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RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 8:58:21 AM   
RedMagic1


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RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 9:49:18 AM   
LadyCimarron


Posts: 625
Joined: 12/29/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

[Fuck you LadyCimarron....I never liked you.




Just for that.....You are back UNDER consideration again.....and I'm gonna require that you do foot worship.   AND I am also blackmaleing you...........I'm gonna tell everybody your a black male.  That's gonna really shake up your shit!  I hate to do it to you, but slaves under consideration must be punished until they send their credit card....uh.....I mean learn their place.

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 10:03:57 AM   
LadyCimarron


Posts: 625
Joined: 12/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

Not automatically.  In vanilla circles, what you do between casual dating and marriage is sometimes called "going steady" or "being engaged".  If your end goal is a monogamous relationship, you are very likely to move to exclusivity in this stage.  And that makes sense if this is what you are test driving.



This is true. But going steady and being engaged are commitments. Both sides have agreed to see each other exclusively. You are in a relationship at that point.  No- not marriage, but still a relationship. Likewise in Ds you can be in a committed relationship without being collared. For most that I have seen here on CM consideration means you don't have a relationship AT ALL. The Dom or Domme is still deciding whether or not she wants to try have a relationship with the sub while the sub is supposed to reject all other offers and cater to the Dom's wishes while the Dom makes that decision.

BTW- I do understand that you are poly and that all of this is probably a lot different for you under your circumstances.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
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RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 10:21:30 AM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron
For most that I have seen here on CM consideration means you don't have a relationship AT ALL. The Dom or Domme is still deciding whether or not she wants to try have a relationship with the sub while the sub is supposed to reject all other offers and cater to the Dom's wishes while the Dom makes that decision.


Okay, that is kind of fucked up.  If you are not getting your needs met and do not feel that you are actually in a relationship, agreeing to be monogamous at that point is unlikely to be in your best interests.   Some people may choose this anyway and be okay with it, but for others it might be a bad and self-limiting decision that benefits only one partner and keeps the other from ever getting all their needs met.


quote:

BTW- I do understand that you are poly and that all of this is probably a lot different for you under your circumstances.


I can't speak for all poly folk, but for me, if I have someone under consideration it means that I want to meet their other partners and start thinking about how everyone might fit into a newly extended poly family configuration.  I also don't have any firm ideas on what the end configuration is going to be of how I relate to my partner's partners.  It's more of an organic flow thing that generally works fine as long as everyone is basically friendly, respectful of other people's relationships and open to communication.  I would not require monogamy at the "consideration" stage, but I would require honesty, full disclosure and meeting all their other partners to see how we clicked and how well we were likely to fit into one another's lives if we made a stronger connection. 

I may well end up require unequal monogamy from an owned submissive depending on our individual circumstances, but the only way I'd do this is if we were both sure that their needs were being fully met in the relationship.  I'm not willing to flit off and collect more partners while ignoring one I already have whose needs are not being fully met, and also limiting them from getting those needs met elsewhere. 


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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 10:42:49 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		I've never know anyone under consideration that was actively involved in a relationship with the person considering them. It was often a precursor to that. Call it a trial run, try before you buy, or what have you. It cannot be compared to vanilla situations because they actually date they don't pre-date to determine whether they should take the plunge.

~porcelaine


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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 10:53:25 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Yes, several potential Owners i speak with/have spoken with prefer the terms "audition" or "trial period" rather than "under consideration."

It's just more accurate about the period of time when they're determining a slave's suitability prior to collaring her.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 12:06:23 PM   
kazahleenah


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline 		Intresting replies.
Some sincere, some rude, others a mockery.

< Message edited by kazahleenah -- 6/8/2010 12:07:47 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 12:09:56 PM   
togaininsight


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/7/2010
Status: offline 		Thank you to everyone who replied.
I knew I shouldn't ask this question, but it's one of those questions that I wanted a lil input from others... their opinions so to speak.

