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RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 4/10/2006 10:02:52 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		I am sorry johnny if I made inaccurate assumptions, I was a bit snippy that day, I did not wish to take it out on you. I had also written to you two other times with a longer more compassionate response and they both got deleted as I hit send...ugh.
 
 
 I do understand that it is hard to find a fulfilling d/s relationship is difficult, especially when you have nothing to offer the other person, you may, as you say never find it and I know that sucks.
 
My point beneath all the snarkyness was more along the lines of, your wife may have given you permission but does she, or you for that matter, have any idea of the Pandora's box you are opening? you will be naked, your genitals fondled and tortured, you will be serving another woman, and you will begin to feel the deepest emotional pull toward her because of the way this energy exchange works
 
When it is really working it is give and take, the energy is heady and intoxicating, you will find yourself wanting to give more and more to your dominant, she will want to take more and more from you. I dont think your wife really understands this, because if she did unless she is poly, I cant imagine that she would be ok knowing your head and cock is thinking of another, and you may think you can draw a line, and maybe you can for a while, but ultimately this thing is all consuming, and in fact has to be to fulfill the aching part of you that wants it.
 
Do you ski? you started out safe enough on a bunny hill, but as you grew you needed more, going on a bunny hill now is boring, you want the challenge the exhilaration ect of plummeting down the mountain , wind in your hair, trees whooshing by you the fear and joy mixed into the most intoxicating cocktail....
 
 D/s too is a mental ski slope, and I am a little worried about the loving lovely lady waiting at the bottom of the hill with hot coco, who suddenly realizes that she cant be what you need and then starts to pull away....
 
And I am a little worried about the Domme you do find to play with who is skiing quite joyfully by your side who then looks up to find she is skiing all by herself you are on the lift home...that is why I thought your actions were a little selfish...but I really am sorry for projecting the painful experiences I have had at the hands of self centered men onto you.
 
I do have some advice, pay for some one....and not only that but figure out what level your wife is willing to support you in this and dont let her retreat to the shadows. You love her and she you, that is waaaaaaaaay to rare and special to open this Pandora's box, a box that once opened changes people and the people who love them forever.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to FLsubmalecd)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 4/10/2006 6:00:43 PM   
johnnyknots


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for that e-mail, actually for both - they definitely got me thinking.  I might be technically off about the dom/sub definition.  In my fanasy there may be some roleplaying but there wouldn't be any nudity.  I'd be crossdressing and bound and put through some spankking, slapping around, maybe wrestling.  But there's be no genital manipulation or "release". 

But still and all, it could be a form of cheating or deception or however you want to look at it.  And your point about taking it to the next level is something I've often thought about - one of my biggest fears was that I'd not enjoy the sex life I have in my marriage  as much if I was getting this need so well fulfilled elsewhere. 

I also connect more with women than men - even on a friendship level.  These e-mails have reminded me that the best S&M/bondage scene's I've had were with good friends, not strangers.  Maybe what I'd been describing is just not possible for a lot of reasons...I would probably find myself having some kind of feelings for the woman I'd be doing this with.

I actually think this might not be that hard to find if I sought it through a friend that might be into it - but to cultivate that type of relationship wouldn't be possible without my wife finding out about it (and she said she'd want to be out of the loop on the specifics).  So the constant dishonesty would be exhausting and ultimately not fair to anyone.  I may have to let this one go or go to a pro as suggested.   Maybe there are other ways to have it fulfilled, I don't know.  Anyway, thanks again.  

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 4/10/2006 7:24:40 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		...because johnnyknots is married and doesn't want any involvement of any kind, just a flog here and a flog there oh but wait, no, he doesn't want to pay a pro either, he wants this no strings attached fun BDSM play to be totally free....

lololol

LemMe clue you in, johnnyknots: Most Dommes are inundated with communications from submissives who want at least something more than nothing from a BDSM relationship!

<exits, laughing....

Good luck with that,

Texas Maam

(in reply to johnnyknots)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 4/10/2006 7:26:16 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		...I hear a vague B Grade movie playing over in My head...

