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Approaching Dom(me)s - 5/17/2010 7:48:49 AM

Phoenix73Sir

Posts: 139
Joined: 4/2/2010
From: Northants, UK
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So. I look on the CM front page at this list of girls, it goes on for pages and pages. Kinda led me to wonder in a round about way just how many of these subs and slaves actually take the initiative and make the first contact themselves? Personally i have had maybe 4 in total during my time here.

What i was wondering is... What would YOU do if you saw a profile you liked. would you contact first, or would you just view the profile hoping that they would view back and then message you?

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RE: Approaching Dom(me)s - 5/17/2010 8:26:44 AM

subrob1967

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Joined: 9/13/2004
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I feel the Dom/Domme should always make the first move, they're supposed to be the predator/alpha to us.

I know girls gets tons of mail here, and lots of fakes, but a well written, sincere introduction letter would more than likely generate a response, even if it's thank you, but no thank you.

Make sure you read her profile, and write your introduction accordingly.

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RE: Approaching Dom(me)s - 5/17/2010 8:52:46 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
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When i was not collared it was all i could do to responds to the mail i got. I barly had time to browse profiles. If i saw someone who viewed me, who was in the right age range i wouls check out their profile and if we had similar interest's i would mail them. Sure i am a sub but they were the ones who viewed me first. I see nothing wrong with dropping them a line. In my case however my Master contacted me first.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Approaching Dom(me)s - 5/17/2010 9:00:03 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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Sure, I emailed men that caught my eye. I look at partner-finding as a proactive thing in general though and not under any particular category (Dom, sub, etc). If something is worthwhile to me then I want to put some work into it, I can't expect treasure to fall from the sky if I'm sitting on my butt. Why should I limit myself to what comes into my inbox?

The men I contacted were surprised but they were always positive about it and considered it a compliment.

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RE: Approaching Dom(me)s - 5/17/2010 9:06:34 AM

OrpheusAgonistes

Posts: 253
Joined: 3/29/2010
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From my perspective, if you want to talk to somebody, talk to them. It doesn't matter what "role" you have, or what your motivation. I mean, it doesn't matter if you think you have some attraction toward them or whether you just liked something they said. There is no particular ritual significance to "the approach."

There's also no significance to "omg the profile view." My profile is viewed frequently. Sometimes, scandalously, by men! I've viewed profiles because I've found the person interesting, or because I've found them funny, or because I've found something they said singularly irritating. I've viewed profiles because I'm trying to figure out if they can possibly be for real. As far as I can tell, viewing a profile and hoping someone messages back is a bit of a poor man's game.

The idea of messaging somebody and not getting a response also doesn't strike me as particularly tragic. I mean it's never happened to me. But it happens. To be honest, I'm personally very bad about answering mail even from people I'm interested in talking to because (despite the periods where I'm killing copious amounts of time here and posting frequently) I have other stuff going on. I assume other people are the same, so I'd never see not getting a response as a personal affront.

It seems like a lot of people tend to treat this as a video game with roles and rules and scores. In reality, it isn't Call of Duty. It isn't Super Mario Brothers. It isn't even a rudimentary beta version of Burgertime. It's a bunch of knuckleheads typing at each other, and there are real people attached to each keyboard. Everybody has their own agenda and their own good reason, but what works best for me is just remembering that everybody here is in (more or less) the same boat. This is the same approach that has, historically, tended to work pretty well both online and off.

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RE: Approaching Dom(me)s - 5/17/2010 9:13:12 AM

jbcurious

Posts: 717
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I have no problem in approaching a Dom. There is usually something they wrote in their profile that really struck me or raised a question.

If I'm feeling lazy or the profile intimidates me... then I'll use the view profile and hope I get a response.

I've only approached 3 Doms, in most cases the viewed profile solicites a response before I can type up an intro.

I think sitting back and waiting is a bit like "The Rules" in vanilla dating and I've never understood why people think it's wrong for a woman to let a man know that she finds him interesting.

