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RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/2/2006 5:16:05 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

On the off chance that you simply don't know any better, someone with the experience level you has doesn't have any business starting up a hard core relationship. Join the real world, find some groups and look for someone to train YOU first.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

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Post #: 21

RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/2/2006 5:57:23 PM

bia

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

I can add a few things, maybe some whys as to why you don't seem to be getting responses from the girls you email, though maybe they won't apply. I am actually probably a bit too outspoken about some of the idiotic emails I have received. My journal is full of those rants -grins-.

Nevertheless, the top ten reasons I won't respond to certain emails:

10) It seems like a form letter. I just hate it when someone tells me all about what they have to offer me, yet they can't address the letter to me, and they end it with saying how much they want to get to know me, and I know, the same dern letter has gone out to 50 other girls. That just smacks of insincerity, i.e. player.

9) They start out in the very first letter to me with, "Do you have a picture you can share with me?" I mean, "hello?" If I was so willing to show my picture to strangers, I'd post it, but there's a reason I don't. Which leads to number 8..

8) I am not owned, therefore, I make my own decisions. I make those decisions to protect myself and others close to me. If I make the decision not to post my picture or give a perfect stranger my phone number, then respect that, don't try and talk me into changing my mind. That isn't dominance, that's nagging, and it smacks of insincerity.

7) The man is younger than me. Sorry. But that's just me. I prefer a man who is my age or older, I don't want to be at his feet someday and talking about, "I remember when" and he says, "yeah, I was in diapers then" ... I just don't think I could keep kneeling at that point. On the other hand, if a considerably older Dom emails me, and asks if the age difference is a problem, then I do respond back with a respectful note. Why? Because THAT smacks of sincerity.

6) Bi-sexual men. Sorry, I have nothing against anyone who is bi-sexual, but I want my Master to be straight.

5) Switches. Again, it's me, I don't want to ever question who is in charge, and if He has to question it, then you can bet I will too...

4) Trainers. I am not looking for a Trainer or a Mentor. I am looking for a Master, my Master, not one who will be a temporary Master who will train me to His liking and then if I don't pass the class, I'm back to where I started. If I wanted a trainer, I'd hire one at the Gym. The other issue, which was addressed in another post is that the word 'trainer' just makes me think temporary and it makes me think that the 'trainer' doesn't view me as a loving woman who would devote herself to serving and pleasing Him, but rather as a non-thinking, mechanical body to be put through some rigorous physical training. And slavery, is so much more than physical. When a Master collars His slave, He doesn't just train her body, nor should He, He would miss a wealth of opportunity.

3) When the email consists of letters used to phonetically spell the words, like "where in mi r u?". That smacks of laziness, and who wants a Dom who is lazy? It makes me wonder if he will be too lazy to master me.

2) When the email consists of asking me about my limits, sexual fantasies and appears to be a one sided attempt at cybering. Those are just masturbation emails. It makes me think all the guy wants is to get off. He probably has 10 other sign in names as well. And that smacks of insincerity.

And my number one reason for not responding...

1) My real life gets so busy that even though I may have the best intentions of responding, I don't always get a chance. And because I am bad about deleting emails, I only see the most recent ones... so I forget to get back.

(in reply to Trainer3867)

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Post #: 22

RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/2/2006 6:24:11 PM

mypleasureurpain

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bia
9) They start out in the very first letter to me with, "Do you have a picture you can share with me?" I mean, "hello?" If I was so willing to show my picture to strangers, I'd post it, but there's a reason I don't. Which leads to number 8..

Men are visual creatures, its a proven fact, we are hardwired that way and it will NEVER change, we want to know what you look like. If we are not attracted to you, we are wasting our time. Also it shows us that you mighactually be who you say you are. We as men, deal with lots of fakes and players and thats one way to weed them out.
The sooner you accept that fact that men are vuisually driven the easier it will be for you in that area.
I will not talk to anyone without a picture because:
1. You're a fake
2. You're a player,
3. You dont look like you discribe in your profile and just looking for kicks, see #1 and #2
4. It shows you're not really serious.

Yes we want to get to know you too, but looks are first.
Looks are NOT first on most womens criteria, they want to get to know the man. And thats the MANS mistake, he needs to understand what the woman needs and wants.
So, you show me a pic and I'll tell you anything you want to know :)
Its really quite easy. You give us what we want we'll give you what you want :)

(in reply to bia)

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Post #: 23

RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/2/2006 7:12:54 PM

DoNotDisobey

Posts: 14
Joined: 8/29/2004
From: Perth, Western Australia
Status: offline

I'm dismayed to see Some suggesting that the OP ought not to have asked this question. I'm always open to advice and learning, and I've got some of the best advice from subordinates (in an employment setting), people much younger than myself, and yes, submissives - in short, people whose opinions many would dismiss because their status seems to be automatically associated with some sort of mental inferiority.