"please Ma'am, no fondling, no fondling...."

lolololololol

TexasMaam

(in reply to johnnyknots)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 4/10/2006 8:56:13 PM   
johnnyknots


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline 		Texas, if you'd even have bothered to read the the last few posts of this thread, you'd realize that you're a little late in coming around with this weak attempt at self-righteous "humor".  In my last post it's pretty clear that I've fully acknowledged everyone's views about how I may have been misguided in my approach to the situation.  What exactly were you hoping to achieve with these juvenile cheap shots? 

If you want to add something relevent you actually have to read and comprehend what's being said.  You could take a cue from crouchingtigress who bothered to try to have a dialougue rather than just spout whatever bile-filled non-sequitor that came to mind.

< Message edited by johnnyknots -- 4/10/2006 9:01:31 PM >

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 4/11/2006 4:38:39 PM   
MasterMMistressG


Posts: 11
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		If you are in a mono relationship and it sounds like you are ... you definitely need to find a Pro and pay her to beat the crap out of you *lol* ... I think I have a free moment in June of 2009 (j/k) ...

That's my friendly suggestion though, for whatever it's worth.  Good luck to you.



_____________________________

Mistress G

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more
Important than Fear.

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 4/11/2006 4:46:55 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		You don't sound like a newbie at all.
Of course there are people who want to play with no strings attached, but I would think they are easier to find within your community, at dungeon/play parties than on the net.

It sounds to me like you are a bottom, looking for a top with whom to occasionally connect, where neither wants more...  I'm not one, can't tell you where to find them, but know they exist. 
Good luck,   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to johnnyknots)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 6/10/2006 11:29:40 PM   
johnnyknots


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline 		For anyone interested, I'm thinking about the redhead upstate, after all.  What people have been saying here, I think, is that it's quite difficult to get this fantasy fulfilled with no foundation whatsoever.  She's a friend and the other times have been with friends also.  I'm not sure why paying a pro doesn't seem to work for me.  I've certainly spent a lot more than the going rate on things that were far less satisfying.  Maybe I want the connection even though I'm saying I don't.  It certainly feels more comfortable doing it with a friend.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 6/11/2006 4:08:48 AM   
MistressTheaZ


Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline 		Hmm...some good advice here about how to find a casual playmate, OP.

I understand your reasons, but for Me personally, I wouldn't pursue this type of situation for one reason: there is no mutuality, so to speak. While I could very much enjoy the scene and playtime, I would find such a situation somewhat stifling as a Dominant - a submissive telling Me when he is available to Me, what he would like to do in session, and little to no possibility of learning, growing or progressing within the involvement together. Perhaps it is just My opinion, but I tend to find BDSM more intimate, even on a casual basis, than casual sexual relationships, and I proceed more carefully in consideration of this. When I see no potential for mutual exploration, it hardly seems worth the effort.

JMO

~Thea

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 6/11/2006 10:37:52 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
Personally, I think you’re fighting an uphill battle. What you are looking for is so very specific, it’s more than finding a needle in a haystack. It’s more like finding a grain of sand in an iceberg.

You started with all Dominant Women.

You narrowed it (immensely!) to Dominant Women who are willing to play with a married guy without his wife’s involvement.

You narrowed it again to Dominant Women who are willing to play with a married guy without his wife’s involvement, and there will be "no strings attached", not even friendships.

And then again to Dominant Women who are willing to play with a married guy without his wife’s involvement, and there will be "no strings attached", not even friendships, and no pay for service.

And once again to Dominant Women who are willing to play with a married guy without his wife’s involvement, and there will be "no strings attached", not even friendships, and no pay for service, and the play will be a specific kind.

I’m assuming you’d also like to throw in a few more criteria that are going to further limit the availability pool, such as the woman will be at least somewhat experienced in what she’s doing and adept enough to know how to swing a flogger or tie a knot. And some kind of semblance of this lady not being a nut-case, and keeping your physical safety a priority.

Is she out there?
She might be.
She might not be.

How long does it take to search an entire haystack for one needle?
How long does it take to search an entire iceberg for one grain of sand?
You’re possibly looking at a lifetime search that may or may not turn up the treasure you’re looking for.
How much time and effort are you going to take away from your marriage to invest in that search, maybe to come up empty handed 5, 10, 25 years later?
How important is it to you to find it?

