RE: Aftercare for Tops

RE: Aftercare for Tops (Full Version)

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CERCKL -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/10/2006 8:45:21 AM)
I appreciate these posts which actually make me think, consider... I never saw it as aftercare per se...but when things are over, especially times which have been very intense and since lotus and I are new, they are becoming more so...the more I realize the parameters and how far she is able to be taken...how deep her need to please runs...I have noticed that not only does she appreciate being held, reassured, loved...that this also is a time which allows me, in the calm, to allow myself to reflect and some of our best talks, or lessons if you will, seem to slowly come forth. She is quiet and very attentive and allows me to share elements of myself, my history, which nobody else has ever been allowed to see and not only does it bind her closer to myself but it also centers me, brings me balance... I also notice that during this time I will ask if she is ok, as I do during our time together, as well as her reassuring me that her needs are to please me...afterwards, I am always hit with a wake of realization how much she means to me and how intense our intimacy is becoming... C

kittensmailbox -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/10/2006 9:01:18 AM)
My former Master {Poppy} called it "Dom drop"... from what i remember best when Poppy had Dom drop, a soft comforting blow job helped him relax or he would just want time by himself... He loved to ppl watch, or walk around and look at nature... Poppy was a good man... i find myself missing him sometimes...

saltygoodness27 -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/10/2006 9:03:26 AM)
I once played with a man who was not known for his aftercare. In fact, it was something of a joke in his community that he'd whip you and then turn you over to whoever was willing to take care of you. But he arranged an especially intense scene for me that he later admit to me was the most intense scene he'd ever done. After it was all over, Mr. Never Does Aftercare was all over me for cuddles and checking-ins. My husband had to push him off at one point so that he could make sure I was OK. I never thought about it until this post, but that change in attitude was probably less due to concern for me, and more because Mr. NDA was reeling from the scene. He needed aftercare just as much as I did!:-)

ExistentialSteel -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/10/2006 10:41:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Depends on the scene. But I like when they take the time to clean up the toys and put them away in an organized fashion. I also like the next day doing a decompression discussion, something to reconnect and go over the scene together. KOM, the same thought hit me..LOL. But back to the question, you could have been reading my e-mail it seems. Saturday, I used the cane on her for a long time and had to leave before I wanted to because I had to go into work. She wanted it all and was okay before I left, but I felt strange. I did feel guilt. The tunnel vision so bad I almost had to slit the edges to see. I asked her later how she felt and told her about my drop. As I said to her later, if we had stayed together for a long time afterwards and I had held her as I usually do, talked, we had watched each other recover slowly and moved into other activities, it would have been better. Dom drop is real.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/10/2006 11:32:22 AM)
quote: But I like when they take the time to clean up the toys and put them away in an organized fashion LA, I totally agree with this. Pup always cleans and puts the toys away. It is one of his jobs that he enjoys and takes it very seriously. Also he does thank me for allowing hiim the opportunity to serve me. As ya'll have read in previous postings of mine, you know that my "dom-drop" normally occurs after pup leaves for Savannah. I don't think that cuddling me or holding me is going to make a difference in the intensity of my drop. But pup loves to be cuddled and reasured after sessions. Nice topic <s>

Submotive -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/10/2006 10:52:39 PM)
quote: Most often people talk about the aftercare that is needed for the bottom, but what about the tops? As a top do you need or want aftercare and bottoms do you give your top’s aftercare? If so, what do you do? i think aftercare is very important with all scenes for Master as well as me. He likes to know i'm okay and sometimes after W/we rest a bit, W/we discuss a few things W/we just experienced. But W/we're both still pretty new and so find it very important to communicate a lot about O/our scenes.

slave4Darby3d -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/10/2006 11:30:22 PM)
I hadn't thought about it until your question... Mainly, he gets very affectionate afterwards - wants to touch and hold me - check me to make sure I am "tracking" ok and recovering. through this, my affection and looking into his eyes is the greatest care that is needed. I also go into "dutiful" mode and clean up all ropes, floggers, etc. for him so that he may relax and enjoy viewing the marks coming into view...

