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Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 1:25:59 PM

kyraofMists

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Most often people talk about the aftercare that is needed for the bottom, but what about the tops? As a top do you need or want aftercare and bottoms do you give your top’s aftercare? If so, what do you do?

I know that there are things that I do after a scene that is a form of aftercare for my Lord. Mostly it is just reassuring him that I am okay and have not been harmed by what we did. I remember one instance where after we played I didn’t even need to rest. He told me to sit down but I could have just as easily went on and enjoyed the party without any time to recover. He came over and sat next to me and I cuddled with him, not because I needed it, but because I know that he enjoys when I do it. Of course, I know that he told me to sit down so he could cuddle with me; it isn’t as if I argue with him. *g* He enjoys knowing that even after all the pain he causes me that I still want to crawl into his arms and be close. So the aftercare that evening was purely for him and not for me.

Knight's kyra

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RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 1:41:49 PM

TxBadMan

Posts: 198
Joined: 4/7/2006
From: Moody, Texas
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quote:

Most often people talk about the aftercare that is needed for the bottom, but what about the tops? As a top do you need or want aftercare and bottoms do you give your top’s aftercare? If so, what do you do?

I don't think I would go so far as to call it aftercare, but after some hard play, I do enjoy and go out of my way to hold Tikk. Whether it be just cuddling, or just holding her hand; it just brings us that much closer.

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Chris

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Post #: 2

RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 1:45:14 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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Thats so true kyra, I think the after-care is just as much for the Dominant as the submissive. Its a completion of the cycle or something. It can come in different ways for us, like it could simply be Master asking me to get him a cigarette, something little which provides it, something that says, "everything is good" between us.

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Post #: 3

RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 1:56:43 PM

Lordandmaster

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I enjoy peace and quiet.

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Post #: 4

RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 2:10:01 PM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Most often people talk about the aftercare that is needed for the bottom, but what about the tops? As a top do you need or want aftercare and bottoms do you give your top’s aftercare? If so, what do you do?

I know that there are things that I do after a scene that is a form of aftercare for my Lord. Mostly it is just reassuring him that I am okay and have not been harmed by what we did. I remember one instance where after we played I didn’t even need to rest. He told me to sit down but I could have just as easily went on and enjoyed the party without any time to recover. He came over and sat next to me and I cuddled with him, not because I needed it, but because I know that he enjoys when I do it. Of course, I know that he told me to sit down so he could cuddle with me; it isn’t as if I argue with him. *g* He enjoys knowing that even after all the pain he causes me that I still want to crawl into his arms and be close. So the aftercare that evening was purely for him and not for me.

Knight's kyra

I think that is very cool, kyra *smiles*.......and you bring up something that few think about, I believe. Well done.

Level

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Post #: 5

RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 2:15:39 PM

scratchingpost

Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
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kyra your Lord seems very lucky to have such a cherished and devoted posession, smiles. Funny recently with a sudden turn of events in my life I have found the need to have my toy cuddle me for a change...I wasnt quite sure how he would feel about it and diplomatically asked him if he felt it would undermine the M/s relationship and true to being the wonderful slave he is said, "no it is probably a very healthy thing to do".

I have read articles about Dom Drop before, I just never experienced it first hand till now...

Just because One is Top does not mean they do not have emotional needs that require tending to from time to time, nor does it make them weak (so I have learned) I have never had the need before to depend on my sub emotinally and I was quite proud of him for taking care of Me as I try to do for him.

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Post #: 6

RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 2:31:47 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Most often people talk about the aftercare that is needed for the bottom, but what about the tops? As a top do you need or want aftercare and bottoms do you give your top’s aftercare? If so, what do you do?

I know that there are things that I do after a scene that is a form of aftercare for my Lord. Mostly it is just reassuring him that I am okay and have not been harmed by what we did. I remember one instance where after we played I didn’t even need to rest. He told me to sit down but I could have just as easily went on and enjoyed the party without any time to recover. He came over and sat next to me and I cuddled with him, not because I needed it, but because I know that he enjoys when I do it. Of course, I know that he told me to sit down so he could cuddle with me; it isn’t as if I argue with him. *g* He enjoys knowing that even after all the pain he causes me that I still want to crawl into his arms and be close. So the aftercare that evening was purely for him and not for me.

