RE: The responsibility of ownership

RE: The responsibility of ownership (Full Version)

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jbcurious -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/5/2010 3:31:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: jbcurious To me, someone who is truely strong and confident doesn't take that route. There is power in being underestimated.[;)] (Note: not a sarcastic or a joke post. Meant 100% straight up.) That's why quiet confidence makes me weak in the knees... [:)]

kiwisub12 -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/5/2010 3:36:09 PM)
I too, never really liked show-offs. Uber sexy is confidence in yourself.

lucylucy -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/5/2010 3:43:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: takingu84116 she is not capable of success or failure on her own. I beg to differ. I am very capable of success AND failure on my own! Believe it or not, I accomplished some things and failed at some things well before I became owned. And yes, I'm in a real life relationship, so I'd appreciate you not dismissing me as an "online person" just because this is an online forum.

MrRodgers -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/5/2010 3:49:50 PM)
I am thinking there is a responsibility of ownership but mostly in the sense he/they can provide for her but has little to do what a slave would have done with or without you and it shouldn't. I enjoyed compelling pleasure in that all of my sub/slaves save one, had a college degree, some advanced. Suffice to say there is little more if anything more exciting to me that is non-tactile, than for a woman who could have almost any man, do almost anything she wanted, almost anywhere she wanted, instead...is alone with me or even among friends, follows my lead and all from having allowed me the opportunity to inspire her submission.

SpiritofaSub -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/5/2010 3:56:31 PM)
Hello takingu I read your OP in a different light then the majority of the posters. If I understood what you were trying to say, it could be very possible that a lot of Doms, though of course not all, do not understand how much work it takes to be a Dom. There is so much more then just shouting out orders or insults to their submissive or slave. It could be possible that this type of Dom could actually take away the submissive's self-worth. Does this happen? Yes. How often, I am clueless. I do believe that there might be some doms who cannot take responsibility for their own errors, but perhaps they are new or young into BDSM and will learn through trial and error. If a submissive or slave had this type of dom in the past, they could end up broken without their own self-worth. I though would stop there, and say the submissive or slave needs to find their own self-worth again through themselves not a Dom. My reasoning for that is it would be too easy to end up with the same type of dom they had in the past. Would you also say that this same scenerio can be seen in any abusive, especially mentally and emotionally, relationship inside or outside BDSM? I believe that a submissive owns it to themselves to not be a victim. They need to take the time out to heal those wounds and build their self-esteem. So imho, the submissive or slave is also accountable for their own actions. I personally did not take your OP in the light of being offensive. Nothing you said in their could I take as a personal attack. I am a submissive who owns to herself to have a healthy self-worth. if I don't most likely I will choose those who will abuse my lack. So is it the Dom or submissive that needs to take responsibility? In my life it has to be me, submissive, and the Dom needs to be human. One who can own me, inspire me, and treasure me, as i inspire Him and treasure Him and obey Him. To me M/s relationships are never one sided but are a part of the Us. Working together, respecting each other, being human and embracing life in all forms. It calls for a lot of effort on both parts, not just one side. A good Dom imho learns from their mistakes, we all make them, and grows. A good Dom cherishes all that he owns with being true to themself. Owning someone takes a lot of effort, and perhaps some doms do not understand this. That is how I took your OP. spiritofasub

leadership527 -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/5/2010 4:35:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4 You'd swear subs/slaves would be lost, clueless and misguided without the proper direction of some all knowing powerful dominant. Which actually provides a nice, neat little answer to that question posted about how do you spot a submissive. I'm gathering I can just go out onto the street and look for the people wandering about aimlessly bumping into things and each other.

