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Sub Orgasms - info, info, info - 4/10/2006 1:34:22 PM

Liatris

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I am not new to being a dominant person or personality, never had a name to put on it but have usually drawn submissive-type men and had much confusion on their and my part (another story, another time). Met a man the past few months who I have developed a relationship with. He mentioned in passing that he has a "strong submissive streak". I thought I had an idea of what he meant but a few weeks later, while at dinner, I asked if he had any "unconventional" sexual inclinations that he needed to tell me about. This is after I have noticed some overtly submissive behavior (obvious shoe/foot fetish, extreme helpfulness, extreme courtesy & deference, etc.). He told me that he is a submissive male and what that means for him. He did this openly though it was difficult for him. It was not as much of a shock to me as he'd thought it would be, apparently. I do believe our relationship is closer and more open becuase we each can be who we "naturally" are instead of trying to conform to expected roles.

One issue. I have read and read and read but can find no info on this. The only way and I mean the ONLY way he can have an orgasm is if I create a submissive scenario and relate it to him until he is done or I become really aggressive (not much of a problem for me) and tell him what he will and won't do or, I tell him that he will have an orgasm and outright demand it. He will actually lose his erection and not orgasm until I do one of these three things.

Wonderful to have that amount of control and it does make sessions last a lot longer however, it would be nice to sometimes have him take it to the finish line without as much assistance. Has anyone else experienced such a thing? Any way around, some sort of re-conditioning, it or is this the way it will be?

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RE: Sub Orgasms - info, info, info - 4/10/2006 4:10:03 PM

MsDominiquenz

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Joined: 4/1/2006
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Oooh.. a hard one.
I have had this before, and it becomes tedious, but something that is firmly in place is a challenge.
I handled it by firmly getting control of the orgasm response, till I knew it inside out .. then slowly introduced other factors to turn the response..introduce things that you enjoy more amongst the needed activities, increasing them and reducing the others, yes, reconditioning.
A breath of fresh air for your subby, and if possible a needed change, perhaps replace the forcefulness with the shoes and feet ?
Planting new fetishes is intense, and can be a lot of work. Please judge for yourself if the sub is controlling this situation and making sessions drag out with this 'problem'.

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RE: Sub Orgasms - info, info, info - 4/10/2006 8:26:48 PM

CherryLeopard

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Joined: 2/12/2006
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My first thought is one of suprise... it seems from your post that the culmination of your scenes focuses on the subs orgasm, that his orgasming is critical. While I enjoy making or allowing my subs to cum on occasion that is rarely the focus of our interactions. Perhaps you might think about refocusing your scenes so this is not a culminating activity or perhaps not one that sought all the time. Would that still satisfy you? If so then it could be worth trying.

My second thought is that I have taught some of my past subs to cum on my command. In different sessions I'll give them a specific amount of time in which to cum (say 4 minutes, or 2, or 12 depending on my mood) and they must cum within 15 seconds of that time. Cum too early...punished later. Don't cum in the amount of time allotted then hands off baby no cum for you today. This is particularly effective when they've been in a period of enforced chastity. They see the stopwatch come out and it sets off a particular sort of nervous excitement in them.

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RE: Sub Orgasms - info, info, info - 4/11/2006 4:02:32 AM

Liatris

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CherryLeopoard: The focus isn't on his orgasm *every* time, however, when the time is there if he is allowed to go for it on his own, no matter what has happened previously . . . it doesn't happen. If I don't get him there, he doesn't get there.

Mistress Dominiquenz: I am not as deeply experienced in this as he is. After talking with him last night, I believe part of it will be "undoing" some of his previous training from a d/s relationship that ended badly. He is accustomed to responding to those signals and I have to get him cued to mine.

Both your input is appreciated. Got a pedicure coming on Saturday with a Sunday "wake up call" that he doesn't yet know about, I'll make a plan between now and then to begin heading in the right direction. Any additional info is welcome.

