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LadyNTrainer -> RE: protocol or protoclone??? (6/16/2010 1:43:18 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bettamorphasis
just wondering if anyone else feels this way about "protocol"
Seems even in this so called "alternative lifestyle" people are so insecure about themselves ( dom/sub both guilty) they need their lil security blanket/pacifier called "protocol" .I would have thought being oneself is the least soul destroying way to be/live but apparently mainstream indoctrination influences even this lifestyle
People do what works for them. Sometimes it turns me on to have one of my boys dressed up sexy and serving me dinner with formal manners, then eating his own portion from a plate on the floor. You could call that high protocol, though since it's not convenient or practical for us to do this all the time, it's not a standard rule for us. What is a standard rule for us is that I begin eating first, and they remain attentive to me until I signal that they may begin. This is what works for us, but it's not necessarily what is right for everybody. There is nothing wrong with people in a relationship doing what works and feels good for them, but there is a whole lot of stupid that can come into play if you try to assume that what works for you has to work the same way for everyone else.
Protocol within the boundaries of a relationship can strengthen personal bonds and be something that makes both people feel good about themselves and their D/s relationship. There is no one single right way to set up your personal protocol, but it is suggested that you let it evolve naturally out of the behaviors that work in the context of your day to day life and make both the dominant and submissive feel appreciated and valued for who they are in the relationship. If you set up a bunch of arbitrary rules to memorize, it can be a tough haul, and some of them might not really work as planned, or make either of you feel as good as it looks on paper. A good bit of protocol is one that has personal, emotional meaning to one or both of the people in the relationship.
The issue with protocol is that like any other D/s behavior, it has to be between consenting people. It's pretty unrealistic to expect strangers to participate actively in your kink, so about the only social protocol that actually works when dealing with other folks in the BDSM community is normal adult courtesy. For everything else, you should expect to ask and get consent first. Showing up at an event and expecting everyone to do things the exact same way you do, or worse, expecting strangers to participate in your personal protocol, probably isn't gonna work so well.
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