What do you do when you can't say no?

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What do you do when you can't say no? - 4/10/2006 8:25:32 PM

kimberlin

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Joined: 4/9/2006
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I have recently discovered that I am unable to halt a session if something goes wrong after I fully decend into the submissive mindset (subspace?). Once words fail me, I am helpless. While I can still speak, I can respond with safe words and color codes if things get too intense, but after I loose the ability to speak, all that goes right out the window. Anybody have any advice or even an explanation of what the heck is going on?

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RE: What do you do when you can't say no? - 4/10/2006 8:40:41 PM

cariad

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From: Calgary, Alberta
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quote:

I have recently discovered that I am unable to halt a session if something goes wrong after I fully decend into the submissive mindset (subspace?). Once words fail me, I am helpless. While I can still speak, I can respond with safe words and color codes if things get too intense, but after I loose the ability to speak, all that goes right out the window. Anybody have any advice or even an explanation of what the heck is going on?

try having your Master or Dom using safe signals such as a closed fist,tapping on a cross, raising your hand when possible

girl had to do that a few times and it is now something she does with Whoever she plays with.

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RE: What do you do when you can't say no? - 4/10/2006 9:04:48 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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What's going on is a form of subspace, it's fairly common. I often can go into that same state.

What you do is- not go to that level until you seriously trust the other person.

You could also work with your partner to help bring you up to at least a communicative level so you can do eye flutters or hand squeezes or something of that ilk without requiring you to fully "ascend" and come out of the scene headspace.

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RE: What do you do when you can't say no? - 4/10/2006 9:22:31 PM

Daddysredhead

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I agree with what the others have said here. Another thing that you might try is holding a set of keys and if you feel yourself "going there," you can always drop them to get your Master's attention and let Him know that you are starting to "go under." Just a suggestion.

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RE: What do you do when you can't say no? - 4/10/2006 9:24:05 PM

enthralled

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Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
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This is exactly why i don't play with people who either dont know me, or have never seen me play. Once the ability to call the safeword goes out the door, you can end up seriously hurt if the Top/Dom doesnt know you well or is experienced enough to know when to stop.
Just a suggestion based on my own experience with this very same problem-
dont play too heavily with anyone until they know you pretty well.
If they're an experienced top, they'll know how far to go or how far NOT to go with you. Communicate! communicate! communicate!
beforehand, discuss what you experience when flying, your fears, your concerns, etc.,
Make preparations for if you 'fallout'. I sometimes go completely dead-weight. I did this once without the Top knowing the full extent of it and hit the ground before he could catch me!!! (lol) ...I woke up with a knot on my head.

Respectfully,
enthralled

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RE: What do you do when you can't say no? - 4/10/2006 9:31:01 PM

ownedgirlie

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i can't imagine ever going to such a place with someone i did not trust completely. This means he would know my reactions and responses, and would know exactly how far to take me and when to begin to pull me back. Once a complete trust is established, the fears of anything going wrong dissipate. i am comfortable in his hands. In the event something does go wrong, i trust that he can remedy it.

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RE: What do you do when you can't say no? - 4/10/2006 10:01:57 PM

starymists

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For exactly that reason, my Dominant has me hold a weight with a hand grip. Because when I can't really talk, I find it really difficult to hold on to things. With the hand grip, I do have to wiggle a bit to let it go, but I've never let it go accidentally. Then again, its been a really long time since I've had to put the breaks on during an intense scene, but he insists I keep my weight :)

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RE: What do you do when you can't say no? - 4/11/2006 6:45:00 PM

kimberlin

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Thank you all very much for all your suggestions. I will be relaying them to my Dom immediately. Basically, what happened was very simple. We had been enjoying a very fun session when a very, very old memory resurfaced. The shock of it threw me into a total panic and I was unable to tell my Dom what happened. I am trying to avoid something like that happening again.

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