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to MistressTheaZ)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 6/11/2006 5:42:03 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: johnnyknots

I can certainly understand that.  And my goal would not be to make anyone feel bad.  I guess I was just wondering if it was possible that a woman could be into just being a domme in that scene without anything else attached to it in the same way that I could be into just being a sub without anything attatched to it. 

Some people have sex with one another and it doesn't mean anything to them except the pleasure of the sex - I've been with women who have felt that way - often when I've wanted more.  So how is it different with roleplay?  If each person is into it, and nothing more, who is getting hurt?  To convince someone to do it under false pretenses would be hurtful.  I'm being very upfront. 


Call a spade a spade it's called a one night stand and frankly in a sub, for me, is unappealing. There are those that have play partners only for the sake of play but I want the whole enchilada. Sex and relationship can be seperate but I like to believe that if I'm going to take the time to get to know a sub and scene with them that  the energy is not only going 1 direction. Kind of kills the whole point of being dominant if I do it your way, how you want, on your rules.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to johnnyknots)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 6/11/2006 5:46:07 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		johnnyknots,

While others responding to this thread do not recall your previous posts, I do.

Please refer to the answer I posted on your duplicate thread regarding this same subject.

Either commit youself to service of some kind, or find a Pro.

TexasMaam

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to johnnyknots)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 6/11/2006 5:49:43 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		dinky.




< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 6/11/2006 6:37:51 PM >

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to johnnyknots)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 6/11/2006 5:50:48 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The reason I don't want anything else than the roleplay is that I'm married.  I've been give permission to explore this outside of the marriage with the condition being that I wouldn't get involved on any other level


Here's a rather important detail. Just a thought isn't your wife going to feel more threatened by multiple random women with which she doesn't know what you're doing? Sounds like she doesn't know and her consent is something that you're trying to avoid by skirting the relationship angle. Most dommes that wouldn't care about the married part would want the first hand consent of your wife.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to johnnyknots)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 6/11/2006 5:54:25 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		she does not know, despite his assurances to the contrary.

TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 6/11/2006 6:01:34 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

she does not know, despite his assurances to the contrary.

TM

LOL somehow not a shocker. Kinda guessed something was up when woman #3 (probably not kinky) came up.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 6/11/2006 6:04:35 PM   
johnnyknots


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline 		Proprietrix
I read your post and actually started laughing out loud. 

At myself. 

I must come off like a total fool with this whole thing.  I was actually planning on talking with my wife about this again tonight, and I think I will.  I feel a bit like I'm schizophrenic with this.  One minute I say to myself that this a deception and wrong even if she knows, but the next minute, I find myself compulsively searching for it as though it's totally fine.  It's a lot like a drug.  I've been clean for 13 years, but the attitude of addiction is slow to die.

I've had a need for this type play for as long as I can remember.  I dressed up in women's clothes from a young age and always had fantasies about being bound and dominated.  I had friends that were girls when I was 7 and 8 years old that would tie me up -  I would get a huge erection and not even know what it meant or why it would happen.  Into adulthood, I managed to feel a lot less shame about it by processing it in therapy.  I began to act it out with some friends as an adult and with girlfriends and even with my wife.  But she's clearly not into it and won't go even close to as far as I'd like her to.  So even though I think it would be detrimental to go outside the marriage and would like to avoid doing so, I still am continually haunted by the desire to go act it out.  I guess there is no perfect solution. 

(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 6/11/2006 6:09:16 PM   
johnnyknots


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline 		To TexasMaam

Your cell phone?  I don't have that number, nor do I want it. 

You seem like you just can't let me go.  Doesn't it bother you that you're giving me some online abuse without payment or a commitment?

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 6/11/2006 6:17:06 PM   
johnnyknots


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline 		Texas:
What possible reason could you think that my wife doesn't know?  Men must lie to you all the time for you to immediately assume the worst.

Not sure what axe you have to grind with me, but it's really a huge turn-on.  I think you're falling in love.

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: naive newbie question (batting my eyelashes) - 6/11/2006 6:22:24 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: johnnyknots

Texas:
What possible reason could you think that my wife doesn't know?  Men must lie to you all the time for you to immediately assume the worst.

Not sure what axe you have to grind with me, but it's really a huge turn-on.  I think you're falling in love.



All I can say is EEEEWWWEEE

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to johnnyknots)
Profile   Post #: 40
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