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RE: Approaching Dom(me)s - 5/17/2010 1:18:42 PM

laurell3

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Yes, absolutely.

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RE: Approaching Dom(me)s - 5/17/2010 2:51:21 PM

SaintAllie

Posts: 158
Joined: 3/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subrob1967

I feel the Dom/Domme should always make the first move, they're supposed to be the predator/alpha to us.

I see this a behaviour a lot..it's a very passive aggressive stance, in my opinion.

First and foremost I am a person.. approaching someone with a preconceived role, incorporating the word 'should'.. this is going to have you sitting, waiting and hoping for mail..

If I send someone mail, it's because they have an interesting profile and I'd like to know more about them. It could be a motorbike in their photo or a pair of shoes. I'm not always going to send someone mail as a predatory move or even on a D/s subject.

Actually I prefer mail that doesn't provide me with an instant role and a laundry list of requirements.. that's personal.. I'm more likely to respond if the initial contact is kept more conversational in tone, with open ended questions.

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RE: Approaching Dom(me)s - 5/17/2010 3:02:27 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
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Step 1 Remain calm; avoid sudden movements. Learn the behaviors of an aggressive Dom(me). An aggressive Dom will stare at you, smack its jaws together, make huffing sounds or pound its feet. Never approach a Dom that's behaving this way. Try to get them to leave the area by making a lot of noise or by topping from the bottom.

Step 2 Back away slowly, avoid eye contact, and speak to the Dom(me) in a calm, quiet voice: “Nice Dom, aren’t you a superbly real and true Dom? Yes you are!”
Do not run! Running might trigger a chase response, and they LOVE that. It could go on and on for hours.

Step 3 Throw something onto the ground (for example, your panties if you know what they are), as this may distract the Dom(me) and allow you to escape.

Step 4 If all that fails, DROP TO YOUR KNEES, BITCH, etc., etc.

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RE: Approaching Dom(me)s - 5/17/2010 3:06:14 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Step 1 Remain calm; avoid sudden movements. Learn the behaviors of an aggressive Dom(me). An aggressive Dom will stare at you, smack its jaws together, make huffing sounds or pound its feet. Never approach a Dom that's behaving this way. Try to get them to leave the area by making a lot of noise or by topping from the bottom.

Step 2 Back away slowly, avoid eye contact, and speak to the Dom(me) in a calm, quiet voice: “Nice Dom, aren’t you a superbly real and true Dom? Yes you are!”
Do not run! Running might trigger a chase response, and they LOVE that. It could go on and on for hours.

Step 3 Throw something onto the ground (for example, your panties if you know what they are), as this may distract the Dom(me) and allow you to escape.

Step 4 If all that fails, DROP TO YOUR KNEES, BITCH, etc., etc.

ROFL............you just made my day.....is that too long to put on my tagline??????????

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Approaching Dom(me)s - 5/17/2010 3:11:23 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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I never felt comfortable. But that's my fear of rejection kicking in. Also I figured if we were compatible and he was looking then I would pop up on his list of possibles. And if he didn't think we were compatible enough to write, then obviously we weren't.

The only ones I ever made contact with were ones I knew through the forums and always I wrote about something specific, usually a comment they had made, but occasionally to ask about a picture.

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RE: Approaching Dom(me)s - 5/17/2010 3:13:57 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

ROFL............you just made my day.....is that too long to put on my tagline??????????

It's lengthy...apparently on CM size matters...tagline size, that is, hahaha

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RE: Approaching Dom(me)s - 5/17/2010 5:14:30 PM

AllLockedUp

Posts: 33
Joined: 3/8/2010
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If you see something you like, go for it!

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RE: Approaching Dom(me)s - 5/17/2010 5:30:40 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
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I initiated contact with a couple of people back when I was looking. I didn't actively browse profiles, but occasionally clicked one that looked interesting that came up on my login page. Each of them replied, and seemed to enjoy the attention.

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