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When to say goodbye - 6/10/2010 11:54:36 AM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		About 4 years ago, one month after I had to put down my very favorite cat in the world, a pretty little stray visited me at my kitchen window one night when I was doing dishes. She was emaciated and raggy looking. I went outside to my patio < my kichen window looks out to the patio > and brought her some food and water. She was soo friendly and loving, I knew she was not ferile or unfamiliar with humans. Quite the opposite. It's a long story, but after seeing if anyone had lost a cat and having her vetted, I brought her in. The vet told me she was an older teenager at the time, which makes her around 17-19 y/o now. I have always maintained that TweedEBoy < the cat I had just put down >  sent her to me to help my grief. She was his gift to me. So besides loosing Kissykat, I feel I am losing part of Tweed E Boy. That may sound insane to some folks, but I have a deep connection with animals and that is how I " feel ". 

She has had a wonderful life with me and my other cat and my birds. And I see each day her time with me is becoming very short. She's losing weight, she won't eat any cat food anymore. I can only get her to eat a few teaspoons of chicken and cheese, and I do not force this, I put chopped chicken and cheese in her bowl and she eats a little bit, but not alot. She has started doing something I have never seen a cat do. She walks into a corner of a room or behind a door and starts catterwalling < bad spelling>. As soon as I say " Kissykat, where are you " she comes out and stops her catterwalling, hops up on my lap and relaxes. It's weird because all the time I have had her she has never as much a meowed once. Another weird thing is: while she doesn't eat much, she still goes to her bowl and gives me " the look ". I put food in her dish, she sniffs it and returns to sitting next to the bowl with her " Feed me " eyes. She's walking slower and wobbly on occasion, sleeping more and generally fading on me. She always slept with me and now she doesn't come to bed at night, but stays in her little kitty bed. She always loved to come outside with me when I gardened and now she walks out for a few minutes and then back to her kitty bed. She loved hopping up on the table and looking into the birdcage. She loved the birds, she would  rub her face on the cage and gently lay her paw on the wires. If the birds got loud she would always run to the cage and check it out to make sure they were OK. She is still able to jump off my lap and jump up onto a chair if she likes.  She's old and she's getting tired, I understand that.

My struggle comes with watching her fade this way. I question myself every day if I should put her down. Reasons for doing it are as I said above and I know she has maybe a month or so left with me. OTOH, she doesn't seem in pain, she doesn't seem unhappy, she has no symptoms of anything really wrong with her except old age. I don't know if that catterwalling behind doors and in cormers is a sign of pain/discomfort, but it seems not, as she stops when I call her name. I think maybe her vision is going and she gets lost. But that is a guess. I have no desire to take her to the Vet to work her up, she is old and given her age, any treatment would be unkind to her and selfish on my part.
I wonder if keeping her alive when she is slowly fading is unkind. My heart does not think so. I know, because I have done it many times, that when she shows any sign of sickness or discomfort or physical disability, I will have the vet come to my house and tearfully hold her while her little soul is set free. But then I think... am I causing her distress by letting her slowly die albeit without pain/discomfort. Is she sitting at her bowl looking at me cuz she is hungry and can't eat, which is not a good thing, or is she is it just habit. There is no answer, I know and that causes me more saddness.

I have pretty strong views on animal/pet responsibility and don't believe you should put a creature down, because they are an inconvenience on you. I believe once you  take on an animal it is your duty to see it thru to the end.

As I ponder what to do with my little KissyKat, I question whether I am thinking of putting her down, because I cry everyday about it and it is so very hard to watch her fade like this. I feel cheated that I have only had a few years with her. Silly I know and not true, but I feel that way. I keep asking her to give me a sign that it is time for me to make that dreadful call. Again silly, but I want  to be doing the best for her. I want to make her last days as normal and loving for her as her few years with me have been. Even my other kitty, Oprah, senses it. Oprah is young and she always taunted and  played around with the her. Oprah now, sits quietly with Kissykat and keeps a watch over her. She cleans her and follows her around. Kissy's kitty bed is on a wing back chair. Oprah gets up on the chair and sleeps above Kissykat on the back of the chair. Kind of like a Momma kitty would do with a baby. When Kissykat does that catterwalling thing, Oprah makes a beeline for wherever she is and starts catterwallign too, to get my attention, I suppose.