I will say that although I am female, I have not once "sucked his dick" or any of the many other things some of you think "always" happens. He is as *under consideration* as I am. He isn't looking either. (and yes, I know this to be true) All I wondered was what the "norm" is... I am gathering that there is no norm, unless I want to jump right into a collar. I am more paitient and carefull than that.

Once again, I thank those that replied so far.. espically the serious answer people.

(in reply to togaininsight)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 12:13:41 PM   
SailingBum


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Status: offline 		Round here it means if your dumb enuff to fall for it...I will hurt you soooooo Good!

BadOne

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RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 12:50:42 PM   
togaininsight


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron

This is true. But going steady and being engaged are commitments. Both sides have agreed to see each other exclusively. You are in a relationship at that point.  No- not marriage, but still a relationship. Likewise in Ds you can be in a committed relationship without being collared. For most that I have seen here on CM consideration means you don't have a relationship AT ALL. The Dom or Domme is still deciding whether or not she wants to try have a relationship with the sub while the sub is supposed to reject all other offers and cater to the Dom's wishes while the Dom makes that decision.

BTW- I do understand that you are poly and that all of this is probably a lot different for you under your circumstances.



Maybe I need to clarify... this is not a CM consideration. It is a real life, face to face one.

(in reply to LadyCimarron)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 12:57:03 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

Yes, several potential Owners i speak with/have spoken with prefer the terms "audition" or "trial period" rather than "under consideration."

It's just more accurate about the period of time when they're determining a slave's suitability prior to collaring her.


Most slaves that I am familiar with get collared after they've been involved with the dominant for a significant period of time. Not after a period of consideration. Unless the period of consideration reflects time spent with the individual face to face, how does he determine her suitability for such virtually?

And people desiring to be in a relationship with you typically recognize they'll need to relate. Mediums of this nature have significant limitations for allowing that. Based upon what you've stated I'd assume the consideration was his way of determining if she was worth the time than worthy of his collar.

But in all fairness to you I'm going to present the question elsewhere to query how owners handle this issue. I will be addressing those with slaves that have been in their relationships for some time. Not short term types.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 1:09:16 PM   
LadyCimarron


Posts: 625
Joined: 12/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: togaininsight


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron

This is true. But going steady and being engaged are commitments. Both sides have agreed to see each other exclusively. You are in a relationship at that point.  No- not marriage, but still a relationship. Likewise in Ds you can be in a committed relationship without being collared. For most that I have seen here on CM consideration means you don't have a relationship AT ALL. The Dom or Domme is still deciding whether or not she wants to try have a relationship with the sub while the sub is supposed to reject all other offers and cater to the Dom's wishes while the Dom makes that decision.

BTW- I do understand that you are poly and that all of this is probably a lot different for you under your circumstances.



Maybe I need to clarify... this is not a CM consideration. It is a real life, face to face one.


Then for me its simple. You should date, get to know each other, figure out if you are a good match and then go from there. As for the rest of it:( rules, punishments, limits); Each couple has to decide that for themselves. It would be about the same as asking a vanilla friend "should you kiss on the first date" or "when should you have sex the first time." The answer is different for every person.  Just do what you feel is right for you.

< Message edited by LadyCimarron -- 6/8/2010 1:10:14 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 1:26:37 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: togaininsight

Thank you to everyone who replied.
I knew I shouldn't ask this question, but it's one of those questions that I wanted a lil input from others... their opinions so to speak.

I will say that although I am female, I have not once "sucked his dick" or any of the many other things some of you think "always" happens. He is as *under consideration* as I am. He isn't looking either. (and yes, I know this to be true) All I wondered was what the "norm" is... I am gathering that there is no norm, unless I want to jump right into a collar. I am more paitient and carefull than that.

Once again, I thank those that replied so far.. espically the serious answer people.


That was what I was going to say, that line. I don't get the under consideration thing and those words would never leave my lips.

When dating or whatever word you want to use, you are both considering the other and time, chemistry and compatibility should dictate the pace of the relationship and how soon, if ever, you will be exclusive.


(in reply to togaininsight)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 1:51:05 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

Yes, several potential Owners i speak with/have spoken with prefer the terms "audition" or "trial period" rather than "under consideration."

