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Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 12:43:37 PM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		I have a good life... plenty of friends, family, a daughter I'm immensly proud of and the freedom to do what I choose. I've chosen to have lovers rather than relationships because it's just easier and less disruptive.

My attitude about finding a partner has been if I find someone who enhances my life then great...but I would rather spend the rest of my life single, then compromise.

The fact that I'm here now, shows I've had a change of heart and no longer look at the idea of a partner as an add on or enhancement but rather as an intregal, much deeper and less selfish means of achieving happiness in my life... taking it to another level if you will.

My question is... Do you view a partner as a convenience that enhances your life... or as an intregal part of your happiness?

< Message edited by jbcurious -- 6/3/2010 1:02:47 PM >

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...

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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 12:48:06 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I hesitate to conclude that happiness would be found in another person.

I have to love myself first.  Anything after that is bonus.

(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 12:50:23 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Really neither.  i view my happiness as my responsibility - and i choose to be happy, even when life is tough.

Being owned in a M/s relationship is a different type of happiness - i would refer to it more as fulfillment.  i do need to be owned to be fulfilled, and to have my slave needs fulfilled, but it isn't a requirement for my happiness as an individual.

Like you, i could be happy outside of a relationship for an indefinite amount of time - it's one of the reasons i've been taking my time in having discussions with potential Owners.  But ultimately, i do need to be enslaved, and not in a "casual lover" sort of way. 

And yes, i do engage in a different relationship dynamic, but ultimately i see the fundamentals as being the same. 

i hope that this makes sense. 

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 12:57:16 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Neither.

I share the same outlook as UniqueRaven as per the following statement. 'My happiness is my responsibility'.

I am not actively looking for anything. I am living my life, enjoying the moment. I cannot imagine, if I lived so focused on finding someone, making it my goal and answer to happiness, only to get near the end of my physical life to find I spend all these wonderful years searching for something I never found. What a waste. I just cannot do it.

Life is too fleeting and wonderful to count on another person for my reason in living it.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 6/3/2010 12:58:10 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 1:07:29 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Jb,

Given the responses, I think this is semantics at work. As I understand it, this thread was started partially in response to this exchange : http://www.collarchat.com/m_3237286/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#3238998

While I agree that happiness and self-care are our own primary responsibility, I also believe that relationships including friends, family and significant others can be an incredibly enhancing, fulfilling and intregal part of our lives.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 1:16:12 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Oh I firmly believe we need relationships with others. I just don't believe that they need to be specific types of relationships.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 1:27:09 PM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		I by no means believe that we shift the burden for our happiness to the shoulders of another... I believe it is still on the individual to find happiness within the relationship they enter but that in opening themselves up to the wants needs and desires of another can achieve a different state of happiness or as Unique Raven puts it, fulfillment.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 1:30:49 PM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline 		I was perfectly happy being on my own for many years. It was about 7 years in all, and in that time I met many decent, genuine men, and I was lucky to only meet one who I can say was a complete idiot, but it just made me realise that he wasn't the sort of man I could ever be happy with. In those 7 years I can honestly say that I never felt that I needed a man to make my life complete, and I was happy just to make new friends with a 'you never know' attitude, so it came as quite a shock to me when I met my now boyfriend, who I was convinced would be another one who I got on great with online, through letters and on the phone only. The fact that there was an almighty spark there from the moment we met just proved to me that my fussiness had not gone to waste. So, in answer to the OP, I feel that you can be and have to be perfectly happy with your own life as it is, before you can welcome anyone else into it and like it's been said before, it just makes it the icing on the cake that is a precious life indeed. :D

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I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 1:34:41 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		-- everyone------


If you are happy and you know it-  clap your hands...


If you are happy and you know it-  clap your hands...

(in reply to bighappygoth39)
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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 1:35:56 PM   
DarlingSavage


Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline 		Happiness is having a nice set of power tools, especially a drill with all kinds of nice drill bits!  THAT is where you can find TRUE happiness!

_____________________________

<-- Easily amused.
<-- Easily impressed.

Strangers have the BEST candy!

Puppy dogs are my favorite people!


(in reply to pahunkboy)
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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 1:39:32 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Is there a man that goes with the set?

(in reply to DarlingSavage)
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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 1:42:14 PM   
DarlingSavage


Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline 		No, this set belongs to me.  I used to have one of those, but he couldn't hang on to his DeWalt.  Somehow, his DeWalt always wound up in the pawn shop.  I had to take him and leave him at the pawn shop for being such an idiot. 

_____________________________

<-- Easily amused.
<-- Easily impressed.

Strangers have the BEST candy!

Puppy dogs are my favorite people!


(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 1:44:57 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		It all makes me want to go to a hardware store for some candy.