Knight's kyra

Positive feedback is great, especially when a top is starting out either entirely or with a new partner.

Also think if the physical things. Yes, if its SM the bottom might be floating and need that immediate care but the top too will need drink and food. A good bottom might set things out ahead of time so that its easier for the top.

A call or an email the next day are wonderful as well.

"Thank you" is never out of place in my opinion.

Primarily though if you ask your top he/she should know what they want and need. However a lot of them think that being in that role equals "needs nothing/little" so they may have troubel explaining it. Watch for their emotional and physical reactions. If they seem down, say "that was great and I wanted to thank you for it" -- it might just be what they needed to hear.

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(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 7

RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 2:49:26 PM

cariad

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
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girl has gone out of her way after a session to make sure the "Top" she is playing with is ok by telling them she is fine and enjoyed the session and hopes that she has pleased the "Top."

she has also made sure to have either a glass of water or pop available to the "Top," so that when the session is done all she has to do is go to her fridge, grab the glass and give it to the "Top" she has just finished playing with.

she also asks if there is anything else she can do for them, although sometimes it comes after she comes down from subspace she always tries to make sure the "Top" is also well cared for.

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Post #: 8

RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 3:13:51 PM

MsIncognito

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I think this is as individual to the Top as it is for bottoms. One Top I played with tended to do pretty intense scenes that didn't affect him until the next day. It usually resulted in him beign quite tired and needing some down time and no pressure put on him. I think this was due to the physical exertion that came with a scene. Others need some reassurance that the sub is OK and that helps them with their Top drop. Just like Tops are expected to know their bottom so should bottoms know their Tops in this respect.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 9

RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 4:33:32 PM

truesub4u

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

I think this is as individual to the Top as it is for bottoms. One Top I played with tended to do pretty intense scenes that didn't affect him until the next day. It usually resulted in him beign quite tired and needing some down time and no pressure put on him. I think this was due to the physical exertion that came with a scene. Others need some reassurance that the sub is OK and that helps them with their Top drop. Just like Tops are expected to know their bottom so should bottoms know their Tops in this respect.

I agree with most all have said. My play partner that is new to all this, still gets sort of freaked out after play. specially if I experiance sub drop. He paces and fumbles about. Contantly asking if I'm ok, or of he went to far. I assure of how i'm doing each step if the way the best that I can. After he sees i'm calmed down he'll settle down. That's when I go to him and cuddle up to him and we either just hold each other or we discuss certain topics that make him settle down as well.

Noice topic to think about.

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RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 4:43:19 PM

Sensualips

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When I top I am actually more likely to want to be involved in immediate post scene after care, partially because I think my partner needs it and partially because it reassures me things went well and brings some closure. Also, I am guilty of getting really caught up in the adrenaline rush and start to overestimate how skilled and awesome I am. Aftercare is just a natural way for me to bring me back to earth.

As a bottom, I sometimes enjoy immediate aftercare but I rarely have had physical needs that I need "help" with or too much emotional either. Instead I need time to process it and it is the next day or so I enjoy being checked in on and babied a little.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 11

RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 4:52:53 PM

MysticFireTopaz

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From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
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After a scene with a boy I own, I love cuddling. I guess that is a type of aftercare for both of us

If it is someone that I have played with casually at a play party, I always like it if he gives Me a foot rub, rubs My back and shoulders, or gets down on all fours and becomes a "human ottoman" for Me to put My feet up on for a while. It is nice to have a connection and touch that extend after the scene. I have found that some bottoms are shy about offering to do something, but jump at the chance if I request it of them.

And yes, thanks and words of appreciation are always welcome, and I think that should be a two-way street

Lady Topaz

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Post #: 12

RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 5:23:01 PM

ownedgirlie

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i don't call it after care, rather it is just a continuance of my service to him. i will get him something to drink, dab the sweat from his brow, and massage him while he relaxes.

Edited to add, i always, always thank him for allowing me an opportunity to please him.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 4/9/2006 5:24:44 PM >

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Post #: 13

RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 5:27:40 PM

Tikkiee

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Joined: 4/6/2006
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quote:

Most often people talk about the aftercare that is needed for the bottom, but what about the tops? As a top do you need or want aftercare and bottoms do you give your top’s aftercare? If so, what do you do?