I'm not really looking for an answer to these questions I ask myself, because I don't think any of us " know ". I know there are alot of animal lovers like me here and any kind words or helpful advice is appreciated. My heart really is breaking as I go thru this. I have always had animals, but never had one that didn't get sick or get a disease that made it easy to tell when the time was right. Not that it is an easy task, it's a horrible task we do because we love them enough to let them go easily.. I don't mind that she isn't as interactive or that she sleeps most of the time and I have less time holding her or sleeping with her. I want her to be content. And I guess that is the crux of my dilema. Is she content ? or is she silently suffering ? Again, none of us really know, but it tears at me.

          mbmbn




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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/10/2010 12:43:59 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		:( it is tough when your pet is fading. I have had to put down many a pet because my mother said it needed to be done "because they were suffering". Personally I saw it as her feeling bad about them getting old, rather than our pets being in pain. I have since put my foot down on forcing euthanasia on my companions. My cat died in my arms after waking up one morning meow'ing pitifully and demanding comfort. I held him and told him it was ok and he left quietly soon after. My golden retriever died at the foot of my son's bed, giving him one last lick before she passed on. And my german shepard died of old age, having lived the last month of his life being hand fed salmon and other fish which was his favorite diet.
I hated being reponsible for having them put down. When it is time they go and if they are lucky they feel all the love you have for them in their last days. For the record, I don't want someone to put me down when I am old either.

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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/10/2010 1:43:44 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		That is so sad.  I am sorry.

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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/10/2010 1:49:52 PM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		I had a dog his name was Murphy. I had him for 13 years. I had to put him down and honestly was one of the toughest things I've ever done. At the time I was 7 months pregnant and really was an emotional time for me. But I knew it had to be done he wasnt able to walk on his own and his eyesight was fading. I also believe that he knew it was time also. He suffered a lot in the end and he they put him down he was finally at peace. He was a great pet and he is so missed. I want to get another dog just not sure I want to go through this again.

edits: adds some tears cause I miss him so

< Message edited by divi -- 6/10/2010 1:50:29 PM >

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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/10/2010 2:01:22 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Barney is 22 1/2 years old, she outlasted my marriage and really she is a huge part of my life. She is slowing down too but she has been slowing down for a few years. She sounds alot like your Kissykat except the food thing, Barney is voracious. Then again I think she is senile and forgets she has just eaten!

She also cries in corners and behind doors yet was a near silent cat for 2 decades. I think it is a feline type of Sundowning, a form of senility. I meow back at her as close to her sound as I can do, we do that back and forth for a moment then she always goes quiet again. Almost like she needs to hear where I am in relation to her.

I don't know when to put her down. Most mornings when I wake up I wonder if she passed in the night, curled up in her box with her heating pad. She isn't ill, just so very old. I think she is happy in her routine, until I think she is unhappy then she will continue to be my beloved Barneykins who is well fed and well pampered.

She wobbles a lot but still jumps onto the bed to spend time with me before I put her into her room for the night (because of her crying I have to put her in another room now). She drinks a lot of liquids and eats well.

I'm sorry I don't have any solid advice but a lot of people tell me I will know when it is really Barneys time. But I want her to just peacefully go to sleep one night because I'm not sure I could actually take her in to the vet for that.

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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/10/2010 2:03:34 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		I have no answers for you. Just be there for your Kissykat.

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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/10/2010 2:50:01 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		We were talking at work today about how animals seem to be living longer, probably due to the mega-millions we seem to have to spend on them for veterinary care these days....

Anyway, 17-19 is old, but not horribly old for a cat.  If she does eat, doesn't seem in pain, is more or less alert and interested in things, uses her litter box properly and can jump into your lap, I don't think that sounds like she should be put down. 