I'm not an employee, I'm the boss, so although I have a reasonable idea of what they might be thinking based on My own experience, I'm willing to accept they might have something worthwhile to offer. Nor am I all that young any more. Nor am I, or have I ever been, a submissive, so I would never be so arrogant as to assume I could not benefit from the advice of one.

That doesn't mean I'm some simpering wimp who lacks the confidence to be a Master, it means that I accept that most people (not everyone, but most) has something to offer, even if it's a perspective I consider and then reject.

For instance, in cariad's very fulsome response she mentions:

quote:

ORIGINAL: cariad

22. Does He believe in safe words?
23. Does He believe in safe signals when words can not be used?
24. Is He willing to meet in a public place?
25. Does He believe in safe calls ?

Safe words I understand, believe in and always allow a sub or slave to use. Safe signals likewise. But "safe calls" is a term I haven't encountered before. Perhaps it's regional terminology - we in the Southern Hemisphere sometimes use different phrases for the same thing, even in the lifestyle.

But I'm "Man enough" to admit it's something I'd like to know, and see no shame in asking.

(sits back and awaits flames from those less secure

)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cariad

in fact if girl could paste her list of questions she would......lol

I for one would be happy to respond to a list of reasonable questions from a girl, even if they were posted in her profile. her questions would tell Me more about her, and My answers would assist her in ascertaining whether it were worth continuing a conversation of politely declining (Don't get Me started on girls who don't politely decline. I don't care how busy you are. Write a form letter and cut and paste the damn thing. Just don't leave people hanging. It's rude in nilla life, let alone this one. And if you don't want to answer emails, get your profile off here or state "not looking". It's like advertising for customers and then being "too busy" to serve them when they come into your shop!!).

I've had many a sub ask "May i ask...? (a personal question)" and My response has always been "you may... and I'd be concerned if you didn't..." It seems to Me to be part of the "getting to know Y/you process" that's fundamental to any relationship.

(in reply to cariad)

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RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/2/2006 7:24:22 PM

darq

Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mypleasureurpain

quote:

ORIGINAL: bia
9) They start out in the very first letter to me with, "Do you have a picture you can share with me?" I mean, "hello?" If I was so willing to show my picture to strangers, I'd post it, but there's a reason I don't. Which leads to number 8..

Men are visual creatures, its a proven fact, we are hardwired that way and it will NEVER change, we want to know what you look like. If we are not attracted to you, we are wasting our time. Also it shows us that you mighactually be who you say you are. We as men, deal with lots of fakes and players and thats one way to weed them out.
The sooner you accept that fact that men are vuisually driven the easier it will be for you in that area.
I will not talk to anyone without a picture because:
1. You're a fake
2. You're a player,
3. You dont look like you discribe in your profile and just looking for kicks, see #1 and #2
4. It shows you're not really serious.

Yes we want to get to know you too, but looks are first.
Looks are NOT first on most womens criteria, they want to get to know the man. And thats the MANS mistake, he needs to understand what the woman needs and wants.
So, you show me a pic and I'll tell you anything you want to know :)
Its really quite easy. You give us what we want we'll give you what you want :)

Shallow much?

No offense, but if you're going to bitch at us about pictures and how looks come first, please get GOOD ones of yourself.

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to mypleasureurpain)

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RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/2/2006 7:30:12 PM

darq

Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
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When I look for a Master, the first thing I look for is who he is ... I don't really care about the BDSM aspect first. That stuff is very secondary ... I want to know about his integrity, his honesty, his compassion ... How will he treat me, the person? How does he treat other people? Especially waitresses, cashiers, cab drivers, etc.

Then I want to know how he'll treat me in a scene ... How experienced is he? Does he accept safe words? How many submissives has been involved in serious relationships with? Will he let me talk to any of them? If not, why not? How public is he with the BDSM aspects of his life? Just how much control is he going to want over MY life? What is his contigency plan for IF things dont work out?

And yes, looks are also important ... I'm not horribly shallow but I don't want someone with bad hygeine. Also, the types of pictures you take will tell me a lot about you. If you're 'trying to look dominant' then I get the idea you're not very confident about yourself and you're trying overcompensate. If you send me nudes without me asking for them, thats an immediate turn off. If I want to see your dangly bits, I'll ask. Otherwise, please keep them put away.

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to darq)

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RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/2/2006 7:43:19 PM

redpetals

Posts: 229
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

i cant speak for eveyrone ..but for myself and the subs on here that i have become friends with the most overall important trait is simple honesty.closely followed by the improper spelling thingy..how r u? blah blah..and then theres the "write me immediately slut"Doms who get ignored or blocked.

