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NewbyOne -> i am new (6/15/2010 9:17:09 PM)
How do i set the limits with what i will do in a total power exchange relationship?

DarkSteven -> RE: i am new (6/15/2010 9:25:46 PM)
Wait a second!!!!! That's like a neophyte swimmer asking what swimming stroke she should use for swimming across the Atlantic. TPE is not for novices. I recommend you start as a submissive, with as many limits as you feel comfortable with. If things progress well, and you trust your Dom, then you might want to get into a Master/slave relationship. So why the interest in TPE? If a prospective Dom suggests it to a newbie, that's a huge red flag to me right away.

FelineFae -> RE: i am new (6/15/2010 9:45:37 PM)
Q- How much power do you hand over in total power exchange ? A- All of it. So before this happens, please know what you're getting into. DarkSteven has given you great advice.

lyinaboutitall -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 12:07:48 AM)
I am new myself and I have agree that I don't agree with jumping into something like that until you get your feet wet. Shop a little and see what people have to offer

TimrehIX -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 12:10:48 AM)
Every relationship is different event TPE relationships. My answer comes from my experiences and is in no way universal to all TPE relationships. When you enter in to a TPE you surrender all power, so theoretically you abandon your limits. However in practice a sub/slave always has the option of leaving the relationship. A Dom(me)/Master has an interest in keeping you there. Desires and limits will(should) be discussed at the beginning of the TPE. If you are a sub keep in mind that only being ordered to do things you want to do is not the nature of TPE. Consider which of your limits are total deal breakers. Be frugal with your personal demand when entering in to a TPE but if they are important to you make sure they are expressed. If you want monogamy but your Dom wants to share you around, it is something that needs to be addressed at the very beginning. I find it is best to find a compromise. But it’s the Dom who gets final say. The only absolute decision you get is weather to stay or leave the relationship.

GreedyTop -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 12:13:13 AM)
what Steven said.

lally2 -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 3:28:30 AM)
TPE isnt without negotiation at the outset - a time for the two of you to discuss things. you must have some idea where youre personal limits lie - what pain limts you have, where youre ethics, morals and integrity sit. youre not a newbie to life generally, apply what you know about youreself and how you feel you wish to be treated and then go and find youreself a Dominant who closely aligns to you. i think its more a case of finding the right person for you who isnt going to push you too hard, too fast and expect too much from you to start with. so find youreself an emotionally intelligent, responsible, caring person who would be happy to start slowly and gradually build it up to TPE. ... and ive just looked at youre profile - youre 36 so you really should have some idea what YOU the person want/feel/dont want/are repelled by/are intreagued with/wouldnt touch with a ten foot pole. just putting 'im really new to this' is just asking for trouble, every predator on the site is going to pounce on you. savvy up quick.

NewbyOne -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 4:04:54 AM)
Thank for the info, i will stop saying i am a newby.

DarkSteven -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 4:13:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 every predator on the site is going to pounce on you. savvy up quick. I haven't! She's too far away... sobs

DesFIP -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 4:20:08 AM)
Your profile says you are very new to this. So how will not saying it change the reality of it? If you haven't done enema play, how do you know if you will be able to tolerate it and thus if you need to look for someone who also isn't interested in this? Same for everything else. Not to mention you will discover that things that don't upset you in theory will cause bad emotional reactions when you try them. So what then? Are you bisexual, and if so will you agree to have sex with women you neither like nor are attracted to? Same for men. Will you prostitute yourself to strangers in a bar as punishment? Will you try to get your sister to join you in bed? If you have a daughter, what will you do if asked to have her train as his sex slave? And all these are things that subs get asked to do. So think carefully and then even more carefully before you get into any sort of power exchange. And know the person you are submitting to even better.