One cat I had who had developed slow onslaught kidney failure started not making it to the litter box, after a lifetime of being meticulous about it, even peed on my bed one night, and then looked at me, horrified, poor baby.  She would "caterwall", lol, begging me for water constantly.  Then she started going to the basement and hiding in a secluded place, which she had never done before.  I believe now she was going "away" to die.  When the vet determined she was in kidney failure, I had her put down. 

I guess it's a "quality of life" thing.  You will sense when it's truly the right time, she will let you know.  For now, just enjoy her elderly being.  You might even have several more years of it with her....hopefully :)

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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/10/2010 3:35:03 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		This was sent to me years ago, right after I had my 14 year old furbaby put to rest.  I know it says dogs, but it works for all furbabies I think.

Your heart will let you know when it is time....hang in there hon.

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF DOG OWNERSHIP
1.  My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be painful.
2.  Give me time to understand what you want from me. Do not break my spirit with your temper, though I will always forgive you. Your patience will teach me more effectively.
3.  Please have me spayed or neutered.
4.  Treat me kindly, my beloved friend, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for your kindness than mine. Don’t be angry with me for long, and don’t lock me up as punishment. After all, you have your job, your friends, your entertainment. I have only you.
5.  Speak to me often. Even if I don’t understand your words, I understand your voice when it’s speaking to me. Your voice is the sweetest sound I ever hear, as you must know by my enthusiasm whenever I hear your footsteps.
6.  Take me in when it’s cold and wet. I’m a domestic animal and am no longer accustomed to the bitter elements. I ask for little more than your gentle hands petting me. Keep my bowl filled with water. Feed me good food so that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding. By your side, I stand ready, able and willing to share my life with you, for that is what I live for. I’ll never forget how well you’ve treated me.
7.  Don’t hit me. Remember I have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hand, but I choose not to bite you.
8.  Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I’m not getting the right food, I’ve been out in the sun too long, or my heart may be getting weak.
9.  Take care of me when I get old. For you will grow old, too.
10.  When I am old, or when I no longer enjoy good health, please do not make heroic efforts to keep me going. I am not having fun. Just see to it that my trusting life is taken gently. And be with me on that difficult journey when it’s time to say goodbye. Everything is easier for me when you are there. I will leave this earth knowing with my last breath that my fate was always safest in your hands.

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yep

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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/10/2010 4:16:34 PM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you all so much. It's re assuring to read your own experiences and words.

A couple of comments:

Camille: I also thought maybe it was some sort of dementia, for exactly the reason you give. It's a sundown thing, she doesn't do it during the day. Then I thought maybe her eyesight is going and needed my voice to find her way out. But I now suspect you are right and it is some sort of senility.

windchymes: Yep, it's quality of life and that's what I have been weighing. My gut thought is... well she isn't unhappy, she's just pooped out. I have always known in the past when the time is right, and I don't know why, but I am doubting my instincts and observations. And she does have some kidney failure, but she doesn't have any symptoms of end stage yet. She drinks and pees fine, just the food part, and I do know that is one of the signs of progression of kidney disease.

Missokyst: that is my hope that she just passes away quietly at my side or in her bed. And I don't want to be put down either.
It's a funny thing: I don't believe in suicide, either assisted or do it your self, but I am OK with it for critters, under certain circumstances. I also don't believe in burial. I am a cremation type of girl, yet I bury all my animals. I have often tried to figure out why that is.

divi: I am sorry for your loss. I have had to have many of my cats euthanized over the years. Always when they were old and sick. I've been lucky to have healthy cats who have lived long lives, except for one young boy who had fatty liver disease and diabetes and just wasn't strong enough to go thru the treatment. I had to stop it. All I can tell you is this :  My heart has a little hole for each of them and I still miss each of them. When you are ready you will get another " buddy ". The love, pleasure and companionship you get for many years is worth the pain that eventually comes.

