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Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/22/2010 7:19:48 AM   
Phoenix73Sir


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/2/2010
From: Northants, UK
Status: offline 		As we all know. the main site on Collarme is designed as a meeting place.  With that established, hen you look for a new sub or slave be it on CM or in RL, do you have a general list of things that you ask them to

  1. Prove their genuineness.
  2. find out just how to deal with them as far as message content and tone are concerned.
  3. Do you assert your Domly power straight away or do you do the vanilla thing?
Seems difficult to get a second evening of chat around here. maybe my technique is all wrong.  I attempt to be a human being, and treat them with the same respect. Seems that isnt working too well so i'm here to pick up tips..


_____________________________

Yes, I have 2 profiles. my active one is Username: Syrox. I chose to keep this one though for the message boards.

"Just when you think you have ALL the answers... I change the questions" ~ Roddy Piper.
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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/22/2010 7:26:59 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I'm me, big marketplace here, and alotta goofers and gamers.

1.  it don't take much back and forth to figure out if it is a guy or girl talking to you.
2. 99.5% of your cmails will be ignored.
3.  you cant fuck the dogshirt outta 99.5% of the women in the world anyway.
4. I never do the I'm in control big prick masterly stuff until I have actual hands on the slutty little cocksuckers, in mail they can run away.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/22/2010 7:29:24 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		If after all that. you can do what I do.

I bring by Ron's place for a spin. That seperates the wheat from the chaffe.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/22/2010 11:54:50 AM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		Subs, masochists, doms,women, men, slaves, masters, etc are individuals, not identical clones.  Not even all submissive women in your age group that you like are close to being identical.

Some people will think you are a shmuck if you start off acting arrogant and domineering.  Others will think you are a pussy if you so much as say thank you to them.

Forget about what you think other people might do, expect or want.  Do what YOU think is right in that situation.

Me, I would not want a sub that subs to everyone.   I want a woman that submits to me because she thinks I'm better than other men.  And she would NOT submit to to anyone, not even me, until she got to know me better.

So I personally want a woman that likes the fact that I start out respectful.  There will be more than enough time to order her around once I get to know her.   

If some little slut thinks I'm not dominant for her, well I'm sure she can find more then enough random strangers to treat her like crap.  I'm not going to waste my time on her.

(in reply to Jeffff)
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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/22/2010 12:15:27 PM   
Phoenix73Sir


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/2/2010
From: Northants, UK
Status: offline 		All good advice and I am sure it will be of use to new people reading this thread.

What I asked in my original post is are there certain things you make a point of asking ay potential?  kinda of a standard list of things you want to know (An example i have seen on these boards is "What does submission mean to you?")


_____________________________

Yes, I have 2 profiles. my active one is Username: Syrox. I chose to keep this one though for the message boards.

"Just when you think you have ALL the answers... I change the questions" ~ Roddy Piper.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/22/2010 12:20:15 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Be yourself. Because if you pretend to be someone else in order to get into the relationship, then you eventually will have to be your authentic self anyway and if you deliberately misrepresented yourself, you'll find yourself disrespected and distrusted shortly after. And rightfully.

Myself, I distrust anyone who pushes for chat immediately. It says he has no patience, doesn't want to get to know me, just wants kinky talk.

Just date people you are attracted to and when you feel there is chemistry on both sides, meaning before you have sex, then tell them what you are into. Just don't use the buzzwords right away. "I like an arguement free relationship where I get to do most of the final decision making. I also like some kinky stuff in bed. Is any of that something you agree with?". If she's not on the same page with you, well you still had a couple of nice evenings of conversation. If she is, then go on from there. And if she wants more information then keep talking.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/22/2010 12:23:13 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Be yourself. Because if you pretend to be someone else in order to get into the relationship, then you eventually will have to be your authentic self anyway and if you deliberately misrepresented yourself, you'll find yourself disrespected and distrusted shortly after. And rightfully.

Myself, I distrust anyone who pushes for chat immediately. It says he has no patience, doesn't want to get to know me, just wants kinky talk.

Just date people you are attracted to and when you feel there is chemistry on both sides, meaning before you have sex, then tell them what you are into. Just don't use the buzzwords right away. "I like an arguement free relationship where I get to do most of the final decision making. I also like some kinky stuff in bed. Is any of that something you agree with?". If she's not on the same page with you, well you still had a couple of nice evenings of conversation. If she is, then go on from there. And if she wants more information then keep talking.



This flashed on the screen and I clicked on it because the bit I read up there was so beautifully said and written. I love that whole be yourself tip.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/22/2010 1:33:09 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Phoenix, most people don't like dates, even of the online kind to be job interviews. You start asking these questions in this manner and you won't get a second chance. We aren't seeking the position, you are, to be blunt. Women here aren't beating down your door so you can't treat them this way.

Not to mention the fact what is genuine to you is anathema to someone else. What do you think proves genuineness? Experience? So if they're so experienced in all kinds of play, how come their relationship didn't last? Maybe what they aren't experienced in is relationship skills which are a lot more important that lists of favorite activities.

