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profile help!!!!!! - 4/8/2006 6:57:25 AM

mylife2serve

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline

Hi im mylife2serve, i have not had any experience in this scene and have found it particularly hard to find a dominant woman.i understand there are more openly submisive men than their are openly dominant women, but i was wondering if there is something i could say/ put on my profile to make me stand out from the others. is my profile to forward/ not forward enough. have i said the right things? Any suggestions are wellcome thank you.

Post #: 1

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/8/2006 7:10:32 AM

mylife2serve

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline

ps. i do have an image posted its just not been checked yet.its non sexual and is a portrait shot

(in reply to mylife2serve)

Post #: 2

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/8/2006 7:16:22 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Goddess contains 2 d's. Do you like to read, what are your conversation skills, what other interests do you have, many who are just awakening do indeed have desires, try and voice them (to yourself) DO NOT say you will do anything (cause I double goddamn guarentee you won't).

Alot of people think that dominant women is some kinda role reversal. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't.

But here's the thing. The male of the species is fundamentally tasked with the role of pursueage...(like that word?..lol) To say along the lines of 'if you want to know anything just ask' ain't gonna cut it. Dominants will solicit your speech when they desire. Don't lob it out there like a hand grenade. Introspection is the thing, I think. Get a handle on who you are and where you want to be. What do you read, what are your human values, what do you enjoy............anybody who is being queened can gulp. Everbody fucks. What else do you do as a human being. Read the boards, read some more, show interest. Begin visiting, share ideas........and stay away from the what kinda grease does Mistress use on her strapon posts for awhile. Begging and groveling has its place, and someday you will be solicited to do so, but for now, just try and round yourself out.

Sensibly (but for some insensibly),
Ron

edited because I can't spell either......LOL, the rest of the mis-spellings will remain.

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 4/8/2006 7:18:11 AM >

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to mylife2serve)

Post #: 3

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/8/2006 7:55:44 AM

TeeGO

Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Goddess contains 2 d's. Do you like to read, what are your conversation skills, what other interests do you have, many who are just awakening do indeed have desires, try and voice them (to yourself) DO NOT say you will do anything (cause I double goddamn guarentee you won't).

Alot of people think that dominant women is some kinda role reversal. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't.

But here's the thing. The male of the species is fundamentally tasked with the role of pursueage...(like that word?..lol) To say along the lines of 'if you want to know anything just ask' ain't gonna cut it. Dominants will solicit your speech when they desire. Don't lob it out there like a hand grenade. Introspection is the thing, I think. Get a handle on who you are and where you want to be. What do you read, what are your human values, what do you enjoy............anybody who is being queened can gulp. Everbody fucks. What else do you do as a human being. Read the boards, read some more, show interest. Begin visiting, share ideas........and stay away from the what kinda grease does Mistress use on her strapon posts for awhile. Begging and groveling has its place, and someday you will be solicited to do so, but for now, just try and round yourself out.

Sensibly (but for some insensibly),
Ron

edited because I can't spell either......LOL, the rest of the mis-spellings will remain.

Excellent post. I believe I will be doing some profile work this weekend after reading that.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 4

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/8/2006 8:09:18 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

I dont envy you.

I agree with mnottertail, you do absolutely need to be the pursuer in this, no Field of dreams philosophy here, no one will come.

I get at least 20 a day, the ones that are instantly deleted are the ones:

That have not read my profile: If they are lazy then wont make a good servant I like attentiveness to detail

Do not show deference: I dont need them to kowtow but some deference is important to show me where their mindset is

That mention their sexual fantasy's : We will get to that eventually, but as that I dont know you yet I dont give a rats ass

That send cock shots: "see above"

That dont include a warm and descriptive bio: I want to know the person through their words first not just their physical stats.

That dont show me what they offer my household: What do you bring to my life besides an aching need to be used and abused, not to be cheeky but I get tons of that, do you have computer skills, do you do carpentry, are you a good marketer thing like that...

And lastly I will not reply to anyone that calls me something I find patronizing, sweetheart, babes ect....I prefer Miss, Miss A, Ma-am or Mistress, this again shows a deferential mindset, some may think that is me taking things too seriously, I think it reflects my expectations quite nicely.

I do like warmth, deference, intelligence, family and lifestyle history, and self awareness in the initial contact.

