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xssve -> RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? (6/9/2010 9:43:29 AM)
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As far as I'm concerned the distinction is purely psychological - "kinky" is about really letting your inhibitions go, following your impulses, when you stop wondering about "them" and what "they" might think of this, whether it's Jesus or whoever, and just immersing yourself in the scene.
It can be whatever, slut of submissive fantasies, whatever get's you in the zone. In my experience, those who obsess over their "image", or "role" (in the non sexual sense) or whatever it is, have a much more difficult time letting go and getting freaky - you have to do this all the time anyway, i.e., worry about what kind of "impression" you're making, kink, to me is, getting away from all that - some people just can't stop doing it, like somebody is watching them all the time, and I think that's why the trust issues are so important in BDSM, I do think it requires a higher level of trust to really be alone with somebody, rather than letting other people, who aren't actually there, project their ideas onto you.
Hard to describe, since to some extent, even that can be part of a scene, up to and including the subs fantasy projections of what a "dom" is, and vice versa, but I think the difference there is one of awareness of that dynamic, and that you are using it, instead of it using you, it's a whole different sort of role immersion.
You don't even have to necessarily be "kinky" to do this, but for me, vanilla spells "inhibition", which for various reasons, reproductive politics, theology, etc., all the ways "society" is always mindlessly trying to get it's hooks into you, to serve it's ends - it's freedom, and that's always kinky.
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