BrokenRadio -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/5/2010 4:43:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4 You'd swear subs/slaves would be lost, clueless and misguided without the proper direction of some all knowing powerful dominant. Which actually provides a nice, neat little answer to that question posted about how do you spot a submissive. I'm gathering I can just go out onto the street and look for the people wandering about aimlessly bumping into things and each other. In all honesty, I have always experimented with my ability to "subdar" submissives. Sometimes it works, othertimes not. For a small part of the population it does tend to work well, and I've been able to peg "submissive" women well. This takes out of the equation those who show a different lifestyle professionally, etc. It's a guide-rule, not anything more. If I'm out at a club with my friends, I'll listen what my senses tell me, though attraction to submissive women tends to simply override any sort of grand "detection".

reynardfox -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/5/2010 5:15:22 PM)
Move past the story of O shit, or you'll aways be a virgin. Does your Mummy know what you write up there?

PeonForHer -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/5/2010 6:00:09 PM)
"A Woman has a choice, treat what she owns with care and admiration or neglect it and watch as it diminishes. Why would anyone neglect to change the oil in a new car or allow their home to remain in disrepair? If a Woman owns a boy, She must cherish that gift…nurture it and enhance the quality. Most don’t realize the responsibility of accepting and owning a boy… he is not capable of success or failure, as a partner, on his own. If he fails Her, She is responsible for that failure. If he becomes the gem that he can be, She created him." The OP, after I've changed the genders and clarified the sentence that includes the phrase 'success or failure'. I have to say, if I saw that version, as I've modified it, in the Mistress forum, I'd not have agreed with some of the apparent assumptions in it - but I'd have liked the post. I'd have thought, 'This is a good woman - I like her'.

Daddysredhead -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/5/2010 6:04:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4 You'd swear subs/slaves would be lost, clueless and misguided without the proper direction of some all knowing powerful dominant. Quite frankly, I don't know how I find my way home at night. [8\|]

