LadyNTrainer
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MadameMarque
To call a female dominant a domme is a scene convention based upon a made-up word, which, in itself, is fine. And in fact, it's a convention of writing only, because in speech, 'dom' and 'domme' are both pronounced the same way, so you couldn't communicate gender by speaking the words.
Not always true on the pronunciation, actually. What I find most interesting is what happened to the culture and the language when it moved from communication and interaction occurring almost exclusively in realtime to primarily online. Entire physical, geographically isolated communities sprang into being where literally no one in them had any history or experience prior to meeting people in an AOL chat room. This was the digital exodus of the BDSM community, and it was definitely a good thing.
We have far more health and safety information and open communication available online than we did 20 years ago, and that's wonderful. I'm definitely not lamenting the situation. I'm not convinced that the majority of the "Old Leather" or "Old Guard" traditions that have largely been ignored or discarded are all that workable for most people, or relevant to the modern era, or that they are superior to what we have in a digitally driven BDSM culture. I do think it's a good thing to know the history, even though I'm not making a good or bad value judgment between the two cultures.
But oh, the massive differences. The culture and language is radically different in an entirely chat room born physical BDSM community than it is in one of the larger cities (San Francisco, New York, Toronto, etc) with a long history of an active leather community. In those groups, and pretty much only in those groups, you will find people carefully pronouncing it "dom-MAY" because they believe that is proper and that is tradition. And it is their tradition, though most of them don't know that it only dates back to the AOL chat rooms, or that people who learned their language from pre-Internet BDSM culture don't use it at all in the spoken form because it never became necessary in a culture that evolved face to face.
So we're looking at a very interesting retro language formation here. Initially the term evolved because people wanted to be able to quickly identify the gender and D/s role of Internet chat room participants, since they weren't able to physically see one another. When they started up their own Munches in farther flung cities and they did physically see one another, it became a spoken word as well, and part of their actual tradition. You generally won't see people use it especially in the spoken form whose cultural background is in realtime with a larger, historically established BDSM community. You will see people use it, and even believe that it's "traditional", whose background comes from a source that dates back to the AOL chat room influx and the digital rather than realtime transmission of BDSM culture.
Again, not really value judging here. The Internet and mass communication is a good thing, and I'm not complaining. Long gone are the days of ink drying on mimeographed newsletters, and good riddance. But there is value in knowing the truth of our history, even if we choose to do it differently today.
quote:
I don't think anyone has complained that you *shouldn't* use domme; I use it. But when you get to the point of correcting someone's spelling, as happened above, telling them that they should use the made-up word instead of 'dom,' which is slang, but at least it is short for the real term, that's when some of us have a problem.
Nail. Head. Hammer. Hit.
quote:
Make no mistake that the politics of language are very real, including gender in language. You can observe discussions all the time, questioning the power of a female dominant, as if there is being "dominant," and then there is being a "female dominant."
So when a female is called dominant, dom, owner, even master, you might ask, is this to imply that in order to indicate power, you must use a masculine term? Or instead, does it mean that those terms of power are not automatically masculine, and do not require description of the gender. The dominant is the dominant, period.
Excellent points. "Master" is also a word which everyone assumes is male by default If someone is a master of their craft, of cabinet making or falconry for instance, their skill is not dependent on having a penis. The term "Mistress" has generally negative or even submissive connotations, and is really not the female equivalent of the term "Master". I doubt that any woman who has mastered a craft would appreciate being called a mistress, since to most people it refers to an adulterous kept woman. Not particularly flattering, nor does it give the connotations of life accomplishment, skill and discipline. The term "Mistress" is strictly a sexual role, and that's not how all dominant women want to define themselves.
The path of mastery of self and others is not gendered, and neither is dominance. I think it's a mistake to try to make it be gendered. You can decide what gender it is for yourself, but forcing that definition on others isn't a good idea, especially if they don't appreciate it.
< Message edited by LadyNTrainer -- 5/21/2010 11:27:48 PM >
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RE: fake female doms - 
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