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First Meet - 5/18/2010 2:27:38 PM

Smyrna

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline

Hi all,

I've been speaking with a Dom on CM for a few now and we are discussing doing a public meet that we are both comfortable with.

I am curious as to what I should expect. Is it normal for them to suggest a certain type of clothing or lack there of (ie. such as wear a dress but no underwear)? I know if it were a typical vanilla situation then this wouldn't even come up so I am curious as to why it does for some Dom's? Should I automatically assume that because he has stated this, that I should expect him to want some form of "play" to see if the chemistry is there physically? Intellectually we seem to click really well which is why we are discussing the public meet.

Any input from other subs is appreciated.

Smyrna

Post #: 1

RE: First Meet - 5/18/2010 3:18:09 PM

GraciousLady

Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

Expect to meet at a coffee shop, for dinner or some other safe, public place. Dress in a way that is tyical for that place but be attractive and look your best. You are a person he is considering a relationship with not an animal he's thinking of buying. Expect to have normal conversation about routein things with a bit of what it is your both looking for. Until you are collared he can not require you to play so play only if you feel safe and wish to. If he requires you to dress in an inappropriate way or wants to treat you like property on the first meeting you may want to think twice about him. Remember the word SAFE. Do not put yourself in a dangerous position with anyone.

(in reply to Smyrna)

Post #: 2

RE: First Meet - 5/18/2010 3:32:44 PM

DaddysInkedSlut

Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline

I would expect a very vanilla and casual meeting. Were what is comfortable for you and approriate for a vanilla first meeting. I would personally not "play" the first time I meet with a dom but then again I don't play with perfect strangers. I have walked out on first meetings in the past because i felt uncomfortable.

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(in reply to GraciousLady)

Post #: 3

RE: First Meet - 5/18/2010 5:45:07 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Do you want to be/ be with, someone who plays/ has sex on the first meet?

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(in reply to Smyrna)

Post #: 4

RE: First Meet - 5/18/2010 6:05:18 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

There have been threads in the past on doing first meets with Doms that require certain ways of dressing like wearing no panties and other things. I think it's best to look at it in a vanilla way...how would you want to meet anyone- anyone at all? Would you let a vanilla date stipulate that you don't wear panties and have sex with him? If not then don't do it on this meet either. Some Doms will try to ask you to do a lot of things but it's up to you what you agree to do, and please dont' feel funny about declining a request. Do what you are comfortable with. He doesn't own you yet, and if he's interested in that he'll be interested in making you comfortable. And you don't need to play to see if a physical connection is there- you'll both know if there is interest or not just by meeting.

(in reply to Smyrna)

Post #: 5

RE: First Meet - 5/18/2010 6:08:06 PM

divi

Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smyrna

Hi all,

I've been speaking with a Dom on CM for a few now and we are discussing doing a public meet that we are both comfortable with.

I am curious as to what I should expect. Is it normal for them to suggest a certain type of clothing or lack there of (ie. such as wear a dress but no underwear)? I know if it were a typical vanilla situation then this wouldn't even come up so I am curious as to why it does for some Dom's? Should I automatically assume that because he has stated this, that I should expect him to want some form of "play" to see if the chemistry is there physically? Intellectually we seem to click really well which is why we are discussing the public meet.

Any input from other subs is appreciated.

Smyrna

From one sub to another I would ask him. Use common sense :)

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

(in reply to Smyrna)

Post #: 6

RE: First Meet - 5/18/2010 6:16:19 PM

TimrehIX

Posts: 75
Joined: 6/29/2009
Status: offline

Treat this as if you were meeting someone vanilla for the first time. Kinky people are people too. I had great play with a Dom who spent the first half hour of our first meet trading psycho cat stories.

If he gave you instructions on how to dress for the meet *I* would dress as told as long as it was reasonable. I have met Doms then gone to play right after I have also met Doms and gone straight home after. I would say show up prepared to play but don’t feel obligated.

