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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:05:14 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		*giggles at VC*

Better yet, just molest me and get the hell out!   




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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:05:50 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

we fishermen are a solemn and stoic lot. We leave those that love us the most behind to find the peace that only the water avails to us.



Damn, Domi!   You just said something that i completely respect and agree with.  Try not to do that again. 

(BTW, i just returned from a fishing trip where i caught over 100 bass, including one 9 pounder).


< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 5/20/2010 4:07:08 PM >

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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:07:19 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Better yet, just molest me and get the hell out!   
Nu-uh. You said it yourself: you're cuddly. I demand a cuddle before I go. :P


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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:09:56 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Better yet, just molest me and get the hell out!   
Nu-uh. You said it yourself: you're cuddly. I demand a cuddle before I go. :P



Oh, okay.  *sighs*  Wish I knew how to resist the demand of cuddles.  You huzzies are all alike!  LOL

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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:11:01 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

I demand a cuddle before I go. :P



i'm jealous, VC.  i thought all of your cuddles were reserved for me. 


_____________________________

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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:12:01 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Wish I knew how to resist the demand of cuddles.
You don't really wish you could resist. I have it on authority that my boobs make a comfy pillow.

Just shut up and enjoy, bitch!




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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:12:11 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm sure we are taking this thread in a direction that the OP didn't necessarily intend.  In view of that, I'll try to be a bit more serious.

For Me, this really doesn't have anything to do with Me not liking other people or not wanting to spend time with the people who are important to Me.  Actually, it has a lot to do with the fact that I learned a long time ago that I have to remember to count Myself in part of that total.  I enjoy time to just sit quietly with My thoughts.  I want to do whatever it is that I decide is going to be good for Me to recharge My batteries.  Whether that's taking a bath or reading a book.

Attention really is one thing and smothering is another.  Of course, where that line is really is determined by who you're dealing with.  If I'm wanting My alone time, or someone is infringing on it because they want to give Me attention that I don't want, you very quickly move into the smothering category.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:14:15 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

i'm jealous, VC.  i thought all of your cuddles were reserved for me. 
Cuddles are like love but in miniature. I am polycuddlous-I reserve the right to spread my cuddles around as I see fit. I thought you were cool with that :P


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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:21:09 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Cuddles are like love but in miniature. I am polycuddlous-I reserve the right to spread my cuddles around as I see fit. I thought you were cool with that



Wow, i'm in a polycuddlous relationship and i didn't even know it.  i feel so kinky. 


_____________________________

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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:23:22 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		Last time I replied to LP I drove myself mad trying to make everything the right colour. This time I will not allow myself to go nuts. I might well go purple, though :P

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm sure we are taking this thread in a direction that the OP didn't necessarily intend.
I think that is because the original question is so basic; is there such a thing as too much attention? yes.

The OP didn't ask for strategies to solve problems, he didn't ask *how* much attention was a problem-he just asked if there *was* a problem.

quote:

If I'm wanting My alone time, or someone is infringing on it because they want to give Me attention that I don't want, you very quickly move into the smothering category.
I think that's the important distinction: desired attention vs. undesired attention.

I'm trying to come up with examples of desired sustained attention, but I'm struggling.

Heh. Guess I really *don't* want that much attention.

Excuse me while I go sit in a corner and mull over this.


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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:26:32 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Don't either of you be too sure about that.  LOL.
Nor you, LP.

I joke that I don't really like people too much.

Most of the time it's a joke, anyway.

It isn't when I say it, chalk me up for plenty of alone time too.

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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:27:17 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		ROCH IS A BASSMASTER!!!

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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:28:20 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		What is smothering to one is just the right amount of attention to another. Do you tend to go for women who appear cold and self sufficient? Because if this is what they like, then they will probably want a lot of alone time.

The way around this is to talk to her about how much contact she likes. And realize that this is an important area of compatibility.

The Man likes when he's away, that I email frequently and text also. Every three hours by preference. He likes when we're together for me to sit in the room while he's watching tv and read my book while he has an arm around me. That I can't really do since my back's been out of whack for a while and leaning into him hurts it. I need more alone time than him but not so much that it is incompatible.

He's fine as long as I say "I'm sitting in bed and reading for half an hour but will be back." And then come back after I've relaxed.


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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:43:03 PM   
blackpearl81


Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

What is smothering to one is just the right amount of attention to another. Do you tend to go for women who appear cold and self sufficient? Because if this is what they like, then they will probably want a lot of alone time.

The way around this is to talk to her about how much contact she likes. And realize that this is an important area of compatibility.

The Man likes when he's away, that I email frequently and text also. Every three hours by preference. He likes when we're together for me to sit in the room while he's watching tv and read my book while he has an arm around me. That I can't really do since my back's been out of whack for a while and leaning into him hurts it. I need more alone time than him but not so much that it is incompatible.

He's fine as long as I say "I'm sitting in bed and reading for half an hour but will be back." And then come back after I've relaxed.



Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be able to talk to her anymore. We kinda had a blowout, and to be honest - if actions speak louder than words, she doesn't care. (We've known each other since highschool)

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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:48:49 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

For Me, this really doesn't have anything to do with Me not liking other people or not wanting to spend time with the people who are important to Me.  Actually, it has a lot to do with the fact that I learned a long time ago that I have to remember to count Myself in part of that total.  I enjoy time to just sit quietly with My thoughts.  I want to do whatever it is that I decide is going to be good for Me to recharge My batteries.  Whether that's taking a bath or reading a book.

Attention really is one thing and smothering is another.  Of course, where that line is really is determined by who you're dealing with.  If I'm wanting My alone time, or someone is infringing on it because they want to give Me attention that I don't want, you very quickly move into the smothering category.
[/color]
quote:

I'm sure we are taking this thread in a direction that the OP didn't necessarily intend.  In view of that, I'll try to be a bit more serious.

For Me, this really doesn't have anything to do with Me not liking other people or not wanting to spend time with the people who are important to Me.  Actually, it has a lot to do with the fact that I learned a long time ago that I have to remember to count Myself in part of that total. 


For me, seriously, I've got so used to having so much time on my own that it's become a real struggle to be with others for more than a few hours at a time. When I shared a house, I was forever taking myself and my tent into the mountains. Not another person within ten miles - bliss!

We live in a society that favours extroversion. It's 'maladjusted' or plain rude not to interrelate with people when they want to interrelate with you.

On the subject of D/s relationships, though - I've seen comments on this forum before by Dommes along the lines of it being part and parcel of being submissive that subs are 'dependent' sorts of people - that they just *will* demand attention, because that's in their nature. It's when that dependency turns into neediness, I suppose, that the feeling of 'smothering' could come over a domme.

I don't know. I don't think I've ever smothered anyone, in either this or the rude sense of the word. ;-)

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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 4:50:12 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		You're 27, you've known her since secondary school, and you have yet to figure out what level of attention she finds acceptable?


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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 5:01:04 PM   
blackpearl81


Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

You're 27, you've known her since secondary school, and you have yet to figure out what level of attention she finds acceptable?



Yeah, because when we were in highschool, we talked all the time, we crushed on each other, but she was dating someone in our circle of friends. We didn't date because we didn't want any awkwardness that comes with dating a friends ex. Because of that, we didnt really have an opportunity to get to "know" each other.

After that, we graduated and went our seperate ways. I came in contact with her, about 4-5 months back. I shot her a "hey its me Vinny from high school" email, and we started talking practically every day. Over the next month or two things were great - text, im's, phone calls, just catching up, shooting the breeze, etc.

About a month or so later, our contact gradually grew less and less. We made plans to see each other (remember - there was no awkwardness, we knew each other since HS) when she was up in Jersey visiting family. A month after that (about 2 mos before she was gonna come up) she tells me she may not be able to visit because she didnt know what her cousins plans were, and she'd feel awkward about goin up there to visit her cousins, then asking them to drive them to the train station to go into NYC to see me.

From there, things went downhill - we talked less and less, to the point where if I texted her, she'd reply back hours later, or not at all. I did something stupid - I sent her dad (he knew me from highschool when me and her would hang out) a "hey is she ok" email. He naturaly told her about it, and she flipped. I'm not sure why - whether it was the email itself, or the fact I asked her dad not to tell her, she flipped.

So, this (the email to her dad) happened Wednesday morning, but I havent talked to her personally since. She said something to me via text after she found out about the email, but I can't tell if she was serious, or if it was something said out of anger, and there's no way in hell I'm going to call her. Although I would like to contact her and ask if she was serious or if it was anger talking.

Basically, in reflection, I'm wondering if I was smothering her.

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 5:37:01 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Hon, I don't know if "attention" is the right word for this.  You're talking about how frequently someone wants to be contacted.  While it may have started out differently, it sounds like she decided that she wanted to pull back and not talk as often.

The thing about contacting her family because she may not have wanted to talk to you?  Sorry, but I wouldn't tolerate that.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 5:48:42 PM   
MadameMarque


Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		If you require attention, whenever you're doing something that shows attention to your dominant, you can imagine how that is potentially a problem. Or if, in showing interest in your dominant, you end up asking them to report everything to you, it might even be seen as you claiming the right to know everything that's going on with them, at all times. Of course, we don't know - might one of these be the problem?


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RE: Such a thing as too much attention? - 5/20/2010 5:49:45 PM   
blackpearl81


Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Hon, I don't know if "attention" is the right word for this.  You're talking about how frequently someone wants to be contacted.  While it may have started out differently, it sounds like she decided that she wanted to pull back and not talk as often.

The thing about contacting her family because she may not have wanted to talk to you?  Sorry, but I wouldn't tolerate that.



I understand. Chalk it up to one of lifes lessons I guess.

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

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Profile   Post #: 40
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