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RE: I need some advice - 5/24/2010 7:59:51 AM   
MistressRoux


Posts: 118
Joined: 2/20/2010
Status: offline 		Well, there's a mismatch. She wants the unemployed person who would serve her every desire. You need a job. Now if you were a live-in slave and she has the means, perhaps it could work out. But you're not. It doesn't seem like your illness had any major bearing on her decision. Maybe it was the straw that broke the camel's back. It was bound to happen.

In this economy, thank your lucky stars that you can find a job. See if there is someone who makes lesser demands on your time. Everyone will be happier.

If I were in her situation and you showed up sick, I would not allow you in.

(in reply to fadedshadow)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: I need some advice - 5/24/2010 9:17:01 AM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline 		i'm kind of taking a break from the lifestyle, just focusing on my job and school would be easier on me

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: I need some advice - 5/24/2010 9:42:07 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		That is wise, fadedshadow! You don' t need to stop participating, just don't hunt for a partner. Have fun, get out and talk to folks, and live your life.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: I need some advice - 5/24/2010 10:30:23 AM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fadedshadow

i'm kind of taking a break from the lifestyle, just focusing on my job and school would be easier on me


BUT!  Keep reading and posting.  These forums are a place to make friends some of which turn into more-than-friends.

A presence here (through posting) can be of great help - as evidenced by this string.

Congrats on the job.  Keep on keeping on!

No one has said it yet, but I'm sure they will join me in saying "My CMAIL box is always open."

Regards, Lance

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to fadedshadow)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: I need some advice - 5/25/2010 9:05:08 AM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline 		thank you, lance =]

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: I need some advice - 5/26/2010 12:47:28 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		This deserves recognition: You, Mr Hughes, are a good guy.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: I need some advice - 5/26/2010 12:49:56 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Lance is made of love and win. He is my other gay boyfriend! :)

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: I need some advice - 5/26/2010 1:48:27 PM   
youascend


Posts: 14
Joined: 4/24/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You met her under one set of circumstances, and now have another one.  She preferred the old you.  Too bad - you need a job, just like we all do.  (Congratulations on the job, BTW.)

Your last sentence in the OP sounds whiny.  If you are like that regularly, that may have had a  bearing on her decision as well.

She said it's over.  DO NOT pester her now.  Give it a few weeks.  If then you want to stay in touch, contact her and simply ask her "How's it going?"  Approach her as a casual friend and see if that works.


I agree with everything said here except for the be friends / stay in touch part.

To the OP:
Look at the role of a friend. Look at the role of a lover/ D/s partner /some other more intimate non-friend relationship. In all relationships people provide support, interest, entertainment, companionship, (insert complementary qualities here) for each other. Being friends is a big step down. If there's someone you're interested in you either have to take the risk of advancing things with them or be content to watch as they have intimate relationships with everyone but you. Your advances may fail and your friendship would/should therefore be over. Alternatively it may work out and you have a lot of fun together. Over time, things may fall apart in which case your relationship with them would/should be completely over (don't be friends).

When a relationship is over, keep it over. If you have any feelings or attraction for someone at all you're simply not being honest with them or yourself. You're not really a "friend" if you want something more from the other person. You're disguising yourself as a friend while continuing on with some futile hope that they'll miraculously change their mind one day and take some action to restore things with you. This is very unlikely to happen (except in movies and TV shows).

It may be painful for a relationship to end (which can be for any number of reasons) but its both painful and pathetic to voluntarily put yourself in the "friend zone" once things are over or you've been rejected.

Try not to feel too bad and good luck.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: I need some advice - 5/26/2010 7:46:59 PM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline 		youascend, i am not disguising myself as a friend and as far as i'm concerned we were friends before we tried the relationship thing and we're still friends after it ended. we talked things out and we agreed that i need to focus more on my personal life and i'm not hurt by it. why i was upset at the beginning is i was afraid out friendship would end but it hasn't so there's no problem.

so thanks for your comment but i'm not going to end our friendship. sorry


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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: I need some advice - 5/26/2010 9:51:48 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		youascend, I try to avoid people who take your approach to breakups. I'm still on friendly terms with most of my previous boyfriends, and my Master and I are trying to salvage the friendship even though the relationship didn't work out. In my experience, chemistry fades over time, while the caring remains. One of my former boyfriends, from one of two relationships that did end badly, died about a year and a half after we split, in an accident. I found out through a mutual friend, and it really hit me hard.

(in reply to fadedshadow)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: I need some advice - 5/27/2010 12:25:27 AM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

youascend, I try to avoid people who take your approach to breakups. I'm still on friendly terms with most of my previous boyfriends, and my Master and I are trying to salvage the friendship even though the relationship didn't work out. In my experience, chemistry fades over time, while the caring remains. One of my former boyfriends, from one of two relationships that did end badly, died about a year and a half after we split, in an accident. I found out through a mutual friend, and it really hit me hard.


i'm glad you look at this the same way i do about friendships and stuff and i'm sorry your former boyfriend died


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: I need some advice - 5/27/2010 12:32:35 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

youascend, I try to avoid people who take your approach to breakups. I'm still on friendly terms with most of my previous boyfriends, and my Master and I are trying to salvage the friendship even though the relationship didn't work out.



Agreed. I approach every relationship with the desire to remain friends and have been successful for the most part. Maturity means putting aside that "booty call" mentality and salvaging the emotion and time invested to the extent possible.

Faded you seem like a bright guy that's doing that adult thing of adjusting to life changes. It's hard and stressful even when it's good and can hit you emotionally like a ton of bricks. Fortunately you seem to be very optimistic and have a good future which you are advancing. You'll be ok and maybe you'll find something that fits you better for this stage of your life because of that optimism and approach.

Good luck to you!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: I need some advice - 5/27/2010 1:51:10 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		"My CMAIL box is always open."

I want to see Lance's box. I really, really do!

I too try to stay friends with former lovers. I mean heck... this is a GREAT person (generally), someone who has touched my heart, someone who is wonderful - or why would I have felt all that love?

We all do things in our own time, in our own way. That includes you, faded. Trust yourself.

Best, and big fat bewbiage hug!
sunshine

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: I need some advice - 5/27/2010 6:28:15 AM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3


quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

youascend, I try to avoid people who take your approach to breakups. I'm still on friendly terms with most of my previous boyfriends, and my Master and I are trying to salvage the friendship even though the relationship didn't work out.



Agreed. I approach every relationship with the desire to remain friends and have been successful for the most part. Maturity means putting aside that "booty call" mentality and salvaging the emotion and time invested to the extent possible.

Faded you seem like a bright guy that's doing that adult thing of adjusting to life changes. It's hard and stressful even when it's good and can hit you emotionally like a ton of bricks. Fortunately you seem to be very optimistic and have a good future which you are advancing. You'll be ok and maybe you'll find something that fits you better for this stage of your life because of that optimism and approach.

Good luck to you!


thank you, it really does mean a lot to me for someone to say that =]


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Profile   Post #: 34
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