Asking for Advice but getting opinions (Full Version)

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scratchingpost -> Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 4:14:57 PM)

I have been reading alot of posts lately and it is a curiosity of mine really....When someone asks for advice, or some comfort, why do they get innundaged wtih responses of opinions or jabs? I was tuaght that if I had an opinion that would cause another duress unless specifically asked for it keep my mouth shut. Tis better to be thought a fool than open ones mouth and prove it. I guess the old adage of if you have nothing nice to say (or helpful to contribute) don't say it at all comes to mind. I gather this post will get me a lot of bashing but I sincerely wonder sometimes, what are these people thinking that when someone has a trouble or concern they feel the need to add to that persons misery and confusion...To me it just makes no common sense.

I often read posts and have nothing to contribute in a positive fashion so I skip it and move on to the next. But I seem to have a rather unique way of doing things overall....and prance to the rhythm of my own heartbeat



Arpig -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 4:26:26 PM)

Well Scratchy, it may be news to you, but there are some of us who are fools, and like to remind everybody of that fact. And with your silly little whine about people expressing opinions that are not PC or supportive, well I have just one thing to say....Welcome to the club



Lordandmaster -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 4:28:50 PM)

What are people SUPPOSED to provide other than opinions?

quote:

ORIGINAL: scratchingpost

I have been reading alot of posts lately and it is a curiosity of mine really....When someone asks for advice, or some comfort, why do they get innundaged wtih responses of opinions or jabs?



slavejali -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 4:29:50 PM)

I guess everyone can only speak from their own experience and perspective..and with that you are going to get a mixed bag of replies.

Also conversation is an artform.



scratchingpost -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 4:32:46 PM)

Excellent question LAM how about sharing experiences or knowledge that they have aquired...For instance...say someone has a question about electrical play...instead of saying things that are derogetory about electrical play why not share an experience or technical knowlege of it to help inform the person how to use it safely and correctly?



scratchingpost -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 4:40:17 PM)

very true slavejali...good point...its just a curiosity of mine really as I tend to be a non confrontation person for the most part (not always but mostly) so I just don't understand why bother wasting time causing someone else grief when there is so much in life that can be pleasing and bring happiness to another.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 4:41:30 PM)

Yes, I agree that the "Ewwww, don't you realize how unsafe/immoral/revolting that is?" responses are annoying.  But I just bleep over them.  There are plenty of people on here who have interesting things to say.

quote:

ORIGINAL: scratchingpost

Excellent question LAM how about sharing experiences or knowledge that they have aquired...For instance...say someone has a question about electrical play...instead of saying things that are derogetory about electrical play why not share an experience or technical knowlege of it to help inform the person how to use it safely and correctly?



IronBear -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 4:45:22 PM)

In all areas of human endeavor, there will be advise, opinions criticism and debunking.. Your task, should you accept it, is to sift through the dross and locate the gems and pearls of wisdom.
 

WARNING!
 
This thread and your computer will disintegrate in 15 seconds………



scratchingpost -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 4:56:59 PM)

ACKKK please dont make my computer disintegrate Ironbear I have many term papers to write over spring break... LOL...

PS... I think I just found one of those gems in your advice thank you  :-)



SirKenin -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 6:32:35 PM)

Everybody offers their opinions.  In your case, you are just bitching and whining about the opinions that rub your fur the wrong way.

Opinions can be invaluable.  No matter how bluntly they are offered, they serve one purpose, to shake the OPs foundations.  In other words, to make them think from a perspective they probably never would have had otherwise.

The OPs task, then, is to evaluate the opinion and see if they could not be pursuing the thought process from a new angle.

Your task is to either like it or lump it.



acctonthelook -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 6:50:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: scratchingpost
When someone asks for advice, or some comfort, why do they get innundaged wtih responses of opinions or jabs? 

I gather this post will get me a lot of bashing but I sincerely wonder sometimes, what are these people thinking that when someone has a trouble or concern they feel the need to add to that persons misery and confusion...To me it just makes no common sense.

 
I agree with trying to be helpful to someone but this came to mind when reading the thread, thus far:
 
When we hear the good things and their on our side, we feel good, we feel encouraged to move forward with new insight.
 
When we hear the bad things and someone is bashing sometimes their words help us be stronger, tougher and see it from a whole new perspective. 
 
Sometimes ppl 'whine' about everything and even though the tough words can be difficult, it is often necessary to open our eyes wider.
 
Good Luck! on this one.