And please dont be brand spanking new, there is no excuse for that. This is a lifestyle there are 1000's of websites for learning, if this is your all consuming passion, take initiative, learn about it, learn how to approach a dominant, learn about the protocols, explore what makes it right for you...dont expect that dominants are like Disney tour guides, it is not our job to lead you all around and show you all the sites...

Figure out where you want to go, and why....then boy will you have my attention.

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 4/8/2006 8:13:38 AM >

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 5

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/8/2006 8:12:54 AM

LadyWolfdreams

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Wyoming
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mylife2serve

ps. i do have an image posted its just not been checked yet.its non sexual and is a portrait shot

I just checked your profile and didn't see a pic. Could be that CM hasn't posted it yet, but having one is important. You'll get way more people looking at your profile if you have one. Also, I'm happy you posted a non-sexual photo. Most women find shots of your genitals or other non-face shots tacky.

Aside from that, I thought you had a really good start. I definately agree that you need to add more about what makes you YOU. What makes you different from every other sub out there?

Lady Wolfdreams

(in reply to mylife2serve)

Post #: 6

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/10/2006 12:44:43 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

Profile already MIA. What a shame.
I hope some other boys have read and received the benefit of this oft repeated advice. Excellent guidelines here!
On the plus side, it seems Ron has it (and us) down to a science!
Could we ask you to just answer these posts from now on? *Smile*
Good job!
**Edited because I actually misspelled "Ron". Must be time for bed!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/10/2006 12:45:48 AM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 7

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/10/2006 12:14:54 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Dear Goddess,

Let us hope that the profile is MIA because he is going back to the drawing board with it and there will be a new, new and improved newbie rising from the ashes like a phoenix to paint your cathedral ceilings......LOL. And, as a bonus, he will chew with his mouth closed and be a brilliant conversationalist.

Thank you Ma'am.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 8

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/10/2006 7:51:38 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Dear Goddess,

Let us hope that the profile is MIA because he is going back to the drawing board with it and there will be a new, new and improved newbie rising from the ashes like a phoenix to paint your cathedral ceilings......LOL. And, as a bonus, he will chew with his mouth closed and be a brilliant conversationalist.

Thank you Ma'am.

Ron

Ron,

Just when you get under My skin and aggravate the "p**s" outa Me, you go and make Me laugh so hard I cry...

; )

TexasMaam

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 9

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/10/2006 8:05:36 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Dear TexasMaaM,

It's my schtick, kiddo.

Love you long time, GI.

XO (and seriously),
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 10

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/10/2006 8:07:15 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

Ten dolla, Ron.

; )

TM

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 11

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/10/2006 8:11:15 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

I agree with mnottertail, you do absolutely need to be the pursuer in this, no Field of dreams philosophy here, no one will come.

That's exactly why I have the problems that I do have. I don't pursue hardly anyone. I don't feel comfortable as being the pursuer in a relationship, mainly because my life is all about not living the stereotypes that are part of the accepted roles we are assigned due to gender. In EVERY relationship I've ever had, it was initiated by my dominant partner.

There are a few things going on here that are important to point out. First off, I realize the dilemma this puts me into. Second, I don't change this about myself because I would feel like I was manipulating a woman if I was the one trying to push her into a relationship with me. Yeah, that means I'll have MUCH LESS success than any guy that actually does the active pursuing, but I don't want to be one of those. If a woman really needs me to pursue her to be her submissive to the point of where I feel like I'm actually in control, because that's how it would feel, she's probably better off choosing one of the proactive and overbearing people that she seems to need.

People often mistake this attitude as "doormat" or whatever other benign insult comes to mind, but it's anything like that. I'm a very lively, vivacious submissive who works very hard to enhance the life of a woman to whom I have pledged myself. Unfortunately, circumstances of pursuit make those relationships very rare. It's a lot like the Marxist (Groucho Marxist) comment of "I'd never want to be a member of a party that would have me as one of its members." If a woman required me to pursue her, I'm not sure I'd want to be the submissive that would be the recipient of that attention.