You have probably talked to the Dom online a lot so far. If you are anything like me in most of your conversations you talked about what you are in to and what the Dom is in to. You may have kept everything in comfortable hypothetical’s, if you did this is when you get down to brass tacks. Water Sports was hot via email but if you’re not ready in real life make sure the Dom knows. I believe a good Dom will respect that even though you want to try something eventually you don’t want to do it right away.

Keep in mind you are interviewing the Dom as well. I would ask about his/her history as a Dom. If they have any medical issues you should know about. If they have pets. I would think of a few questions to ask and be ready to answer questions too.

The meet is mostly to see if you are compatible to make sure each of you are who you claimed to be. No 20 year old photos for instance. Meeting in public makes sure you were seen together in public in case one of you goes missing and if after you meet you don’t feel like playing it is much easier to call things off when you are not in some one else’s apartment.

I have had Doms want to take me to their place to play right after we said “Hello.” It’s not bad form to say you want to talk over coffee first. And remember showing up does not mean you have agreed to play.

< Message edited by TimrehIX -- 5/18/2010 6:19:47 PM >

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 7

RE: First Meet - 5/19/2010 3:51:46 AM

Phoenix73Sir

Posts: 139
Joined: 4/2/2010
From: Northants, UK
Status: offline

Sound advice from all the people replying to you although I would add a few basics which hopefully weren't but may have been over-looked.

ALWAYS make sure the first meeting is in a public place. ALWAYS make sure a friend KNOWS where you are meeting and has access to a mobile number and instructions to call at a set time (the phone call can be used as an excuse to leave should you be feeling unable to do so by other means and at best an ok signal for your friend that all is well.

DO NOT play if you don't want to. The Dom DOES NOT own you yet so you are the one making YOUR decisions.

DO NOT DO anything else that you feel uncomfortable in doing. Self explanatory but this isnt a D/s meeting. this is 2 'nillas deciding if that spark is there or not.

I wish you luck with the meeting but above all BE SAFE.

_____________________________

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(in reply to TimrehIX)

Post #: 8

RE: First Meet - 5/19/2010 4:23:33 AM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~
i would meet in a very public place, like a coffee shop or restaurant for instance. And you could have a friendboth know where you are at AND call you at a set time, like someone else said, so if you don't feel comfortable it would be an easy way to get out of the situation. i consider the first meet just two people meeting each other, not Dom and sub.

As for clothing, i suppose if a Dom were to ask me to not wear panties, there'd be nothing wrong with that. But if He expected to SEE that i wasn't wearing any, no way, this is just a first meet. Now, if He asked me to not wear a bra, no way. i'm older & they'd go a bit south and that's more obvious to the general public, haha. i say, in general, just dress and look your nicest, since He's considering you for a relationship. i would not call sex on the first meet wise. Who ELSE would He have had sex on the first meet with? Consider that anyone you "do it" with, you're doing it w/ everyone they've done it with. Do you really want to expose yourself to that when you don't really know the Person all that well? Plus, do you want to put yourself in that vulnerable position w/ Someone you don't know all that well yet? Also, if you do get intimate/play with Him, make sure you have a safe call set up.

~sweetsub~

< Message edited by sweetsub1957 -- 5/19/2010 4:26:18 AM >

_____________________________

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 9

RE: First Meet - 5/19/2010 4:54:45 AM

Smyrna

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline

Thank you to everyone that has responded to this. Yes, we are meeting in a public place. Yes, I have a friend that I can do a safe call with. I'm trying to be as careful as possible in this meet. All of your responses have given me things to think about however just to make sure I am mentally prepared for the meeting. I appreciate your thoughts on this as it has given me several things to think about. Thank you all for that.

Smyrna

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 10

RE: First Meet - 5/19/2010 5:22:25 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

This is off topic and addressed to TimrehIX.

I wanted to ask a question in your mailbox, but I don't see looking for friends on your list and wasn't sure my mail wouldn't be filtered out so...where did you get that teed off Togepi pic??????

I don't ever remember Misty's Togepi ever being torked off. Please send mail in my mailbox about this, lol.

<Now back to our usual, non-Pokemon gamer addict subject.>

...................................................................................................
(Avoiding double posting.)