More often than not, after a scene, I am so hyped up with energy that I can not settle down. However, Chris is often wiped out lol, so we will sit in silence for a bit, just cuddling or touching. He enjoys it alot, and in the long run, it actually helps to calm me a bit.

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RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/9/2006 5:31:38 PM

Wildfleurs

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Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Most often people talk about the aftercare that is needed for the bottom, but what about the tops? As a top do you need or want aftercare and bottoms do you give your top’s aftercare? If so, what do you do?

My owner tends to need fresh water (i.e. poland springs carbonated mandarin orange), somewhere comfortable to sit, and usually something to snack on afterwards. Sometimes he needs to get up and pace and chat it up with people for a few minutes and then he crashes, but inevitably he does tend to need the water, food, place to sit down.

C~

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RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/10/2006 6:00:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Depends on the scene. But I like when they take the time to clean up the toys and put them away in an organized fashion. I also like the next day doing a decompression discussion, something to reconnect and go over the scene together.

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RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/10/2006 6:38:02 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Depends on the scene. But I like when they take the time to clean up the toys and put them away in an organized fashion. I also like the next day doing a decompression discussion, something to reconnect and go over the scene together.

*chuckles* why am I not surprized.... A BIG yes on the discussion the day after or even for the next few days depending on the scene's intensity. But, for me it is not about reconnecting... it is deepening the connection beyond what exists. One of the big joys I get from any scene is hearing the perspectives of those I play with or that even watch me. It allows me to soak in the scene.. savory it and even learn what went well and what could of been better.... it's a way to savor the positive and disspell any negative thoughts or feelings that may be existing for myself or my bottom from the scene. It is this process that enhances the connection I have with my partner and has a very positive impact on the momentum of our relationship, be it future plays or just sitting discussing everyday stuff.

Now the little things that put a positive spin after the play is the ever present "Can I get you anything"... I find that desire to serve immediately afterwards a significant thing. These things have included getting me drink and/or food to a massage to putting the toys away. The "Attention to Serve" is what I consider it. I don't have to ask for things... they are asking "Can I. get you..." I might say No to everything they ask to do for me ... but it's not the doing that pleases me... it's is their Mindfulness to ask that does.

Lastly is the physical contact afterwards. This is actually not something I always want and is rarely needed. Every now and again thou, I want to feel the hold of them in my arms. It is usually because a deep sense of positive emotions has been stirred and this contact helps me to center and focus these emotions on the one that generated them in the first place. More often thou the physical contact I enjoy is the light touch and of a carassing nature of a more brief moments here and there. It is not a reassurance from them but a way for them to say... thank you!

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 4/10/2006 6:39:28 AM >

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 17

RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/10/2006 7:20:56 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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I never saw aftercare as person specific. Is a hug and cuddling a solo experience? Petting is therapeutic to the petter as well as the pet. I guess I look at it the same way as turning over and snoring after sex; leaving your partner right after a scene is just as crass. But that may only speak to those who, as we do, put the intercourse of a BDSM scene on the same emotional level as the act of sexual intercourse.

With every session we feel closer to each other. Our relationship grows, our confidence in each other grows. Our aftercare plays a big part in that. I never considered it a "need" for beth or me. As others have commented sometimes "aftercare" is just being tucked under a blanket with her head on my lap. Intimacy plays a big part in our relationship and in our play. Aftercare is an intimate shared experience.

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Post #: 18

RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/10/2006 8:02:05 AM

ivorylace

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Joined: 3/26/2006
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In most of the experiences that I have been lucky enough to be a part of, the Dom seems to get quiet, needs a wind down time, a cold glass of iced water, and maybe just the words 'thank You for taking me there'.

Aftercare is a wonderful time for both, or has been for me. Cuddling, soft kisses, a gentle carress..sometimes beginning it all over again..lol.

~lace

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Post #: 19

RE: Aftercare for Tops - 4/10/2006 8:32:56 AM

LadyWolfdreams

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Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Wyoming
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My slave and I seem to do what a lot of people have been saying - after a scene I like to cuddle with him and tell him how much I love him, how important he is to me. He always thanks me when we're through, as well. It's just a quiet moment where we can wind down and be close - usually before we both drift off to sleep. It's something that's very important to both of us.

Lady Wolfdreams

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Post #: 20

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