Real0ne
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lushusboobs
Is this just rationalization or is this a fair assessment of the use of derogatory terms in sceneing. I think that those kind of terms can be taken so wrong so it is really important for both people to be clear on how they are being used . I do think however they could be potentially damaging to some.
I know that shame triggers a heady cocktail of brain chemicals for some. Does anyone think that humiliation in a sense exorcizes the ghosts of a shamed childhood?
Great post LB.
ok i will take a shot at this. Disclaimer: this is only a short summarized version so i may leave things out. lots of things LOL
i have always felt the wrong terms are being applied to the feelings.
There is a very fine line between being humbled, humiliation, and shame and i believe most people do not know the difference unless they are extremely in touch with themselves.
We all know that pain can be associated with and then used to trigger an orgasm. Its very powerful stuff.
So with this in mind there are 2 basic cases that i think are quite obvious and the last more difficult:
The case of the abused:
Association or re-association can be done with shame or any other emotion. i think many people who at some point in their lives were abused shift and associate the horrors of their abuse with something that is good ie: something that is a turn on to them.
This now transforms terrible memories or situations into something pleasurable and every enactment or affirmation is re-writing or over-writing their memories of abuse and horror with something that is pleasurable and enjoyable.
In many if not most cases healing is a matter of distancing ones self from the problem more so than using some rationalization to cure ones self. Emotions typically do not understand rationalization tho rationalization can over time and distance condition and manage the emotions.
thus once a person is beyond the initial pain triggers from the initial expereinces the re-association and continual affirmation of words, emotions, feelings, the horrors of abuse fade away in the mind as a distant memory and the pleasure of the "so called" abuse used in kink which for most is really not abuse at all becomes the predominate memory essentially replacing the original and is now the first thought that touches the senses and emotions.
a way of further self healing that has now surfaced as kink if you will. (confront your fears/terror) i would guess there would be a much higher ratio of those who consider themselves a natural sub "prior" to any formal play or relationship would fall into this catagory.
Those who are not abused:
i think this is more of a matter of humbling and association instead of re-association, something like the process of what a person goes through when admitting something to another something that is very close to the persons soul. (personal)
This is very different than the case of the abused but the mind in the end will end up in the same place being written anew from scratch. (association)
i think the main motivation for the nonabused is more purely sexual. The affirmation and all other psychological programming can be equally effective in either case.
For both i think it is an erotic turn on, both enjoy the humbling effects which tends to provide a comradery type of connection of sorts to another on the order of 2 people playing together in sync on the same team, and in time both examples evolve beyond the initial catalyst of the erotic into a sub or a slave where it further evolves into a lifestyle.
Therefore its not really humiliation but closer to a term of endearment or a term of acceptance in these cases.
There are several other variations to these theme all with different if's and's and but's that i did not cover for the sake of brevity.
Last there is the case where someone is continuing to be or has been abused and has never or cannot heal. In these cases abuse, humiliation or shame may be what feels like home turf to them and what they are used to and feels comfortable to them. Of course professionals see these people as abused but they do not feel abused because these feelings are what they believe are the way life is.
In this case the association re-affirms in a negative way where true abuse will continue to be a perpetual way of life for them.
It seems to me except in the latter case, humbling, being humbled, or a person with a humble disposition along with the attitudes and emotions felt from being humble, in combination with the erotic and the catharisis from the sharing of the soul is really the center of the motivation here, not shame or humiliation.
r1
< Message edited by Real0ne -- 4/11/2006 11:56:49 PM >
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