Proprietrix
Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
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quote:
I was wondering if you fine Ladies could explain to me the difference between what your saying and the idea of total control? You want self sufficient, can take care of themselves types, but also you want total control?
From my point of view, giving up control is a powerful, desired thing. But the last thing I would want would be to be a burden. Lifting a burden is my goal.
Are these ideas not tied together and where is the line drawn?
I see many times in this lifestyle the blurring between a submissive giving up control and a submissive pleasing their Dominant. To me, those are two entirely different concepts. I can please my boss at work and never give him control over me. I can do things to please my elderly parents, but they no longer have control over my life. When it comes to a slave/submissive pleasing me, it has very little to do with level of control. For some Dominants however, pleasure comes in control. It might bring a Domme extreme pleasure for her slave to ask permission for this, that, or the other.
I have what I call my "even an animal" analogy, that I apply to many things in life, including power exchange. As an example: When I talked to my son about the use of condoms to prevent teenage pregnancy, I told him "Even an animal has the sense to build a nest before laying eggs." When it comes to my slaves, I don't want to micromanage their bathroom habits. Even an animal has the sense to empty its bladder. It is definitely a burden if I have to monitor one's every bodily function and movement. That might give me a higher level of control, but it really depletes the enjoyment.
All Dominants are different in what type of control they want, and most define total control differently. Some may not find it a burden at all, but rather exillerating, to have power over their submissive's bowels. Some only want power over their submissive's bladder. Some their anus. Some their penis. Some their wallet. Some their religion. Some their emotions. Some their (insert item here).
There is a far cry difference in a a Victorian or Edwardian household where the Dominant would never even consider removing her clothing in the presence of her slaves, or vice versa, and a married D/s couple in which the Dominant sleeps in the same bed as her submissive nightly. Some Dominants' power exchange reflects a parent/child model. Some reflect a slave/owner model. Some apprentice/teacher. Some pet/owner. Some Godess/worshipper. Some are based on mutual romantic love. Some are based on kinks.
Even the same Dominant may have different levels of control for her different slaves/subs. She may want a very restrictive control over her 1st/alpha/personal, but really have no concern at all as to the "off-time" dealings of her house servant.
The bottom line is that you're not going to be able to please any/every Domme with one set of rules. That's why it's so important to get to know a particular Domme and learn what her particular wants, needs, and desires are.
For me personally, I want slaves who are adult, functional, and yes, self-sufficient. My maternal needs are fulfilled via parenting my child. If I wanted another child, I'd have one. I don't want to feel like a nurse maid who is caring for a convalescent, nor a surrogate mother for a guy who never grew up. I want slaves who can take initiative, are intrinsicly motivated, and perceptive enough to pick-up on things without having to be told each and every time.
I think the best policy is to know the one you're with (or striving to be with).
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When it takes too much - 
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, not "total control."
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