You aren't looking for any submissive, you're looking for one who resonates with you, and vice versa. So even if she doesn't think she'll like something, or didn't like it with her ex, that's no indication that she couldn't learn to like it with you if you're capable of teaching her to. Are you? This isn't a one way street.

I don't understand what you mean by #2. Message tone?

And #3, again be yourself. If you're polite and aren't going to be barking "bitch more tea" in real life, then don't do it during the dating phase just to collar her. It won't work. For reasons previously presented.

There are no short cuts. If there were everyone would be compatible with their high school sweetheart. We aren't.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to heartcream)
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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/22/2010 1:53:28 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir


  1. Prove their genuineness.
  2. find out just how to deal with them as far as message content and tone are concerned.
  3. Do you assert your Domly power straight away or do you do the vanilla thing?



1.  I generally do not 'chat' unless it is someone that I have already made a connection with.  I reserve chatting for people that I already know.  I have very strong opinions about if people want to be involved in this (whatever 'this' is to them) they will take a more active role in it than just sitting at the computer.  Oddly enough, in the real world, you don't have anywhere near the nonsense that you do over the internet about people being "fake".

2.  Find out how to deal with them?  I make this pretty simple.  I'm Myself.  How they respond to Me is entirely determined by how we interact with each other. 

3.  Power is not something that needs to be exerted.  A person will either voluntarily offer Me power (and I can promise if a meeting is favorable, I will take it) or they won't.  Even in those cases where they don't think they've offered it to Me, they really have.  Otherwise, they would not respond when I've used it.  There is a very good thread on the Mistress board just now with exactly what I mean.  http://www.collarchat.com/m_3215160/tm.htm





_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/22/2010 3:00:16 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		Phoenix73Sir,

I would assume most know how to meet and relate with the opposite sex face to face. So I'll address the CollarMe side instead.

Don't assume a response means interest. If you have good conversation she might enjoy it. If you're uncertain ask.

The domly thing will be a turn on or a turn off. It's really hit or miss. And all your domly brothers are playing that card. I'd keep it on the back burner until I knew where we stood if I were you.

Balance the discussions. Unless you're both looking for something physical she probably has more interest in who you are than what you want to do to her. Trust me. We've heard the latter ad nauseam.

Public details may not be current. Collarme doesn't auto update. Little miss 25 may be much older. If age is a concern look at the join date and consider the current year. You'll avoid the sticker shock.

Chatting is yay or nay. I don't accept them. If I wanted that I'd go to a room. Seriously. Some feel differently.

Accept that this is really a crap shot. You may find someone and you may not. Make it "an" option not the only one.

~porcelaine


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His will; my fate.

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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/22/2010 4:18:56 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir

All good advice and I am sure it will be of use to new people reading this thread.

What I asked in my original post is are there certain things you make a point of asking ay potential?  kinda of a standard list of things you want to know (An example i have seen on these boards is "What does submission mean to you?")



no no you have to be more subtle than that - to be honest all of that shite is so first grade - you have to loosen up altogether.  the way to get a feel for someone is to share youre thoughts and invite their responses in a conversational sort of a way.  if you ask questions all youre going to get is some response by rote - loosen up theyll loosen up and youll get to see them much more clearly in so many different ways and in between the lines too.  youll encourage a free exchange of thoughts and ideas and youre personalities will gradually fit or not.

getting all domly is just silly, they arent youre submissive yet and if they question youre friendly open manner just say that to them.  'youre not my submissive yet therefore it is niether appropriate or conducive to this initial stage of getting to know each other'  theyll like that  - but if they want an inst-dom you know youre onto a bummer, and move on.

stick to what you know best, which is *you* and how you relate to people, honestly it can take bloody ages to find someone who clicks and gets you hot.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/24/2010 6:12:28 PM   
forsaken555


Posts: 39
Joined: 12/2/2009
Status: offline 		I think approaching them and treating them like a human being is a good approach if you wanna find someone genuine. You haven't met genuine ones because 99% here aren't. It's pretty difficult to meet someone genuine on here frankly and the genuine ones are always taken. I had zero success finding a master on here, didn't meet mine through here in the end. 

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/24/2010 6:31:05 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Having seen things from both sides of the gender and kneel, I think that for 99% of the guys, the pertinant questions come down to:

1. Do you have a pulse?

2. Do you have a warm orifice?

And, really, I have known guys who will negotiate on #1.


(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/24/2010 6:36:30 PM   
tigreetsa


Posts: 132
Joined: 4/30/2010
From: SW London
Status: offline 		Anybody who genuinely believes that you can easily find someone off the Internet prepared to come up with the commitment and effort required for a successful relationship to me is living in Cloud Cuckoo Land.

Unless you can show genuine effort and commitment spent in getting to know someone I cannot see how you can write anybody off other than for reasons of incompatibility.

Relationships between people require effort, commitment, time, and the courage to take the risk of having all your time, effort and commitment wasted. Relationships are all about responsibilty, and to me if you cannot handle the responsibility of your own failure, you cannot handle the responsibility of being in a relationship.

