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new sub with questions. - 4/12/2006 11:04:44 AM

Mog

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/19/2006
Status: offline

I've been one of those men who's hidden their submissive nature from others for several and only just recently was able to confess who I really was to a friend.

It was sort of uncomfortable because because she was also someone I had romantic feelings for. For her own reasons, she rejected those feelings in the politest way she could. I took in well, I think, hurt a little, but it didn't change our friendship. Still, I have this tendancy to feel very submissive toward women I'm attracted to and I felt the need to explain my actions around her. Not in a last-ditch attempt to win her, but more to the end that I felt my friendship with her would never feel right if I didn't tell her the truth behind my actions.

And so, I confessed about my submissive feelings, that I saw her and women in general as superior to men. I was literally cowering as i told her this, worried what she might think and that it might ruin the friendship.

She just smiled and said she saw nothing wrong with it and that, in fact, she kinda liked that way of thinking. It was a big relief for me in more ways than one. I come from a rather conservitive community and family in the bible belt, so I always worry about how my submissive feelings would be viewed.

We're still only friends and I'm fine with it, at the very least, I have somone I can talk to about it now. And she gets the utmost respect from me, just like always, just with a bit more adoration thrown in.

Anyway, now that if feel more "out" about my submissive nature, I've been looking for a way to explore it. I guess its just that I have very specific views on Female Supremacy and relationships. I feel a need for dicipline and training in various areas, but see no value in being beaten or humiliated. The S&M aspect just isn't for me, I think, there might be some things I'm into, but nothing painful. I'd have to explore a bit to figure that out.

Ultimately I seek a loving relationship with a Woman in charge. I think I can be deeply submissive, but I still have yet to find out how far I go. I guess that's not an easy question to answer, but I was curious how I can start taking the first steps to figuring it all out.

It was a big weight off my mind just to talk with my friend about it, suddenly I felt a lot of wants and needs melt away, even past frustrations in my life diminished. So it was good I confessed

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RE: new sub with questions. - 4/12/2006 11:09:54 AM

justmeagain69

Posts: 28
Joined: 2/16/2006
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline

You can start by looking for local D/s groups in your area, reach out a bit, go to a meet-n-greet or other such evernt and get to know some others that are neaby and in the same situations. It helps alot to be able to talk openly about who you are, as you did with this friend. It can be even more rewarding when discussing your feelings and thoughts with others with some lifestyle experience, others who have seen the pitfalls and rewards first hand.

There are also tons of great threads on varying parts of the lifestyle in these forums to keep you learning and busy for months should you desire to read that much :P

Welcome to the party too :)

_____________________________

Got a kick for a dog begging for love? I gotta have my suffering so that I can have my cross - Tori Amos

(in reply to Mog)

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RE: new sub with questions. - 4/12/2006 11:48:34 AM

acctonthelook

Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline

I agree with JustMe, keep reaching out, learn from the forums, go to local events. You will find that perfect place. I'm still learning about me. Take your time, develop online friendship, local friendships.

Find a Domme that will is willing to take it slow, help you in finding your true limits, where your sub status really lies (Vanilla - Oh I love a strong independent woman vs. Domme that will test your limits, even if slowly).

Good Luck and welcome.

(in reply to Mog)

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RE: new sub with questions. - 4/12/2006 1:06:13 PM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mog

I feel a need for dicipline and training in various areas, but see no value in being beaten or humiliated. The S&M aspect just isn't for me, I think, there might be some things I'm into, but nothing painful. I'd have to explore a bit to figure that out.

i had voiced this same concern in an LJ community, here is the response i recieved, and found it to be very eye opening in fact [from a Master who can actually be found on here too, but i hate naming names, just in case ... ]

"Contrary to what often seems like popular belief, "slave" is not synonymous with "pain slut". At least, not the way some of us see it here. Speaking from personal experience, all the slaves I've ever had feared pain as naturally as any other creature. Fearing the pain of correction but understanding it is something you must experience in order to learn is an idealized frame of mind (in my world, at least). Pain without context is meaningless—as most things are. Pain delivered only for the sensual experience is service-oriented and often misses the point of submission entirely.

In other words, don't fall into making the common mistake of mixing up S&M with D/s. While they often correlate in many BDSM relationships, it is imperative to note there is in fact a substantive difference between these two animals."

(in reply to Mog)

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RE: new sub with questions. - 4/12/2006 10:07:16 PM

Mog

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

i had voiced this same concern in an LJ community, here is the response i recieved, and found it to be very eye opening in fact [from a Master who can actually be found on here too, but i hate naming names, just in case ... ]

"Contrary to what often seems like popular belief, "slave" is not synonymous with "pain slut". At least, not the way some of us see it here. Speaking from personal experience, all the slaves I've ever had feared pain as naturally as any other creature. Fearing the pain of correction but understanding it is something you must experience in order to learn is an idealized frame of mind (in my world, at least). Pain without context is meaningless—as most things are. Pain delivered only for the sensual experience is service-oriented and often misses the point of submission entirely.

In other words, don't fall into making the common mistake of mixing up S&M with D/s. While they often correlate in many BDSM relationships, it is imperative to note there is in fact a substantive difference between these two animals."

Yeah, I think I understand what they're saying. Discipline is meaningful, but pain for pain's sake is not. I think I'm ultimately trying to avoid the latter.

I guess at this point I would term myself as more vanilla. A relationship where's she pretty's much in control, but mostly normal otherwise.. That ideal could change with some exploration, i'm looking around for some opportunites to expand my limits fairly soon.

(in reply to mixielicous)

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