|
LadyNTrainer -> RE: Under Consideration...? (6/8/2010 8:54:08 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron
If you mean dating and getting to know each other then that is fine, and that is what it should be called. But every sub I have met that has ever been under consideration say they were told they should not be seeking other Doms while under consideration. If you are getting to know each other then both sides should be free to still date and seek others. That is how it is done in vanilla circles as well. Until they both agree that they have some kind of committment or understanding they are both free to do as they choose. But the process of locking down (and using) a sub until a Dom or Domme decides that he or she wants that sub is unfair to submissives and its just plain wrong.
Not automatically. In vanilla circles, what you do between casual dating and marriage is sometimes called "going steady" or "being engaged". If your end goal is a monogamous relationship, you are very likely to move to exclusivity in this stage. And that makes sense if this is what you are test driving.
I think that before agreeing to enter this phase of dating, both partners should feel that they are having their day to day needs fully met by this relationship, and that the goal is to test-drive an exclusive relationship with an eye to making a more serious or permanent commitment if it really does work for them. If one partner is not being honest with the other about their needs or their goals, that's going to be a dealbreaker sooner rather than later.
Unequal poly, where one partner may seek others and one partner may not or does not, is potentially fraught with serious issues. It can and does work for some couples especially in a D/s context. It can also explode into a morass of drama, unmet needs, jealousy, etc. But all forms of poly can do that anyway. It takes exponentially more work to manage and negotiate so that all partners involved feel that their needs are being met even if what they get from the relationship is not identical to what their partner is getting.
I would be wary of someone proposing to do unequal poly if they had no experience in managing healthy long term poly relationships. It's not a real good beginner trick. It takes a huge amount of work, self-honesty, self-awareness, sensitivity, and damn good listening and communicating skills. But it can be done, and it can be done in a way that keeps everyone in the relationship healthy and happy.
|
|
|
|
