RE: Coming out [as a sub] (Full Version)

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TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/10/2006 8:45:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

that would be dandy, but i have been chosen a very prominent collar. i dont want to hide who i am.

I find this a little bit ambiguous hun, I think that if you are genuinely readyu to shout out who you are, then these questions you fear shouldn't be an issue.



...Exactly my thoughts.the way I am understanding you is that through your choice of collar is your way of wanting to say .Im a freak and proud of it so f**k you as your Master said to do.I am also understanding that this is also possibly your way of wanting to be who you are out into the open
..However you know and you fear the reprisals of such a "coming out".and all the
explanations that will have to be given,over and over again..your choice will be torn apart and examined,your choice will be diagnosed, discussed,criticised,applauded,worried upon,until you will probably become sick and tired of answering the why..why..why..until it will become a way of many to define and pigeonhole you in any and all minds.So weigh your options carefully and then do what you think is best for you..and only YOU..and next time Lucky Albatross offers her opinion....it is an intelligient person who listens..she may not deliver sugar coated..but she delivers honestly....be well...Tempting



KittenWithaTwist -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/10/2006 9:50:25 PM)

I would suggest not wearing a "collar" in public, unless it is non-functional, for decoration only, such as a necklace or a bracelet. As a woman who came out and continues to regret it, I can tell you that sometimes it is best to keep your sexual orientation to yourself.

After all, nobody really needs to know, except you and your loved one.



lushusboobs -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/11/2006 12:58:47 PM)

LOL@valeca and her responses.  Funny.



mixielicous -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/11/2006 2:17:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

that would be dandy, but i have been chosen a very prominent collar. i dont want to hide who i am.

I find this a little bit ambiguous hun, I think that if you are genuinely readyu to shout out who you are, then these questions you fear shouldn't be an issue.



...Exactly my thoughts.the way I am understanding you is that through your choice of collar is your way of wanting to say .Im a freak and proud of it so f**k you as your Master said to do.I am also understanding that this is also possibly your way of wanting to be who you are out into the open


i know it must be hard, to understand someone elses thoughts. i understand your confusion to my torn emotions. [for the record, my collar was chosen for me not by me, but i digress] anyways, my point is that while i want so badly to be just who i am, it is still a nerve wracking process. i have changed a lot over the years and have, somehow, become very introverted, unlike when i was younger. i am just looking for encouraging advice, while is is quite clear to me that no one but myself can make this a comfortable process. and i can tell that LA knows well of what she is talking, and i heed all advice from my more experienced seniors. i have been thinking about it incessently, the comments from this thread whorl around my head all day during class, and the concept of 'why should they even care' has come to be my conclusion. i plan on walking head high. i appreciate all your guys' advice.



sweetbbwsub31 -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/11/2006 6:53:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: valeca

I have more concerns about how your Master handled your concerns about it.  Maybe you didn't communicate them well enough for Him to understand, but it definitely appears He's brushed them aside since He's not the one who'll be having to explain the collar.

If you're trying to 'prepare', then get some preset responses ready.

Like:

"What collar?" accompanied by a blank stare. 

"Why are you wearing those shoes?"

"It's covering a hicky, alright?"

"I've joined a cult...wanna come with?  We'll be reaching the seventh astrial plane by thursday."

"You know that old saying mothers use...'You'd lose your head if it wasn't attached...?'  Yeah, well I fixed the problem."

"I'll tell you tomorrow."

"I'm kinky.  Anything else you need to know?"

"I wear it to decry facist oppression and the crushing force of left-wing military tactics used against the helplessness of 3rd world economics."  This should confuse them.  It might even start a fashion trend at your school and your collar will go unnoticed in the hundreds of others that crop up.

On a more serious note:  If you're not ready for the questions, or just not prepared to answer them, then you really should be bringing the matter up with your Master again.  Maybe discuss the possibility of a collar, or other symbol (there are others), that you could proudly wear in public.  My answer to the, "We're freaks, who the fuck cares?" would be..."With all do respect, Master, I do."

I can't imagine you or He would want your lovely symbol of His ownership to become a point of embarrassment for you.  It taints it.

i love it! My favorite is "I am kinky. Anything else you need to know."
 
thanks, that made me laugh






Sensualips -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/12/2006 5:32:39 AM)

"My boyfriend gave it to me.  Isn't it cool?"
"It was a gift from my boyfriend.  When I wear it, I think of him."
"My boyfriend gave it to me.  It reminds me of the bond we share."

If your dom is not also your boyfriend, you can sub in his name, the word partner, etc. 

For those you WANT to come out to, it seems like you are focusing on the collar as a motivator to do so.  In that case I would begin with explaining it as a symbol of commitment and wait for more questions.  Decide in advance how detailed you want to be and when to say, "The important thing is, we are both really happy.  The collar symbolizes our bond.  I am excited to be wearing it and I hope you can enjoy my happiness."



murmur -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/12/2006 8:43:56 AM)

"What collar?" accompanied by a blank stare. 

"Why are you wearing those shoes?"