_____________________________

Love is a verb.

(in reply to Trainer3867)

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RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/2/2006 7:52:56 PM

redpetals

Posts: 229
Joined: 6/27/2005
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if someone is sincere in their search it will come through much better without a demand for a picture..and you know what?if a sub doesnt have her exact town in her profile..dont ask for it like its a deal breaker..if she is not willing to travel she will say so in her ad..so lighten up..just because you are Dom doesnt mean you can not be civil and show a bit of restraint..right?if you think a few days of feeling each other out is too long then you can always find a pro...just sayin'

_____________________________

Love is a verb.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

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RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/3/2006 8:03:57 AM

bia

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/31/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mypleasureurpain

quote:

ORIGINAL: bia
9) They start out in the very first letter to me with, "Do you have a picture you can share with me?" I mean, "hello?" If I was so willing to show my picture to strangers, I'd post it, but there's a reason I don't. Which leads to number 8..

I will not talk to anyone without a picture because:
1. You're a fake
2. You're a player,
3. You dont look like you discribe in your profile and just looking for kicks, see #1 and #2
4. It shows you're not really serious.

I beg to differ. Not posting a picture on the internet, where every sane and every not-so-sane person out there can see me does not a fake make me, nor does it make me a player. And, I think it actually shows that I am serious. Serious about keeping myself safe for me, for those I am close to and for the right Master.

By the way, did You realize that mentally ill people, in locked facilities have access to the internet? And not all of them are institutionalized for the remainder of their lives. Kind of scary if you really think about it, and think about who you could be talking to, giving out your personal and contact information to, showing your picture to....

There are a lot of statistics out there about online predators. It is hard enough as a submissive. The second a sub lists herself as such, there are men who will pounce on her demand that she write, demand that she send nude photos, demand that she kneel at his feet, not because there is a connection, but because he thinks that because she is a sub, she is automatically a cyber slut, and they can just demand from her.

Post your picture and if that one crazy who targeted you demanding submission now has a photo, and oftentimes a state, a city...

Sorry, Sir, call me a player, call me a fake, say I am not serious about being submissive because I won't post my photo, You are of course, entitled to Your own opinion. I will continue to not post my photo.

My safety is more important than Your erroneous assumptions, and more important than a stranger's visual needs.

I wish You well.

bia

(in reply to mypleasureurpain)

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Post #: 29

RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/3/2006 12:47:03 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I would like to thank the many dominate posters in this thread for their hard work and dedication to the difficult task of making me look good.

At this rate, I might get to start charging for my services!

Sincerely,

M.

(in reply to bia)

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Post #: 30

RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/3/2006 5:46:45 PM

darq

Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline

The word is dominant ... Not dominate.

I'm sorry, pet peeve.

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

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Post #: 31

RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/3/2006 8:19:45 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

My pet peeve is people with cute fucking fairies in their profiles who can't grasp sarcasm of which I thought my post was rather dripping with.

(in reply to darq)

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RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/4/2006 5:04:46 PM

darq

Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline

I like my cute fucking faerie. :)

And I got the sarcasm ... But you would have looked better if you'd used the right word.

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/4/2006 6:31:43 PM

CERCKL

Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
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quote:

I like my cute fucking faerie. :)

darq...I am confused...I've been staring at the screen for quite awhile now and though your faerie IS cute, I have yet to see it fuck...not even a little masturbation...in fact the faerie is just staring at me from the screen...staring, eyes boring into me, STOP!!!

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to darq)

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Post #: 34

RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/4/2006 6:35:13 PM

CERCKL

Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I think a lot of submissives look for a dominant who doesn't need to ask other submissives how he should go about getting himself a submissive.

Well...haven't read his profile (or yours for that matter), couldn't give a shit...I think it says something about asking instead of going down and whining like most of the posts started...
Communication is different in various mediums and observing, watching, learning...these are bad aspects how? Oh wait...as Doms we fucking know everything with out needing to learn, just hereditary...damn, my mistake...I knew I was just a fake...

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to CanadianGuy)

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RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/4/2006 7:20:59 PM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CanadianGuy

I think a lot of submissives look for a dominant who doesn't need to ask other submissives how he should go about getting himself a submissive.

Ok. i was thinking it. Thank you for saying it.

(in reply to CanadianGuy)

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Post #: 36

RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/4/2006 7:34:23 PM

primeslave

Posts: 45
Joined: 11/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subprostration

Actually I am glad he asked the question. Being new to the site but not to the scene if we can change one persons idea of how to apprroach us like humans I say it's a good thing. Since I am new I am being bombarded by some of the rudest people and they also think that they are the only ones that I have email from it takes time to respond to eery email and some get downright beligerent if you don't email them back the minute they click the send button. It tickles me that when a guy (I do not throw Dom and Master around loosely) gets no response to his email after he tells you all the harsh things he will do to you, then you become a non submissve or wannabe.

amen, halleluyah, absolutely so true!!!!!!

you have said this so perfectly.