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RE: Sub Orgasms - info, info, info - 4/11/2006 4:21:57 AM

MstrssPassion

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hmmm...

Several things come to mind. I agree that reconditioning may resolve this & then again I wonder if there is some type of erectile dysfunction complicating matters.

I really can't put myself in your shoes & offer any insight or advice in the matter based on this minimal information. Yes, several things come to mind, but I could be completely off base with my comments. I would need to get a lot more detail before further comment.

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RE: Sub Orgasms - info, info, info - 4/11/2006 10:06:32 AM

Jasmyn

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quote:

The only way and I mean the ONLY way he can have an orgasm is if I create a submissive scenario and relate it to him until he is done or I become really aggressive (not much of a problem for me) and tell him what he will and won't do or, I tell him that he will have an orgasm and outright demand it. He will actually lose his erection and not orgasm until I do one of these three things.

If you were to ask him "do you want to cum for me/mistress" ... what would be his most likely response?   "Whatever Mistress wants" or "Yes Mistress, very much so." ...'cause it reads to me its possible the former, is how he is sexually wired or sexually conditioned to respond to a dominant woman and for now you have become that woman in his head.

Right now his orgasms are tied up in his fantasies, not necessarily a bad thing, the make up of an individual's fantasies can give us knowledge and insight into the person, and you know what they say about knowledge being power and all that.  Indulged at our discrection fantasies make for a great bargaining tool, but better still when he is in that space the enivornment is ripe for introducing new ideas and thoughts.

I'd introduce the thought that his orgasms are important to me and I want him to learn to give of his orgasm more freely.  (introducing a goal: something to strive for/something that will please her)   But that I will help him with this (she cares in him succeeding)  Will tell him that from now on every orgasm is going to be for me. (introducing a tool to help him acheive the goal).

Maybe reminding him that I am all that he worships and adores. (telling him how he feels)  I understand him and he is lucky to have someone like me in his life. (she know hims so all that she says must be true) That it is a gift I am giving him, a special and unique gift allowing him into my life like this. (he's special/she made a considered choice when choosing him) AND/OR saying that it pleases me when he serves me well and I want to train him to do his very best for me at all times, and that giving freely of his orgasms is just ONE WAY he can do this and telling him all the things that do already please me about him. But that he must take this opportunity seriously and strive at all times to give me his orgasm and not hold back. I'd then have him cum for me and make a fuss of him doing well.

Another trick I like to add sometimes is making the point of such acquience memorable.   A boy with a shoe fetish allowed to cum on my shoes, perhaps with the added twist of him having to lick them clean immediately afterwards.   A Goddess worshipper allowed to masturbate using a pair of my panties. Or letting them nearly get to the point of orgasm and having them beg to be allowed to cum for ME, waiting till they are near desperation point then allowing such a thing. Or doing nothing fetish/fantasy but while they masturbate for me reminding them again of who they are and the place they have in my world, and how it pleases me to see them give freely of themselves.

Every guy will be different so it's not something you can totally script for but having a general idea of them and what makes them tick, you can push, probe, prompt and suggest and by their reactions, responses, feedback you can gauge how far to take it or if indeed it is worth it.. But like others have said, do actively take control of his orgasm and see how he responds.

If he is totally wired this way, embrace it and face it and take the relationship down the track where you are at all times in control and that does mean controlling how and when and why he orgasms.   It does mean in a sense you can end up denying yourself of all those yummy sensual gawd I'm one hot woman feelings ya get when a guy cums just because you are you and hot for you not the fantasy dom of his dreams cum to life. But not as tedious as it could be if it is constantly indulged and in doing so domming him ultimately becomes all about what he wants and how he wants it, rather than what you want. 'Cause getting what you want is indeed the way to make it all about you and in no time his orgasm will very much be all for you and not the fantasy domina he thought he wanted ;)

Good luck, hope my thoughts resonnate or make some sense lol.

Jasmyn

< Message edited by Jasmyn -- 4/11/2006 10:08:11 AM >

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