I have nothing much to add on the subject, other than I have flogged someone on the first date...after getting to know them online for weeks or months, phoning, meeting up in public and talking for 1-3 hours until I feel comfortable with it. Vanilla type sex doesn't come into it, as I'm into clothed female, male nude.

If I like someone as a person and am already fond of them, I don't have a problem with enjoying their company.

Be specific when you write down things for your safe caller. The name and address and phone number of where you will be meeting up, for example. I leave my car's license plate number and a description of it. I phone my safe caller when I've arrived, and whenever I've changed location, and immediately before driving home.

My first meetups are vanilla, until I/we decide otherwise. I'm not willing to start a power exchange before I'm certain I want to be in one with that person, so I never tell the men to dress a certain way or to let me inspect the goodies in a parking lot first, lol.

< Message edited by CynthiaWVirginia -- 5/19/2010 5:24:30 AM >

(in reply to TimrehIX)

Post #: 11

RE: First Meet - 5/19/2010 7:49:54 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I don't think I've ever heard of someone being kidnapped, while yelling for help, from a Starbucks. It is highly unlikely that he will club you over the head and drag you out while you cling to your frappicino. The whole safe call stuff is of more value the first time you meet privately.

Or do you, if you meet someone at a party, refuse to meet them for brunch the next day unless you have a safe call in place and you bring a friend along to make sure you aren't coerced into eating eggs benedict instead of pancakes.

The same applies here. You're meeting in public. You will have a nonalcoholic drink, a half hour of conversation and then part.

Personally I don't get off on a stranger demanding sexual favors of me, such as not wearing panties when I haven't yet decided if he'll ever have a chance of getting into mine. You don't know each other, and you want to know each other before you focus on sex. It's the person that counts, not the sexual acts.

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(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

Post #: 12

RE: First Meet - 5/19/2010 8:55:00 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Safe calls are useless.

Clothing prefernces is a COMMON thing for male het doms to request on meetings, and just as commonly and eagerly agreed to by the ones they are meeting. It's their version of fem doms asking for tribute.

But it's your choice on whether to do it or not. When I was a novice I'd do it because it felt exciting and gave me sub fuzzies. Nowadays I avoid those types because they aren't focusing on us being together, they are focusing on their cock.

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: First Meet - 5/19/2010 11:03:33 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

He does not own you yet he cannot tell you how to dress. When i met Master i was in jeans a sweater and sneakers.(all underclothes on) He was in a suit, but he just happened to come to see me straight from work. We met in a Starbucks that way halfway from each of our houses. We met for 3 days in a row and talked for about 16 hours. We did not play on any of those meetings. When i consented to be his and we decided we were going to play he told me what to wear, since i belonged to him now that was his right. So to sum it up dress for the location and if something does not feel right just walk away, you owe nothing to him except showing up for a schedualed meet.
Hope it all goes well.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 14

RE: First Meet - 5/19/2010 11:10:15 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smyrna
I've been speaking with a Dom on CM for a few now and we are discussing doing a public meet that we are both comfortable with.

Great!

I am curious as to what I should expect.
You should expect to meet someone you're comfortable with?

Is it normal for them to suggest a certain type of clothing or lack there of (ie. such as wear a dress but no underwear)?
Dunno, but I'd guess it's normal for one party to suggest whatever and the other party to decide if they're good with that or not. For me personally though, I'd have serious issues with anyone who wasn't OK with boundaries in this area before they have even demonstrated their appropriateness to being your dom. In other words, fine for him asking. Also fine for you saying "yes" or "no" as the mood strikes you. If you say "no" and he says "not a true sub", then that's a massive red flag.

I know if it were a typical vanilla situation then this wouldn't even come up so I am curious as to why it does for some Dom's?
Cause some doms are in a rush?

Should I automatically assume that because he has stated this, that I should expect him to want some form of "play" to see if the chemistry is there physically?
No, you should assume he wants you to dress a certain way. If there are other questions about how the remainder of the meeting might play out you should ask them and he should answer them... both of you in a direct and forthright fashion.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Smyrna)

Post #: 15

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