LadyRoseNThorns -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/18/2006 4:46:27 PM)
To me giving after-care to the sub who has served me is a much after care for me as it is for them. There seems to be a positive energy that flows between two. I once played a sub rather intensly, who as soon as the scene was over jumped up, put his clothes back on and commenced to go "mingle". Needless to say, we have not played again

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/18/2006 5:03:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster I enjoy peace and quiet. I think many women don't realize that most men need downtime after play, (a chemical thing, apparently), and especially after sex, while some of us gals become all hyped up, and chatter like crazed monkeys. I've learned to re-channel my after-play energy into quietly doing small things like getting a hot, soothing, washcloth, and bathing my partner, or fetching a cold glass of water. It allows me to feel a sense of service without my partner having to anything except lie back and relax. I find when I do that, I can then settle into a long quiet cuddle. It's a nice transition for both of us. I've yet to find a partner who didn't love this treatment. [:)] Cin

Proprietrix -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/18/2006 5:08:46 PM)
As a Top, the only aftercare I need is a cold drink, a blowing fan, and a cigarette. But then, I really didn't need much more than that when I was a bottom. For me, it really depends on the person, I guess more than anything. I don't know how comfortable I (or the other person) would feel doing the cuddley thing with a casual player at a public dungeon or play party. I have a long-standing play partner whom I met when I was a hard-core masochist. He was (and still is) a hard-core Sadist. Our scenes always ended with either him tiring out or me collapsing. He'd usually catch me on the floor and stay with me long enough for me to regain sensibility, but both of us probably would have felt really awkward if we had cuddled. He'd have a sub fetch me a drink, and once I could stand up, I'd go outside and smoke. The rest of the party, we were just as casual as if we hadn't scened at all. He'd go tend to his own subs, and I'd go tend to whoever I was with. This worked well for both of us. We didn't want any emotional attachment to one another. Just a hard intense pain exchange. On the other extreme, the boy I play with now not only needs cuddled, but quite likely given a blankie and a teddy and petted a while on my lap. As part of my aftercare, I need to know he's ok with what happened. There's a huge difference between those two though. Age, experience level, interests... I think the after-care (besides the infamous glass of water) is really dependent on the individual(s).

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/18/2006 5:20:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slave4Darby3d I also go into "dutiful" mode and clean up all ropes, floggers, etc. for him so that he may relax and enjoy viewing the marks coming into view... LOL Oh yes, dutiful mode is a great way to put it. I tend to do this too, if the scene happens in public. Adds to my headspace. Cin

Lashra -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/18/2006 7:05:51 PM)
My sub and I always cuddle and talk afterwards as well. Its time to wind down and relax some after our intense play together and discuss whatever comes into our minds. As a Top I know right after a scene I have to have a bottle of cold water because frankly, Im hot and sweaty and need to cool down. So I sip my water and cuddle my boy, telling him how much I love and adore him. ~Lashra

MistressLlyoness -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/18/2006 10:17:20 PM)
So many times Proprietrix has already said the words I would say, as is the case once again. My girl needs tons of time after a scene for aftercare while my slave is usually needing to hit the munchies and get a drink. For me, I want to make sure everything is in working order then have a great big drink of Coke. And am I the only one that always needs to hit the rest room after a really good long scene? Ms. Lynette

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/18/2006 10:27:16 PM)
I'm always sensitive to and feel responsible for the person submitting to my experimentation, in fun or hurtful ways, so I always offer aftercare however he needs. I definitely need aftercare myself though; not necessarily in hugging/snuggling, but maybe more sitting/lying down, or sitting with his head on my lap just to remain connected emotionally for a while, talking or saying nothing, but to feel connected is very important to me. I have been with one who withdrew as soon as it was over, and that for me was/is unacceptable, so anyone who needs disappear after scening/sex, cannot be with moi. M

classykindasassy -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/18/2006 10:38:05 PM)
Kyra, great question. I have learned what my dom likes after sex.I know what to do then. A lot ot times I feel weird after a suspension scene, where he has worked real hard and I have had an intense time. He gets so busy getting all the rope back in order so we can get out of the way for the next scene, I have felt guilty, having enjoyed myself, but not knowing really what he wants...should I be the one hanking up all the rope? and sometimes I am in no real shape to work on that for a while. I know he reads my postings - so now we can talk about this. I just have not known how to articulate it before.

Saratov -> RE: Aftercare for Tops (4/19/2006 8:02:12 AM)
Great topic!! Not much I can add that hasn't already been said. People often forget about 'Top space' and the coming down from there. Can take as long as coming down from sub space. For me, cuddling the sub helps me and knowing she is okay. As well as a cold drink and a little quiet time to relax, talking w/ the sub the next day to be sure she is okay(especially after an impact session).

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