Jstanothersub:

# 9 & 10 made me cry. That's a great peice that was sent to you, and I am forwarding it to all my animal loving friends.

Pa & Rule:  Thank you.

                    mbmbn

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Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/10/2010 4:21:14 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		i have an ageing collie - sometimes she seems to feel every bone in her body and other days shes trotting along on her old stiff legs.  other days she seems bewildered, other days she clearly has an agenda -  so her time isnt up yet, she still has her good days and her bad moments can be cheered up with a cuddle and some chewy treat.

the thing is youll know when its time. 

a couple of years ago my 20 year old cat squeezy just suddenly declined, after months of fading away but still eating, still enjoying a cuddle, still able to pounce onto the bed, she was still smiling.  and then i found her lying by an open window, her breathing had gone to pot and she looked like she'd gone into herself, withdrawn and far away.  i knew it was her time.

for what its worth i think youre right not to take her to the vet - no need to have her pulled about or given pills or anything else.  there is no cure for old age and i think animals should be allowed to go as naturally as they can.  ive had vets interfere with elderly animals and i dont think it ever really worked out well for the animal.

just enjoy youre time together and im sorry for youre sadness. x

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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/10/2010 5:37:31 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You can take her to the vet for a check up. It doesn't have to be anything invasive or painful. But the vet may discover a tumor in the abdomen or another problem which will give you more info as to when it's time.

My late golden stopped eating and was out of breath. The vet found a tumor, very fast growing, typical of retrievers. We took her home for the weekend to spend the time with the kids. On Monday morning we brought her in, and she passed immediately. If I hadn't known about the tumor, she may have lingered painfully for another week. I do not regret finding out what was the problem and asking for advice.


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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/10/2010 5:55:28 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I believe you will know when it is time. It sounds like she's still enjoying her time with you, and you with her. The caterwauling could be her reliving an earlier time in her life, just like some older people do when onset with alzheimers.

You will know when it is time... I'm not going to describe it...but...you will know.

Enjoy the time you have now. As sad as it is, during this time, you are surrounded by angels.

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~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/10/2010 6:16:33 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		My heart goes to you.  Just recently my Viktor ate part of  a lily and was seriously poisoned (for those who do not know, lilies are extremely toxic to cats).  He spent a week in the hospital as they treated him and prevented (thank God) his kidneys from failing.  He was very sick when I brought him in, and I had to make a decision to admit him, given the quote of costs they gave me (astounding).  I told the vet I needed some time and she left he & I alone for a bit as I cried my heart out and held  him, and asked him what should I do.  I can't really explain it, but he curled up into me and looked up at me in a way that I knew I had to do everything I could to save him.  Fortunately, he survived it, despite the vet saying his odds weren't very high.

It is as though they tell you.  I can't really explain it - for me it was just this very brief millisecond in time, when I realized he was going to fight this thing so I had to help him.  And I share this to tell you I completely completely understand your kind of attachment to your pets, and feeling like you haven't had enough time yet (I've only had Viktor 2 years). 

One of my co-workers had an aging cat.  This will sound crazy to some  but not to others.  She said she sat down with him one night and said "If you have to go, I will let you go, and I hope you go quickly so you don't suffer."  A week later, she left for an hour to go to the store, and came home to find he had passed.  We do have a connection to them, and we can communicate with them, in a way that is too hard to explain.

My heart goes to you.  Your sweet kissykat knows she is loved. You are her safe place, so she calls to you when confused.  It might be worth a call to the vet, who may be able to better explain the behavior, or, as Des said, a "check up" appointment without any poking or prodding or blood tests, etc. 

You both have been blessed by each other. She knows she is loved and you will know when she has had enough of this world.

My warmest wishes to you...


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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/11/2010 5:38:21 AM   
tropicaljettie


Posts: 53
Joined: 2/15/2010
Status: offline 		It's always such a hard decision and different for every cat. I have felt much better about it since I found a vet who will come to the house to euthanize animals. She is a wonderful caring woman, I can hold the precious one as it goes away, and there is a pet crematorium who comes, picks up the body, and scatters the ashes in a butterfly garden. Somehow that makes the moment seem less awful, but I cry even writing about it. My heart goes out to all who are in that time of making hard decisions.

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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/11/2010 8:12:02 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
My brother who lived on the campus of a boarding school had many animals (cat and dogs.) Now he is allergic and does not have any.

About two years ago we had to put our cat down at age 12. I was besides myself with grief.

My brother opined, "It never gets easier."

