What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (Full Version)

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MastJason -> What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (6/14/2010 9:59:02 AM)

I'm sure this topic has come up a few times before, but I'm curious.

What steps has your dom(me) done to you to help you stretch your limits?  besides the expected obedience to serve them, I'm curious what they've done to slowly (or not?) move things further?  experiences you've had you can share?



DesFIP -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (6/14/2010 10:03:14 AM)

He stops when he hits a wall and gives me time to think about it and doesn't try it again for several months. He doesn't put pressure on me which would make it worse. Eventually we either figure out what the problem is or decide it's not going to ever work. There's no reason to obsess when there are dozens of other things we've still never done.



leadership527 -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (6/14/2010 10:56:51 AM)

For Carol and I, we don't think of limits in terms of actions, kinky or otherwise. It's already a given that she will do what I tell her to do. If suddenly got interested in sadism, then I'd hit her when and how I saw fit. For us, the whole game has shifted to internal issues. So while it's absolutely a given that she'd let me cane her if I wanted to, the real question is would she become a masochist if I wanted her to.... or poly.... or <fill in the blank>.

What that means is that there are no specific "steps" that I could enumerate. It's been a long and delicate dance that has not stopped. We progress down a path of her becoming ever more malleable to me... sometimes it's in fits & starts. Sometimes it's one step forward, two back. Always, it's been "together".



Mercnbeth -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (6/14/2010 11:18:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MastJason

I'm sure this topic has come up a few times before, but I'm curious.

What steps has your dom(me) done to you to help you stretch your limits?  besides the expected obedience to serve them, I'm curious what they've done to slowly (or not?) move things further?  experiences you've had you can share?



this slave didn't come into the relationship she enjoys with Master with a list of limits, nor has she limited Him for the 7+ years we have been M/s...or the almost 4 we have been married.
HE calls the shots...for Him, it is all about what is best for us...and this slave trusts Him completely.



yellowroses -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (6/14/2010 11:26:03 AM)

There are so many things that I could say about him and all that he has done to nurture my submission. I will write about the most powerful one. He just tells me to do something. The other night I came to bed wearing pajamas. This is not normal but I was not feeling that wonderful because of girly issues. He was aware of what time of the month it was and softly but firmly said that I was overdressed. I in turn said..."I know". He simply responded..."take off your top". Almost hypnotically I did. He had is way with me and we went to sleep. It is just the way he says things that still, after 9 years, bring me to my knees. If I know he wants something done, I will do it. He has never once raised his voice to me or been angry at me. Those are the steps that he has taken with me to make me the loving submissive that I am to him.



osf -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (6/14/2010 2:26:15 PM)

Given a good enough reason and a slave will do surprising things.




littlewonder -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (6/14/2010 3:53:49 PM)

He keeps beating until HE thinks I've had enough, not when I think I've had enough.




smilezz -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (6/14/2010 7:22:13 PM)

He pushes on through the "HARD" things ......... it's my job to deal with it, then find acceptance.

-smilezz-



FetishRose -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (6/14/2010 9:00:55 PM)

For us, he keeps pushing against whatever it is that makes me uncomfortable, from anal sex, to breath play.  He keeps at it, until I become comfortable with that step, and then he pushes to the next level.  Eventually, I come to enjoy and welcome whatever activity I didn't think I could do before.



graceadieu -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (7/5/2010 1:39:39 PM)

Our limits are so similar that it really hasn't been an issue. There's only one thing he's interested in that I don't think I could handle, and he's left it alone so far.



Missokyst -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (7/5/2010 2:02:14 PM)

Once I have submitted to someone I jump in with both feet into the deep end of the pool. No steps are necessary to get me to try anything (except the few untouchable limits), I just go with the flow.

Of course.. that is one I have submitted. There are many steps that happen before that point. Ordinary imits for me are something I save for each individual top/dom, those few that are untouchable would not change no matter how long or who it is to whom I am submitting.

If you are asking what my dominants have done to me in ways other than kink I would say, given me wings to try, to fail or succeed without fearing the outcome.



DesFIP -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (7/5/2010 3:37:41 PM)

And neither obedience nor service are what we strive for. Emotional transparency is.



CaringandReal -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (7/7/2010 6:03:38 PM)

You ever read those fairy tales where the prince or princess or good son/daughter/etc. has to prove their worthiness by undergoing separation from their beloved and other trials of the spirit that last for years? I think real-life versions of that happen sometimes to submissives and if they are pricipled enough to refuse to "run, not walk," if they accept the cards they've been dealt, then such an experience definitely stretches their limits: of patience, of acceptance of another's will however crazy it may subjectively seem, of self-control, and of their ability to face down demons like doubt, cynicism, fear, and despair. Even if it doesn't work out between themselves and the one who "stretched" them, they have gained a lot more value as a servant and have much more to offer the next dominant they engage with. Finding a dominant who values or even recognizes such qualities can be a bit tricky these days, but it's not impossible.



hopelesslyInvo -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (7/7/2010 6:14:36 PM)

being told one thing, then doubling back and putting you on the spot to make a snap decision.

it's like a trick to catch you in the right moment; it seems spontaneous to you, but was probably planned to some degree. 

spotting a window of opportunity they take advantage of it, such as the common "heat of the moment" scenario.



HisEvelyn -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (7/8/2010 5:19:01 AM)

For me, most of my limits are fading away slowly as trust grows between my Master and myself. As he shows with everyday actions that he does respect me and love me, and that he will do what he needs to do to protect me and keep me safe? I am more and more willing to do whatever he pleases, knowing that he has the skill, the intelligence and the compassion to never truly harm me. Our trust has grown to the point now where he can degrade me, hurt me, use me in nearly any way he chooses and not only will I take it, but I will love it. Because I know that under all of the kink, I am precious to him.

Recently I surprised the hell out of him, as we were discussing various things that had previously been hard limits for me. And when I told him that some of these things were no longer hard limits for me, we were both shocked by it.

Communication is key. He will gradually do a bit more, and then a bit more. Occasionally stopping and asking me, "Can you take some more?" Very specifically not asking if I WANT to take more, but if I CAN. He knows very well that I will do near anything to please him if it won't harm me emotionally or mentally, and that I will not tell him I cannot take more unless I truly can't. So even if I'm still uncertain about something and not yet to the point of truly enjoying it? If I can reasonably take more of it for him, I will. And slowly we push past. And eventually it's fun. :)



porcelaine -> RE: What are the steps your Dom/me has done to you? (7/8/2010 1:10:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MastJason

I'm sure this topic has come up a few times before, but I'm curious.

What steps has your dom(me) done to you to help you stretch your limits?  besides the expected obedience to serve them, I'm curious what they've done to slowly (or not?) move things further?  experiences you've had you can share?


MastJason,

It is my belief that I am the biggest impediment to the furtherance mentioned. I provide the barriers, fears, insecurities, and everything in between. All the encouragement, force, and cajoling will not eradicate a structure that doesn't wish to be moved. As such, the most important thing that I can do is make the determination to go beyond those things in deference to his will and the role implied. I don't depend on him to put me in that place, but accept responsibility and accountability for the hindrances I've stationed between he and I instead.

~porcelaine



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