Evanesce -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 7:38:33 PM)

I love opinions.  Opinions make me think and feel things I probably wouldn't come up with on my own, and I thank whatever deity there might be that the people here don't sugar-coat their opinions with rose-tinted icing.  It's, for me, what keeps the conversations fresh and worth coming back to every day.
 
Each and every person who posts here has been, at one time or another, supportive, thoughtful, mean, insightful, bitchy, rude, kind, honest, funny, interesting, entertaining, blunt, politically incorrect and helpful.  I think we take turns.



TexasMaam -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 9:05:19 PM)

You just posted your opinion about posting opinions, though....[:D]
TexasMaam



Tikkiee -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 9:23:44 PM)

I have found that more often than not, when most give advice about something, it is based on a personal experience; you will notice that many will reply with 'yes, I have had that happen but": as soon as the BUT is included, it turns into an opinion of how their experience was.
It's easy to confuse the two when trying to find the words to relate with others.
I usually try to stay away from the threads that criticize, demoralize, or are just plain hateful though. I don't feel that they serve any purpose.



UtopianRanger -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 10:20:06 PM)

quote:


Kinky


click here to view this users full profile

Posts: 93
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline Excellent question LAM how about sharing experiences or knowledge that they have aquired..


An opinion is derived from knowledge as it relates to experiences. So what your saying is you don't want to hear any negative opinions, right? LOL!


 - R



Gauge -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/7/2006 10:34:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: scratchingpost

I have been reading alot of posts lately and it is a curiosity of mine really....When someone asks for advice, or some comfort, why do they get innundaged wtih responses of opinions or jabs? I was tuaght that if I had an opinion that would cause another duress unless specifically asked for it keep my mouth shut. Tis better to be thought a fool than open ones mouth and prove it. I guess the old adage of if you have nothing nice to say (or helpful to contribute) don't say it at all comes to mind. I gather this post will get me a lot of bashing but I sincerely wonder sometimes, what are these people thinking that when someone has a trouble or concern they feel the need to add to that persons misery and confusion...To me it just makes no common sense.

I often read posts and have nothing to contribute in a positive fashion so I skip it and move on to the next. But I seem to have a rather unique way of doing things overall....and prance to the rhythm of my own heartbeat


Advice comes from experience and opinions of that experience. How is one not to offer advice without giving their opinion? There are people into watersports... great! Goodie for them, it isn't for me. If I were to have an experience with watersports it would not be likely that it would be a favorable post. Someone else that lives for watersports (I just picked watersports out of a hat for purpose of example) will say how wonderful it is and be encouraging etc.

When someone posts on a message board asking for advice they have opened the door to opinions of all sorts. The point is that they asked for advice/opinions. If you want to get strictly advice on a subject buy a book. Wait... they are opinions too. Guess you just have to accept that you are going to get the opinions when you ask.

When I post something on the boards, I am open to any responses... even ones that tell me that I have my head up my ass. Some people have risen up to challenge my opinions and thoughts and have made me really think about my position on an issue. This makes for interesting and informative debate. If you are looking for feel good advice... you won't get it here. I have come to respect people on these boards because they are honest and forthright. Some don't pull punches... others punch hard but disguise it nicely, others are just nice and go with the flow of things but either way, the person has asked a question and they are getting the answers... even if they aren't the answers that they were looking for.



CERCKL -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/8/2006 2:23:34 AM)

Pokes, jabs, sarcasm, biting sardonic remarks??? Here?
Sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do for someone is slap them upside the head and say "You're being an asshole!"; othertimes advice, opinions are given in a kind, compassionate manner...but how compassionate is it to nod your head and say 'yep' all the time?
Most of the severe whining I see here is people saying 'I've been on the site 30 minutes and nobody responds back to me and I still haven't gotten to beat anyone as they blow me.' yes, this gets a shitload of criticism if you will; others have asked "How do I approach someone online that I'm interested in and have more luck getting a response?"; this may get barbs too but it gets more advice...
Some will preach that this or that is whatever...so? Use what you can and pass over the rest.
The most fun is when an ethical/moral question gets too close to people and the claws come out, fur flys and people get defensive, antagonistic, bitter, etc...thinking of the thread on cheating. So, then if you enjoy the carnage from accidents you just pull up a comfy chair, have truesub make your Turkish coffee and watch...

If I type anything in depth, insightful or actually helps anyone...it was a coincidence and I'll try not to let it happen again.

C



scratchingpost -> RE: Asking for Advice but getting opinions (4/8/2006 5:25:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

You just posted your opinion about posting opinions, though....[:D]
TexasMaam

LOL an oxymoron huh? good point...though i was referring to things that are more antagonistic in approach



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