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RE: Fantasy Versus Reality?? - 5/30/2010 9:17:28 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I believe there are a lot of s-types who have a fantasy of what being a sub would be like, but really haven't lived that life to know what it's really like. Part of the problem for most dominants is that they're looking at a field of individuals who might actually believe they are capable of one thing, but in reality have different expectations. And most often, they aren't even aware that the dichotomy exists.

I can imagine it must be tough to find someone that is both capable and willing, and THEN experienced as well. As someone who has lived in a few long-term bdsm relationships, I can tell you that even having experience doesn't always translate to both minds meeting in the same space. It is really hard for like-minded people of this persuasion to connect and actually find each other. I know I've been trying for many years, and something always seems to emerge as some kind of conflict, whether it be different expectations, ridiculous distances between both partners, and all sorts of other varieties of weirdness.

It's a large reason why I just post on the boards these days and waste little effort trying to find someone any more.

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(in reply to Andalusite)

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RE: Fantasy Versus Reality?? - 5/30/2010 11:40:32 PM

NicoleNorth

Posts: 27
Joined: 7/1/2009
Status: offline

one of the best things to do is to discuss things ahead of time so they know what u expect. also, patience. and have them read things that aren't porn or talk to people who live the lifestyle and can give them advise. alot of erotic stuff and porn is designed to focus on just the sexy aspects of it and not the lifestyle aspects outside the titillating bedroom/dungeon stuff. so a lot of new ppl dont realy know any better. patience and communication. :)

(in reply to khem)

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Post #: 22