Being online doesn't make it any easier to form a successful relationship, but is just another way of making contact with other people.

It never ceases to amaze me how some people assume that the Internet is there to provide people for instant relationships and that they can somehow find a way round having to invest the necessary amount of time, effort and commitment into a relationship with another human being.


_____________________________

'There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke
But you and I we've been through that
And that is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.'
All Along The Watchtower (Bob Dylan)

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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/24/2010 6:51:22 PM   
MstrPBK


Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		My 10 top questions for my slave candidates:

• What kind of a Master are you seeking?
• What is your greatest fear about being a slave?
• What is your greatest hope, as a slave, in regards to serving Me. (as in what do you expect to get out of being with Me)
• How long have you served as a slave?
• How do you know your ready for a Full-time Real-time relationship as a slave?
• What are your professional skills?
• Are you currently working?
• What is your experience with persons with disabilities?
• Do you have any disabilities?
• What are you phobias, fears, and anxieties? I ask this not to find their weaknesses but to really find out what I ought NOT do with them.

and yes there are another unlisted dozen I use too.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/24/2010 11:13:20 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Ello!

I've dwelt on this, especially the "getting a second evening of chat" issue which I encounter on a pretty regular basis. I'm not speaking for y when I say this - Coz you're a dish! But... The second evening of chat barrier seems to me to be there for one (or more) of a couple of reasons -

1) It's a dude I've been talking to (some of the dudes posing as chicks are v good at pulling it off - which is ironic because they're probably pulling it off while they pull it off)
2) She's just not that interested

I think that when it comes to really genuine, attractive subs, it's a massive subs market - and unless there's a significant connection that damsel I've been chatting with is likely to be swamped with a dozen other apparently compatible suitors.

These days I tend to go into things with relatively low expectatios. I deliberately try to limit my initial chat to non-kinky things, or at least a non-cybery discussion of our kinks and how we got there.

I tend to get a feel (not necesarily the right feel mind you!) for what kind of interaction the person is looking for).

As for domliness-- If someone appears to want me to dom them from the outset (if they start calling me "sir" after a couple of emails or a few minutes of chat) then to be honest I regard that as a bit of a red flag - they're either playing or they're a little too "sub" for me (I prefer feisty and functional subs).

I get the impression from you posts here that you're the sort who would be yourself, and try to engage in a decent conversation - so I suspect that you're not doing anything wrong - It's just that we have to kiss a lot of frogs...


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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/25/2010 12:58:25 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I really really hate to give away all my secrets on dealing with da bitches but here goes. Act like your talking to a girl that your interested in. In other words dont act like a sex starved asshole. who wants to know her kink factor before you get to know her. Yea it's really that simple

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/25/2010 3:25:53 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Its a long time ago that I was talking to guys on here for a potential meet but Ill give it a try.

My email box would always be full. Some of the mail would be one liners but I didn't rule out one liners if it was just a compliment sent. Some would be a life story and an obvious copy and paste. Those got immediately deleted. Some would be too sexual and those got deleted too. After reading a few letters that I liked, I would then look at their profile. If they were American or from another country, they got deleted. If they were from the other end of the UK they got deleted too, though I have to say that these last two types always got a response from me. If they weren't that far away and I liked their profile, then I would respond positively. Then the chatting starts but you have to remember that at this point its very early days and I wasn't chatting to just one, I was chatting to perhaps half a dozen. I either liked what they said or I didn't and so the conversation would continue or come to a halt. I didn't like pushy and I looked out for needy. Its a little like weeding the garden!!
I admit that I had some great conversations and perhaps subconsciously led people on before suddenly deciding that 'jo blogs' was far more interesting and so stopped talking to the others. I do remember getting mails saying 'why have you stopped talking to me'. It wasn't anything they had done but someone else had caught my attention more. Its all incredibly selfish at this stage.

I met Steve off here and his initial letter to me was 'Nice profile and btw do you ever get to Bristol?' I looked at his profile and thought 'hmm he's a bit of a hot one!' I replied that I had family in Bristol and was that his yacht on his picture? I think I had given him my phone number within 3 letters but he didn't call me. He says that he was suspicious that I gave him my number so quickly!! He was hard to get. Not really that interested and he made it clear that he didn't want a relationship. I must of liked his indifference. I was so used to guys pouring over me and here was a guy that could take or leave me!!

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S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/25/2010 6:49:53 AM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline 		Makes more sense to just be yourself when communicating with a potential. Which that doesn't mean to be a total jackass but treat the other person with some respect and use common courtesy, yea it is amazing how far that goes. After all, just because one is looking for another doesn't you ignore the fact they are a person too. Appeal to the mind and the rest will follow.,

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
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RE: Pertinant questions to ask a new prospect. - 5/25/2010 7:22:57 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Having seen things from both sides of the gender and kneel, I think that for 99% of the guys, the pertinant questions come down to:

1. Do you have a pulse?

2. Do you have a warm orifice?

And, really, I have known guys who will negotiate on #1.




You forgot the two most important ones!

1. Do you have chocolate?

2. Will you share? (with me!)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 20
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