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RE: Need a Dominant's Perspective - 6/10/2010 9:54:02 PM

Schatzlein

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Well, I think all of you are right. He will either work it out, or He won't. I won't leave Him just because He doesn't want to play anymore--although, it's a shame though because He's great at it when He's in the mood.

Just out of curiousity. . . is it possible for a sub to be too subby? What I mean is, so naturally submissive that perhaps it's smothering or no longer fun because there is no challenge? Can perfect obedience be a bad thing--even if a Dom claims to have zero tolerance (to the point of un-collaring) for bratty behavior?

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RE: Need a Dominant's Perspective - 6/10/2010 10:35:33 PM

sweetsub1957

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i think what matters is what goes on between the two of you. What goes on in anyone else's relationships and activities matters not. That's the beautiful part of it, what goes on in YOUR relationship, is no one else's business and theirs shouldn't affect what goes on in yours. Just my opinion.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Need a Dominant's Perspective - 6/11/2010 4:22:50 AM

LadyPact

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Just a follow up question for the OP.

Is it a case where he says he is no longer interested in the BDSM part? To be more specific, the actual sadism and masochism?

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RE: Need a Dominant's Perspective - 6/11/2010 4:28:20 AM

DesFIP

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I doubt he's suddenly developed a conflict after all this time.

However dominance does not mean sadist. If he's still making the important decisions then he's still dominant.

So how do you two propose to meet your needs now? That's the discussion you need to have. Since he isn't interested in playing with you, and you still need someone to do so. Can you find an outside dom? Play with friends? Or what? He doesn't have to be the one swinging the flogger, but if you need it swung, then someone has to do so. Since he's the dominant, throw the responsibility for meeting your needs in his lap. Because telling you that you no longer have any pain needs is about as foolish as telling you that you no longer need to sleep.

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RE: Need a Dominant's Perspective - 6/11/2010 5:35:56 AM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Schatzlein

Well, I think all of you are right. He will either work it out, or He won't. I won't leave Him just because He doesn't want to play anymore--although, it's a shame though because He's great at it when He's in the mood.

Just out of curiousity. . . is it possible for a sub to be too subby? What I mean is, so naturally submissive that perhaps it's smothering or no longer fun because there is no challenge? Can perfect obedience be a bad thing--even if a Dom claims to have zero tolerance (to the point of un-collaring) for bratty behavior?

If his attitude towards you, spending time with you, etc,. has changed lately.... You may have some serious problems. If he isn't playing with you, maybe he wants to be playing with someone else....I hate saying that because I don't know you or him, but I would be suspicious if his attitude changed suddenly.

If he is as loving and attentive to the relationship as ever, and emotionally available... then perhaps he is just going through a lowering of testosterone or something

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RE: Need a Dominant's Perspective - 6/11/2010 9:14:57 AM

Schatzlein

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Thanks for your responses and good advice. Perhaps I should clarify, He has been a practicing Dom for about 17 years but we have only been together for the past year and a half.

I think you've hit it. He likes D/s and so do I but I also like the B/S/M part too. And it isn't really His kink but He does it because He knows I like it.

You're right in that He is still very much the Dom, He leads and I follow and we both like it that way. He decides and I do.

The other thing is that, although I am not new to BDSM, my first collar is His. I have submitted many many times but would never have allowed anyone to collar me--even temporarily (sure, tie me up, whip me, humiliate me but collar me? no way). So I suppose I should say that I am very new to the day-in and day-out D/s dynamic. To me, it's always been--you meet someone and get to know them, build up some trust and, if you're both into it, you start scening. There has never been any love or romantic component for me in BDSM. Now I'm with a great guy, a great Dom, who is cool with my kink (uh which is really saying something..) and it's like He turned something on in me and all I want to do is ravenously submit to Him and it's almost like He doesn't want to accept what I am wanting to give because, somehow, He thinks it's too much.

Maybe I'm the one who is conflicted and confused? LOL

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RE: Need a Dominant's Perspective - 6/11/2010 5:42:29 PM

AnimusRex

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Schatzlein
...(after nearly 20 years as a Dom) He has become very disillusioned with the BDSM scene as He believes it has become inundated with people just playing BDSM online. ...

Took him 20 years to figure this out?

I started in 1998, and there were every bit as many fantasy players then as now. And yeah, as Glasgow noted, the fact that the vanilla dating world is populated with douchebags doesn't make me want to give up sex either.

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RE: Need a Dominant's Perspective - 8/5/2010 10:18:03 PM

SirDarkside357

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If he is a true Master, I hope he doesn't give up on it. He won't be happy if he does. Yes, the net is full of players, but they didn't just appear since the net, they have always been there, it's just that now more people have to deal with them.

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RE: Need a Dominant's Perspective - 8/5/2010 11:00:30 PM

ProlificNeeds

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*FR*

You + Him = Relationship.

Other people don't get a say in it, fakers or not, I doubt his interest in spanking you or boning you has anything to do with what some tennis shoe wearing poser with a flogger has done or said.
Try getting to the heart of the issue with him, and don't fall for smoke screens.

< Message edited by ProlificNeeds -- 8/5/2010 11:02:41 PM >

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RE: Need a Dominant's Perspective - 8/5/2010 11:26:19 PM

ResidentSadist

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I felt the same way several years ago . . . so I got involved in my local BDSM group and took a leadership role. I started a web site, recruited new members, sponsored the public dungeon parties & munches and published a newsletter. My influence changed the mood of crowd and slowly the voyeurs and tourists were far out numbered by strong core of wonderful and sincere people. Once that core was in place, they took the bull by the horns and started a yahoo group, a rope enthusiast's class, erotic arts groups, a sub lunch and hosted many awesome private play parties for the "A list".

Yes, BDSM has become less repulsive and more fashionable. Yes, there are more tourists in our ranks now. But yes, there are still many sincere people with a leather heart looking for like minded people. Help give them a place to meet, eat and party, and you will meet them. If you build it, they will come.

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RE: Need a Dominant's Perspective - 8/6/2010 1:48:14 AM

wandersalone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Schatzlein

I think you've hit it. He likes D/s and so do I but I also like the B/S/M part too. And it isn't really His kink but He does it because He knows I like it.

Is it possible that he has decided to stop scening because he is getting nothing out of it besides knowing you are pleased?

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