dark and destructive. ~porcelaine Kyra's saying is wonderful as they always are and she has always impressed me with her ability to see the positive. However I also have to agree with the dark and destructive at times. I too, in the distant past have been fueled before by a type of spite...a sort of "fuck them I am going to succeed and they/he/she/it saying I can't only makes me want to do it more." I always refined it in the end to be about me, but sometimes, any starting place to get you out of the hole is a starting place and sometimes we aren't ready to be refined.

porcelaine -> RE: Internal Enslavement (5/16/2010 1:10:44 PM)
laurell3, quote: I too, in the distant past have been fueled before by a type of spite...a sort of "fuck them I am going to succeed and they/he/she/it saying I can't only makes me want to do it more." I always refined it in the end to be about me, but sometimes, any starting place to get you out of the hole is a starting place and sometimes we aren't ready to be refined. I understand where you're coming from and I've done that in the past. But I noticed two years ago I began moving in a different direction, but that wasn't intentional. I don't have all the answers but I think some of it has to do with my thoughts about the person and how I processed what occurred. Although I lacked anger, seeing everyone around me up in arms was very unsettling. They wanted me to do the same but I couldn't. I can't tell you why. I think it was the beginning of something different. I've had my share of setbacks, hurt, and disappointment like the rest. However, any anger I feel is related to myself not the other person. I realize it is merely misdirected hurt that I'm attempting to cover. Sometimes I didn't want to feel the pain, but I'm at the point where denial is not an option. It doesn't benefit me in the long run. Now I'm on another plane and I process those experiences in a new way. I see my hurt and pain, but I also remember my station. Hating the one that would or did own me is unthinkable. My inability to do so doesn't mean I'm not aware of things that happen that shouldn't occur, but processing my experiences in that way taints my slavery in a manner I can't permit. Sometimes the hardest thing a girl can do is maintain her grace in the midst of upheaval. Parting ways doesn't give me the right to forget everything I've learned on the kneel. That's throwing the baby out with the water and in the end I'll only have to go and fetch it later on. Slavery is a way of life and a state of being. You can't pick and choose which one you'll put on according to preference. You're either living in that capacity or you aren't. There's no half stepping involved. ~porcelaine

elleX -> RE: Internal Enslavement (5/16/2010 2:10:16 PM)
Good afternoone Leadership and everyone , Leadership , i dont have many * images * of Dominant , the one that i live with for many years is very comitted in our relation , i personaly have to deal with trust issues , and i dont open myslef easily to others , i have a small amount of friends that i am with for decades, so it is me with my essence of who i am that make me tell this,, it might not be the best way to react , but i simply dont think i could do it twice ,, that is does not mean i could not submit and commit with another Dominant man, but still i dont know ,,,i am with the same Dominant for years and intend to finish my day with Him.

porcelaine -> RE: Internal Enslavement (5/16/2010 4:04:44 PM)
elleX, quote: it might not be the best way to react , but i simply dont think i could do it twice ,, that is does not mean i could not submit and commit with another Dominant man, but still i dont know ,,,i am with the same Dominant for years and intend to finish my day with Him. It isn't strange and it's more commonplace than most realize. In my opinion this has more to do with your personal wiring than the act of being enslaved. It isn't predicated by only having "one" but determining this one in particular is the last one you'll serve. ~porcelaine

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