RE: Dom learning

RE: Dom learning (Full Version)

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Blankpain -> RE: Dom learning (6/4/2010 7:33:43 AM)
Practice. Practice. Practice.

Andalusite -> RE: Dom learning (6/4/2010 7:54:21 AM)
Osf, I was a Domme starting at 20, and didn't mess my male submissive boyfriend up. I disagree that there should be an age limit (aside from legal ones protecting minors). My former dominant, who I had my first submissive relationship with, was a little under 30 and I was a little over 30, when we started dating. There are some younger people who are very mature and want power exchange and/or BDSM as part of their relationships. Mandating that submissives all need to all date Dominants who are much older, who they aren't attracted to, is just an idiotic idea. Attempting to suppress Dominants and force them to keep their relationships completely vanilla is equally unrealistic. Even if they don't use the D/s or BDSM vocabulary, they'll probably still engage in power exchange, S/M, bondage, or whatever else they're into.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Dom learning (6/4/2010 8:54:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf after a failed relationship or two you'll either learn or not, during this the best you can hope for is not to fuck the poor girl/s up too much and there ought to be a law no one should be allowed to learn to be a dom before thirty Proof that those over 30 can be just as bad as those under it.

jerseyfarm -> . (6/4/2010 1:36:50 PM)
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Focus50 -> RE: Dom learning (6/4/2010 3:17:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: osf after a failed relationship or two you'll either learn or not, during this the best you can hope for is not to fuck the poor girl/s up too much and there ought to be a law no one should be allowed to learn to be a dom before thirty Proof that those over 30 can be just as bad as those under it. And that nothing quite moves a discussion along like the ole "glass is one tenth empty" perspective. Focus.

Syrox -> RE: Dom learning (6/4/2010 5:16:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: osf after a failed relationship or two you'll either learn or not, during this the best you can hope for is not to fuck the poor girl/s up too much and there ought to be a law no one should be allowed to learn to be a dom before thirty Proof that those over 30 can be just as bad as those under it. And that nothing quite moves a discussion along like the ole "glass is one tenth empty" perspective. Focus. Well I see the same glass and I see it as.... your round dude! only real advice is, be yourself. not someone you invent purely for on-line., after all... if all goes according to plan, she's gonna find out in the end anyway. and be patient. good things come to those who wait :)

Kana -> RE: Dom learning (6/4/2010 6:00:57 PM)
Meet an experienced slave. No shit. It worked for me.

Andalusite -> RE: Dom learning (6/4/2010 6:27:43 PM)
Focus, I'm confused. Michael didn't say that all Dominants over 30 are immature or should be avoided, just that age doesn't guarantee maturity. When I was looking last year, I preferred men who were within 10 years of my age, though I was open to a roughly 15 year range. Some of the younger men were very mature, well-spoken, etc., and I did run into a couple of guys who were in their 40's or 50's but who were in fantasy land or childish in other ways.

aldompdx -> RE: Dom learning (6/5/2010 12:41:41 AM)
Mastery is first of one's self. Wisdom is not gained by watching, but by being. Honor and respect is not gained by what you do to another person, but by who you ARE as a person. Work over yourself first.

Focus50 -> RE: Dom learning (6/5/2010 4:18:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite Focus, I'm confused. Michael didn't say that all Dominants over 30 are immature or should be avoided, just that age doesn't guarantee maturity. When I was looking last year, I preferred men who were within 10 years of my age, though I was open to a roughly 15 year range. Some of the younger men were very mature, well-spoken, etc., and I did run into a couple of guys who were in their 40's or 50's but who were in fantasy land or childish in other ways. You're saying the percentage of "guys who were in their 40's or 50's" that were childish/immature etc runs about the same as those under 30? You're correct, that he didn't say "all Dominants over 30 are immature or should be avoided" but he did imply exactly what I just asked of you. And it's bullshit. Let's just toss a few hypothetical numbers around. Men over 50 you'd regard as immature re relationships.... And no, I'm not talking couples that are just plain a bad mix for each other - everyone gets branded immature when that shit finally takes out the fan altogether.... Lets just say single and seeking - those you might otherwise consider meeting. Immature - 1 in 10? 2 in 10? How about men under 25.... 4 in 10? 6 in 10? More? Or am I just wasting my time discussing further? That the "glass" I spoke of is nowhere near 50/50 let alone on the positive side, hence my comment. Focus.

Focus50 -> RE: Dom learning (6/5/2010 4:25:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aldompdx Mastery is first of one's self. Wisdom is not gained by watching, but by being. Honor and respect is not gained by what you do to another person, but by who you ARE as a person. Work over yourself first. Whoa, the same post now rehashed for the 441st time.... Ya gotta admire consistency, though I'm a little disappointed you couldn't fit "surrender" in on this replay. Focus.

