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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 7:00:29 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If you don't like the term, don't use it, unless she requests it. Most of us accept "Fem Dom" as an accurate description, even me. In the end, you should be able to pick up what they like from their profile. As a last resort, if you don't know what to use, ask. Someone who addresses me as Mistress, Domina or some other feminine term hasn't even read my screen name.

(Master) Fire

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(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 21

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 7:26:44 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

If you never ever ever called me a domme, I'd hug you so tight and so long. I hate that word.

I'm just a dominant who happens to also be a woman. I don't know why someone needs a gendered term to say that -- I mean, geesh, my name and my picture don't make that clear?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Bet that topic caught your eye

I was exchanging emails with a lovely Domina on the other side, and this topic came up...and I decided to post my little rant for everybody's amusement and consideration.

I have a question for all the dominant women on here....what is with the word "Domme"?

I dislike the word "Domme", I dislike it intensely. It has no real legitimacy, and it looks silly as well. I object to the trend of inventing superfluous words when there are already perfectly good words in existance.

I find that most of the time there is no need to differentiate the gender of a dominant partner in most discussions (just as the gender of a submissive or slave is not usually specified...hmmmm...sub and subbe perhaps?). So for most purposes the word Dominant is perfectly good. And for those occaisions where it is important to specify the dominant as female, there are already two perfectly good words to choose from, both of which are real words, and both of which look and sound better, and are recognizable when spoken (how is Domme pronounced anyway...dom-may?...sounds like a dish soap to me):

1. Dominatrix (you have your choice of plurals...dominatrixes or dominatrices)

2. Domina (this is actually an archaic term used to designate a woman who held a barony in her own right, so it is analagous to a male dominant calling himself "Lord", Domina Such-and-such = Lord This-and-that).

Now before you all jump on me with quotes from other threads where I have used the term....I admit that I do find myself using the term...what can I say I am lazy at times, however I hereby resolve to do my best to never use the term again, and I hope the rest of the Collarme crowd will follow suit (Dreamer...nothing but a dreamer).

There! I have posted my first official rant on here...and I feel much better.

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(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 22

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 7:40:40 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

quote:

If you don't like the term, don't use it, unless she requests it.

I don't, I won't, and she can request it till she's blue in the face and I still won't, any more than if she requested I refer to her as the a Glimganagor...one nonsense word is as good as another to me.

_____________________________

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 23

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 8:14:52 AM

Pinkpottiepants

Posts: 76
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

Language is always changing to meet the needs of the day. Sometimes while we might not like the changes, it clearly serves a purpose for other. When I was in grade school being gay meant that you were happy and care free. That word has a whole new meaning today as we all know, but I'm sure that were people like you that rejected that change of use when it first happened. If the use of Dom or Domme will avoid any confusion or unwanted stituations, then I'll willing except the change of use.

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 24

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 8:25:32 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I think there's a fairly broad CM consensus that the word "domme" is stupid. Are we going to say "toppe" and "bottomme" too?

I don't remember voting for this. I use domme all the time, and the women I know have zero problem with it whatsoever. If there's a problem, it's EXTREMELY localized and personal.

Please don't use it any more. I hate it and I know a lot of women who do. Domina is nice and to me decribes a woman who has fully culivated her feminine power. I prefer Goddess for myself & I may refer to another woman as Goddess because she deserves the title.

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Post #: 25

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 8:28:25 AM

USwhimsy

Posts: 5
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline

When I first immersed Myself into the lifestyle, I used Domme for a long time, but felt it was not personal enough. I came up with My user ID, Dame Deviante because I felt that the word "Dame" explains that I am an experienced matriarch in My family, household and life in general. The "Deviante" part should explain itself.

This is a profoundly personal lifestyle, and it's important that W/we all feel as individuals in our special places together, and apart. I feel that the only thing that matters to Me is if I work to gain the respect from My sub/slaves through whatever I prefer to be called. What I call them in exchange would certainly reflect the respect I, in turn, have for them.

Be in peace,
Dame D.

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

Post #: 26

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 8:46:08 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I like "domina" too. "Dominatrix" sounds like something out of Dungeon Keeper II. Obviously, everyone can determine for themselves what they like to be called. But "domme" can't be right. It's not a real word and the pronunciation "dom-may" makes no sense. I often use "domme" on the boards for the sake of convenience, but that doesn't mean I like it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta

Domina is nice and to me decribes a woman who has fully culivated her feminine power.

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 27

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 9:04:46 AM

MistressLorelei

Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

I don't care one way or another. I think that Domme and Domina are just prettier looking ways of referring to a Female Dominant. Dom seems so harsh... and I like being referred to differently than I would be if I were a male Dom. As long as respect is intended behind the word and Domme is not pronounced "Dommay"; Domme, Domina, FemDom are all okay with Me. I usually stick with Dominant Female in My writing... this one seems to offend no one.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 28

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 9:19:37 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Hey, I am fine with the title "Bossy Farmer Lady", that one dear girl lovingly bestoyed upon me!

(in reply to MistressLorelei)

Post #: 29

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 9:29:43 AM

IndigoDadesi

Posts: 185
Status: offline

Personally I use Domme and pronounce it "dom".

Dominant sounds like an adjective rather than a noun to me. I dont think of myself as "a dominant", but as dominant...and only really over my slave, so I dont think that would fit me.
Top sounds like a part-time position. Such as "my boyfriend and I like it a little kinky sometimes and Im usually the top". It also insinuates gay (male) culture which I dont really relate to, dispite my strap-on.
Domina just sounds flippant...like I should be wearing frilly scarves and talking about "the Goddess" in a bad Pythonesque accent.
Dominatrix sounds silly or fake...like I should wear black thigh-high boots and carry a riding crop (that I never REALLY use) in one hand and a leash in the other everywhere I go.
Mistress is, of course, something that I would only expect to be called by someone in my service. I would consider it incredibly rude to expect others to call me that as well.