A lot of this stems from my realization some years ago that women in the bdsm community are overwhelmed by submissive guys, or wannabe subs pretending to be submissives. I made a decision a long time ago that I would work in the background assisting the community (which I have done for quite some time with numerous bdsm organizations) but avoid the limelight; I discovered others working alongside me were always quite eager to mention their connections or work they have done. That really grated on my nerves, and it still does. I see it now in the context of how there are so many submissives vying for a dominant woman's attentions, and when I read those profiles from the dommes on these boards, I see so many people becoming very angry at the people who are approaching them. I don't want to be one of those people, and to be honest, I don't see how it is even possible to distinguish between me and those others.

At one time, I did do some contacting of these women, and I discovered that in almost every attempt at connecting, I was having to "account" for the actions done by those who are players or aren't really submissives. When I've been contacted by someone, it's usually by someone who has already figured out what and who I am, so I don't have to participate in that dance of recognition that quite often ends in silence.

But to answer the part of this post I quoted, yes, they sometimes do come. You just have to be more real and more patient than those who aren't capable of waiting for the right woman.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 12

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/10/2006 8:34:57 PM

TeeGO

Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

...I don't pursue hardly anyone. I don't feel comfortable as being the pursuer in a relationship...

...A lot of this stems from my realization some years ago that women in the bdsm community are overwhelmed by submissive guys, or wannabe subs pretending to be submissives...

Your doing the Domme's a disservice. They are overwhelmed by the pretenders. They need a beacon of hope. Many are giving up due to all the pretenders. You could stand up, be aggressive, and show the good Domme's you are there, give them hope in this sea of "do me's." What greater service can you give a Domme that's inundated by frauds than to show her YOU, a real sub, exists. Staying in the background She will never notice you, you will blend in and her hopes will be dashed. Be the Knight the Queen is looking for, ride forth good Knight, raise your banner high.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 13

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/10/2006 8:35:27 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

But with age comes wisdom, and I suspect you don't have a bad life......but what do you say to a new person that has these desires, and is wafting on a breeze, or alternatively, taking the icy plunge in fullfilment of their 4 score and 7? I suspect you get offers..........maybe not in numbers but they are quality, and you have conversations that don't start out what grease does misstress use on her strapon? Hell, I would love to own a towering amazon Domme that is Master to everyone but me, I am holding out for it, but it rather confines the search area, does it not?

These youngsters get in here and think that this is a role reversal.........Seriously, in my mind a big mistake.........There are certain truisms about women and certain truisms about men, could be environment, hormones, cultural, any number of things that could be percieved as cut and dried division of the sexes.

My mind, there are dominant beings and there are submissive beings.........some men, some women.....
there is a big enough playground that nobody has to start defending any one slant. Jesus, the real ones out here are not breaking any molds concerning maleness and femaleness.....and certainly there are exceptions (as you know very well) a woman if interested will find you.....a woman if interested will find me.......hell I get alotta hits for a man....maybe 2-10 reasonably real people a month, now; women get that an hour and if new a nanosecond....but they are women and we are men.

Perhaps I am misconcieved here but as a submissive man, I am gonna think like I would like to be queened for a month............reality notwithstanding, as a dominant, I would like to think that I am hurting a woman with my huge member........laughable, they poop 10 pound babies outta there. My little 3 or 4 ouncer aint scarin nobody. It is all in the head, why should what exactly is in my head excite someone else, that is the frenzy that new ones need to understand; yes, there are women out there that will make you drool, grovel and beg, but they have an instance or two when (probably because they are chapped from their nape of their neck to the tip of their temples) would rather read a book, thank you.

Oh, this is too much, I have went to far, I have given the whole deal away..........

Dominants (whether male or female) are for the most part people, and it isn't all about the kink, just most of it.

Laughing like Woody Woodpecker and slobbering like Cujo,

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 14

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/10/2006 8:39:55 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

"mnottertail...
Hell, I would love to own a towering amazon Domme that is Master to everyone but me, I am holding out for it, but it rather confines the search area, does it not? "

heh heh heh heh....ten dolla, Ron...

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 15

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/10/2006 8:50:08 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

LOLOL,

Am I showing my ass again, Ma'am?

Thank You,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 16

RE: profile help!!!!!! - 4/11/2006 8:54:17 AM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

I can't even manage to bring up your profile. When I click on your name, I'm just rerouted to my own search list. So, I can't really comment on your specific profile, but I can give a few suggestions on what I generally look for in a male sub's profile...