KnightofMists -> RE: Dom learning (6/5/2010 7:56:18 AM)
My first thought... is what do you mean by "Dom".. what exactly are you looking to watch? Your definition of the word sounds rather different than mine. This is not to say you are wrong or that I am. But appreciating specifically what you want to learn that is more descriptive would be much easier to understand that some label that can have different meanings. Secondly, I am familiar with the Calgary scene and you will find that there is public events where you can meet people and learn more than just a few things from them. Some learning will be useful to you and some not so much. I strongly suggest that you get out to the events and take it slow. Baby steps so to speak. Lastly, a piece of advice. Get many varied opinions on a paritcular question and then make your own decision on what answer works best for you with regards to your question. But, never write it in stone... be ready to reconsider and change such answer as needed.

Andalusite -> RE: Dom learning (6/5/2010 12:17:14 PM)
Level, I certainly haven't dated enough people, or interacted with them on a deep enough level, for a statistical analysis! Actually, I've only dated a couple of gentlemen in their early 50's, as that is the very top of the age range I'm open to, and both seemed to be mature, ethical, and had integrity and manners. So did most of the 20-something Dominant/etc. men who I have interacted with in person. I haven't noticed a direct correlation between age (within the range I'm looking for) and maturity, I just seek out men who are both mature, and within that age range.[;)] I've seen a lot of posters here who are older but seem very childish, and have talked with plenty of (afaik) vanilla women whose husbands went through a midlife crisis in their 40's or 50's who behaved in immature ways. I try to judge/evaluate people as individuals, whether they would be a good fit for me, and on various things that are important to me. Age (within that range, maybe slightly older), ethnicity, D/s or BDSM orientation, and height don't matter as much as how interesting they are to talk with, being reasonably physically active, having compatible views on D/s, getting along with my friends (and vice versa for me with their friends), having a compatible sense of humor, being trustworthy, the way they treat other people (especially service people), how easily they get angry and how they handle it when they do, and so forth.

Focus50 -> RE: Dom learning (6/5/2010 3:12:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite Level, I certainly haven't dated enough people, or interacted with them on a deep enough level, for a statistical analysis! Actually, I've only dated a couple of gentlemen in their early 50's, as that is the very top of the age range I'm open to, and both seemed to be mature, ethical, and had integrity and manners. So did most of the 20-something Dominant/etc. men who I have interacted with in person. I haven't noticed a direct correlation between age (within the range I'm looking for) and maturity, I just seek out men who are both mature, and within that age range.[;)] I've seen a lot of posters here who are older but seem very childish, and have talked with plenty of (afaik) vanilla women whose husbands went through a midlife crisis in their 40's or 50's who behaved in immature ways. I try to judge/evaluate people as individuals, whether they would be a good fit for me, and on various things that are important to me. Age (within that range, maybe slightly older), ethnicity, D/s or BDSM orientation, and height don't matter as much as how interesting they are to talk with, being reasonably physically active, having compatible views on D/s, getting along with my friends (and vice versa for me with their friends), having a compatible sense of humor, being trustworthy, the way they treat other people (especially service people), how easily they get angry and how they handle it when they do, and so forth. At the risk of thinking our relationship (and your attention) is all about me, did you just drop a rival's name during the throes of our passion and pillow-talk...? [sm=jaw.gif] Focus.

Andalusite -> RE: Dom learning (6/6/2010 9:28:42 AM)
I'm sorry! Anyway, I was thinking this over a bit more, and you're probably right that the percentage of mature men does increase with age, both in general, and for Dominants. I just try to focus on people as individuals rather than stereotyping them. I don't want to date anyone who is immature, regardless of their age.[:D]

Focus50 -> RE: Dom learning (6/6/2010 2:57:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite I'm sorry! Anyway, I was thinking this over a bit more, and you're probably right that the percentage of mature men does increase with age, both in general, and for Dominants. I just try to focus on people as individuals rather than stereotyping them. I don't want to date anyone who is immature, regardless of their age.[:D] There's always exceptions but the getting of wisdom comes with life experience - which is relative to your age. I have a neighbour my age (55) and it doesn't look like he'll ever get beyond his teens re his general behaviour, even though he presents as otherwise intelligent and (uh-ohh) normal. So yeah, I've met immature 50yo's, too, but does presenting that one example in ten (or five) amount to true and positive input to a discussion or just serve to derail and diminish it. And yeah, I'm mindful that it did come from Simply; that he does like to make more noise than the rest of us kids in the sandbox... Focus.

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