I really prefer Domme because it seems to have no general power attachment and it insinuate that I dont have to act a certain way while still implying that this is who I am and not something that I do occasionally

Plus I can do the "Dom/me" thing when talking about stuff; much shorter than writing "Doms or Dominas".

This does not mean that if "you" (whoever you are) refer to yourself as any of the above I will automatically assume that "you" fit the description (although the imagery MAY come briefly to mind).

(edited because I never learned the difference between an adjective and a verb *gonk*)

< Message edited by IndigoDadesi -- 4/12/2006 9:33:09 AM >

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

Post #: 30

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 9:30:11 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

I always use the terms Domina or FemDom to denote gender. I am sure that Domme came into being as a convenient way to quickly type on the internet while indicating gender. I have heard it pronounced Dom-may, many times, because people honestly don't know. Rather than correct them, I repeat something back in conversation using the proper promunciation of simply "Dom". They usually figure it out pretty quickly.
I like Domina. It sounds graceful and feminine, which suits Me to a tee.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/12/2006 9:31:03 AM >

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(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 31

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 10:03:26 AM

valeca

Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline

I grit my teeth when I hear 'Dom-may'. The reasons are varied, many and insulting, so I won't elaborate.

I'll generally call an individual by what they'd prefer...simply because it's common courtesy to do so regardless of how I feel about their title or name. (Unless of course it's 'Master' in which case I'll politely explain the reasoning and move on with the conversation.)

There are many reasons people call themselves what they do, submissive and Dominant alike. It's not my place, as a person, to agree or disagree with their choice to do so. At least not publically. Well, I could, but it would make me a rude individual.
I can privately (or internally) question it as much as I like.

On a side note: Language is, and always has been, fluid. Food for thought.

< Message edited by valeca -- 4/12/2006 10:06:36 AM >

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Post #: 32

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 10:04:02 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

I applaud and encourage the D/s community to make up their own words, so I personally like the word.

I think we have run into real problems by cannibalizing words like slave, submissive, and a few others that are not in my brain right now. I am not all about classifications but I think it is useful to have commonly accepted definitions for ourselves, simply to make communications easier.

I guess my thoughts are that once we are really clear who we are inside the lifestyle we can then attempt to define ourselves to the vanilla majority, beacause as it is there are very few public portrayal of the way we love one another that are more then grotesque caricatures. (not unlike the Al Jolson black man of the 30s)

On a side note read Savage love this week, and was simply amazed at the number of classifications female identifying males, and I found out that she-male is a insult is this true for everybody, or just some?

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(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

Post #: 33

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 10:13:55 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Personally I'd rather deal with a Dom-May, then a do-me anyday.

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(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 34

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 10:27:45 AM

Zensee

Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

I believe this mess arises from mis-hearing conversations in Canadian BDSM clubs;

Him: "Are you submissive?"
Her: "No. I'm a Dom, eh!"

< Message edited by Zensee -- 4/12/2006 10:28:41 AM >

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Post #: 35

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 10:51:45 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

OK, I can't help myself but it occurs to me that many are saying it's not a word, then disparaging how this word which is not a word is pronounced. If it's not a word, then what difference does it make how someone says it? The word came about because of the Internet. It's pronounced various ways because there is no etymology for it. Whether you say 'dahm' or 'dah-may', writing Domme satisfies the instant gratification gene to get a point across quickly and easily with minimal fuss and muss. Bottom line, it's not going away.

Celeste

_____________________________

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He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 36

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 11:06:14 AM

MadamShy

Posts: 173
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zensee

I believe this mess arises from mis-hearing conversations in Canadian BDSM clubs;

Him: "Are you submissive?"
Her: "No. I'm a Dom, eh!"

Bursts out laughing... Now that I like...

and as for it being a online thing ... all I want is it left online LOL ...

I am a Dominatrix... a Domina ... Mistress is what owned would call .. not even My owned call Me Mistress....

I prefer Madam... as in" Mah Dom"..... french .. I use this In vanilla life not just BDSM.. friends call Me Shy....

I am not a online Dominatrix ... I may belong here but I do not own online slaves ..

comes down to it .. if you like being called .. a Domme... so be it ... its personal preferance .. what Arpig wanted to know is if any one else thought it was a goofy and silly word ... I vote Yes it is ...

to each there own ...

_____________________________

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(in reply to Zensee)

Post #: 37

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 12:29:27 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

LMAO!!!

quote:

Him: "Are you submissive?"
Her: "No. I'm a Dom, eh!"

tooo good, just to damned good!!!!

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Zensee)

Post #: 38

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 12:38:17 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

Well since I agree with the imagery that Dominatrix brings to mind (of course it is a lovely image to many), I have decided that Domina is the word I will use. To those who dislike it or who do not wish to be referred to by it...oh well, too bad, so sad. just keep in mind that in my opinion the world of BDSM would be far the poorer without our Dominas.

thanks for all your opinions...keep them coming, and for thoise of you who do wonder...I am a Dom, eh.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 39

RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 1:14:21 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

thanks for all your opinions...keep them coming, and for thoise of you who do wonder...I am a Dom, eh.

Sometimes you can be such a shit, Arpig...and then other times you make Me laugh out loud!

LOL!

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 40

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