It's just more accurate about the period of time when they're determining a slave's suitability prior to collaring her.


Most slaves that I am familiar with get collared after they've been involved with the dominant for a significant period of time. Not after a period of consideration. Unless the period of consideration reflects time spent with the individual face to face, how does he determine her suitability for such virtually?

And people desiring to be in a relationship with you typically recognize they'll need to relate. Mediums of this nature have significant limitations for allowing that. Based upon what you've stated I'd assume the consideration was his way of determining if she was worth the time than worthy of his collar.

But in all fairness to you I'm going to present the question elsewhere to query how owners handle this issue. I will be addressing those with slaves that have been in their relationships for some time. Not short term types.

~porcelaine



My answer was nothing about the virtual - you assumed and read into that based upon other comments in this thread. This is real life, face to face, "relating" that we're discussing. And the period of time before collaring is up to the Dominant, not sure what you consider "significant" - but that's in a different thread we've discussed recently.

i'm not sure if you're including me in the comment "short term types" - i'm going to go with the thought process that you aren't. And surely you're aware that the sampling of slaves you'll be asking is only one sample of Owners? There are many Owners out there with many different approaches.

< Message edited by UniqueRaven -- 6/8/2010 1:55:46 PM >

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 1:53:14 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		whoops wrong button

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 3:24:15 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

My answer was nothing about the virtual - you assumed and read into that based upon other comments in this thread. This is real life, face to face, "relating" that we're discussing. And the period of time before collaring is up to the Dominant, not sure what you consider "significant" - but that's in a different thread we've discussed recently.


I returned to post a second time to pose the question because I didn't clarify which was the case. Thanks for the correction. :)

quote:

i'm not sure if you're including me in the comment "short term types" - i'm going to go with the thought process that you aren't. And surely you're aware that the sampling of slaves you'll be asking is only one sample of Owners? There are many Owners out there with many different approaches.


No you weren't included in that at all. I recognize the limitations of the people I'm presenting the question to. However, I'm attempting to see this subject from a different vantage point where its utilization may have led to long standing relationships. As you have seen most hold a fairly negative opinion about the subject. It would make sense for me to address my question to couples that have managed to find some measure of success in their partnership.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 3:41:47 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: togaininsight

Thank you to everyone who replied.
I knew I shouldn't ask this question, but it's one of those questions that I wanted a lil input from others... their opinions so to speak.

I will say that although I am female, I have not once "sucked his dick" or any of the many other things some of you think "always" happens. He is as *under consideration* as I am. He isn't looking either. (and yes, I know this to be true) All I wondered was what the "norm" is... I am gathering that there is no norm, unless I want to jump right into a collar. I am more paitient and carefull than that.

Once again, I thank those that replied so far.. espically the serious answer people.



I believe that is exactly what I said in the other thread.

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 3:44:57 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

whoops wrong button


My apologies if my words were offensive. That wasn't the point. I'm under the weather and not my usual self. Sorry sweets. *hugs*

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 3:54:04 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Some tools tend to be used more by idiots than experienced people, doesn't make the tool good or bad, simply leads to people dismissing someone who uses one as an "amatuer"...

Contracts are one, almost every newbie nitwit uses them, doesn't make them stupid, they can be a useful tool to foster clarity and communication. Same goes for "collars of consideration", it is something everyone in the chat rooms use daily (or hourly) and so they have a bad rap. I do not use them myself but can see where they could be useful. However, when I see someone who uses them I tend to dismiss them as nitwits, probably without doing the thoughful looking I should. Again, if they work for you, more power too you.

However, someone comes to me and asks my opinion and I am going to laugh and say I think they tend to be silly and red flags for the sort of people I don't play or associate with. That said, there are people I respect who use them.

So how's that for clarity?

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Under Consideration...? - 6/8/2010 4:00:56 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Under consideration means:  you may be good enough for me, but I won't be sure until you suck my cock a few more times.  And btw, you are not permitted to see anyone else during this special cock sucking time!

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Profile   Post #: 60
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