"It's covering a hicky, alright?"

"I've joined a cult...wanna come with?  We'll be reaching the seventh astrial plane by thursday."

"You know that old saying mothers use...'You'd lose your head if it wasn't attached...?'  Yeah, well I fixed the problem."

"I'll tell you tomorrow."

"I'm kinky.  Anything else you need to know?"

"I wear it to decry facist oppression and the crushing force of left-wing military tactics used against the helplessness of 3rd world economics." 

one thing i have to say to that one....

LMAO



PenelopePitstop -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/12/2006 8:23:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

that would be dandy, but i have been chosen a very prominent collar. i dont want to hide who i am.

I find this a little bit ambiguous hun, I think that if you are genuinely readyu to shout out who you are, then these questions you fear shouldn't be an issue.



...Exactly my thoughts.the way I am understanding you is that through your choice of collar is your way of wanting to say .Im a freak and proud of it so f**k you as your Master said to do.I am also understanding that this is also possibly your way of wanting to be who you are out into the open


i know it must be hard, to understand someone elses thoughts. i understand your confusion to my torn emotions. [for the record, my collar was chosen for me not by me, but i digress] anyways, my point is that while i want so badly to be just who i am, it is still a nerve wracking process. i have changed a lot over the years and have, somehow, become very introverted, unlike when i was younger. i am just looking for encouraging advice, while is is quite clear to me that no one but myself can make this a comfortable process. and i can tell that LA knows well of what she is talking, and i heed all advice from my more experienced seniors. i have been thinking about it incessently, the comments from this thread whorl around my head all day during class, and the concept of 'why should they even care' has come to be my conclusion. i plan on walking head high. i appreciate all your guys' advice.


Well, I can relate to that :). Perhaps if in doubt, hold off? People are allowed to change their minds.This is a moderately big deal really and one should not feel guilty for needing a little more time to think it through. It doesn't mean you are any less committed to your collar, it just means in the presence of new information (or feelings) you need to review your stance.



CruelDaddy -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/15/2006 6:32:47 PM)

This is my first post, but I would wear the collar proudly and if someone was bold enough to ask about it, why not be honest?...Just say..."it symbolizes my devotion to the man in my life" ...then if questioned further.....depending on the relationship simply tell them "you can't handle the truth"....lol
Let them ponder and if curosity gets the best of them....tell them the truth and all that goes with it if they can handle it....Denying one's true self can be emotionally debilitating don't you think?



mixielicous -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/15/2006 11:08:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDaddy

....Denying one's true self can be emotionally debilitating don't you think?


exactly, and my whole reason for this post. collaring in less than 20 hours!

*excited*



mons -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/17/2006 4:49:25 AM)

Lucky Greetings

Wow she was asking for help and I see she was very shy
and wanted sounded advice this is something so important
to her. I been to chat rooms where the Dommes are mean
for no reason and you had not a reason to make small of her
thought and concerns I know you will write me a note telling off
that is ok I am stronger then most but I try never to bring my angry to
the post if I had a bad day I will not take it out on a submissive asking'
for help

best wishes to you

mons/jane



mixielicous -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/17/2006 8:35:43 AM)

thank you for your kind words on my behalf.



valeca -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/17/2006 9:38:54 AM)

LA gave the advice that was asked for.  She suggested speaking to her Dom about her concerns, and that anything can show up as fashion in college--use it to her advantage, then followed it with the idea that the collar, as lovely as it is, is a symbol of the relationship, not the entirety of it....which several people agree with.

How was anything 'taken out' on the OP?  It seems like sound advice to me--communicate your concerns with your Dominant, and remember that your submission comes from what's on your inside, not what's on your outside.


To the OP:  Presuming all went well and your collaring took place, congrats and well wishes for your future together!

Oh, and glad I caused a few smiles with my post.



Moloch -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/17/2006 11:03:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: murmur

"What collar?" accompanied by a blank stare. 

"Why are you wearing those shoes?"

"It's covering a hicky, alright?"

"I've joined a cult...wanna come with?  We'll be reaching the seventh astrial plane by thursday."

"You know that old saying mothers use...'You'd lose your head if it wasn't attached...?'  Yeah, well I fixed the problem."

"I'll tell you tomorrow."

"I'm kinky.  Anything else you need to know?"

"I wear it to decry facist oppression and the crushing force of left-wing military tactics used against the helplessness of 3rd world economics." 

one thing i have to say to that one....

LMAO


Buahah! Thank you, you just made my day.



valeca -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/17/2006 11:18:21 AM)

You're welcome.  The pleasure was all mine.



fritzkatt1955 -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/22/2006 6:18:57 AM)

How about an update on the collaring and how are you experiences wearing your collar to school and in public.




mixielicous -> RE: Coming out [as a sub] (4/22/2006 6:36:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fritzkatt1955

How about an update on the collaring and how are you experiences wearing your collar to school and in public.




well i have some very detailed posts about this in my live journal, of which i fear would be too long to post on these forums. if you have LJ you can add me, i am under ths same SN as here



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