_____________________________

What is a slut: 1. pleasure enthusiast; 2. a wanton individual; 3. a saucy girl

(in reply to subprostration)

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Post #: 37

RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/4/2006 8:24:26 PM

darq

Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL

quote:

I like my cute fucking faerie. :)

darq...I am confused...I've been staring at the screen for quite awhile now and though your faerie IS cute, I have yet to see it fuck...not even a little masturbation...in fact the faerie is just staring at me from the screen...staring, eyes boring into me, STOP!!!

C

Its a mind fuck.

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to CERCKL)

Profile

Post #: 38

RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/4/2006 9:21:33 PM

velvetpetal

Posts: 127
Joined: 2/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DoNotDisobey

I'm dismayed to see Some suggesting that the OP ought not to have asked this question. I'm always open to advice and learning, and I've got some of the best advice from subordinates (in an employment setting), people much younger than myself, and yes, submissives - in short, people whose opinions many would dismiss because their status seems to be automatically associated with some sort of mental inferiority.

I'm not an employee, I'm the boss, so although I have a reasonable idea of what they might be thinking based on My own experience, I'm willing to accept they might have something worthwhile to offer. Nor am I all that young any more. Nor am I, or have I ever been, a submissive, so I would never be so arrogant as to assume I could not benefit from the advice of one.

That doesn't mean I'm some simpering wimp who lacks the confidence to be a Master, it means that I accept that most people (not everyone, but most) has something to offer, even if it's a perspective I consider and then reject.

For instance, in cariad's very fulsome response she mentions:

quote:

ORIGINAL: cariad

22. Does He believe in safe words?
23. Does He believe in safe signals when words can not be used?
24. Is He willing to meet in a public place?
25. Does He believe in safe calls ?

Safe words I understand, believe in and always allow a sub or slave to use. Safe signals likewise. But "safe calls" is a term I haven't encountered before. Perhaps it's regional terminology - we in the Southern Hemisphere sometimes use different phrases for the same thing, even in the lifestyle.

But I'm "Man enough" to admit it's something I'd like to know, and see no shame in asking.

(sits back and awaits flames from those less secure )

quote:

ORIGINAL: cariad

in fact if girl could paste her list of questions she would......lol

I for one would be happy to respond to a list of reasonable questions from a girl, even if they were posted in her profile. her questions would tell Me more about her, and My answers would assist her in ascertaining whether it were worth continuing a conversation of politely declining (Don't get Me started on girls who don't politely decline. I don't care how busy you are. Write a form letter and cut and paste the damn thing. Just don't leave people hanging. It's rude in nilla life, let alone this one. And if you don't want to answer emails, get your profile off here or state "not looking". It's like advertising for customers and then being "too busy" to serve them when they come into your shop!!).

I've had many a sub ask "May i ask...? (a personal question)" and My response has always been "you may... and I'd be concerned if you didn't..." It seems to Me to be part of the "getting to know Y/you process" that's fundamental to any relationship.

quote:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DoNotDisobey Sir,
The meaning to where she refered to a "safe call" is: when a girl is going to be meeting a Dom... she has it set up to make a series of phone calls to a friend or relative that is aware of the cercumstances and whom is also usually given a variety of information (Full name, address, work place, and other similar types of info) on the Dom, in the offchance that the phone call is never recieved, they can contact the athorities.
i hope that clears things up...
in respect,
~velvet

(in reply to DoNotDisobey)

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Post #: 39

RE: What Does a slave look for in a Master - 5/4/2006 11:27:54 PM

DoNotDisobey

Posts: 14
Joined: 8/29/2004
From: Perth, Western Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetpetal

<very useful information snipped>

i hope that clears things up...
in respect,
~velvet

velvet: It does, and I thank you for it. I had assumed that to probably be the case, from the context of cariad's post, and indeed have advised people (not just subs, but vanilla people and even Doms (yes, we can get Ourselves into a power of trouble too!)) to use that technique and used it myself. Just never heard it called that.

O/other readers: See, it never hurts to ask. Now I've only had to feel stupid the once, instead of every time I hear the phrase

I find it interesting that a Dom/me can't ask something (including the OP) without being told they're somehow lacking as a Dominant, usually by those who equate Dominance with omniscience.

It's one thing for a Dom/me's ego to be such that they perceive themselves as such, but it's worrying that some subs seem to think the same way. If your Dom/me doesn't know something, you better hope they ask, before perhaps using you as a lab rat!