Teach me how to be submissive

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teachmeliz -> Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 6:59:53 AM)
Hi my name is Liz, I am beginning to explore this need in me to be dominated by a real "MAN'. I have some meetings set up which I hope might lead to being fulfilled. Can I please ask the question, how do I approach the man who may dominate me. I feel I should be myself, which is very much in control in my real life. But, then again, I don't want to be. I want him to be happy with me and see how submissive I can be. Or, on the other hand should I show him how open I am to anything he can dish up and be a naughty girl and tongue him at first site.

sirsholly -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 7:15:20 AM)
quote: Can I please ask the question, how do I approach the man who may dominate me. I feel I should be myself, which is very much in control in my real life you answered your own question very well. You are not a passive doormat, so don't try to be. Best of luck on your journey and welcome to CM!

Level -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 7:21:08 AM)
Yes, "tongue him" the first time you see him, by all means.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 7:32:03 AM)
Level! Behave! One of the most difficult things about realizing one's interest in something like this can be the desire to go all out, live in the fantasy that has been created in your head. While you can do that and have a couple fabulous one night stands (do be safe if that is the route you choose), if your goal is to have something more, then slow and steady is the way. I would recommend sticking around the message boards a bit. For new folks (esp sub women) the attention can be misleading. There are a LOT of domineering men or just plain horny men who want sex. Nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't ring my personal bell. The people on the forums generally tend to be folks that are fairly well rounded (some more round than others - *wink) and tend to talk this kind of thing through. It might help you get some perspective. Since you just joined, I suggest you wait a few weeks before responding seriously to anyone on the c-mail side of things. You are like catnip for the alley toms over there. New, wanting to learn. Your nickname alone screams "take advantage of me". Good luck, sunshine

sirsholly -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 7:32:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level Yes, "tongue him" the first time you see him, by all means. oh Lordie...i missed that. [8\|]

wandersalone -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 7:47:19 AM)
Welcome to the forums This is a link to local events in Melbourne Chains is a good event to start out with and they have a dinner beforehand that you can attend to make it less daunting. If you let them know at the door they can also arrange for someone to show you around and introduce you to some of the people I would suggest doing what YOU feel comfortable with, not doing what someone else tells you you should do, even if they say they are a dom.

DarkSteven -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 8:48:44 AM)
Hello, OP! You do not need to prove to anyone how sub you are, and will get taken advantage of if you try. At your first meeting, you need to gauge how good a fit the two of you are. Do you genuinely like him? Is he the sort of man you could see yourself being with, out in public, doing vanilla things? Then and ONLY then... could you see yourself submitting to him? This will eliminate 90% of the men you would meet here. And good riddance to them. And if the tonguing idea came from you, shame on you. If it came from him, don't meet him. Lastly, make sure that the man is actually available and not taken. Edited to add; OP, I thought about this and don't think you're ready to meet yet. You're too eager and easy to take advantage of. Follow my girlfriend wanders' suggestion and just meet people just to meet them and see that they're no better or worse than nonkinksters first. Your goal is not to submit. It's to find someone to whom you can submit. Don't just submit to anyone!

teachmeliz -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 9:03:22 AM)
Thank you all for helping me see things clearly. Though I haven't found that all men love me just for me, I will take that position if I feel something real could come out of meeting the right man

wandersalone -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 9:14:39 AM)
Liz feel free to contact me, I might be going to the next Chains in a couple of weeks time and would be happy to meet you there so you are not on your own. [:)]

lizi -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 1:13:07 PM)
Liz, I'm still pretty new. The best thing I did was hang out here in the forums and learn by reading, that honestly gave me a great background in things. I pretty much figured out what I wanted that way and got a feel for how to navigate in a new world. It is overwhelming at first- or it was for me. The best thing I can tell you is to be yourself, don't try to fill a role- don't try to 'be' a submissive woman, just be you. You need to see if you fit with him and if things work that way before adding the other stuff. We've all had our moments, especially in the beginning, of going too fast and wanting it all and making a mistake or two. It's ok to slow down in order to make a good decision. When I was looking I told prospective men that we were only meeting as friends until I got a better feel for how I wanted to proceed and then I had to hold them to that. I would carefully explain that I had to make a good decision for myself after all and then I would try to maintain a certain amount of distance so I could look at things objectively. After all, the guys are going to push lol. But you don't have to do it their way...not in the beginning. No one is looking out for you at that point except for yourself so do a good job of it [:)] Oh, and btw...welcome!

laurell3 -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 1:19:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: teachmeliz Thank you all for helping me see things clearly. Though I haven't found that all men love me just for me, I will take that position if I feel something real could come out of meeting the right man Yes, well trying to please "all the men" would be a mistake. You see there are many that aren't right for you, some of them that hit my mail box I'm pretty confident aren't right for anyone [8D]. Don't romanticize it, it's not any different than vanilla dating. Look for someone that fits you and meets your needs. Be who you are. Anyone that says you are submissive enough because you're doing that is just a goofball living in fantasyland.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 5:15:51 PM)
Wanders is Stevens girlfriend?

DarkSteven -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 5:22:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss Wanders is Stevens girlfriend? Absolutely. But break it to her gently - she doesn't know about it quite yet.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 5:23:40 PM)
Ohhhhhhhhhh Wanders!!! STEVEN SAYS YOU'RE HIS GIRLFRIEND! Like that?

wandersalone -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 8:53:41 PM)
laughs....damn I am? Hmmmmm so how come it is sunday lunchtime and I am sitting at home wishing I had someone to hug me damnit.

DarkSteven -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 9:12:14 PM)
Because you live in the wrong place. If you lived in Colorado, it would be Saturday evening, and I would be "hugging" you. If that's what you want to call it...

wandersalone -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 9:46:55 PM)
hmmm that sounds tempting since it would mean the weekend goes for longer and I would be having a long weekend damnit

sunshinemiss -> RE: Teach me how to be submissive (5/29/2010 10:43:48 PM)
Hugging? We call it going to town, but ok. To Liz: As you can see, we are a bunch of sassy, strong, passionate women. I think it is fair to say we all adore Steven (and a bunch of the other D-type guys and gals on this site). While we may or may not be able to be "involved" with these folks, we do treat them with affection and dare I say a bit of lust? They are respected because they are smart, interesting, have mastered their own lives, and now they are able to pay attention to what else is important (us [:)] ). There are a lot of folks on this site who have met each other and are friends. If you stick around, I'm betting you will be one of them. And if you do go to that event with the lovely Wanders, do give her a big ole squeeze for me and remind her that The Phillipines are 1. not far from Australia. 2. good for vacation in August. and 3. the place to be to meet the sweet as 3.14 sunshine this year. Darling, don't give up the goods (the goods being your submissive behavior) to someone not worthy. This is just like any other kind of dating but with a little twist to it. And remember, as my tagline says.... this is supposed to be fun, dangit! Best, sunshine

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