There are certain interests that I look for (because I want to see them in a sub's loved items or hated items.) Take the time to fill out the interests. Not everyone will sit and read the entire list, but at least Dommes can cruise down through the list to see where you stand on a particular activity.

I personally (but not all Dommes by any means!) want to see a picture of your face. I don't give a lick of shit about seeing subs dressed in their favorite fetish wear. Nor do I want to see you looking down at the ground. I want to see your eyes. Smiling helps too. Everyone should smile more.

I don't want a list of your fantasies.

Tell me about the person you are. Not just what your interests in the lifestyle are. Do you have kids? Have you ever been married? Go to church? Community involvement? Particular political views? Education level? Occupation? Drink? Smoke?

Tell what your expectations and limits are. Don't you dare say you have "No Limits". It's a blatant lie and it reaks of "I'm desperate." If you truly have "no limits", your self-esteem is probably too low anyway. You don't have to drag out a list of everything you won't do, but a sensical statement like "Reasonable limits" shows that you aren't open to abuse.

As for expectations, be SPECIFIC.... this is SO important to me and I read every detail of a sub's expectations. (I usually read it twice or more!) What are you looking for? A one night casual play session? An online romance? Friendly chit-chat? A domineering girlfriend? A Goddess to worship? Do you want to be chattle? Do you want to be a slave? Open to poly? Long to be part of a BDSM cult? A monogamous relationship? Short-term? Long-term? Lots of kink & play? No kink & play? Sexual fulfillment? Sexual denial? Live to make her happy? Want to be happy together as a team? Victorian household? 1950s?
Be forewarned though! The more specific you are about your expectations, the more chance you WILL have some ladies messaging you to tell you that you're not really a sub. And they are entitled to that opinion. I'm just saying that I personally find it very important to know what a submissive expects before we go forward.

Let us know if you are out of the closet or not, and to what degree. I personally only want subs who are out of the closet. Some women don't mind either way. Some like subs who are completely in the closet.

Avoid the crap that makes more work for the Domme. We don't want to hunt you down to ask you about your interests. (And we probably won't.) We don't want to message 412 subs because their profiles so graciously extended an invitation for us to message them to "find out more". If you can't take the time to attract me to you in the first place, what makes me think you'll take the time to bother with much of anything?

What skills, talents, and abilities do you possess that will benefit the Domme? Computer? Accounting? Massage? Cooking? House cleaning? Automotive repair? Organizing? Stand up comedy? Socialite at her parties? Fix the DVD player? Gardening? Go on and on about your skills. I guarantee you can at least change the lightbulbs for her!

Don't try to portray yourself as the world's greatest lover. Very few of us Dommes are impressed by reading your romance novel details about licking and sucking and caressing, ad nauseum.

If you're scared of something, admit it. If you have special needs, admit it. I think the key here is honesty. It's ok to say "I see a lot of people in this lifestyle talk about whips, but quite frankly, I am scared of them and I don't want to feel pressured into having one used on me." It's ok to say "I was hurt in a past relationship and it might take me a while to be able to trust fully." It's ok to say "I'm overweight." (And some of us prefer the chubby boys, or the hairy boys, or the short, tall, skinny, freckled, bald, etc......) Being forthright about what you might perceive as your flaws not only shows a certain level of honesty, but it might just be the spark that a certain compatible lady was looking for.

Is there something you want to learn? Avoid "New to the lifestyle and looking to learn". That's too broad and tells me nothing whatsoever. Even if you don't know the specific terms (Female supremacy, edwardian, gor, etc...) you have to have some kind of idea of what you want. Describe it and we'll let you know the term. Maybe you want to rise early, prepare meals, clean all day, run a bath, and go to bed. You'll probably attract Dommes looking for a house servant. Maybe you want spanked and kicked and humiliated and slapped. You'll probably attract Dommes wanting a masochist. Tell us your general idea of what you want to try & learn. It's ok to be new, but have some kind of clue what you want. Otherwise you come across like an idiot walking up to the super walmart service desk and saying "I'm new to shopping, but I want to buy something."

Good Luck. Hope to see your new & improved profile up and running soon.
Miss P

(in reply to mylife2serve)

Post #: 17

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