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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/12/2010 8:01:23 AM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		Thanx again everyone ! She ate a little bit of my doggie bagged baked haddock last night. :).

Des:  Kiss has her annual vet appointment the first week in July. Rabies and distemper shots. She is suppose to have blood drawn then too to see the progression of the kidney failure. We will see about the bloodwork, I don't think I will be having it done, but I will see. The routine shots yes, of course, among many reasons, she does still come out to the garden, even for a short time, you never know when another critter could come along.

tropicaljettie :
My vet also does housecalls for euthanasia, and that is the plan if I need to take that route. It IS much better than doing it in the office.

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When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/12/2010 11:25:18 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I just meant to point out that not all vet appointments have to be painful and invasive. Xrays aren't painful. Having my retriever's belly palpated was a little painful when he found the tumor but totally noninvasive. And the visit gave me the info needed to know that it was time.

They give us unconditional love but for a much shorter lifetime. It always hurts to lose one. As it should.


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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/12/2010 12:52:46 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		"THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF DOG OWNERSHIP "

That is fucking great. I don't know how to say it better. Dogs and cats are quite different. Or they lead you to believe that. The major difference is that a dog will show it's eagerness to please while a cat will exhibit a "Go screw yourself" attitude.

Maybe there should be an eleven in there :

11. Look, I aim to please. But I don't quite understand that gobbletygook you call language, I am trying. If I cop an attitude fine, but if I fail you becaue I don't understand, you should punish me just about like one of your own who has flunked a math test or something. I did try.

A buddy of mine raised a superdog, I mean really. I was involved as well as a few others. This half Sheperd half Wolf was so into people he was allowed to roam free at public events such as concerts. Park rangers made his owner put him on a leash sometimes, and he would comply, and put the end of the leash in the dog's mouth. Hey, you didn't say that I had to be on a leash.

To get a dog that good first of all you have to start with the right raw materials. And then you need time, precious time and alot of it. We all used to cut school and/or take off work whenever we pleased. We were making plenty of money on the streets anyway.

My buddy was especially good at interpreting the dog's wants and expressions, I wish he was that good with people. Some people have a knack for this.

But the great Teck died, because the reality is that they just don't live as long as we do. And he was great, the best dog I've ever known, and the reasons I won't bother to get a dog. The way my life is now, I could never bring out it's full potential. Same reason I don't have kids. I would have to quit working and devote alot of time to it.

And then they die (well not the kids, but the pets will).

I know what this statement exhibits about my mentality. If you see it as weaknees so what. But I will let it stand. But even in the logical sense, I know that I have experience among the best of the best, and I can't even approach that level unless I win the lottery or something. And I still have to dig a hole after the fucker dies on me. So that's where I stand, I don't keep animals because I love them so much.

If only people were so loyal.

T

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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/21/2010 9:22:10 PM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		Update: I called my Vet and had Kissy's appt. bumped up. We saw the Vet this past Friday. I explained my " hospice/palliative"  desires to the vet. She agreed to nothing invasive, not even lab work, per my request. We already know she has kidney failure, from lab work last year. So... she examined KissyKat and she was dehydrated, not uncommon for cats with renal disease. I agreed to try giving her some fluids, which were given that day. By Friday night she was perky and hungry and she has been doing well since then. The vet showed me how to tell if she was dehydrated and so far so good.  I spoke with the vet today and will be giving her IV fluids once a week at home. I had a long talk w/ the vet and she  gave me good info and how to tell when it wasn't worth doing fluids anymore.

For now, that seems pretty humane and not stressful on her.

Camille was right when she suggested she may have dementia, the vet confirmed that.

DesFip: Thank you for encouraging me to have her checked out.

Thanx again, everyone,  for your input and thoughts. Much appreciated.
                          mbmbn

_____________________________

Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

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RE: When to say goodbye - 6/22/2010 4:51:38 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I was dismayed to see you had posted again on this thread, thinking the worst.
I am delighted to hear your kissy kitty is doing well!
Sending you and Kissy kitteh lubs and feel-good wishes from Melanie, Ginger, Pandora and Fitzroy.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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