(in reply to DarlingSavage)
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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 1:45:35 PM   
bestheadyet


Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline 		until im collared i wont be happy

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 1:45:39 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I guess I'm going to go against the flow here, because I really do see other people in My life as an enhancement.  Meaning that they are adding to what I've already got.  The only one person that I base My happiness on is Me.  Everybody else is just the icing on the cake.  They just make the good even better.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 2:02:54 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

I have a good life... plenty of friends, family, a daughter I'm immensly proud of and the freedom to do what I choose. I've chosen to have lovers rather than relationships because it's just easier and less disruptive.

My attitude about finding a partner has been if I find someone who enhances my life then great...but I would rather spend the rest of my life single, then compromise.

The fact that I'm here now, shows I've had a change of heart and no longer look at the idea of a partner as an add on or enhancement but rather as an intregal, much deeper and less selfish means of achieving happiness in my life... taking it to another level if you will.

My question is... Do you view a partner as a convenience that enhances your life... or as an intregal part of your happiness?


Let me put it this way.. I am usually happiest when I am in his presence so I spend as much time as he allows or is able to allow being in his presence. He's in Bologna right now and I'm in Milan but I am not unhappy. Right now I'm farting around on my farm, reading the forums, checking email.. just talked to my son who bought a new car and I'm making a list of the stuff we'll need at the new place once the Sky(whatever the heck it's called) and the Internet are turned on and I'm am smiling so that's a good thing. :D

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 2:03:03 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

Do you view a partner as a convenience that enhances your life...

No.

quote:

or as an intregal part of your happiness?

As a part of it, yes.

I am happy and content.  I was happy and content when without Master, but I am more content now I know him and am owned by him.  Without him, does not mean I am less in the long run, just a different receipe with different ingredients added.

I disagree that the only person responsible for ones happiness is oneself.  I cannot fathom that.  Everything we do touches other people and we touch their happiness or sadness in retrospect.  I would rather own that responsibility than deny it and I am comfortable with that.

the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 3:37:16 PM   
SocratesNot


Posts: 812
Joined: 5/17/2010
Status: offline 		I think that everyone can achieve some basic level of happiness alone, independently of other people.
And this is the core of us, that will enable us to endure even if everyone leave us.
We must be able to find some happiness and strength inside.

But this is only a small part of our potential for happiness. This is only what is acceptable, not what is desirable,  far from full happiness.
To be really happy, we must share our happiness with other people. Without them we can survive, we can even be somewhat "happy"
but we can't really thrive.

Even the secluded mystics and monks aren't really alone. If they are not connected directly with other people, they are connected with humanity and
ideas of humanity. If they read books, they are not alone, but in "company" of those who wrote the books.

So, for full happiness, I think other people are necessary.


_____________________________

Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. - Aristotle
Plato is my friend, but truth is a better friend. - Aristotle

(in reply to RCdc)
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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 3:59:44 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		jb, im much like you and many others on here, in that i have a fulfilled and happy life, i have no need to clutter my life up with anything that isnt an enhancement to that but i have been on my own, on and off for a time now and ive got to a point now, that might be partly cos my son doesnt need me so much anymore, but where i feel i have heaps to give and explore and learn and grow from that i cant necessarily do on my own - its a part of me that wants to share with someone i think to be special, thats all tied up in giving myself to him absolutely - where that leads is anyones guess, but its very much a part of where i am and an integral part of my happyness right now.

without him there i would feel at a loss but thats because we're sharing somethng quite magical and amazing -

i long ago stopped putting my happyness into the hands of another and a while ago i gave up on the idea of 'forever' - but the here and now is good enough and living that to its abolute fullest.  but every day is 'the here and now' and thats how i see it mostly.

so he is integral to my happyness right now and thats about as much pressure as i want to put onto it and us.  i dont see him as a convenience to enhancing my life at all.  he is enhancing my life by being there and sharing this with me - actually i cant get my head around 'convenience' at all - lol, it makes me think of toilets for some reason  -

the thing is i dont need a man in my life but i am enjoying this man in my life but i could go back to it just being me again - largely because ive got this whole 'being on my own' sorted - so its taken the pressure off finding happyness through a Ds relationship - im probably happier in a Ds relationship because its only then that i can be fully me but im now in the wonderful position of being able to enjoy what i have without worrying what might be next around the corner because a relationship does not define me or make me whole, it enhances what i have already and gives me the opportunity to grow beyond myself and morph again.

the most amazing thing about Ds and Ms relationships for me is how each one has taught me so much, unravelled so much and explored deep down - that is what i love and enjoy, i find it thrilling and fascinating - but i spose i just dont like putting pressure on a relationship to be anything other than what it is to U/us today.  today is fine and tomorrow will always take care of itself - i know he and i will always be close and i think i will always love him now and in that way he has and does enhance my day simply cos i know he's part of my life now.

i think what i hope for most is that i enhance his day.



_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to RCdc)
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RE: Being Happy... - 6/3/2010 4:01:08 PM   
DarlingSavage


Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline 		Haute couture is required for TRUE happiness.  Don't let anyone try to tell you differently!  

_____________________________

<-- Easily amused.
<-- Easily impressed.

Strangers have the BEST candy!

Puppy dogs are my favorite people!


(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 20
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