crazyml -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/6/2010 3:41:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: takingu84116 A Man has a choice, treat what He owns with care and admiration or neglect it and watch as it diminishes. Why would anyone neglect to change the oil in a new car or allow their home to remain in disrepair? This is fair enough. But it's not exactly "insight" is it? quote: If a Man owns a girl, Personally speaking I think that the concept of "ownership" is a complete nonsense - I don't suggest that people who form "ownership" oriented relationships are wrong, just that it seems absurd to me. quote: He must cherish that gift…nurture it and enhance the quality. This could be preceded with "If a dominant is given submission by his or her partner..." Then this would be pefectly ok - although pretty obvious to me. quote: Most don’t realize the responsibility of accepting owning a girl… I don't know if this is true, I think many Dominants don't appreciate the responsibility associated with having someone submit to them - but I'm not sure it's "most". quote: she is not capable of success or failure on her own. Again, I guess there are some submissives out there for whom this is true - Personally I've no interest whatsoever in this kind of submissive - and would be more inclined to suggest they get some help with their self-esteem before looking for a partner. quote: If she fails Him, He is responsible for that failure. I totally disagree with this as a blanket statement - If you'd said "If she fails him, he must take his share of the responsibility for that failure" I'd agree 100%. But to blankly state that the dom is responsible for all of the failings of the sub is - In my personal opinion a nonsense. quote: If she becomes the gem that she can be, He created her. I have to be honest here - My immediate reaction on reading this line was to choke on my coffee while saying "JACKASS". On reflection, it's a cutesey thing to say and all - but doesn't reach me at all. So, to your OP - you're describing a relationship that would be utterly pointless and empty to me but you make a couple of points that, with a little refinement are valid (even if they ought to be gobsmackingly obvious to anyone with any common sense). The fact that I find the type of "ownership" you appear to describe is absurd to me doesn't invalidate it by any means - and I'm sure there are people who are needy enough to require someone to take this level of responsibility over their lives, and I hope these people meet the kind of dom who understands the responsibility this implies and who will enjoy that role. So as a first post - you've raised a couple of faintly interesting points. But then you spoil it.. quote: ORIGINAL: takingu84116 I'm not at all surprise by those that have completely missed the point LOL If people have missed the point that you were trying to make - whose fault is that? So you're "LOL"ing at your own failure to communicate. LOL. quote: There is nothing more lovely than an emotionally healthy submissive girl... My point is why would someone choose to tear her down? Fuck me - is that your point? Your whole point is "Why would someone damage something they are responsible for?" Isn't that a pretty inane observation? quote: With regard to accepting responsibility for her... I see many here apparently believe that she is independent. Are you afraid of that responsibility? Oooh snarky! No, I'm not "afraid" of that responsibility - It just has no appeal whatsoever. quote: This is My first post on any online forum... Interesting the difference in what you online folks think is real and what I practice in life. Now my "Acme Jackass" detector has blown a fuse. You have no clue how much online/offline experience the posters to this board have. But then you seem to actually engage - and fair play to you! quote: ORIGINAL: takingu84116 Alright...point taken. I'll sit back and observe how the community works... I wrote in a reflective moment afer reading several profiles that appeared to carry a similar theme... But, now that we have a discussion... Clearly many of you think my comment, or monologue, was misguided. On the surface I can see how it could be taken many different ways. Here's a simple example of what I meant that she is no capable of failure on her own. If she knows that I expect her to be wearing certain clothing when I arrive home on Thursdays and when I get home I find that she has not met my expectations, has she failed or have I failed to train her properly? A generous reading of the last sentence might produce a thoughtful point... In my personal opinion, a decent Dom would want to know why the sub had failed to obey this request. There may be a dozen good reasons why the sub failed to dress as required. It's true - the dom may have failed to properly communicate the requirements. In the case of a valid reason - I would argue that perhaps the dom failed to ensure that the sub would be able to comply, or that perhaps "shit happened" and it's no-ones fault. In the case of poor communication - then yeah, it's the dom's responsibility. quote: Yes, this is a basic example, but makes a point. If I trained her correctly, then she would of course meet my expectations. Does this mean she won't be corrected? No, she will of course need to learn. Now, life is not this simple... It takes time an a lot of dedication to build a successful relationship. No! You may have trained her superbly, but other reasons might conspire to make it impossible for her to meet your expectations. Your point about the time and dedication required to build a successful relationship is fair (a bit obvious though). quote: But, I believe that I am responsible for guiding that success. Sure, that's ok - Although I would say that I'm looking for someone who would feel that it was our joint responsibility for guiding the success of the relationship. quote: I do appreciate all of your comments... this has been an interesting experience. You say you appreciate the comments, then you spoil it with this... quote: ORIGINAL: takingu84116 LOL, okay... I see the simple point got nowhere.... enjoy your playtime here. Bang. There goes another fuse. I'd encourage you to read some of the other responses, with a little less snark, and a little more humility. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika quote: If she knows that I expect her to be wearing certain clothing when I arrive home on Thursdays and when I get home I find that she has not met my expectations, has she failed or have I failed to train her properly? I'd say it was communication failure. And since you fancy yourself some kind of total control Dom, then the blame would fall slightly on your side. I do not have delusions of being a total control Domme. I date smart and strong men. If they see an issue such as the one RedMagic1 exposed in his response to you, they will tell me. They know we are a team and we need to communicate with one another if our team is going to make it. - LA LA is one of a number of posters here who should be "required reading". You should also get some kind of prize for producing the best post from SNot that I've read so far! [edited for repetition] [edited to fix quotage]

sunshinemiss -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/6/2010 5:05:14 AM)
Hello all, Yes, of course absolutes are ridiculous. But beyond that.... everything is true and untrue. To the OP: I get your point. I have seen relationshiops in which absolute dependence was required... deep dependence. At that point, in that kind of relationship, I would agree that a lot of what you are saying is true. The depth of dependence, nurtured to an extreme, wouldn't allow any other option. What is bothersome is that I've seen over and over again the M-type actually not take responsibility. They say it was the s-type's fault. She was willful, doncha know? Over here, in these forums, generally speaking folks have a different take on the way relationships work. But spend time with some other folks and it becomes sadly obvious that what you are saying is true in some arenas. For the s-types involved, it becomes either rest in the dependence or leave. It's danged hard to leave. In this forum, the folks are pretty with it. Lots of smart folks here. Generally, the people take care of theirs. And watch each other's backs. Best, sunshine