lally2 -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 4:26:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 every predator on the site is going to pounce on you. savvy up quick. I haven't! She's too far away... sobs youre a cuddly bear predator, we like cuddly bears, its the scaley, slippery ones i was referring to [:)]

lally2 -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 4:31:07 AM)
if you want help with youre profile write to me on the other side and ill try and give you some pointers. and by the way, you can learn alot from a persons photo and profile name. if theyre looking all daft with some stupid aggressive expression -PASS - if theyre calling themselves UberDomAlmighty or SirFucksAlot - PASS. if they approach you with a comment along the lines of 'every time i write to you i want you to kneel' - PASS

lally2 -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 4:39:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Your profile says you are very new to this. So how will not saying it change the reality of it? If you haven't done enema play, how do you know if you will be able to tolerate it and thus if you need to look for someone who also isn't interested in this? Same for everything else. Not to mention you will discover that things that don't upset you in theory will cause bad emotional reactions when you try them. So what then? . the thing with that is that youre not going to know alot of things until you try them - no one does - coming up with a long list of things you 'think' you wont like will put alot of people off. my approach was very much along the lines that ill try most things at least once and reserve judgement. at the very start i had an absolute fear of whips, canes, anything that resembled a weapon in fact - ive learnt that i can tolerate them. as for just having one line on her profile saying 'im really new to this' is like painting a bullseye on youre arse and hanging youreself over the nearest wall for any passerby to take a swipe. its almost like saying 'im a total victim come and take me'. i agree you need to flag up youre newness but you need to temper that newness with a switched on, savvyed up profile that tells asshats she's not here to take pot shots at.

littleone35 -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 8:13:33 AM)
TPE that is rather a lot to start off with. Like others why don't you start out as a sub. To jump righ in with both feet does not seem wise. As for your hard limits we cannot tell you that. Things you will not or cannot bring yourself to do. Things you are not sure of can be a soft limit those can be pushed. Those are you personal preferences. Some erople don't mind and some love to be shared, but for me not being shared is a hard limit. Some people like being used as a toliet for me that is a hard limit. Over time you limits may change. Somethings i had as soft limits have been pushed and somre i don't have anymore. So your limits are your own. Matt's littleone

leadership527 -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 9:49:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NewbyOne How do i set the limits with what i will do in a total power exchange relationship? My own personal opinion is that you don't... not up front and not later. So what that means is that if the guy you're with inspires thoughts of "limits" then you're with the wrong man. Honestly, this question makes all the "train wreck" flags in my head pop up and wave. Like Dark Steven, I'd like to know why you're so fascinated with TPE.

PrimalConsonance -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 11:04:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NewbyOne Thank for the info, i will stop saying i am a newby. But...your name says it all...and aren't YOU a newby? Just observing...and submission (crawling), before TPE (running). Take some time.

Aileen1968 -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 5:13:22 PM)
You have to: Join your local community Attend numerous munches Find a protector Accept a mentor Only then will you be able to comprehend your limits and be able to discuss them. Otherwise you'll be visited by an officer of the Division of Internet Created Kink Services and placed under house arrest. Be careful out there.

BitaTruble -> RE: i am new (6/16/2010 5:36:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NewbyOne How do i set the limits with what i will do in a total power exchange relationship? I would suggest you not worry right now about what your limits are but concentrate on those things which are not limits and which you feel comfortable or excited about. Just a few things because starting small is a fine thing to do. For example, you might like blindfolds and light spanking so just say that and that the rest may be explored in time. Find someone who is equally comfortable with your comfort levels and see where things lead. What it outlandish today may become a must have for you tomorrow but there is no rush, no hurry and no horses to race. If someone asks you about your limits, it is perfectly fine to say.. "I'm not sure but I am interested or intrigued by ABC and hope to find someone that won't push XYZ on me before I'm ready." Hope that helps!

lally2 -> RE: i am new (6/17/2010 2:39:40 AM)
she's removed her profile - prolly a good thing - or she's been gobbled up - hopefully she's gone off to think things through a bit more.

SirNomdeplume -> RE: i am new (6/17/2010 3:30:22 AM)
I believe that limits are about trust. Example you say not this and once you are bund its up to the master to do or not do. I agree on what was said earlier. Concentrate what you enjoy. fiind a master that enjoys doing what you enjoy. If you have amaster who rnjoys what you do not then there will be aproblem, and the problem will probly be your! You then will probly be looking for a new master!

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