KnightofMists -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/6/2010 7:14:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: takingu84116 A Man has a choice, treat what He owns with care and admiration or neglect it and watch as it diminishes. Why would anyone neglect to change the oil in a new car or allow their home to remain in disrepair? If a Man owns a girl, He must cherish that gift…nurture it and enhance the quality. Most don’t realize the responsibility of accepting owning a girl… she is not capable of success or failure on her own. If she fails Him, He is responsible for that failure. If she becomes the gem that she can be, He created her. mmmmmmm Because he has a choice disqualifies that he Must do it a certain way. The fact he has a choice shows that one should appreciate the character of such person to appreciate the types of choice he will make in his life. Secondly, He can't succeed or fail in his relationship without her being apart of it. If He fails her, she is responsible for that failure along with him. Their responsibilities are not same but they each carry the weight of success or failure for "THEIR" relationship.

Andalusite -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/6/2010 9:45:02 AM)
It's interesting to see people's perspectives! I have a different point of view, since I've run into a nearly identical phrase/mindset in partner dancing. "If anything goes wrong, it's always the lead's fault." Now of course, sometimes the follow (usually a woman) actually is a klutz, or has poor posture, or otherwise is actively contributing to the problem. The idea of it is not to dismiss that, but rather for the lead to focus on how to make it work. If she misunderstood a cue and did the wrong thing, he can smile, and hopefully work it smoothly into the dance. He might want to do some self-reflection on whether he contributed to it by being unclear, his own posture, trying a fancy move with someone who was clearly a beginner, starting a move when she was on the wrong foot for it, etc. If the dance goes very well, he does get a lot of credit for it, conversely. It's not that her hours of lessons and dancing suddenly are wiped clean, and she is a tabula rasa with him responsible for every move she makes. Rather, he is hopefully drawing her best from her, helping her show off, inspiring her. So, I figured the OP meant that there isn't an outside standard of success or failure, but what works with both people. Also, if something goes wrong, the Dominant or Master should first try to figure out what went wrong, and be introspective. Perhaps he demanded something that she clearly wasn't ready for, or has been letting control slip and needs to be more firm, etc. RedMagic, I generally love your posts, but on the white cotton/no panties during the period thing, I wouldn't just disobey. I'd call or text if at all possible and explain that the outfit had in mind wouldn't be suitable, and ask that he contact me with further instructions when it was convenient. I'd use vanilla phrasing, in case someone was nearby, if I knew he was at work or around other people.

DesFIP -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/7/2010 6:02:01 AM)
It's no wonder the op is still searching, going by the difficulty he apparently has in expressing his thoughts so that they clearly convey his meaning. Despite what Humpty Dumpty said, words don't change their meaning just because someone wants them to. And judging by his picture, he appears much older than a stated age of 41.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/7/2010 6:23:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead Quite frankly, I don't know how I find my way home at night. [8\|] What you need is one of those "Dom Tom" devices for your car. :-)

jbcurious -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/7/2010 7:19:45 AM)
For all the claims I see of Doms wanting intelligent, bright, emotionally healthy subs... I sometimes have to ask why? Taking the circumstance of not wearing the clothing selected... Why is the first response that she hasn't been trained well enough? Being a bright, intelligent, emotionally healthy sub, I will make every attempt to do as he wants but if I'm unable to do so, I would expect him to know that there is going to be a good explanation... I spilled something, the dog jumped up with muddy paws... At which point I return to my closet and pull out the beige skirt or white dress, what ever will give me the look that he is expecting to see. While I like a strong power dynamic, I also expect my intelligence to be made use of.

IronBear -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/7/2010 7:57:55 AM)
Well said lass... BRAVA! Just what I would expect from any slave I own. Balls and brains makes for a jolly sexy and exciting woman. [sm=yourock.gif]

BabieGothika -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/14/2010 11:30:26 AM)
I totally agree with u.........[;)][;)][;)][;)][;)][;)][;)][;)][;)][;)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)]

DOMINANTDRUMMER -> RE: The responsibility of ownership (6/14/2010 12:33:22 PM)
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